i threw myself to the sea, hoping it will swallow my entire being. the waves seemed big enough to wrestle me; to drown every ounce of my life. the sound of my cries seemed different, altered by the packs of cigarettes i burned inside of me. i remember the boy who killed himself in school. i never knew him, but i felt him. i felt him as my cheeks went damp and my lips tasted salty. i felt him as i heave every breath from my tattered lungs. i felt him as i became him. i felt him as i retreated into the same non existence.
If I’m entirely honest, and you say I must be, I want to stay with you all afternoon evening, night and tomorrow pressed into you so tightly that we don’t know whose belly made what sound, whose heart it is that is thumping like that until I don’t know if the sweat on my chest is yours or mine or ours.
