#non-binary gender
You have to do what you have to do… or do you?
Mixed Messages…
You know how you feel despite what some might say is right and wrong. You know what you have felt all your life. Maybe it took some time to discern this from all you hear. I know for myself I had to be sure. I had to unpack and discern all I heard, find what was just old dogma or wise tales not based in facts, discern truth from fiction. And then read the stories of those who have felt this feeling, felt different.
For myself this feeling has grown steadily over the many years and decades. It was not a feeling I could push away or change. I was able for a time to cover it over and wear that mask society told me to be because of who I was assigned at birth. But the desire to be my feminine self could not stay hidden under the mask of this male body. My real self would not stay completely hidden despite my attempts to say no. I had to feel a piece of my feminine self on my skin, wear some clothes that were, or are, symbolic of my femininity.
Maybe today you can’t dress the way you feel you may desire to be, at least on the outside. Maybe today you’re still trying to understand the whys so you could explain to yourself and maybe a trusted friend. Maybe today your just trying to survive for the basics to live life while others say hurtful things.
Please… Do your own research. Find the truth and that narrow road of understanding. What ever you decide at this moment, what ever your circumstances are, you have to live your life one day at a time. It’s OK to stay hidden while you sort this out or feel safe. The day will come and opportunities will present themselves if you are ready. So be patient and don’t be discouraged or give up.
For myself the day came, and I knew it was right, to put away the mask for good and stay as my True Self, remain as her. I had done my home work and was ready. Because it is MY path to walk with my femininity and masculinity.
For those without this feeling, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin to varying degrees, just be happy being yourself, dressing the way you feel and comfortable in your own body. Not all of us do and I know that might be hard to understand as you see us don’t feel this yourself. I request your understanding and patience.
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The Power of Clothes…
The power of wearing a dress, or feminine skirt, is medicine to some like myself. It’s clothing that helps reflect outside who I am inside. Even if it’s just the feel on my skin, under-dressing gendered underwear, is powerful medicine. It’s something I did before I came out.
The need, and I do mean Need, to wear clothes that help you to project who you are inside, or just feel under any clothes on your skin, is part of this. Those who don’t feel this “need” may never completely understand some of the why’s because they don’t feel this.
They might just see the traditions of men’s and women’s clothes, staying in that box relating to their sex, male or female. They forget that most women have a desire to be perceived as female, feel pretty, feel feminine. Most men have a desire to be perceived as male, feel handsome, feel masculine. This is part of everyone’s gender identity which usually lines up with a person’s sex, but not always. They also don’t understand that gender is not binary. It has hues and shades. It can swing to the opposite. Some don’t want to project a gender, be gender neutral. Some dress as a mix of both masculine and feminine.
To often some people assume it’s all some fetish, all about sex or trying to attract someone, like a man. To them why else would you crossdress, wear women’s clothes? They assume you must be gay without any evidence except the clothes you wear. You must be labeled as a sissy and humiliated so you’ll conform back into wearing clothes of your birth sex. And all these assumptions and lack of respect helps contribute to transgender person’s having a 40% suicide rate.
Thankfully times have changed in many places. Most of us have already bought that dress, or skirt and blouse, and have all the needed accessories. All that dressing in the closet has prepared you. You’ve made a reasonable outfit you could wear outside. You’ve longed for the moment, maybe dreamed about it, to step outside and be seen in those clothes, be your true self. So if you’re ready for the consequences… just do it.
Going with a friend, or family member, is a good safety step. Where you go and what time of day is another consideration to be safe. The day I did the sky did not fall and no one laughed. Those who smiled at me were a powerful inspiration. Soon after that beautiful day I came out to family and friends. Today, many years later, my wardrobe has changed, out in the open, to many clothes that I wear outside to reflect who I am inside.
So bottom line is if you see a perceived male in a feminine dress just smile and go about your business. Nothing to see here. They are a person trying the best they can to be who they are inside. They are an example of why gender is not binary. They have just as much right to dress as they feel as you do. And yes… they have always been amongst us.
Maybe “just for the day” will be enough… but we both know it won’t be.
The Realization of Unspoken Desires…
Was she a reflection in your mind as you look into a mirror? Was she a close friend who you’ve known for years? But who she is does not mater at this moment. All you can feel right now is an overwhelming need to embrace her words, embrace this moment, embrace being female. The desire to shed your mask, all your male designated clothes, of masculinity and embrace femininity, wear soft female designated clothes, is powerfully overwhelming.
Your mind wanders thinking about being born a female with all its stock accessories a mature female body is born with. A vagina is now between your legs and developed sensitive female breasts. Your hair is long with feminine styling. And you feel your bodies feminine curves.
You look back at her with your pulse racing as she speaks and you hear your heart is beating loudly. Your body almost quivers uncontrollably as her words speak a desire you’ve tried to deny but know you’re to tired to suppress any longer. And all you can do is nod at her as you whisper…
“Yes… uh… Please. I… I want to be a Girl.”
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Yes, there are going to be people who don’t approve, even abuse you for your choices. But this is your time in the world. Shouldn’t you enjoy it?
Embracing and Showing the World…
Who You Are Inside…
I know what I feel when I wear what some call women’s clothes. It’s not a feeling of wanting humiliation, being called a sissy or being an attention seeker. It’s not because I want to attract anyone for sex. It’s wanting to feel my inner femininity, to feel it on my skin and see the clothes women wear on my body. When I can do this that’s when I smile.
For myself… If it were possible to just push a button to change the sex of my body, according to my DNA, and have a female body, with female genitals and everything else a female body has, I would push it without hesitation. I just want to live my life as the person I am. But it’s not that easy.
Some feel quite comfortable keeping their penis. Medical intervention should not be assumed or pushed because your uncomfortable seeing someone different. Some don’t because of costs, medical issues, etc…
I was taught by society, 1950′s - 60′s, that I am this male body I inhabit because of that penis between my legs I was born with. And because I was born male and look male I must project masculinity as a male. There is no other box. Anything else is an abomination, going against the natural order because I dare to wear and project femininity outside my box of being male. You’re either a man or a woman. There is nothing in between.
Women have for a very long time been treated as only a helper, the weaker sex. They were considered property and possessions of men. An example is a father giving away his daughter to a man who asked the father for her hand in marriage. That women showing emotions was a sign of weakness, not a strength. So for a man to emulate a woman was a travesty.
They, I, should be laughed at and ridiculed, be called a sissy and humiliated, not considered a man or a woman but shunned from society for daring to be different, step outside my role. It was assumed I was gay, homosexual, to crossdress, to attract a man. So many of us stayed in the closet, wore a mask of masculinity as we crossdressed in secret, not understanding who we are with a suicide rate at around 40%. We wore that mask, if we could, to survive and blend in. But it comes with a cost.
These lies many of us have grown up with should called out for the hurtful misinformation they are. Society has covered over our history for centuries. We have existed and do exist today. Repeating these lies, even after the proven research has been done to show the truth of our existence in nature, is insanity by a society.
We are here and have always been here. This binary theory of just two choices of gender is simply wrong. Gender is a spectrum like a rainbow of hues and shades. Your gender is not your sex. Being male does not automatically mean I’ll be attracted to the opposite, as if sex is only about procreation. Let people choose whom they love, want to live with and dress as.
So bottom line is just be yourself. Science has evolved to show our existence and end this binary lie of gender. Your sex, your genitals, is not your gender and you should feel free to dress as your inner self, your true self. Go ahead and smile when you feel those clothes on your skin and wear them proudly out in society.
Let’s empower every transgender person the right to dress as their true selves without ridicule. Don’t be a child’s first bully to push a binary lie because of what you think, perhaps uncomfortable how they might dress. Maybe you might think it will be easier for them because of their genitals to wear certain clothes. That’s the lie. Let them be their brave creative self with their clothing choices.
Your infectious smile may brighten someone’s day.
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Hues and Shades of Gender
Your gender identity is not something you can see. It has to be expressed. We’ve been taught most of our life’s it just a binary, masculine or feminine like your body sex, male or female. But actually your sex isn’t as simple as your genitalia. There are also intersex persons, a person’s who might have both male and female genitalia or just female or just male.
Your gender is not your sex, your genitalia. It’s between your ears, in your mind. Your gender identity is separate and far more diverse in nature. It has hues and shades that can feel like it varies to some. Current theory is you can express your gender by the age of two.
Your gender expression is how you want to express yourself with clothes, jewelry, hair style, etc… It varies by culture and usually expressing your gender identity, your unique self, but not always.
Pressure to conform to cultural norms is ever present. But pushing someone too far from expressing their own gender identity can cause gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria,a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity.
A person’s gender identity, like my own, leans more feminine than masculine. It would be easy if I had a female body, but I don’t. It’s male. Culturally a male dressing in female clothes is has not always been accepted in our patriarchal society. In the past it might have been seen by some as a man abandoning themselves to dress as the…”weaker sex.,” that men are superior to women.
Let me be very clear… I don’t believe a female, the average woman, is weaker than a male in the mind. This is an outdated concept that many religion’s still cling to and has influenced our society. And second… Society should stop ridiculing those of us who are transgender. We should not be culturally pushed, bullied, laughed at and humiliated, to conform to your concept of how to look and live our lives, what bathroom to use, etc…. Our 40% suicide rate should be a clue of how unfairly we are being treated.
So when you see a man or a woman don’t assume a gender. Don’t assume they are heterosexual. Don’t assume society has fairly allowed them to express their unique self. And when you do see a colorful head of hair or clothes, a man in a dress, a woman dressed like a man, or anything else, etc.. celebrate it. Smile warmly at them expressing themselves. We need more diversity and understanding to brighten up the landscape of our lives.
Unconditionally Accepting, Loving and Discovering Who You Are…
Sure people have told you stuff, told you how they feel because of their sex, their femininity or masculinity And you’ve seen other people around you, how they dress and act. But you knew in your heart it’s not how you feel, it’s not you, that you’ll later learn is your gender identity.
And maybe over time you tried to be like others of your sex. But you felt like an actor denying your true feelings, your true self. No mater what you did over time the feelings just grow stronger.
You don’t have to understand all the reasons and maybe you’ll never have all the answers. But unconditionally accepting and loving who you are, as you are, is an important first step. This is how you were created, how you were made.
Now that you accept that you can try to learn about your unique self. And another really important discovery for myself was learning I was not alone with these feelings. There are others who don’t fit into these boxes of normality you were taught. You are not alone feeling different. Their lives you can read about and how they learned about themselves.
Learning about others is discovering pieces of yourself, pieces of your life you can relate to. Theses can be inspirational moments, light bulb over the head lighting moments of discovery and relating to others similar to you.
But you also learn in your research that some of what you were taught is not accurate, some have a hidden agenda or just outdated information. Not everything is fact, based in science or is biased by some belief system. Some is just theory that was later shown later to be wrong.
So it takes time to sift all this information to learn what is true, what is biased and what is just theory, how much of our history has been covered over and suppressed. But reading about other cultures gives some clues. There is some we don’t know and may never know. But it’s important to step back and relate the truths you know to validate your own identity.
Love yourself. Accept yourself. Unconditionally Love who you are without regrets.
Nor Should There Be…
Forced Masculinity of ALL Males…
Of course it makes no sense to force a person, male or female to be girly. Nor would forcing person, male or female to be manly. That would be going against that person’s gender identity. But you see the reverse is what has been going on for centuries… forced social compliance of a male to be manly, and forced social compliance of a female to be girly.
There is good parenting for some things. But crushing a person’s gender identity, for social compliance, Is really a double edged sword.
“Those are not clothes you may wear because of your sex.”
Consider the gender dysphoria some feel by being told no and enforced by parents and care takers. Consider the suicide rate at 40%. Do you really want to be your child’s first bully?
It’s why everyone one should be allowed to dress how they feel from a young age… their true gender identity. They’ll let you know. Just let them be their true selves. They will mature their dressing over time.
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I Want to Be a Light
I have lots of purposes in life, many of which are being fulfilled in other ways outside of this blog. But within this blog, I see an opportunity to have a fulfilling purpose. And that is to be a light for other men/boys who are either curious or are passionate about being girly. While it is true that some girlies prefer the fetish side and others are working their way into therapy and surgeries to become women, I find it is important to help boys find some sort of peace and contentment in a life of girliness.
I’m certainly not the girliest guy, either in dress or action. That’s due in big part to my age and circumstances. I often joke that I was born a generation or two too late. But I do see that I can encourage others in their girliness or toward girliness. If anything, I simply want girlies to know that they are special, they are human, they are real, they are loved, and that they don’t have to feel guilt, embarrassment, or pain because they’re feminine in a world that expects them to be something they are not.
Because of those things I said above, I won’t ever be the perfect example. But I do think I can be a light. I’m trying to light a way into a life of girliness that others can follow with me and beyond me. I hope you’ll be such a light for others too.
I love you, girlies. You’re making a difference!
CandieHart
Thank you CandieHeart!
I can most certainly relate to your words, having grown up in the 1950′s - 70′s. Those were very different times compared to today. I do believe each of our life’s becomes an influencer, an example, to those who see or read about us in the LGBTQ community and everyone else, even if we don’t want to be. Let’s also remember our cisgender sisters we imitate and support the equality they have fought for over the long years.
“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:15 (NIV)
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It’s your route to start, and you’re the only one that can get on that train…
You Choose…
It’s Your Life… Your Journey… Your Path to Walk
In life I don’t wait for others to decide my path. I have my own thoughts and feelings which are mine alone. I know what I prefer and what drives me to strive for some goal or dream. I get a job on my own, usually with character references, to do a job with the talents I have learned or blessed with. Others might give advise, directions from your boss, but in the end it is my hard work, often as a team member, that achieves the goals.
I might walk this path with a friend, perhaps a best friend. That friend might become a life partner. And with a life partner you’ll most likely compromise some of your choices as you walk your path. But that life partner is never a full dominate as if you have no say in anything. Even the idea of they, your partner, has the final say. Some might like this but I don’t think that is a health relationship. If there is not full agreement, a way to compromise, then it’s a dagger in the long term partnership, a house divided.
In stepping outside the box of your gender role self determination is essential. You’re going against the normal flow because of how you feel inside. You might strive to wear clothes that are outside of the normal lane of clothes, of traditions.
You don’t wait for someone or something you want or feel. You have to make your wishes known or show them. You have to make it happen and make the bold choice with your choices. You then have to walk that path and live with your choices.
So stop waiting for someone else to live your life. Plan your move and make it happen. Live your own life, walk your path, with your own choices. As you live your walk and meet others you just might meet a friend who becomes your life partner if you choose.
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Embracing Your True Self
What’s important here is being true to who you are inside. And Candie is right. You should not try to resist girly, your gender identity. But I know you have heard those who look at you and say…
“Look at yourself. You’re a male. You look like a male. So be that male, be a man. Wear the clothes of a man.”
What’s exasperating by what is being said is this is so biased in our patriarchal dominate society. I appreciate all my sisters and what they contribute to our society. But that’s another discussion.
I can tell you with personal experience and decades of trying that I couldn’t change. And I honestly did try. I believed I could if I just tried and embraced being more masculine, be more of a man, and wear more masculine clothes. But like the Borg in Star Trek TNG said… “Resistance is futile.”
It’s called “Reparative” or “conversion” therapy, most often used to attempt to change a person’s sexual orientation. But it also been used to attempt to change a person’s gender identity. This is a banned therapy in many states.
Conversion therapy was found to be more harmful, the suicide rate and other issues, than helping anyone. You might be able to build up your mask further for a time, on the surface convince yourself, but your just harming yourself in the long run. Your just denying an important part of yourself you need to embrace.
The why is that your gender and your sex are different. For most persons your gender identity lines up closer to your sex, the body you inhabit. But your gender identity is not your sex organ. It’s between your ears in your mind. Gender is also not just the feminine or the masculine. It’s a spectrum, a rainbow of hues. I’m a mix of both leaning more feminine than masculine.
That’s why so called “Gender Reveal” parties should be called “Sex Reveal” parties instead. The doctor at your birth looks between your legs to see your sex organ, male, femaleorhermaphrodite. They can’t see your gender. They see your sex organ. You reveal your gender yourself. And it is said by the age of two years you’ll be able to.
Bottom line is being true to who you are inside is what’s important. And most men are most likely more manly than girly. And that’s fine. That’s being true to who you are. I’m not temping you to be girly. Embrace your manhood and be proud.
But for those of us who feel more girly than manly, and wish to wear those feminine clothes to reveal your girly side, don’t resist your true nature. Embrace it and enjoy your feminine side.
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Feminization…
Encouraged… Submission… Caught… or Forced
In fiction this is so seductive, with different scenarios. That a assertive adult woman would want to dress you as a girl, perhaps because were caught, a naive young adult who was curious. In this picture meme because perhaps your mom, wife or close friend knows what you desire deep down inside, her friend tells you everything you always wanted but were afraid do to consequences. But you might gulp because you realize she might be the spider and you’ll become her fly, her toy, if you submit.
Forced feminization is play acting a role play fantasy. You give up control, power play, to another person, against your will, as you play act protesting to the Dom. But in reality you’re eagerly submitting to everything they’re doing with a prearranged scene what you like and what you don’t like. At any point you’re uncomfortable with the scene you let the DOM know using a prearranged safe word. The Dom stops the scene. This is doing it safely.
In reality of course forced feminization is just play. Your choice should always be the norm, like that prearranged safe word. The exception is your being yourself or going against gender norms of the gender binary experiment, our unfair world. Then it seems like you’re forced to conform or face the consequences as you relate in society with a created mask that goes against your true gender identity. That’s the problem and part of the why some of us suffer from gender dysphoria. There are other reasons.
So why is this so seductive? Why do we like this kind of fantasy when it’s not reality? Why pick on cross-dressers?
Because in reality gendered crossdressing is discouraged in society, this gender binary experiment. Some think that an average male who crossdressed might become addicted. They want to think you don’t have a fixed gender identity and you might become corrupted and influenced. And even worse you might engage in homosexual behavior, sin of sins to some groups. Some still think, despite evidence saying it can’t and does more harm, you can be converted to conform if you just submit to the propaganda.
But there is a softer side of dress-up play which I do prefer. That’s a friend or family member who helps you explore those clothes, helps you obtain clothes and gives hands on advice in a non sexual and dignified way. Helps you with makeup and gives advise and help most teen girls receive over years. Parts of this advise can be found in various forms. The relationships you cultivate are key. But you have to be very careful who you trust as most of us are in the closet at first.
Forced to dress in secret, in the closet, due to these pressure society put on us, societies propaganda is part of the problem. We hear no no no so much as we yearn to dress as ourselves and go out. I’m a person who tried for decades to deny who I am inside. It did not work and did more harm than good. But we are denied so much we wish the opposite could be true, if just in fiction for a short time. That those who understand our desires would take our hand and dress us as the pretty girls we want to be in society, teach us what we need to know.
Keep in mind we, the transgender community, have a 40% suicide rate due to those who deny us and keep us in the closet. So I’m not in favor of those who are not loving persons we play with. There is a line between loving, sexual exploitation and psychological manipulation. There are ways of doing forced feminization in a loving way. But much to often it is not. To many persons who claim to be Dominates are not and don’t do it in a safe way. They do it for their pleasure and not yours.
It’s obviously complex and nuanced for everyone who plays in this fantasy. It can bring some fun in an unfair world. But simply helping us dress the way we feel out in the open would be best. But I wanted those who read this to understand some of the reasons why many transgender persons find it very attracted to play, but horrified by the false information, exploitation and those who think it’s our preferred reality.
We just want a dignified existence where we can dress the way we feel without judgement or exploitation. Let us live in peace as we live with you in society.
What Drives Me to Be a Girl… a Woman?
This is a question that took many years, decades, to understand in my life so I could give an honest answer to myself and a reasonable person who might ask. During this journey, at a very young age, I received several pieces of misinformation that early on led me to an incorrect conclusion, the 1960′s. So I spent years denying this part of myself, the thinking I just needed to embrace the masculine and that dressing as her was a sin.
But this feeling and need did not go away, or be pushed away despite my efforts, and just grew stronger over the years. I knew I had to face it and understand the why. So I was driven, almost obsessed, to find the answer. And Yes… I was excited every time I wore feminine clothes and so disappointed I had to return to my masculine clothes.
What helped a lot was reading about others who had similar feelings and desires. I knew I was not alone with these feelings and needs. I’ve always had, from a very young age, an interest and related to, the feminine more than the masculine. This interest was before I ever wore my mother’s clothes for the first time.
It was excitement at first, as I dressed in secret. But over time as I obtained my own feminine clothes, and I did it more often, I felt something else, calmness. This calmness stood out to me and I created more times to stay dressed in secret to test it.
I bought more clothes, not just what I call play clothes, that I could create an outfits that were reasonable. I felt such a desire to stay dressed this way, to end the secret, that my boy clothes were a mask I wanted to purge. The desire to walk out the door in these feminine clothes as my clothes was powerful.
In preparation I had to answer the question to myself that dressing as a girl / woman was being myself. The reason was and is this is my gender identity. My gender and my sex are separate.
The second question I need to answer to myself is whom I’m attracted to has nothing to do with how I’m dressed, how I present. In other words I’m not attracted to men at this point in my life.
And the third question I needed to answer is this is how I was created, it was not a mistake or a sin. After reading the bible in depth I don’t believe being heterosexual is the only way. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I don’t dress to trick someone. I’m upfront with who I am. How you conduct yourself is what is important, not that your sexual orientation is. Your partner is not just about procreation. Reading the bible yourself in context is very important, not just a single passage out of context. Gain your own faith.
With these questions answered and understanding the consequences of coming out of the closet financially, in an unfair world, I successfully had my first time out dressed as a woman. I repeated this many more times and soon came out to my family and friends giving the answers to the questions I knew they would have. I felt solid in doing this and I have no regrets. That was about ten years ago or so.
Yes… the subject interests me because I personally live it in my life, my ongoing slow transition. Dressing as a woman puts a smile on my face as I’m being true to my gender identity, myself.
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Those Questions…
Being transgender comes with a lot of very personal questions way too often that really are inappropriate… Like the question if I had bottom surgery or some medical intervention.
Those questions should never be asked in a casual setting. I mean… do you ask a cisgender man or woman what’s between their legs in casual talk? You wouldn’t. It’s just not appropriate. It’s very private and none of most person’s business. If you pressure me to answer you’re motives are clear. I’m most likely going to ask you to leave or leave that place for being so crass.
If you’re in private with someone, I trust you, you’re both attracted to each other and considering being intimate it’s an appropriate question. The only other times would be someone I trust in private, a close friend, a close family member or a medical professional, whom I share those private questions. These are persons who handle this very personal private information discreetly. It’s not posted on social media, shared in whispers as gossip or shouted from the roof top.
Many persons assume a lot if you have a penis. Like you’re not committed to being female because you’re not emasculated. Another assumption assumes you’ll use that penis in a dominating way to have sex, that women are not safe around you. These hurtful assumptions really do make and ass of both you and me.
Some don’t understand the challenges of a transition. Many are still afflicted with binary thinking of gender, you are either a man or a woman with no one living in between those two boxes, a non-binary person. The other challenge is that a transition is not a over night process. It takes time. Costs can be high or not affordable. Laws may create road blocks in a person’s transition. These struggles and frustrations can add to the transgender person’s gender dysphoria.
So don’t ask. Don’t assume. Smile. You don’t know the struggles societies puts on a transgender person’s path. Be kind and complementary as we try hard to be our true selves.
How Far Do You Go in Your Transition?
One of the harder decisions, in your transition, is deciding how far you will go. In the early days of transgender persons, even before the term transgender was coined in 1965, your transition had to include HRT and Bottom Surgery, now called Gender Affirmation Surgery. But today binary gender thinking is not an absolute.
In other words gender it’s not just feeling you’re a man or woman. Gender has shades and hues like a rainbow, masculine to the feminine. So a lot of self reflection and counseling is a must, and a qualified gender counselor is a gate keeper to further steps you might decide to take. Keep in mind your sex is different from your gender. Also who you’re attracted to is a separate issue.
I do know I’m one of those persons who… If I could push a button and have a female body according to my DNA… I would push it without hesitation, changing my sex from male to female with all the bells and whistles, like periods a female body has.
But unfortunately a transition is not that simple. It’s not making an appointment with a gender fairy and have them wave their wand or pushing a button and waking up as your preferred sex. It’s not about a fantasy desire and you go back to your old life afterwords. It’s not about putting up with being called a sissy all because you were born with a penis and wish to wear girl clothes. Get real and have a heart. Stop worrying who I might be attracted to.
For myself being flat between my legs with a sweet vagina would be a dream come true, my panties properly fit and no tucking. I hate to tuck but it is what I currently need to do. And it certainly would be fantastic to fill out my bra with my own female developed breasts. HRT, Hormone Replacement Therapy, is said to do wonders by many persons who have gone through this.
But is medical intervention right for you? It took me many years, decades, to unravel who I am and what was the truth. I still research. Research has come a long ways over the years. But their continues to be a lot of biased information out there. So you must do your own research and find what is right for you, best for your body and your goals. I had to discover why I’m driven to understand, my own gender dysphoria, my girl inside. There is life outside the box of what society might expect.
The whole point is to be comfortable in your own skin as yourself, to stop needing to wear a fake mask to make others happy because of how you look. It does not mater what others think or feel you should do. You have to decide. Because you, not those around you who give advise or have an opinion, will live with the consequences. You must walk the path. And that path, your transition, might last a lifetime.
So now that you decided to wear the clothes of your gender identity, and come out to others close to you, how far will your transition take you to be yourself?
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Don’t Blame Yourself or Feel Pressured…
For Staying in the Closet to Feel Safe
Going against the norms of society is not an easy thing to do. Society itself pressures you to be Normal and fit in when they see your body and relate with you. This gender binary, only men and women, is deeply ingrained in our society, taught at a young age. Men wear men’s clothes and Women wear women’s clothes. The clothes should not be mixed, or men wearing women’s clothes or women wearing men’s clothes. Hair styles, jewelry and makeup are part of that social conditioning for normality of gender conformity.
Even those who find they are not heterosexual, feel they are gay may find resistance, who you’re attracted to. So trying to stay safe and not reveal yourself, step outside the box of society norms, or expectations, is often preferred.
How you feel is valid. Just because others close to you don’t relate does not invalidate your feelings. The differences in your gender identity, who you wish to project as, or who you’re attracted to is not for others to judge you by. You should be able to take the time to discover who you are without prejudice by those around you or society at large. But it’s not a perfect world. We must be careful who to trust with your feelings.
I personally wish we could all wear the clothes, grow our hair, wear the jewelry, or wear makeup at any age, that we prefer and project who we feel we are without ridicule. Those who raise us with all these fears, these beliefs, inflict some trauma, can have long lasting effects on how we walk our paths in life for decades.
We badly want to be our true selves but our past holds us back. Society then taught, helped mold our mask that has become like armor. And current society intolerance helps reinforce those fears. The desire to feel safe overrides our desire to breakout of our mask and be who we truly are. And that has more consequences and damage to untangle later in life.
So be patient with many of us from the early days, and in less tolerant places, who stayed, or stay, in the closet to feel safe. There have been great strides, many good steps forward, to be a more tolerant society and learn from its mistakes in some places. But I still remember how it was and the intolerance of those times. I do see some reversing, a step back, of our progress.
You’ll know in your heart when it is right and a time for you to make your move. Don’t be burdened by what you lost in the past and by the trauma of what you felt. Don’t let it be a burden you drag with you of what could have been. Let it all go as you slowly disassemble that mask you carefully crafted. Forgive yourself and others and look forward and not back.
Everyday brings new hope and a chance to shine your light to the world to make it a better place with your presence in it.
This Feeling…
Not everyone will understand this unique and somewhat indescribable feeling of femininity. Words just don’t do it justice. Most females already know it and learn from their mothers over many years as they mature into feminine women in their culture. Many books I’m sure have been written on the subject about the feminine woman.
But this “feeling” being described is about a male who puts on, what some in society say are, those forbidden feminine clothes to a male, crossdressing.
It’s a different feeling to every male who has ever crossed dressed and felt soft smooth feminine garments on their skin. And I dare say some who have felt those clothes will repeat the experience again and again wanting to repeat how they felt. I did.
It is true that most everyone who does may have their own reason why. Maybe just out of curiosity, a dare or bet. But when society says you shouldn’t that’s an open invite, or dare, to some to find out why. And because of the detrimental labels a crossdressed male in public maybe given to their reputation it is often done in secret.
Some however, like myself, are attracted to them like a moth to a flame at a very young age. And that reason is due to our, my, gender identity, more feminine than masculine for a male. And often results in having Gender Dysphoria, a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. That dysphoria can grow stronger over time. I have felt that growth over the decades.
For myself it was the deeper reason at a very young age. All the feelings are hard to describe. I’m sure my body was rewarding me for taking that risk to do this forbidden action of invading my mother’s privacy, like arousal and excitement. But the more times I did it, over years and decades with my own secret clothes, the dominate feelings changed, a calmness. I felt a connection on the outside of my body to my girl inside. I wanted my genitals to be as hers, to be the same as hers.
Most men will crossdress and just return to presenting as a male, be happy they are male. But for myself I would rather have the genitals of a female, the body of a female and present as a female. The though of bottom surgery, gender affirmation, removing my balls and penis, does not frighten me. I would do it without hesitation. Only costs have stopped me. Most men would run for the hills at the though of being emasculated.
Who I’m attracted to is a different subject. It is separate and not tied to my gender identity. So don’t confuse that feeling. I did at first.
You see wearing those feminine clothes takes on a completely different meaning. I want to be her not him, have all those clothes fit properly as a woman, seen as a woman. And that’s why this feels is so sexy and very attractive. She is my gender identity.
Dressed as my more dominate gender I’m more calm and comfortable in my body. And so many years ago I stepped out of the closet and went public as her, my girl inside. And so today I’m still on this path to make my male body more female as my gender identity leads me.
PLEASE…
Just Let Us Live Like Ordinary People…
Without Drama.
I’m not a sissy, not a gurl and not a boi. I’m not a transgender dictionary, because you’re too lazy to do some research. I’m not an object or play toy for your pleasure. I don’t need to be asked what is between my legs. I’m a person, like you, who deserves respect and privacy just like any other person.
I’m a transgender non-binary woman, MTF, male to female. I suffer from Gender Dysphoria, a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity. Please look it up. Taking HRT, hormone replacement therapy, or an operation is not a requirement. It’s a non-binary approach.
I take a risk every time I need to use a public toilet in the men’s room. Because of on going propaganda, scare tactics of my being a scary person in your restroom because of the clothes I wear, I use the men’s room dressed as a woman to avoid drama. If I use the women’s room, which I’m allowed to in my state, often someone complains making a scene.
So please… just let us safely live as ordinary persons, without drama, using the services, food, medical and housing we all need to live.
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The Everyday Clothes You Wear…
My femininity is not dependent on wearing a skirt or a dress. I love wearing a skirt or a dress. But some everyday activities are best in pants, unisex overalls or other comfy unisex clothes. Maybe the shoes I wear are boots meant to protect my feet, rather than sandals or heels.
But as we all know your girl, your femininity, is still there. I still feel her in my core, my mannerisms. Maybe you also feel her in your makeup or nail polish. I have yet to master this. I feel her in my hidden lingerie, basic panties and bra. I always wear earrings and a necklace to symbolically show her, sometimes with other jewelry but usually just a unisex watch. And my long hair is my feminine crown, maybe styled in a ponytail.
The everyday chores and work I do are necessary to live and must go on to live. But my gender identity is always with me no mater what I wear, how I outwardly project her with clothes.
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Your Gender Expression…
When I wear what some call “Girl Clothes” my gender expression is a woman no mater what is between my legs. To me they are my clothes. Clothes don’t have a gender. However to the outside world those clothes can express my gender and a clue to what my Gender Identity is. It’s really that simple.
But some don’t see it that way. They go to great lengths to complain and make laws to foster their own belief’s, to conform, how people should live.
Of course it should not mater who you’re attracted too. What goes on behind clothes doors is none of anyone’s business. But some persons are noisy busy bodies and clanging bells of noise trying to push their agenda.
But why such interest in whom I’m attracted to, if I’m heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bi, etc… What’s the big deal?
For a very long time there has been and continues to be a war on Gays and Lesbians, and that now includes Transgender persons. If you were not Heterosexual in your sexual orientation you were, and to some still are, a target. And so many still stay in the closet due to these hateful assaults on their character. It can effect getting the necessities needed to live in society.
For transgender persons this war gets even more complex due to our differing gender identity. Some still see you as who you were born as regardless of whats between your legs or the clothes you wear.
Bottom line is you will never please everyone no mater what you do. These hurtful persons will always be with us. Don’t let them steal your joy or your smile. But stay safe as your sisters have done.
Just hold on and savvy of your circumstances, those around you that you depend on. Your moment will come and doors can open if your ready to change your life’s path. Wear the clothes that express who you are and love those who love you for who you are. Do it with a smile and love in your heart for everyone. Be your true self.
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Am I Pretty? Do I Pass?
Over the decades of transgender MTF, male to female, persons “Passing” was and is though to be the ultimate goal, the Holy Grail. You presented as only feminine with absolutely no masculine, male, characteristics to peek out, no hint of that you ever started life as male.
But why such attention to this so called goal? What subjective standard is being used? Why do we fear so much going out in public? Why do some persons still have these fears about passing, or told they will never pass.
You don’t have to look much further than the beauty and modeling industry’s propaganda. Cisgender woman have been under this propaganda for way to long. Most models that we see in advertisements are not a realistic representations of the average female body. And yet those are the ones we hold up as the standard, who is beautiful and feminine, breast and hip size, and who is not.
Bodies change over time as you age. How you look now will be different over time. But your beauty inside, your personality, can remain a constant as you age if you work at it. Don’t worry about critics.
So my advise is just be yourself and present as beautiful person in personality. Most often you’re loved for your personality and how you treat people. Physical looks can be as fleeting as the leaf on a tree, here today and gone tomorrow. You are never going to please everyone. Even the most beautiful cisgender woman does not please everyone.
Do what you can with clothes, and makeup if you wish, to be your girl, the real you, on the outside. It is your path to decide how far you’re going to go, if you chose HRT, hormone replacement therapy, surgery options, or just a non binary blending. Just try to feel right.
It’s OK to change your mind as you keep walking your path. Being transgender does not end your path, your transition / transformation. Cisgender people get facelifts. So you have a right to do what you think best for yourself.
