#blotchedpoetry

i store sunshine in a jar

pour her out when i am alone

run her through my hair

drizzle her on clouds for all to see

from a far away place unknown.

i use her to dilute all infiltrations of you,

making what all was once dark blue

shine bright as if brand new

sway from one side to the other

dance like you’re on waves

cause a storm inside their brains

capture them in your tempest

you are the mastermind who tied all the ropes

that knots your fans captive,

wrapped them into a delusional frenzy

but you hope they survive to see another day

because they are now your eyes,

seizing another opportunity at life

but thinking with your mind;

they watch the rain fall and wish it would drown them away,

they become enigmatic

while you attempt to connect through them,

but it is too late.

they have indulged you whole and your nourishment awoke them to frames never known before,

ones not in your own arsenal.

out of touch you stay

watching your tempest take place

in a far away life now

emptying the bottle you despise

for its creation of the noose

that took you down.

conjure up from my mind,

fall onto the paper

spill out of my mouth,

be the mess that was left behind.

i’ll clean it up

fix you up

into the pristine, undented figurine

that watches loose ends unravel further

creating endless spells of tragedy

for all to feel

and for you to see silently.

got a grip

took some hits

had some doubt

spit that out

was in a daze

but it’s a fade

in my head

you are dead.

punched a wall

took a fall

down a drain

forever stained

caught my wrist

on the words i miss

that you took down

in the ground.

i won’t bloom

until i admit that i am okay

without you.

libraries are suppose to be silent

but that’s where my eyes met you

where your smile was at center stage

and your eyes had more to say

they listened to the rules,

stood quiet with little moves

remaining as so as you put on the show

noiseless —

until they grazed passed mine

and suddenly everything screamed inside

do you see me?

let me hold on, let me follow.

into a universe unknown

one never to fully unfold

eternal gaze

stuck in my brain

is beginning to fade

because you’re away

in another space

trying to cement yourself

even when your soul,

will never be erased

eyes weary

heart shaking

i see through the glass ceiling you’ve placed me under,

a lie telling me i’m capable of being the sun —

there’s no chance i could compare

when i remain enclosed in fear

to loosen my grip on my mind

because i know it would lie too

and tell me it’s my time to go

somewhere some fascinate,

somewhere you may hibernate.

wash us away and

like your body we sway

in and out of earthly light

then into travesties of night

i only see you in sleep,

where nothing is real

and time doesn’t exists

i’ll push you back to sea

so you can float with ease,

and become one with the waves.

you’ll crash at my feet again,

and tear my soul to shreds,

reminding me of the tragic truth,

of your existence never to be met.

i want to know how it is like to die,

maybe that would put me by your side 

the worst manifestations of you come to me at times of peace

then i awake in a sweat chasing you through my dreams

you are a tease -

a bone and i am the dog

running, digging, wishing

fear held me by the throat 

and I coughed up the hopes and dreams we said,

bloody red, dark and dead 

gone for good, 

never to be met or spoken of again.

shut eyelids feel like home when home is an abyss of lost hope. 

where isolation feels secure, 

and solitude is nourishment for the darkness. 

mountain tops scream

urging to climb up to see the other side,

where Elsewhere may be -

where I may see the life you saw in me.

lights illuminating - blinding even,

I expect nothing less,

but you say more, a life worth dying for,

and now I feel like a deadly disease,

because you’re gone and no lights gleam.

- other side // c.c

“Light years away, yet you’re still stuck in my brain.”

- c.c

the rain you love washes the sorrows you left behind,

soaking the soil,

starting new life

- renewal // c.c

each detail once so defined seems to be falling out of mind,

breaking the image once prayed to in the silent ways of a blind heart

with a frail soul cracking like fault lines and the ruin holding silence that gravitates and pulls to recreate the mosaic of you

- my mechanism or your renewal // c.c

“Your memory is linked to my soul, keeping it hung in chains and making it sway between fantasy and reality.”

- c.c

“Look down the bottles neck and you’ll see what your life has been.”

- c.c