[Image ID: A cropped screenshot of the beginning of a tumblr post which reads, “The general statement of being sick of the focus on trans men and ‘tme’ (ahem *afab) nonbinary” /end ID]
Please stop treating AMAB nonbinary people like this. I don’t care if you think transmisogyny is fake or transfems are delusional or “no one’s exempt from transmisogyny” or whatever. You have got to stop treating AMAB people like we’re not allowed to have complex relationships with gender. You have got to stop reducing AMAB people down to “cis men and transfems.” I have seen so many posts that explain how you can be an AFAB woman and still be nonbinary, and those posts are wonderful and completely true, but I have never seen any sort of positivity or validation or affirmation, anything for AMAB nonbinary men (or agender people or any AMAB nonbinary people who aren’t transfem).
TME nonbinary ≠ AFAB
AMAB nonbinary ≠ transfem
Stop forgetting about AMAB nonbinary people.
[Image ID: A banner of the pink trans woman flag with white text that reads, “I don’t want to see or be seen by transmisogynists” next to a green check mark /end ID]
Y’all hate feminine Nb people so much, it’s so obvious
Nb person: *wears skirts, has long hair, has large chest, does traditional feminine things*
Y’all: what if… we ignored you… and used incorrect pronouns for you…
It’s the same for masculine nb people too… y’all just hate nb people who aren’t androgynous
Anyways if ur nb and you don’t dress androgynous, I love you. This goes for he/him nbs who dress feminine and she/her nb who dress masculine as well. Also to gender fluid nb people who only dress one way.
If you are a transmeds and you reblog this, I’m grinding your bones to dust, this isn’t for you.
I’m generally pretty neutral on the dysphoria debate and LGBT issues but MOGAI and neopronouns have my brain dying
“Pronouns are gendered” this very much screams of cissexism, in fact this is almost word for word something my transphobic dad has said to me.
“Neopronouns are useless” if it makes someone more comfortable it is not useless.
They/them has been used as singular since about the 14th century and STILL that doesn’t mean alternate gender neutral pronouns are not beneficial to English.
The main use of they/them is plural. Even when singular, it uses plural verbs (are/have, rather than is/has)—therefore, it breaks subject-verb agreement. The only other pronouns in English that break SV Agreement are you/your—and that’s because you/your used to only be plural. (xx,xx,xx)
Because of both, 1) its main use being plural, and 2) always using plural verbs—English speakers automatically assume they/them is referring to multiple people. The only distinuishment between plural and singular they/them is context, and -self rather than -selves (which not everyone uses).
And some people are fine with that! They’re comfortable using they/them even with its dualism! But other people aren’t!
Some people feel they/them’s dual, plural-verb nature is alienating to them. Some folks would prefer to have an option for themselves that doesn’t break Subject-Verb agreement and is never plural. Or they’re just otherwise uncomfortable with all our current third person pronouns because of their connotations!
So, we’ve got neopronouns! And they do actually follow actual grammatical patterns! I’m a linguist and it’s very clear neopronouns easily reflect standard pronouns!
“They are my friend, I love them. Their cat is a calico, and the calico right here is theirs, they told me that themself.”
“Ne is my friend, I love nem. Nir cat is a calico, and the calico right here is nirs, ne told me that nemself.”
Neopronouns are beneficial to English. They are beneficial to many languages, especially ones with extremely gendered pronouns.
Please practice compassion and understanding instead of mirroring the bigotry of cishet folks.
Do you ever just like hear someone next to you go “non-binary ppl don’t exist” and then it’s like hi? Hello. I’m right here. Look at me, existing. OooOoh spoopy.
the non-binary gender doesn’t exist. you do, but you’re just not non-binary.
Nonbinary people DO exist! You not believing in genders outside the binary doesn’t stop those genders from existing. The idea that there are two genders is not seen in every culture, it’s almost always coming from a perisexist worldview that isn’t accepting of intersex people, and it’s just messed up in general. Simply because certain genders are more common—men have the most common gender, followed by women—doesn’t mean those are the only genders out there.
And don’t think you can slide by with all that transphobic bull you keep reblogging. Shove off nonbinary peoples’ posts and leave—nothing about their existence greatly affects your life, so leave them alone.
People always act terrible when it comes to how nonbinary people present, but there is this special brand of exorsexism that gets thrown at genderfluid people
One changes their presentation according to their gender? They get accused of upholding gender roles, of seeing gender as just the collection of stereotypes pushed on it, of “playing” trans when they feel like it
One always presents in the same way? They are accused of faking, that if they were really genderfluid then they wouldn’t be comfortable with always looking the same way, that you can’t really feel like x gender if on those days you aren’t bothered by some characteristic that is usually tied to another gender
There is honestly no winning in this. And the same happens with names and pronouns, one can’t use the same pronouns always because then they wouldn’t like them used all the time, one can’t change pronouns because then they are just being pushy and ridiculous. It’s exhausting
Genderfluid people get shit for everything they do, and that is incredibly unfair. Genderfluid people can present as they want and are most comfortable with, and no one has the right to make comments on how a genderfluid acts in order to feel better about themselves
have to say once more.. bigender people who are both men and women get no respect or consideration cause yall make us just women or just men depending on which one will invalidate our arguments or make us sound like oppressors, and none of yall can figure out how to fit us into your gender politics bc acknowledging us as real men AND real women would require understanding that men and women are not fully different, separate and opposite groups. bigender m+w means you cant group everyone into “men and non-men” and act like these are coherent categories. bigender m+w means you will need to let bigender wlw talk about wlw experiences without painting them as aggressive male intruders, and bigender mlm talk about mlm experiences without painting them as fetishizing straight women. bigender m+w means you cant treat us as if were exclusively men the moment we talk about anything you dont like regarding gender so you can paint us as purely actors of oppression who have never suffered misogyny despite also being women. bigender m+w means you have to rethink how you think gender works and what you believe about nonbinary people aligning themselves with a binary gender meaning theyre just “man lite or woman lite” when some of us are aligned with both binary genders. etc..
The stories and experiences of nonbinary don’t have to be compared to those of binary trans people.
We have our own terms, needs, expectations in life, and our own community. Much of it is different from that of binary trans people, and that’s completely fine.
You, a nonbinary person, don’t have anything to prove.
I don’t know what’s up with all this today, since I’m seeing cissexism, transmisogyny and exorsexism being discussed on a couple of different aro blogs, concerning a couple of different people. I’m quite disappointed, given that for so long the aro-spec community felt so unquestioningly accepting of all trans, non-binary, genderqueer, agender and cultural gender folks–in a way often not afforded to us in broader LGBTQIA+ spaces.
Regardless, here’s a quiet reminder that the only aro-spec community I’m interested in promoting and nurturing is one that’s unequivocally supportive of one’s right to declare one’s gender, genders, shifting gender or lack of gender and be referred to by and naturally included within the names, terms and pronouns each individual dictates as appropriate for their gender, genders, shifting gender or lack of gender. One’s AGAB (assigned gender at birth) or shape/degree of transitioning is no barrier to allowing someone the basic respect and dignity of being treated as the person they say they are. One’s relationship to or distance from the gender binary is no barrier to allowing someone the basic respect and dignity of being treated as the person they say they are.
Being of the aromantic spectrum is for many of us an experience of looking at a carelessly amatonormative world and saying no, your narrow assumptions on how to be human don’t suit or include me, please let me live as best suits me with the same support and acceptance you take for granted. How can we be here fighting against amatonormativity as aro-specs while declaring the exact same philosophy inappropriate for non-cis folks on the spectrum of gender identity?
It seems to me that an aro-spec who understands and appreciates the true, accepting spirit of the aro-spec community cannot then go and deny trans, NB, GQ, agender and cultural gender aro-specs this same acceptance. Most of us, I think, are not anywhere near so hypocritical as to do this, but it saddens me that there’s a few outlying people who are.
And as a trans, agender aromantic: my blog, my content and my activism is not for someone who rejects the legitimacy of my gender identity and experiences. You have no right to disrespect me and my fellow non-cis aro-specs while still thinking to take advantage of our efforts in building this community.
We’re here. We’re not a minority in aro-spec spaces. We’re helping to build the roof under which you’re seeking to shelter. Respect us non-cis aro-specs as we deserve or stand in the rain on your own.
Disregarding someone’s right to declare their own gender identity and be respected as a person of that gender identity based on your ignorance and hatred isn’t and will never be in the spirit of the aro-spec community.
And for the cis aro-specs I’ve seen step up and declare that they won’t allow cissexism, exorsexism and transmisogyny as any kind of norm in their aro-spec spaces, thank you.
(Image description: six square images with purple backgrounds and white borders, every image has bold white text in the center. All together this text reads: “I don’t care if testosterone therapy makes me sterile. I am allowed to live a life that does not revolve around childbearing or parenthood. I do not have to prioritize childbearing or parenthood in my life. My bodily autonomy and freedom of choice are worth more than potential fertility. I don’t give a fuck what you believe my "biological purpose” is. This body is mine to do with as I will.“)
Possibly controversial, but I don’t care if testosterone therapy makes me sterile.
I’m allowed to live a life that does not revolve around possible future childbearing or parenthood. My own bodily autonomy and freedom of choice are worth more than potential fertility.
I don’t care what anyone believes my "biological purpose” is. My body is not your “earthen vessel”. I am not here to “be fruitful and multiply”. I don’t want to join your womban only arts and crafts circle and finger-paint with period blood. I don’t have to find any kind of special meaning or spiritual significance in the reproductive organs that I was born with.
The only reason I am here right now with this body that is mine is to do whatever I want with it.
I’m allowed to not want pregnancy and childbirth, or the possibility of them. I’m allowed to not want parenthood in any form. I don’t have to prioritize those things in my life.
The potential loss of my fertility on testosterone is not a loss for me, it is a benefit. For more than half of my life now I’ve known that I never want to experience pregnancy or childbirth, and yet I am clearly expected to value my potential ability to do those things above my own actual wants and needs? No chance.
No trans person should be required to delay medically transitioning because of concerns about future fertility, if the trans person themselves isn’t concerned with the ability to have biological children.
I resent the notion that medically transitioning is harmful because we’re–allegedly–choosing to sterilize ourselves*. Choosing sterilization is not harmful. The ability to choose sterilization should be the right of every person, regardless of gender, who is of an age capable of reproducing.
(*Contrary to popular belief, testosterone therapy is not a contraceptive and does not always result in a person being sterile; it is entirely possible for a person to become pregnant while using testosterone therapy or after stopping it.)
the thing about gender reductionism is that it’s a direct consequence of sociological and political theory failing to acknowledge the existence of, and account for, nonbinary people (or even just trans people as a whole). now that people are attempting to do so, they think that they can just get by by moving the boundaries and changing the wording, but keeping the underlying politics the same, and it just doesn’t work like that.
if you want to truly be inclusive of enbies, you can’t just lump us under the categories of “men” and “women” in your discussions of gender politics and patriarchy; you have to consider us as nonbinary people in our own right, not men- or women-lite, and if your politics cannot account for that, then your politics need to go. gender reductionism does nothing but harm trans people and you cannot claim to support us while putting very little thought or effort into doing so.
Alibinary is a word made from the prefix ali-, meaning other, and the word binary. I’m using this word because the system I coined has to do with how different people who are not binary have different relationships to the gender binary.
I think just using nonbinary would make this information hard to find and make this system hard to talk about, since there are many nonbinary systems already.
That said, I don’t think alibinary is meant to be an identity on its own here; please use alibinary system (or AS) when talking about the system, or “people who use the AS/alibinary system”, not “alibinary people” or “alibinary community” or whatever.
But ali is similar to allistic! Appropriation!
1. I’m autistic myself.
2. I don’t think coining new words based on prefixes or using words such as alias, alibi and alien constitutes any sort of appropriation.
3. Alibinary and allistic don’t even look similar.
What is this system composed of?
Viabinary, a word for those who relate to having an experience similar to a binary gender, while not being 100% that binary gender;
Mesobinary, a word for those who relate to having an experience of both binary genders, or to having an experience of being in-between binary genders;
Ideobinary, a word for those who relate to having an experience that does rely on binary or binary-related concepts, while not relating to have an experience that is similar of that of a binary gender;
Exobinary, a word for those who relate to having an experience that is completely independent of binary genders, or at least outside of binary experiences.
In the future, I hope to have more detailed posts for each of these experiences.
Isn’t it problematic/bad/exorsexist/binarist to have all of these based on the binary?
Since binary genders are considered to be the norm, at least in most Western societies, I think it’s fair to say our relationships to the gender binary may affect how we experience exorsexism, dysphoria, erasure, and so on. This is why these terms are the way they are.
If you don’t feel like they apply to your reality, if you don’t feel like sharing spaces with people with completely different identities even if you face similar issues in some ways, or if you are uncomfortable with this system, you are free to not use those terms or participate on communities based on those terms.
What about people with multiple genders? Or genderfluid people? Or people who relate to more than one of those?
Anyone is free to use as many of these labels they want, if they feel like they apply to them.
Someone may say they are mainly exobinary but also relate to some ideobinary stuff, or that they are genderfluid and experience exobinary, mesobinary and viabinary issues at different times, and so on.
Is mascgender a viabinary or ideobinary identity?
This system is based on what issues one is/feels affected by, not on what gender identity someone is. A mascgender person may relate to both, or to one of those, or to none of those; that may vary from person to person.
If you are unsure of what applies to you, you may want to read more on each of these terms.
Are there combo terms?
Not for now. If someone wants to make them, I don’t mind, but I think having more content for the system as it is should be more of a priority than coining more terms.
I want this system to be useful, instead of being just another set of identities and flags that people are like “oh cool” before moving into the next ones when the set is finished, with no one remembering which term means what one week later.
Is there a term for those who don’t fit any of these?
Not for now. If you feel like there is a specific set of issues that may need a word within this system (as opposed to something that may just be described as, say, neurogender issues, pomogender issues, aporagender issues or genderfluid issues), feel free to talk about it!
As for a term that just means “none of the above”, I don’t see how that would be helpful, at least for now. I don’t think you can manage to fit everyone who doesn’t fit into this system as people who face the same kinds of issues, and it’s not like anyone is being forced to choose between viabinary, mesobinary, exobinary and ideobinary, so if you don’t fit anything, I don’t see any reason to want to have a word for it at all. Most people don’t even know about this system!
Anyways, this system is not meant to replace any other sort of terminology. You can still identify as agender, lunarian, xenic, singularian, genderqueer, undefined, quoigender, apogender, genderflux, gendersylph, colorgender, nonbinary girl or whatever your other identities are, regardless if you use the alibinary system or not.
Don’t you think this system can erase certain issues?
This system is meant to bring up issues and discussions that are not taken care of if we are talking about people who aren’t binary as a whole, or if we are talking about issues within specific communities only.
This system is not meant to be a replacement for talking about more general or more specific issues.
We can still talk about aporagender issues. We can still talk about exorsexism. We can still talk about maverique specific issues. We can still talk about solarian specific issues. We can still talk about juxera specific issues. We can still talk about gender reductionism. We can still talk about bigotry targeting genderfluid people. We can still talk about hatred against xenogender identities. We can still talk about agender spectrum erasure. We can still talk about erasure of anyone who is not binary from transgender communities, or from “LGBT” communities as a whole.
The alibinary system is supposed to be a tool to talk about specific issues, to be used alongside with other existing terms, not instead of them.
Hate hate hate when exclusionists try to pass off their bigotry and lies as Enlightening Cutesy Fun Facts and “Teehee so here’s the truth!! ^^ This identity is trash and everyone attached to it should die.” Like it’s actually so fucking sickening. That y’all will just spread false info that feeds into the wants of our oppressors and cuts down your fellow gays and queers. Under this cutesy wutesy, “silly anon EVERYONE knows this identity is xphobic!! lol uwu” tone.
It just says a lot without saying the quiet part out loud. And I hate exclusionists, but I especially hate the ones who act like this. Just call all of us a slur like the bigots you are
if you see a gender neutral term you dont like youre actually allowed to just elect not to use it and move on, yall know that right?
like are yall aware that approximately 0 people are holding you at gunpoint and demanding you go by joyfriend or ren or mx or whatever? its actually free and easy to just go “oh, thats not for me” and then not use the term
“just call me a slur!1!!” Or just. don’t use it? Allow your day to day life to remain fully unchanged. Mind your business lmao
I’m still on this tbh like Remember when that teenager came up with the word “joyfriend” because the term “partner” felt too formal to them and y’all became so incensed at the idea of a teenager having fun with their identity that they had to put out a message begging people to stop harassing them? Like I stg y’all see will someone being queer in a way you think is cringe and lose ur fucking minds
Also if you’re in the tags being like “well I think these terms are stupid and I hate them and I would die if they were used for me but it’s okay if other people do!!1!” This post is about you lmao.
