#gender dysphoria
Those Questions…
Being transgender comes with a lot of very personal questions way too often that really are inappropriate… Like the question if I had bottom surgery or some medical intervention.
Those questions should never be asked in a casual setting. I mean… do you ask a cisgender man or woman what’s between their legs in casual talk? You wouldn’t. It’s just not appropriate. It’s very private and none of most person’s business. If you pressure me to answer you’re motives are clear. I’m most likely going to ask you to leave or leave that place for being so crass.
If you’re in private with someone, I trust you, you’re both attracted to each other and considering being intimate it’s an appropriate question. The only other times would be someone I trust in private, a close friend, a close family member or a medical professional, whom I share those private questions. These are persons who handle this very personal private information discreetly. It’s not posted on social media, shared in whispers as gossip or shouted from the roof top.
Many persons assume a lot if you have a penis. Like you’re not committed to being female because you’re not emasculated. Another assumption assumes you’ll use that penis in a dominating way to have sex, that women are not safe around you. These hurtful assumptions really do make and ass of both you and me.
Some don’t understand the challenges of a transition. Many are still afflicted with binary thinking of gender, you are either a man or a woman with no one living in between those two boxes, a non-binary person. The other challenge is that a transition is not a over night process. It takes time. Costs can be high or not affordable. Laws may create road blocks in a person’s transition. These struggles and frustrations can add to the transgender person’s gender dysphoria.
So don’t ask. Don’t assume. Smile. You don’t know the struggles societies puts on a transgender person’s path. Be kind and complementary as we try hard to be our true selves.
How Far Do You Go in Your Transition?
One of the harder decisions, in your transition, is deciding how far you will go. In the early days of transgender persons, even before the term transgender was coined in 1965, your transition had to include HRT and Bottom Surgery, now called Gender Affirmation Surgery. But today binary gender thinking is not an absolute.
In other words gender it’s not just feeling you’re a man or woman. Gender has shades and hues like a rainbow, masculine to the feminine. So a lot of self reflection and counseling is a must, and a qualified gender counselor is a gate keeper to further steps you might decide to take. Keep in mind your sex is different from your gender. Also who you’re attracted to is a separate issue.
I do know I’m one of those persons who… If I could push a button and have a female body according to my DNA… I would push it without hesitation, changing my sex from male to female with all the bells and whistles, like periods a female body has.
But unfortunately a transition is not that simple. It’s not making an appointment with a gender fairy and have them wave their wand or pushing a button and waking up as your preferred sex. It’s not about a fantasy desire and you go back to your old life afterwords. It’s not about putting up with being called a sissy all because you were born with a penis and wish to wear girl clothes. Get real and have a heart. Stop worrying who I might be attracted to.
For myself being flat between my legs with a sweet vagina would be a dream come true, my panties properly fit and no tucking. I hate to tuck but it is what I currently need to do. And it certainly would be fantastic to fill out my bra with my own female developed breasts. HRT, Hormone Replacement Therapy, is said to do wonders by many persons who have gone through this.
But is medical intervention right for you? It took me many years, decades, to unravel who I am and what was the truth. I still research. Research has come a long ways over the years. But their continues to be a lot of biased information out there. So you must do your own research and find what is right for you, best for your body and your goals. I had to discover why I’m driven to understand, my own gender dysphoria, my girl inside. There is life outside the box of what society might expect.
The whole point is to be comfortable in your own skin as yourself, to stop needing to wear a fake mask to make others happy because of how you look. It does not mater what others think or feel you should do. You have to decide. Because you, not those around you who give advise or have an opinion, will live with the consequences. You must walk the path. And that path, your transition, might last a lifetime.
So now that you decided to wear the clothes of your gender identity, and come out to others close to you, how far will your transition take you to be yourself?
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Don’t Blame Yourself or Feel Pressured…
For Staying in the Closet to Feel Safe
Going against the norms of society is not an easy thing to do. Society itself pressures you to be Normal and fit in when they see your body and relate with you. This gender binary, only men and women, is deeply ingrained in our society, taught at a young age. Men wear men’s clothes and Women wear women’s clothes. The clothes should not be mixed, or men wearing women’s clothes or women wearing men’s clothes. Hair styles, jewelry and makeup are part of that social conditioning for normality of gender conformity.
Even those who find they are not heterosexual, feel they are gay may find resistance, who you’re attracted to. So trying to stay safe and not reveal yourself, step outside the box of society norms, or expectations, is often preferred.
How you feel is valid. Just because others close to you don’t relate does not invalidate your feelings. The differences in your gender identity, who you wish to project as, or who you’re attracted to is not for others to judge you by. You should be able to take the time to discover who you are without prejudice by those around you or society at large. But it’s not a perfect world. We must be careful who to trust with your feelings.
I personally wish we could all wear the clothes, grow our hair, wear the jewelry, or wear makeup at any age, that we prefer and project who we feel we are without ridicule. Those who raise us with all these fears, these beliefs, inflict some trauma, can have long lasting effects on how we walk our paths in life for decades.
We badly want to be our true selves but our past holds us back. Society then taught, helped mold our mask that has become like armor. And current society intolerance helps reinforce those fears. The desire to feel safe overrides our desire to breakout of our mask and be who we truly are. And that has more consequences and damage to untangle later in life.
So be patient with many of us from the early days, and in less tolerant places, who stayed, or stay, in the closet to feel safe. There have been great strides, many good steps forward, to be a more tolerant society and learn from its mistakes in some places. But I still remember how it was and the intolerance of those times. I do see some reversing, a step back, of our progress.
You’ll know in your heart when it is right and a time for you to make your move. Don’t be burdened by what you lost in the past and by the trauma of what you felt. Don’t let it be a burden you drag with you of what could have been. Let it all go as you slowly disassemble that mask you carefully crafted. Forgive yourself and others and look forward and not back.
Everyday brings new hope and a chance to shine your light to the world to make it a better place with your presence in it.
This Feeling…
Not everyone will understand this unique and somewhat indescribable feeling of femininity. Words just don’t do it justice. Most females already know it and learn from their mothers over many years as they mature into feminine women in their culture. Many books I’m sure have been written on the subject about the feminine woman.
But this “feeling” being described is about a male who puts on, what some in society say are, those forbidden feminine clothes to a male, crossdressing.
It’s a different feeling to every male who has ever crossed dressed and felt soft smooth feminine garments on their skin. And I dare say some who have felt those clothes will repeat the experience again and again wanting to repeat how they felt. I did.
It is true that most everyone who does may have their own reason why. Maybe just out of curiosity, a dare or bet. But when society says you shouldn’t that’s an open invite, or dare, to some to find out why. And because of the detrimental labels a crossdressed male in public maybe given to their reputation it is often done in secret.
Some however, like myself, are attracted to them like a moth to a flame at a very young age. And that reason is due to our, my, gender identity, more feminine than masculine for a male. And often results in having Gender Dysphoria, a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. That dysphoria can grow stronger over time. I have felt that growth over the decades.
For myself it was the deeper reason at a very young age. All the feelings are hard to describe. I’m sure my body was rewarding me for taking that risk to do this forbidden action of invading my mother’s privacy, like arousal and excitement. But the more times I did it, over years and decades with my own secret clothes, the dominate feelings changed, a calmness. I felt a connection on the outside of my body to my girl inside. I wanted my genitals to be as hers, to be the same as hers.
Most men will crossdress and just return to presenting as a male, be happy they are male. But for myself I would rather have the genitals of a female, the body of a female and present as a female. The though of bottom surgery, gender affirmation, removing my balls and penis, does not frighten me. I would do it without hesitation. Only costs have stopped me. Most men would run for the hills at the though of being emasculated.
Who I’m attracted to is a different subject. It is separate and not tied to my gender identity. So don’t confuse that feeling. I did at first.
You see wearing those feminine clothes takes on a completely different meaning. I want to be her not him, have all those clothes fit properly as a woman, seen as a woman. And that’s why this feels is so sexy and very attractive. She is my gender identity.
Dressed as my more dominate gender I’m more calm and comfortable in my body. And so many years ago I stepped out of the closet and went public as her, my girl inside. And so today I’m still on this path to make my male body more female as my gender identity leads me.
PLEASE…
Just Let Us Live Like Ordinary People…
Without Drama.
I’m not a sissy, not a gurl and not a boi. I’m not a transgender dictionary, because you’re too lazy to do some research. I’m not an object or play toy for your pleasure. I don’t need to be asked what is between my legs. I’m a person, like you, who deserves respect and privacy just like any other person.
I’m a transgender non-binary woman, MTF, male to female. I suffer from Gender Dysphoria, a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. Please look it up. Taking HRT, hormone replacement therapy, or an operation is not a requirement. It’s a non-binary approach.
I take a risk every time I need to use a public toilet in the men’s room. Because of on going propaganda, scare tactics of my being a scary person in your restroom because of the clothes I wear, I use the men’s room dressed as a woman to avoid drama. If I use the women’s room, which I’m allowed to in my state, often someone complains making a scene.
So please… just let us safely live as ordinary persons, without drama, using the services, food, medical and housing we all need to live.
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The Everyday Clothes You Wear…
My femininity is not dependent on wearing a skirt or a dress. I love wearing a skirt or a dress. But some everyday activities are best in pants, unisex overalls or other comfy unisex clothes. Maybe the shoes I wear are boots meant to protect my feet, rather than sandals or heels.
But as we all know your girl, your femininity, is still there. I still feel her in my core, my mannerisms. Maybe you also feel her in your makeup or nail polish. I have yet to master this. I feel her in my hidden lingerie, basic panties and bra. I always wear earrings and a necklace to symbolically show her, sometimes with other jewelry but usually just a unisex watch. And my long hair is my feminine crown, maybe styled in a ponytail.
The everyday chores and work I do are necessary to live and must go on to live. But my gender identity is always with me no mater what I wear, how I outwardly project her with clothes.
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Your Gender Expression…
When I wear what some call “Girl Clothes” my gender expression is a woman no mater what is between my legs. To me they are my clothes. Clothes don’t have a gender. However to the outside world those clothes can express my gender and a clue to what my Gender Identity is. It’s really that simple.
But some don’t see it that way. They go to great lengths to complain and make laws to foster their own belief’s, to conform, how people should live.
Of course it should not mater who you’re attracted too. What goes on behind clothes doors is none of anyone’s business. But some persons are noisy busy bodies and clanging bells of noise trying to push their agenda.
But why such interest in whom I’m attracted to, if I’m heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bi, etc… What’s the big deal?
For a very long time there has been and continues to be a war on Gays and Lesbians, and that now includes Transgender persons. If you were not Heterosexual in your sexual orientation you were, and to some still are, a target. And so many still stay in the closet due to these hateful assaults on their character. It can effect getting the necessities needed to live in society.
For transgender persons this war gets even more complex due to our differing gender identity. Some still see you as who you were born as regardless of whats between your legs or the clothes you wear.
Bottom line is you will never please everyone no mater what you do. These hurtful persons will always be with us. Don’t let them steal your joy or your smile. But stay safe as your sisters have done.
Just hold on and savvy of your circumstances, those around you that you depend on. Your moment will come and doors can open if your ready to change your life’s path. Wear the clothes that express who you are and love those who love you for who you are. Do it with a smile and love in your heart for everyone. Be your true self.
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Am I Pretty? Do I Pass?
Over the decades of transgender MTF, male to female, persons “Passing” was and is though to be the ultimate goal, the Holy Grail. You presented as only feminine with absolutely no masculine, male, characteristics to peek out, no hint of that you ever started life as male.
But why such attention to this so called goal? What subjective standard is being used? Why do we fear so much going out in public? Why do some persons still have these fears about passing, or told they will never pass.
You don’t have to look much further than the beauty and modeling industry’s propaganda. Cisgender woman have been under this propaganda for way to long. Most models that we see in advertisements are not a realistic representations of the average female body. And yet those are the ones we hold up as the standard, who is beautiful and feminine, breast and hip size, and who is not.
Bodies change over time as you age. How you look now will be different over time. But your beauty inside, your personality, can remain a constant as you age if you work at it. Don’t worry about critics.
So my advise is just be yourself and present as beautiful person in personality. Most often you’re loved for your personality and how you treat people. Physical looks can be as fleeting as the leaf on a tree, here today and gone tomorrow. You are never going to please everyone. Even the most beautiful cisgender woman does not please everyone.
Do what you can with clothes, and makeup if you wish, to be your girl, the real you, on the outside. It is your path to decide how far you’re going to go, if you chose HRT, hormone replacement therapy, surgery options, or just a non binary blending. Just try to feel right.
It’s OK to change your mind as you keep walking your path. Being transgender does not end your path, your transition / transformation. Cisgender people get facelifts. So you have a right to do what you think best for yourself.
Gender identity is compex, and there is so many different ways to label yourself, if you decide to label yourself at all !
The last thing we need is people bringing each other down because they have different ways to label themselves.
Let’s be tolerant toward each other, after all, we know what it’s like to be told we don’t exist very well, don’t we ?
Any lesbians with gender dsyphoria? What do you do about it to cope and make it less severe?
I really am struggling right now with dysphoria. I know my curves look great and I don’t wanna take hormones, and I know I’m not wanting to be a man, yet I still wanna go on a drastic diet and get a mastectomy but I know even if I did that it wouldn’t be satisfactory.
I feel so torn and shitty about feeling this to begin with and its even harder when all the women I related to transition . I dont know how to come to terms with it .
