#i wrote this for you
There’s “obvious, meant to be love” and then there’s “holy shit how did I not see this” love. And I’m not going to say that one’s better than the other but one is built on years of all different kinds of feelings and it’s not the obvious one.
I knew the second I saw you. I don’t know what I knew, but I knew it and I’ve never been more sure of anything.
Sometimes the healthiest relationships don’t work out because we crave excitement and healthy isn’t him chasing you down the street at 3am and healthy isn’t throwing all his clothes in the front yard when he doesn’t come home one night. But sometimes we need to be chased and sometimes we need to have giant screaming crying fights because we’re human and it can’t be perfect all the time. And if it is, then it doesn’t feel real.
I change my mind about a lot of things very often. Clothes I wore every day have been donated, I don’t even know where my best friends from high school live anymore, my favorite food is different than it was last year, my favorite song is different than it was last week. There are very few things I need and the things I want can be different tomorrow. So the fact that I keep coming back to you means something- because if something stands the test of time with me it’s rare and it matters. But never forget that I don’t need you, I want you. And that’s the only reason you’re here.
“I sometimes think about all the different paths my life can take depending on the simple, sometimes random decisions I make every day. And I sometimes think about the different paths your life can take. And I sometimes think about whether or not we’ll each make a decision that leads to another decision that one day brings us to the same coffee shop. And I also think about how many times we were one decision away from that already happening. And I decided that if one day we find ourselves at the same subway stop at 1am because you had a deadline that kept you at work late and I had a craving for a late night milkshake at that diner we used to go to, the only thing I’d use to describe that is fate and I’d be forced to believe that maybe the universe liked us together more than we did.”—
It’s really simple- I don’t like liars and you lied to me about your entire life. Yes, I shouldn’t have fallen in love with him, but that’s just a different kind of lying. I’m sorry it hurt you but I’m not sorry it happened, and I don’t regret it because we’re both happier now. Not all bad things we do end badly for us.
The things that sound like they can’t possibly work are the things that turn out to be the most amazing. Like self driving cars and video calls- those things seemed impossible not too long ago. When our grandparents were our age, self driving cars sounded absolutely insane, a normal Toyota Corolla would’ve looked like a spaceship in 1920 and now we literally have cars that park themselves. That’s insane. No groundbreaking, earth-shattering invention was a “finally they did it” situation, it was a “holy shit I didn’t think it could ever happen but it did and it’s better than I could’ve imagined” situation. Now think about how you can apply that to your own life.
the sun danced on Ector street
warming each home and those who roamed
I was only a visitor at the time,
life had wings and flowed with each breeze,
every hope and dream breathed from the concrete — the roots of your home
sun rays gleamed from and at you all at once
we couldn’t see past each beam
blinded by light or love
and we shared it unequally.
we rise and fall like each passing day,
we failed to last our eternity
or perhaps we have just begun—
the sun still dances on Ector street
maybe that is us.
libraries are suppose to be silent
but that’s where my eyes met you
where your smile was at center stage
and your eyes had more to say
they listened to the rules,
stood quiet with little moves
remaining as so as you put on the show
noiseless —
until they grazed passed mine
and suddenly everything screamed inside
do you see me?
let me hold on, let me follow.
into a universe unknown
one never to fully unfold
eternal gaze
stuck in my brain
is beginning to fade
because you’re away
in another space
trying to cement yourself
even when your soul,
will never be erased
Mabon Prayer
We thank you Oh Gods for the abundance of which we have received on this harvest. We are grateful for the lives and relationships that have positively and warmly affected our life this year. We ask that as we journey into the darkness, your light will continue to shine in our lives. When the darkness and cold surround our bodies, we ask that your guidance and love bring warmth to our souls. We thank the earth, wind, and spirits for the bringing of the seasons as we embrace Autumn. In your names we say this prayer. Thank you.
-Bea R-W. O.R.D.M. (witchfulmarigold)
Non- Secular Meditation
For the abundance which we have received this harvest, we are thankful. We are grateful for the lives and relationships that have positively and warmly affected our life this year. As we journey into the darkness, may we find light. As the cold and darkness surround our bodies, may we find love and warmth. We thank the earth, wind, and spirits for the bringing of the seasons as we embrace Autumn. Thank you.
-Bea R-W. O.R.D.M. (witchfulmarigold)
Mabon Blessing:
Blessed are those who crunch leaves underfoot and sing songs,
who laugh loud and warmly embrace,
who smile at the moon and laugh with the Sun.
Blessed are those who harvest our food, may they be eternally fed.
Blessed are those whom we love, may the light of our love fulfill their souls
And to those who love us, may their love be justly rewarded.
Blessed are those who are thankful, we bless their gratitude with warmth and light as we head into the darkness.
Finally, blessed are you who feels the pulse of our earth, hear the cries of the wind, and move through the year with each season, gathering its power as it comes. May this Mabon bring you the blessings and gratitude that you wish for yourself, and others.
-Bea R-W. O.R.D.M. (witchfulmarigold)
mabon prayer/meditation here :)
“My heart breaking meant I could never feel as passionate for someone else even if they deserved it more than you.”
and now I hate myself @inafuturewithyou
“When I wake up from these dreams, I am reminded that loving you is a soul experience in a human body, and for that you are my sweet melancholy.”
Written by @inafuturewithyou Yasemin. C ©
“Your rejection melts me into paper mache and softens my bones to their marrow.”
@inafuturewithyou written by Yasemin.C ©
I owe my heart too many apologies.
