I know that Bungou Stray Dogs WAN! is a series of shorts that’s supposed to be just fun… or nice… or cute (and it is)

Dazai: “If I had to go, I’d like to go out just as beautifully.”

But this scene (from episode 10) made me cry.

Dazai might have said that out of his suicidal nature, or as a joke, or to be poetic but with his expression; he seemed happy and sad in that moment. I know he is happy to be with his friends, the Armed Detective Agency…

But maybe there’s still a part of him that wished he could be with Oda, to share that summer evening with him, watch the fireworks with everyone.

If Oda was still alive, they’d be partners and be on the good side. Saving lives and helping people. And be happy.

Maybe he remembered how Odasaku had to go...As the sun sets in the last moments of Oda’s life, he helped Dazai choose a different path and be on the good side.

Isn’t that a beautiful way to go?

Just a little something to help you remember…

So what’s your favorite? Serious or silly mood?

Dazai Osamu

Redrawing of that one frame of Shoto but with Dazai instead

Dazai will never let Chuuya go, ever again UwU

Had a sketch laying around and decided to redraw it ✨

a world without you

genre: angst

warnings: suicide mentions

summary: the love story of you and dazai osamu. and it’s ending.

note: i wrote this at 2 in the morning so I might repost to fix stuff. Sorry for any errors, I’ll fix them later or smth idk. I got too poetic oops. (if you actually read this- ily)

word count: 1.1k

=============================

The first time you met, he’d grabbed your hand with a devilish smirk, asking you to commit double suicide with him around ten seconds into knowing you. His silver tongue drawing you into him so much that the expression on his face when you said yes was etched infinitely in your mind.

“But not yet-” you had said right after. “I’ll only die with you when I fall in love with you.” You knew it was your fault, your words that had ended you up here.

His smile did not falter when you spoke of your condition, instead he pulled you to your feet and had you experience memories so vivid you couldn’t ever forget them. “The only thing better then committing suicide with a beautiful person, is commiting suicide with a beautiful person you love.”

You remembered staying up till two in the morning, dancing to whatever song came on, eating old take out, laughing your hearts out. He grabbed your waist gently and twirled you around his living room, dipping you every now and then. The sharp pain on your hip from when he had accidentally dropped you and the long stream of apologies falling from his mouth felt like it was yesterday.

You remembered him taking you on little adventures throughout the city. Sometimes it was cafes, other times it was trails he had found in a park. He’d never failed to show you something that spiked your curiosity and made you want to kiss him for being so amazing.

You remembered how he’d grabbed your arm and pulled you into a Ferris Wheel telling you about how he’d jump from the top when the fireworks started. But when they did, he was too busy talking to you about what he was going to show you tomorrow then to remember his words. That was the moment you had finally started wanting to fulfill his wish. You were falling in love.

You remembered him giggling for ten minutes straight after you had touched one of his ticklish spots, and how he had immediately tried to find yours. Both of you were in tears by the end of the day, your ribs aching from laughing so much and your arms limp next to you. He had wrapped you in his arms right after, nuzzling his face into your neck, speaking softly into your collarbone every now and then.

You remembered every single time he smiled at you from across the room and waved you over, introducing you to his coworkers or bragging about you to random strangers in the store. It had always embarrassed you. But oh- the things you would do to have him do it again just one more time.

You remembered his hands on you. The gentle kisses he’d lain on your lips, his hair messed up from the night before and his bandages unraveled on the floor. You’re so beautiful, he had said, taking you into his arms and laying your head on his bare chest. The cold biting your skin, but his warmth enveloping you from the other side. And for a while, everything was ok.

“I love you, Osamu.”

Oh, how things had gone from there.

Everything became a memory. No more waking up in the morning with him beside you. No more holding his hands while walking around the shore. No more laughing at the TV at midnight. Gone, it was gone, everything was gone. Forever.

You didn’t know why it happened yourself. Why Dazai Osamu never showed up to your house the next day like he always did with food and a flower he picked on his way to you. He had just disappeared from your life.

He didn’t pick up his phone, nor did he reply to your texts. You knocked on his apartment door but no one answered. You called the agency, they said he wasn’t at work. At first you thought he might have needed to do something important, you knew how he was, always full of surprises.

But the grand finale he threw your way was nothing but cold and bitter abandonment.

Weeks had gone, and you hadn’t heard a word from the burnette. You knew that he was really, truly, gone. And it was finally settling on you. You hated the feeling more than anything in the world. You didn’t want it to settle on you. You wanted to stay in denial forever because then, at least you had hope that he’d come back. Even if that hope was so obviously fake.

And then the day came.

A single email, sent to you at noon on a rainy day. Sent by an unknown. But you knew exactly who “unknown” was.

Dearest-

I’m sorry.

Though it was me who offered, I have to back out of my request.

I’ve come to realize you cannot die, you have a whole life ahead of you to live. I’ve only spent a while with you but I can say with determination that I’ve never met anyone as vivid and fascinating. You are alluring to me, pulling me back again and again like some drug I took to feel something and ended up being addicted to. But it is impossible for me to keep tasting you like this. It’s dangerous, and will end only in tragedy worse then this one.

I cannot have you dying, love. I cannot imagine taking away such a beautiful creature from the Earth for my own selfish desires. What will this world do without your smile? Without your words? Without your touch? A world without your existence would hold some meaning- possibly. But what would that meaning be?

A meaning dull and rusted compared to what it was before, yes.

I apologize again but I will not commit suicide with you. It seems to me, almost like a crime. A horrendous crime even my inhuman self wouldn’t dare to commit. I cannot meet you again either, it will lead to complications. I hope you forgive me over time. If you do not, I understand.

I doubt a day will go by without you crossing my mind. I shall dream about holding you in my arms. About laying kisses on your body and going to sleep with you. Till the end of time, I shall think of you darling. Of reaching you. Of meeting you. And of loving you.

It ended there, no signature. You felt empty as you closed the tab and trudged to your empty, cold bed. It felt as if you were laying on ice, only the distant remembrance of warmth existing, a memory you never expected to experience again. Not in such a brilliant and aweing way at least.

How painful his words are, you thought as you closed your eyes. How beautiful and how painful.

I’m convinced the reason these two rarely interact is because they’re both simply too chaotic to risk it

my drawings really got worse

my commissions are open! You can find all of the information in here

Imagine Dazai going to attempt suicide again, but this time he actually succeeds.

Imagine how everyone would just freeze once they hear the news, because he never succeeded and now he is just gone like that. Everyone’s smile just disappearing and asking if it’s true.

Imagine Kunikida coming to the office expecting Dazai to be there and being annoying, but once he gets there it’s just silent and he breaks down.

Imagine Atsushi denying Dazai’s death, because without him, he wouldn’t be where he is now.

Imagine the ADA missing Dazai’s stupid singing, and not touching his stuff for weeks, hoping it was all a joke and he will come through the door with his suicide book and a smile on his face.

Imagine Chuuya getting the news and getting angry and just drink until he passes out. Knowing he can’t go fully out with his ability because Dazai isn’t there to stop him when the time comes. Realizing how much he actually needs him.

And then after some long time, when they got over it, thinking about the stuff Dazai told them. That he shouldn’t be here and all that stuff. Regretting that they didn’t do anything to help him, but knowing deep down that there would be nothing to change Dazai’s mind.

Because I just thought about it, if it would actually happen, and what kind of dramatic scenes there would be in the manga/anime.

incorrect-fandoms:

Dazai: So you’re telling me

Dazai: that when I die

Dazai: people will look at my naked body

Dazai:…

Dazai: suicide more like stay alive

Dazai x reader

“Heart burns from lack of nostalgia.”

There was dust, a distinct smell of blood and silence.

I could feel my ears ringing and hands barely shaking.

“Where am I?”- I whisper, looking around but the dust was yet the main enemy to my eyes.

There is a distant voice, calling someone.

”Y/n!”- it begins to grow closer and closer. I try to ignore it and notice bloody scars all over my body.

”What the hell happened to me?”

”Y/n! - A tall figure stands in front of me. All of a sudden, my eyes opened wide to see, since the silhouette running was so familiar. - You‘re alive!”

Before I could even analyse his face, he hugs me so tightly, I almost lost my breath.

“I knew you were alive. I just knew it.”- His voice shaking and his hands trembling, I feel his face on the tip of my neck, embracing me whilst gently patting my head. I close my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and asking myself.

“Who is he?”

After breaking the hug, he looks into my eyes and smile. Unknowingly, I smile back whilst he reaches to hold my hand. Once our fingers intertwined, I felt something I had never felt before. I wanted to know…

”Who… who are you?”- I ask and the eyes that were filled with joy broke down in front of me like a broken mirror. He laughed a bit in disbelief, then murmured:

”Are you… are you being serious right know?”- He caresses my chin and raises his hand to put strands of hair behind my ear.

“I feel like I know you. - I say as I make an attempt to get up but immediately fell into this stranger‘s arms, which, for some reason, were already prepared to catch me. - Do I know you?”

“I don’t know… how do you feel right now?”- he asks not breaking eye contact.

“I feel like, you’re… - I hesitate but, after I notice our wrists that had matching bracelets, I had certainly a conclusion. - I feel like you’re important to me.”

”You… really don’t remember who I am?”- there is anxiety in his voice. The gorgeous brunette bites his lip and pushes his hair back.

”I’m Dazai. Osamu Dazai. - he tries to contain the distinct worried expression while taking off his coat and observing my scars. - Here. Sit for a bit.”

This Dazai lays his coat on the ground and I sit down, whilst his eyes run over my body.
“All these injures… did you use your ability?”- he asks.

”What ability?”- I reply, confused.

“Never mind. - Dazai sighs. - You really don’t remember anything?”

I shake my head and notice his disappointment. However, he focused on closing some of my scars, implying some sort of liquid he had with him.

“You told me your name but you didn’t tell me who am I to you? Or rather, who are you to me?”- I ask lowering my head, avoiding eye contact.

Suddenly, he smiles and answers.

”You already know what I am to you. My girlfriend is smarter than she seems.”

I gulp and feel my cheeks turn bloody red.

He glances a few times and chuckle.
“Its been a while since you‘ve blushed like this around me.“- Dazai finishes taking care of my wounds but his words made me blush even harder.
“This won’t last long, we have to go to a hospital.”- he helps me up and puts his arm on me. Helping me to walk, smiling sweetly from time to time, I could tell he was trying to hide how worried he was.

”Are you worried about me, Dazai?”- I ask, a bit flattered. I just couldn’t believe I was his girlfriend. I mean, look at him. I‘m not even decent enough to be seen by those beautiful eyes of his, making me imitate his every movement. It is easy to get lost in his voice and his sound of laughter. I am not questioning why I fell for him, I’m just wondering, why he fell for me?

”Of course not, love. - he assures me.- you’re going to be alright. I’m sure there is a reason why you don’t remember anything, or me…”

Then, we went silent. It was apparent that Dazai was lost in thoughts and I could not understand what he might be thinking. However, I can’t help but ask.

“How did you fall for me, Dazai?”- I ask, this time looking straight into his brown orbs that made me feel like I belonged.
“Why this question all of a sudden?”- he smirks and I look away, messing up my words.

“I, Uhm, thought it would help, recalling things.”

He smiles and says: “We met a year ago when you were drunk and broke into my apartment. That’s when I knew you were the one.”

”W-what?”- I did not know how to feel about that statement.

“Just kidding. - he laughs and I sigh with relief. - Now that i’m thinking about it, it was more fate than anything. You, love, are a secret agent of the government. That has always been your occupation, whilst I… was part of the mafia.”

I widen my eyes and he continues.

”I never told you this because I didn’t want to boost your ego but, when we first met, you were a captive of the mafia and you were so headstrong that any question asked from my people was strongly ignored. However, I happened to grow fond of you almost immediately.”

”Really?”- I ask excited.
“Mhm. - Dazai nods and smiles, shifting his eyes to the sky.- I guess you too liked me a lot since you saved me countless times, but you never admitted it to me though. But I could easily tell you liked me. It’s always your blushing that gives you away, dear.”

My God. This man.

A silenced wind blew us from behind, making us come closer to each other’s embrace. My arms rest on his chest while his hands hold my waist.

“Y/n, please remember how much I love you, please.”- He whispers as he leans in closer, staring down to my lips.

“Perhaps, a kiss could help.”- I lean in, giving Dazai a kiss that could never be forgotten, even though right now, all I could remember was my occupation. But, his touch enlightened me memories that wanted to come to life. I was so close to remembering, so close.

“So, you fell in love with me all over again? Is this a fairytale or something?”- he says after breaking the kiss and caressing my lips.
“You‘re a fairytale, Dazai. I believe I don’t need any memories to know that I love you dearly.”

For some reason, Dazai was touched from my words, I knew from his trembling hands and almost watery eyes.

“We will bring your memory back, love. - He places a kiss on my forehead. - I promise.”

Dazai and I kept walking, glancing at each other, laughing and telling stories. He was funny, smart and so cute. He was, what I have always wanted, and I couldn’t believe that myself had found such an incredible human being.

How could I forget someone like him?

⚠️Analysis chapter 101⚠️

Contains spoilers!

So, considering I’ve been seeing a lot about Chapter 101 and Chuuya dying by drowning, I went and read the chapter.

And then bursted out laughing.

Now, be ready for yet another one of my rants and absolutely ferocious theories bcs it’s 3 in the morning and I’m absolutely enjoying this mind game.

1. Are we even surprised that Ango went to the extent of manipulating a very dangerous incarcerated ability user who can stop the time just for Dazai? After all, we know Ango feels guilty for what happened between him, Oda and Dazai. We know Ango would do anything for Dazai. And it’s a win for the government too, as let’s not forget Dazai is one dangerous ex port mafia executive and called demon prodigy and the words of “the biggest misfortune for Dazai’s enemies is that they are Dazai’s enemies”. More, Dostoievsky is terribly dangerous too and imposes a threat not just for the government, but for the whole world and ability users. Dazai being able to be an actual enemy to Dostoevsky is a feat in itself for the government. Especially since he’s willing to be. He might genuinely be the only one able to confront Fyodor. Dazai winning against Fyodor means the government itself succeeded. Not to mention they both are more dangerous than that prisoner who stops time. It’s really an insignificant sacrifice with little danger.

2. Chuuya is still a vamp. Still in Fyodor’s hands. Chuuya is dangerous, literally has Arahabaki and can wipe a damn city in a blink of an eye. But don’t you also find it interesting that Arahabaki seems to not respond to Fyodor? I mean, if I were him, I would totally use Arahabaki to get out of that prison by wiping it. That would also mean Fyodor winning bcs Dazai would be dead. Why didn’t Fyodor do this? The only explanation that makes actual sense is Arahabaki not responding to him.

3. Dazai caught Fyodor in big way. He’s in a room anti ability and is basically a wet rat swimming in water who’s waiting to drown.

But this is where it gets interesting and I’m starting my theories from here.

Those are Chuuya’s eyes before entering the room.

Empty, no consciousness, under Fyodor’s control.

But those are Chuuya’s eyes while in the water. They’re not empty white blank anymore, as you can see. He’s gritting his teeth and the round of the pupil starts forming which signals conscience as we have seen in the stance of Chuuya during corruption vs Chuuya getting out of corruption .

So I have 3 theories on this:

1. Chuuya’s surviving instincts being triggered gets him out of the ability and, respectively, from under Fyodor’s control.

2. The water has something in it that neutralizers the effects of any ability, case in which Fyodor is dead, as it would be like Dazai touching him but worse, more efficient.

3. The water touching that anti ability door is affected by the very property of that door to neutralize abilities, which leads to the result of 2nd theory too.

Many in this fandom didn’t hesitate to instantly throw Dazai under the bus and while I’m definitely in for the Dazai slander usually happening in the fandom as yes, he is manipulative and can be really shitty and everything you want, Dazai was Chuuya’s partner for a damn long time. They’ve known each other for seven years, have done a lot of things together, know each other very well, heck, they don’t even need to speak many times to understand each other. I don’t think Dazai wants Chuuya dead. And even if let’s say Dazai would be willing to get rid of Chuuya, Chuuya is useful so he won’t (if you want that bad for your heartless Dazai agenda to be fed).

Which leads me to point 1 and Dazai suddenly mentioning the moments they’ve gone through.

We know Dazai rarely does something without a reason. Do you really think this was just a sudden popped up thought he decided to share while his biggest enemy is listening?

I don’t think so. Dazai is in front of a ton of screens, must I remind you? He sees what’s happening, hears it. He probably saw what I mentioned up about Chuuya’s eyes too.

Even more, Dazai talks about Chuuya not being able to lift all that water. But Chuuya can lift himself with his ability. We know that, we’ve seenthat.

The door is anti ability. But is the ceiling?

I don’t think Chuuya will die. Really, I think Dazai spoke of their memories exactly because he saw Chuuya gaining consciousness and the memories and his voice would help Chuuya gain control back.

So no, I don’t think Chuuya dies.

Now, on the Fyodor agenda.

Fyodor dying by drowning seems ridiculous to me. Like, all this super villain agenda to what? To die so easily? I don’t think so.

We don’t know yet what Fyodor’s ability does, don’t know how it functions. And Dazai is taunting him to reveal it (panel above).

This is why I see rather more probable for Chuuya to regain control because of his survival instinct. And I think we’ll see how Fyodor’s ability works next (very improbable) but more than this I think Fyodor will catch Chuuya’s leg or something when Chuuya regains control and flies using his ability.

But there comes the next thing: Chuuya’s wrath. And this is more probable to show us Fyodor’s ability than some water.

This is what I thought about for now.

Leave me your thoughts if you wish in comments or asks or even just message me tbh.

HEADCANONS ~ BSD Characters and their interaction with ✨Balkan weddings ✨

(from a Balkan)

Armed Detective Agency

Dazai

The absolute SHOCK Dazai will have would probably be the funniest thing ever. Because yes, okay, he thought it’ll be a normal wedding, it’ll be fine, he’ll be fine with a bit of music and drinking.

Oh, he’s wrong. He’s so wrong and he either absolutely ADORES it or entirely hates it, there’s no in between.

In the case he loves it, you’ll see him drinking his weight in alcohol and laughing, messing up steps but loving the vibes and being stubborn to learn but messing it up anyways because he has two left legs

In the case he hates it, he’ll love the alcohol anyways and would probably be gossiping with some of your relatives or has found someone to philosophy the meaning (or lack of) of life. But he’ll be quite pissed and probably scared of how loud everything is (he’s shaking in his seat from the bass and he’s not convinced if it’s just the speaker close to him or because of the steps and dances that already make him dizzy).

He seems like a picky eater to me. He’ll probably scrunch his nose and refuse to eat. You’ll shove some into his mouth and his eyes would suddenly sparkle.

Yosano

I feel like Yosano would absolutely adore it all. The loud music, the swirling in dances, the way the heel of her shoe can hit the floor with actual power because it’s a dance. She’ll adore drinking, would not be sure about the food but she’ll try it and would be surprised by how good it tastes. Yosano would probably catch up fast and be absolutely enamored by the culture. Amazed by the grandness of everything too but she’ll definetly end up enjoying the night.

Ranpo

Ranpo will complain constantly. Everything is too loud and too bright and there’s too many people. He’ll probably get overwhelmed too. He enjoys the cake tho.

Atsushi

Atsushi is OVERWHELMED. He thought ADA is chaos? This is another level. He’s constantly getting his foot stepped on without meaning, everything is too loud and sparkling and he’s simply overwhelmed and anxious. But he ends up enjoying most of it. He becomes a mess if your drunk relatives start offering drinks and become affectionate. He’s so not used to it. Thinks he’ll die. But he becomes fascinated. His eyes try to take everything in and it’s so much to take in. He definetly enjoys the food. Doesn’t seem like a picky eater to me. He’ll be very respectful and people will keep telling him to chill he definetly panics at jokes like “c'mon, I won’t bite you or something”

Fukuzawa

No. Just no. He’s not having this. He already feels a migraine forming. I think he’ll leave early. He’ll probably try a bit of both food and alcohol. Can appreciate them but probably won’t want a repeat. He definetly doesn’t appreciate the flashiness

Kunikida

A big NO. There’s too much chaos, too many people, too loud to even hear his own thoughts. He does appreciate the food and the new set of culture as it gives him info, those he won’t deny.

Naomi

Oh, she’s definetly enjoying this! Maybe too much even! She’s learning the dances and pulling at Tachihara with a huff to dance with her (he definetly is tired) and she’s dancing all night! She probably doesn’t touch the drinks or drank one and regretted afterwards. She enjoys the sparkles and flashiness and definetly wants a repeat! Has made a lot of friends, gossiped and had a really fun time!

Tachihara

Poor boy appreciates it but probably doesn’t want a repeat. It’s too much for him. Too many people, too many drinks, too much of quite everything for him. He’ll probably think he caught the dance, then try get himself into with others and fail terribly

Kenji

He’s all wide eyed at the extraness of everything! He asks a lot of questions, talks with people, asks them to teach him the dances! He probably masters them too! He’s also willing to help with the heavy stuff and shines under the praise! Probably eats a bit of everything. You have to stop the people offering him alcohol underage tho cause he doesn’t know how to refuse someone, I feel like. He’s integrating perfectly to be honest. He falls asleep like a Balkan child too! On the two chairs with music and dancing around him and everything!

Kyoka

She’ll be interested but probably will end up not actually enjoying it. Too loud for her, too many people, but she appreciates how nice everyone is. Probably refuses to dance because she doesn’t feel like she’s good at it. Some food she enjoys, some she doesn’t. She probably has trouble falling asleep. Won’t repeat the experience.

Port Mafia

Chuuya

Now, Chuuya will absolutely adore a Balkan wedding! There’s a lot to drink and he definetly isn’t going to be left behind, even if it’s definetly not his favorite drink. He likes the flashiness, actually, picks up on some styles for later to be remembered and for him to use too. He is a bit put off by the loud music at first, then his eyes widen at the hard dances and out of nowhere he’s piqued the dance and is one with the people, whistling and everything!

Yup, Chuuya would definetly want a repeat of a Balkan wedding.

Kouyou

Wouldn’t like it. Too much of everything for her. She might enjoy some drinks and food and talking to some people, but that’s it.

Mori

Probably likes some of the extra and the shine. Probably enjoys some drinks and food even. But it’s too loud and too many people and too much movement.

Hirotsu

Definetly overwhelmed! But he enjoys the food and drinks and talking to some people and looking at the dances and the happiness. Likes the vibes, just not for him.

Akutagawa

Nope. He won’t like any of it. Might try dancing with a lot of coaxing, but can’t for the life of him move like that. Balkan weddings aren’t for him.

Gin

Overwhelmed. She might like it for a period, might get a bit into it, the dances and food and good vibes, but not all of it. The entirety of it is definetly too much for her.

Higuchi

Just like Gin, she’s overwhelmed and will like it for a bit but then she’ll get tired and would probably not repeat the experience.

A little something I wrote for Dazai and decided to share

Dazai through my eyes

Cruel. God, he’s so cruel, with his sharp eyes that mellow down their intensity the moment you catch them and refuze to waver, with the way they sparkle in the soft gleam of a sun too greedy and too loving towards him.

His eyes are the worst weapon and the sweetest drug, connected directly to his mind, to endless corridors and endless stories, to doors that are open wide and walls you’d have to shatter the whole place down to see the rooms they hide. Those eyes, reflecting so many emotions, so many feelings swirling withing them, like honey boiling, ready to jump onto your skin and burn, like endless pools of sand too hot to touch without hissing yet too tempting in softness to not risk it anyways, thinking of it as worth it.

Because those very eyes with long eyelashes fluttering oftenly in mischief are the same eyes that sparkle like they’ve stolen all the stars on the sky with a simple glance. Because those eyes are the very same ones that deny the very laws of logic in this world, shining in hues of pure melted gold, acting like a whole ocean of it, turbulent and swirling with a never ending storm, colder than ice itself as they scrutinize you, thoughts of never ending torture more heart wrecking and mind numbing than any method of torture you could ever be capable to think of, only half hidden, a subtle yet not so threat.

An underlying “if you dare”. And maybe that’s exactly my mistake. That I dare too much, that I venture too much, that I continue running towards my unavoidable painful clash and find restraints of heavy chains to be just another form of freedom as white stripes and mellow words pull me closer and closer.

The sharp angle of his jaw, softened by fluffy, voluminous strands of hair the color of chocolate, messy and bouncing by the gentlest of breezes, as gentle as his voice whispering so soothingly words that make me find myself catching my breath, keeping it locked deeply within my lungs to not miss any tild, and lower, any push of sound. Because he’s let me cling to the heaviness of bits of knowledge he’s been feeding me, bits of kindness, bits of the star dust dancing in eyes with a danger just as deep and hidden as the black holes of the always expanding universe, compensating the vastity by slowly eating at itself with those holes.

The way his hands, wide and big, with long, bony fingers move so swiftly, as smooth as the grains of sand in a clepsidra. The way they make a click sound as they barely hit a glass full of just as toxic and addictive as he himself whiskey, the ice long ago melted. The way they wrap around my wrist as if they belong here, engulfing my own hand as if it wouldn’t even exist, like one of those too long and luscious staniol wrappings around chocolate bonbons.

The way those very same delicate hands that pick up locks with worrisome ease as if the lock were to be a mere instrument and him a genius pulling the strings are also the same hands that could easily swipe away a sword, a gun, an instrument of death and torture, of pain, of hurt. The way they don’t tremble around the trigger of the gun but pull it without wavering, barely moved back by the shock of discharge. The way they crack like a reput in use machine of killing, ready to snap bones with an agressiveness lying so deep within me that I’ve renegated myself from so long.

His lips do not fear the taste of metal, of blood. They do not fear the cuts or the rips, do not fear the heaviness of a lie nor do they fear to let poison coat a silver tongue, letting it drip in the right rhythm. They do not fear to part and call for doom by a mere low chuckle, as sudden and yet as soft as a mere feather that could be blown away by a mere gush of wind. Ripped some days, as if asking for a horrific thrist to be quenched, a thirst for blood. Soft others, just as a serpent snake’s moves and scales.

Tall. Standing so tall, so mocking, lowering to your level to be understood, never caught on wrong foot. Stable, with shoulder wide enough to hide someone’s whole body by merely standing in front of them. Somewhere above, somewhere high enough to watch the world impassively, a mere spectator, getting his touch in and pushing just when he finds fit, just like a superior entity staying on the throne of the world.

And yet, he’s too warm for the cold to be anything more than a blazing storm hiding the safest and warmest fire someone’s ever set their eyes on.

With the way his touch sneaks and leaves a mere shiver. With the way cuts and scars make the most intricate models on his skin, mapping the monstrous claws shredding him to pieces in a mere try of breathing and of keeping a heart beating, a beast called life forcing him back to his knees again and again, ready to humble him down. But he refuses to back, refuses to stop, to give away his poisoned knives and call it a day.

No. Fallen, with a self made throne out of skeletons and the haunting ghosts clinging to him, his steps do not falter and continue resonating with power. A power that’s intentionally mellowed, locked away under heavy restraints, all to mingle in, to hide the thorns and fire ready to burn the world from the eyes of the unsuspecting civilians.

He’s woken up dead— no. He’s the devil itself and waltz with death, steps in sync without mistake, twirling and refusing to stop, no matter how deep the teeth sink in.

Toxic. Intoxicating in the way no other being could truly resist, with a hundred masks and walls protecting the truest thing: a mere, beating heart, in a rhythm too slow and too broken for all of this, but waiting in warmth and silence who would dare cross all boundaries. Broken beyond repair, yet patiently waiting. Waiting with a fierce need, a passion too deep, an intensity with the force to crash and shatter against the rules of physics. With a possessiveness as rough and as honest as the one of a beast.

Hail to the king. To the boy who’s toasted to death too many times. To the boy who cried brokenly and pulled at himself enough to break, enough to scar, enough to mark without coming back. At the man who’s killed himself a thousand times and will continue changing the dosage of lethality and honey as it’s needed to claim everything there is to claim and more.

Long may he live, cursed till his last breath, the flow of life to stop just when he runs out of luck and his luck to run out just when he is to claim to the mortality of this body he’s denied.