#gender dysphoria
Shout out to trans and non-binary peeps who:
- Experience dysphoria
- Dont experience dysphoria
- Sometimes experience dysphoria
- Have fluctuating dysphoria
- Have social dysphoria but no body dysphoria
- Have body dysphoria but no social dysphoria
You all are super valid and I hope you have a nice day
Our system is probably going to be having a conversation with our doctor about starting T for some of the issues we’ve been dealing with and are like 98% sure we are going to start it and like, our system is a group of nerds and like to be prepared due to both memory issues and just enjoying being over the top.
So Riku was doing some literature reading on HRT, PCOS, general practices, and a lot of the minutia on how things work with T and then like highlighted things from the general practices for me to fill in since I am the part that feels the most raw blunt of the dysphoria and jesus christ
I’ve been writing it for an hour and half and keep having to take time away to stop writing ever so often so I don’t fully spiral into a dysphoria driven breakdown when I am just factually reporting the facts. Our system types at like 60-80 wpm and don’t really need to think when we are writing things down since we write a lot. I’m reaching two hours and we are at like, 1000 words. Like we are at like 1/10th the usual speed of writing cause I keep stopping to try not to barf.
I’m mostly alright, because honestly, this is nothing compared to how badly this has been murdering me for the past like, two months or so - but I really, really don’t have time or space for people that think I should just live like this because of their god or because…. the patriarchy????
Literally you are either a transactivist / ally / supporter / etc, or you are pro fucking suicide. And I’m sorry, but if you are in support of children, teens, adults and people in general killing themselves for things that are relatively easy to manage for any stupid reason, then you are honestly a piece of shit person and really deserve no respect.
-XIV
everytime I see a post like “I believed in transmedicalism before I understood better” the person mentions something about how they used to deny they were trans because they didn’t experience “debilitatingdysphoria”. not that they didn’t experience dysphoria at all but that it wasn’t debilitatingand I’m just like
that’s not what transmedicalists are saying though…?
some of you are just making up standards without ever even speaking to a transmedicalist, based on gossip from friends or w/e, then act enlightened when your views change from what you THOUGHT transmedicalism was.
literally all it means is believing you need some dysphoria to be trans, for the simple fact that the unease is an indicator that your gender isn’t matching- and that’s any level of unease. that’s ALL. everything else are standards made up by people who disagree despite not really understanding
as much as everyone says they hate transmeds and they’re against transmeds, every trans person I’ve ever spoken to describes some level of unease with their birth gender. they describe it in different ways and to different extents, but the very basic indicator of “hey, something isn’t right”, is something even people who claim to have no dysphoria, end up talking about experiencing
what I’m getting at here is that dysphoria encompasses a lot more experiences and “levels” than you’ve been led to believe and the issue here isn’t one of transmed vs everyone else, it’s of poor medical labelling and people thinking they have to be miserable when that’s literally not what anyone is saying
Prepare for trouble, gender construction! ✨
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⭐GENDER EXPRESSION AND IDENTITY⭐
Things don’t always line up the way it seems like they would or should. Clothes can be an expression, but also mean something different to everyone. Gender is an experience, not a fixed location.
Please check out Laneha House, the small press who edited and printed the anthology The BAYlies that this is included in!
Transcript:
“I consider myself trans masculine. Throughout my life I’ve swung between presenting more masculine and more feminine.”
“It’s not that I felt equally boy and girl, it was more like… [BOY MODE] [GIRL SUBROUTINE]”
“Sometimes dressing "as a boy” would just make my dysphoria worse.“
"Excuse me, young lady!” [FAILURE]
“And sometimes dressing "as a girl” could enhance the boy feeling. (Maybe my wires got crossed or something…) It was kinda like it make me hyper aware of it.“
"Gender identity doesn’t always align with typical expectations of masculine or feminine gender expression. I just want to wear what makes me feel good!”
You have to do what you have to do… or do you?
Mixed Messages…
You know how you feel despite what some might say is right and wrong. You know what you have felt all your life. Maybe it took some time to discern this from all you hear. I know for myself I had to be sure. I had to unpack and discern all I heard, find what was just old dogma or wise tales not based in facts, discern truth from fiction. And then read the stories of those who have felt this feeling, felt different.
For myself this feeling has grown steadily over the many years and decades. It was not a feeling I could push away or change. I was able for a time to cover it over and wear that mask society told me to be because of who I was assigned at birth. But the desire to be my feminine self could not stay hidden under the mask of this male body. My real self would not stay completely hidden despite my attempts to say no. I had to feel a piece of my feminine self on my skin, wear some clothes that were, or are, symbolic of my femininity.
Maybe today you can’t dress the way you feel you may desire to be, at least on the outside. Maybe today you’re still trying to understand the whys so you could explain to yourself and maybe a trusted friend. Maybe today your just trying to survive for the basics to live life while others say hurtful things.
Please… Do your own research. Find the truth and that narrow road of understanding. What ever you decide at this moment, what ever your circumstances are, you have to live your life one day at a time. It’s OK to stay hidden while you sort this out or feel safe. The day will come and opportunities will present themselves if you are ready. So be patient and don’t be discouraged or give up.
For myself the day came, and I knew it was right, to put away the mask for good and stay as my True Self, remain as her. I had done my home work and was ready. Because it is MY path to walk with my femininity and masculinity.
For those without this feeling, feeling uncomfortable in your own skin to varying degrees, just be happy being yourself, dressing the way you feel and comfortable in your own body. Not all of us do and I know that might be hard to understand as you see us don’t feel this yourself. I request your understanding and patience.
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The Power of Clothes…
The power of wearing a dress, or feminine skirt, is medicine to some like myself. It’s clothing that helps reflect outside who I am inside. Even if it’s just the feel on my skin, under-dressing gendered underwear, is powerful medicine. It’s something I did before I came out.
The need, and I do mean Need, to wear clothes that help you to project who you are inside, or just feel under any clothes on your skin, is part of this. Those who don’t feel this “need” may never completely understand some of the why’s because they don’t feel this.
They might just see the traditions of men’s and women’s clothes, staying in that box relating to their sex, male or female. They forget that most women have a desire to be perceived as female, feel pretty, feel feminine. Most men have a desire to be perceived as male, feel handsome, feel masculine. This is part of everyone’s gender identity which usually lines up with a person’s sex, but not always. They also don’t understand that gender is not binary. It has hues and shades. It can swing to the opposite. Some don’t want to project a gender, be gender neutral. Some dress as a mix of both masculine and feminine.
To often some people assume it’s all some fetish, all about sex or trying to attract someone, like a man. To them why else would you crossdress, wear women’s clothes? They assume you must be gay without any evidence except the clothes you wear. You must be labeled as a sissy and humiliated so you’ll conform back into wearing clothes of your birth sex. And all these assumptions and lack of respect helps contribute to transgender person’s having a 40% suicide rate.
Thankfully times have changed in many places. Most of us have already bought that dress, or skirt and blouse, and have all the needed accessories. All that dressing in the closet has prepared you. You’ve made a reasonable outfit you could wear outside. You’ve longed for the moment, maybe dreamed about it, to step outside and be seen in those clothes, be your true self. So if you’re ready for the consequences… just do it.
Going with a friend, or family member, is a good safety step. Where you go and what time of day is another consideration to be safe. The day I did the sky did not fall and no one laughed. Those who smiled at me were a powerful inspiration. Soon after that beautiful day I came out to family and friends. Today, many years later, my wardrobe has changed, out in the open, to many clothes that I wear outside to reflect who I am inside.
So bottom line is if you see a perceived male in a feminine dress just smile and go about your business. Nothing to see here. They are a person trying the best they can to be who they are inside. They are an example of why gender is not binary. They have just as much right to dress as they feel as you do. And yes… they have always been amongst us.
Maybe “just for the day” will be enough… but we both know it won’t be.
The Realization of Unspoken Desires…
Was she a reflection in your mind as you look into a mirror? Was she a close friend who you’ve known for years? But who she is does not mater at this moment. All you can feel right now is an overwhelming need to embrace her words, embrace this moment, embrace being female. The desire to shed your mask, all your male designated clothes, of masculinity and embrace femininity, wear soft female designated clothes, is powerfully overwhelming.
Your mind wanders thinking about being born a female with all its stock accessories a mature female body is born with. A vagina is now between your legs and developed sensitive female breasts. Your hair is long with feminine styling. And you feel your bodies feminine curves.
You look back at her with your pulse racing as she speaks and you hear your heart is beating loudly. Your body almost quivers uncontrollably as her words speak a desire you’ve tried to deny but know you’re to tired to suppress any longer. And all you can do is nod at her as you whisper…
“Yes… uh… Please. I… I want to be a Girl.”
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Yes, there are going to be people who don’t approve, even abuse you for your choices. But this is your time in the world. Shouldn’t you enjoy it?
Embracing and Showing the World…
Who You Are Inside…
I know what I feel when I wear what some call women’s clothes. It’s not a feeling of wanting humiliation, being called a sissy or being an attention seeker. It’s not because I want to attract anyone for sex. It’s wanting to feel my inner femininity, to feel it on my skin and see the clothes women wear on my body. When I can do this that’s when I smile.
For myself… If it were possible to just push a button to change the sex of my body, according to my DNA, and have a female body, with female genitals and everything else a female body has, I would push it without hesitation. I just want to live my life as the person I am. But it’s not that easy.
Some feel quite comfortable keeping their penis. Medical intervention should not be assumed or pushed because your uncomfortable seeing someone different. Some don’t because of costs, medical issues, etc…
I was taught by society, 1950′s - 60′s, that I am this male body I inhabit because of that penis between my legs I was born with. And because I was born male and look male I must project masculinity as a male. There is no other box. Anything else is an abomination, going against the natural order because I dare to wear and project femininity outside my box of being male. You’re either a man or a woman. There is nothing in between.
Women have for a very long time been treated as only a helper, the weaker sex. They were considered property and possessions of men. An example is a father giving away his daughter to a man who asked the father for her hand in marriage. That women showing emotions was a sign of weakness, not a strength. So for a man to emulate a woman was a travesty.
They, I, should be laughed at and ridiculed, be called a sissy and humiliated, not considered a man or a woman but shunned from society for daring to be different, step outside my role. It was assumed I was gay, homosexual, to crossdress, to attract a man. So many of us stayed in the closet, wore a mask of masculinity as we crossdressed in secret, not understanding who we are with a suicide rate at around 40%. We wore that mask, if we could, to survive and blend in. But it comes with a cost.
These lies many of us have grown up with should called out for the hurtful misinformation they are. Society has covered over our history for centuries. We have existed and do exist today. Repeating these lies, even after the proven research has been done to show the truth of our existence in nature, is insanity by a society.
We are here and have always been here. This binary theory of just two choices of gender is simply wrong. Gender is a spectrum like a rainbow of hues and shades. Your gender is not your sex. Being male does not automatically mean I’ll be attracted to the opposite, as if sex is only about procreation. Let people choose whom they love, want to live with and dress as.
So bottom line is just be yourself. Science has evolved to show our existence and end this binary lie of gender. Your sex, your genitals, is not your gender and you should feel free to dress as your inner self, your true self. Go ahead and smile when you feel those clothes on your skin and wear them proudly out in society.
Let’s empower every transgender person the right to dress as their true selves without ridicule. Don’t be a child’s first bully to push a binary lie because of what you think, perhaps uncomfortable how they might dress. Maybe you might think it will be easier for them because of their genitals to wear certain clothes. That’s the lie. Let them be their brave creative self with their clothing choices.
Your infectious smile may brighten someone’s day.
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Hues and Shades of Gender
Your gender identity is not something you can see. It has to be expressed. We’ve been taught most of our life’s it just a binary, masculine or feminine like your body sex, male or female. But actually your sex isn’t as simple as your genitalia. There are also intersex persons, a person’s who might have both male and female genitalia or just female or just male.
Your gender is not your sex, your genitalia. It’s between your ears, in your mind. Your gender identity is separate and far more diverse in nature. It has hues and shades that can feel like it varies to some. Current theory is you can express your gender by the age of two.
Your gender expression is how you want to express yourself with clothes, jewelry, hair style, etc… It varies by culture and usually expressing your gender identity, your unique self, but not always.
Pressure to conform to cultural norms is ever present. But pushing someone too far from expressing their own gender identity can cause gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria,a distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex assigned at birth and one’s gender identity.
A person’s gender identity, like my own, leans more feminine than masculine. It would be easy if I had a female body, but I don’t. It’s male. Culturally a male dressing in female clothes is has not always been accepted in our patriarchal society. In the past it might have been seen by some as a man abandoning themselves to dress as the…”weaker sex.,” that men are superior to women.
Let me be very clear… I don’t believe a female, the average woman, is weaker than a male in the mind. This is an outdated concept that many religion’s still cling to and has influenced our society. And second… Society should stop ridiculing those of us who are transgender. We should not be culturally pushed, bullied, laughed at and humiliated, to conform to your concept of how to look and live our lives, what bathroom to use, etc…. Our 40% suicide rate should be a clue of how unfairly we are being treated.
So when you see a man or a woman don’t assume a gender. Don’t assume they are heterosexual. Don’t assume society has fairly allowed them to express their unique self. And when you do see a colorful head of hair or clothes, a man in a dress, a woman dressed like a man, or anything else, etc.. celebrate it. Smile warmly at them expressing themselves. We need more diversity and understanding to brighten up the landscape of our lives.
Unconditionally Accepting, Loving and Discovering Who You Are…
Sure people have told you stuff, told you how they feel because of their sex, their femininity or masculinity And you’ve seen other people around you, how they dress and act. But you knew in your heart it’s not how you feel, it’s not you, that you’ll later learn is your gender identity.
And maybe over time you tried to be like others of your sex. But you felt like an actor denying your true feelings, your true self. No mater what you did over time the feelings just grow stronger.
You don’t have to understand all the reasons and maybe you’ll never have all the answers. But unconditionally accepting and loving who you are, as you are, is an important first step. This is how you were created, how you were made.
Now that you accept that you can try to learn about your unique self. And another really important discovery for myself was learning I was not alone with these feelings. There are others who don’t fit into these boxes of normality you were taught. You are not alone feeling different. Their lives you can read about and how they learned about themselves.
Learning about others is discovering pieces of yourself, pieces of your life you can relate to. Theses can be inspirational moments, light bulb over the head lighting moments of discovery and relating to others similar to you.
But you also learn in your research that some of what you were taught is not accurate, some have a hidden agenda or just outdated information. Not everything is fact, based in science or is biased by some belief system. Some is just theory that was later shown later to be wrong.
So it takes time to sift all this information to learn what is true, what is biased and what is just theory, how much of our history has been covered over and suppressed. But reading about other cultures gives some clues. There is some we don’t know and may never know. But it’s important to step back and relate the truths you know to validate your own identity.
Love yourself. Accept yourself. Unconditionally Love who you are without regrets.
Nor Should There Be…
Forced Masculinity of ALL Males…
Of course it makes no sense to force a person, male or female to be girly. Nor would forcing person, male or female to be manly. That would be going against that person’s gender identity. But you see the reverse is what has been going on for centuries… forced social compliance of a male to be manly, and forced social compliance of a female to be girly.
There is good parenting for some things. But crushing a person’s gender identity, for social compliance, Is really a double edged sword.
“Those are not clothes you may wear because of your sex.”
Consider the gender dysphoria some feel by being told no and enforced by parents and care takers. Consider the suicide rate at 40%. Do you really want to be your child’s first bully?
It’s why everyone one should be allowed to dress how they feel from a young age… their true gender identity. They’ll let you know. Just let them be their true selves. They will mature their dressing over time.
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I Want to Be a Light
I have lots of purposes in life, many of which are being fulfilled in other ways outside of this blog. But within this blog, I see an opportunity to have a fulfilling purpose. And that is to be a light for other men/boys who are either curious or are passionate about being girly. While it is true that some girlies prefer the fetish side and others are working their way into therapy and surgeries to become women, I find it is important to help boys find some sort of peace and contentment in a life of girliness.
I’m certainly not the girliest guy, either in dress or action. That’s due in big part to my age and circumstances. I often joke that I was born a generation or two too late. But I do see that I can encourage others in their girliness or toward girliness. If anything, I simply want girlies to know that they are special, they are human, they are real, they are loved, and that they don’t have to feel guilt, embarrassment, or pain because they’re feminine in a world that expects them to be something they are not.
Because of those things I said above, I won’t ever be the perfect example. But I do think I can be a light. I’m trying to light a way into a life of girliness that others can follow with me and beyond me. I hope you’ll be such a light for others too.
I love you, girlies. You’re making a difference!
CandieHart
Thank you CandieHeart!
I can most certainly relate to your words, having grown up in the 1950′s - 70′s. Those were very different times compared to today. I do believe each of our life’s becomes an influencer, an example, to those who see or read about us in the LGBTQ community and everyone else, even if we don’t want to be. Let’s also remember our cisgender sisters we imitate and support the equality they have fought for over the long years.
“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” Matthew 5:15 (NIV)
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It’s your route to start, and you’re the only one that can get on that train…
You Choose…
It’s Your Life… Your Journey… Your Path to Walk
In life I don’t wait for others to decide my path. I have my own thoughts and feelings which are mine alone. I know what I prefer and what drives me to strive for some goal or dream. I get a job on my own, usually with character references, to do a job with the talents I have learned or blessed with. Others might give advise, directions from your boss, but in the end it is my hard work, often as a team member, that achieves the goals.
I might walk this path with a friend, perhaps a best friend. That friend might become a life partner. And with a life partner you’ll most likely compromise some of your choices as you walk your path. But that life partner is never a full dominate as if you have no say in anything. Even the idea of they, your partner, has the final say. Some might like this but I don’t think that is a health relationship. If there is not full agreement, a way to compromise, then it’s a dagger in the long term partnership, a house divided.
In stepping outside the box of your gender role self determination is essential. You’re going against the normal flow because of how you feel inside. You might strive to wear clothes that are outside of the normal lane of clothes, of traditions.
You don’t wait for someone or something you want or feel. You have to make your wishes known or show them. You have to make it happen and make the bold choice with your choices. You then have to walk that path and live with your choices.
So stop waiting for someone else to live your life. Plan your move and make it happen. Live your own life, walk your path, with your own choices. As you live your walk and meet others you just might meet a friend who becomes your life partner if you choose.
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Embracing Your True Self
What’s important here is being true to who you are inside. And Candie is right. You should not try to resist girly, your gender identity. But I know you have heard those who look at you and say…
“Look at yourself. You’re a male. You look like a male. So be that male, be a man. Wear the clothes of a man.”
What’s exasperating by what is being said is this is so biased in our patriarchal dominate society. I appreciate all my sisters and what they contribute to our society. But that’s another discussion.
I can tell you with personal experience and decades of trying that I couldn’t change. And I honestly did try. I believed I could if I just tried and embraced being more masculine, be more of a man, and wear more masculine clothes. But like the Borg in Star Trek TNG said… “Resistance is futile.”
It’s called “Reparative” or “conversion” therapy, most often used to attempt to change a person’s sexual orientation. But it also been used to attempt to change a person’s gender identity. This is a banned therapy in many states.
Conversion therapy was found to be more harmful, the suicide rate and other issues, than helping anyone. You might be able to build up your mask further for a time, on the surface convince yourself, but your just harming yourself in the long run. Your just denying an important part of yourself you need to embrace.
The why is that your gender and your sex are different. For most persons your gender identity lines up closer to your sex, the body you inhabit. But your gender identity is not your sex organ. It’s between your ears in your mind. Gender is also not just the feminine or the masculine. It’s a spectrum, a rainbow of hues. I’m a mix of both leaning more feminine than masculine.
That’s why so called “Gender Reveal” parties should be called “Sex Reveal” parties instead. The doctor at your birth looks between your legs to see your sex organ, male, femaleorhermaphrodite. They can’t see your gender. They see your sex organ. You reveal your gender yourself. And it is said by the age of two years you’ll be able to.
Bottom line is being true to who you are inside is what’s important. And most men are most likely more manly than girly. And that’s fine. That’s being true to who you are. I’m not temping you to be girly. Embrace your manhood and be proud.
But for those of us who feel more girly than manly, and wish to wear those feminine clothes to reveal your girly side, don’t resist your true nature. Embrace it and enjoy your feminine side.
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Feminization…
Encouraged… Submission… Caught… or Forced
In fiction this is so seductive, with different scenarios. That a assertive adult woman would want to dress you as a girl, perhaps because were caught, a naive young adult who was curious. In this picture meme because perhaps your mom, wife or close friend knows what you desire deep down inside, her friend tells you everything you always wanted but were afraid do to consequences. But you might gulp because you realize she might be the spider and you’ll become her fly, her toy, if you submit.
Forced feminization is play acting a role play fantasy. You give up control, power play, to another person, against your will, as you play act protesting to the Dom. But in reality you’re eagerly submitting to everything they’re doing with a prearranged scene what you like and what you don’t like. At any point you’re uncomfortable with the scene you let the DOM know using a prearranged safe word. The Dom stops the scene. This is doing it safely.
In reality of course forced feminization is just play. Your choice should always be the norm, like that prearranged safe word. The exception is your being yourself or going against gender norms of the gender binary experiment, our unfair world. Then it seems like you’re forced to conform or face the consequences as you relate in society with a created mask that goes against your true gender identity. That’s the problem and part of the why some of us suffer from gender dysphoria. There are other reasons.
So why is this so seductive? Why do we like this kind of fantasy when it’s not reality? Why pick on cross-dressers?
Because in reality gendered crossdressing is discouraged in society, this gender binary experiment. Some think that an average male who crossdressed might become addicted. They want to think you don’t have a fixed gender identity and you might become corrupted and influenced. And even worse you might engage in homosexual behavior, sin of sins to some groups. Some still think, despite evidence saying it can’t and does more harm, you can be converted to conform if you just submit to the propaganda.
But there is a softer side of dress-up play which I do prefer. That’s a friend or family member who helps you explore those clothes, helps you obtain clothes and gives hands on advice in a non sexual and dignified way. Helps you with makeup and gives advise and help most teen girls receive over years. Parts of this advise can be found in various forms. The relationships you cultivate are key. But you have to be very careful who you trust as most of us are in the closet at first.
Forced to dress in secret, in the closet, due to these pressure society put on us, societies propaganda is part of the problem. We hear no no no so much as we yearn to dress as ourselves and go out. I’m a person who tried for decades to deny who I am inside. It did not work and did more harm than good. But we are denied so much we wish the opposite could be true, if just in fiction for a short time. That those who understand our desires would take our hand and dress us as the pretty girls we want to be in society, teach us what we need to know.
Keep in mind we, the transgender community, have a 40% suicide rate due to those who deny us and keep us in the closet. So I’m not in favor of those who are not loving persons we play with. There is a line between loving, sexual exploitation and psychological manipulation. There are ways of doing forced feminization in a loving way. But much to often it is not. To many persons who claim to be Dominates are not and don’t do it in a safe way. They do it for their pleasure and not yours.
It’s obviously complex and nuanced for everyone who plays in this fantasy. It can bring some fun in an unfair world. But simply helping us dress the way we feel out in the open would be best. But I wanted those who read this to understand some of the reasons why many transgender persons find it very attracted to play, but horrified by the false information, exploitation and those who think it’s our preferred reality.
We just want a dignified existence where we can dress the way we feel without judgement or exploitation. Let us live in peace as we live with you in society.
What Drives Me to Be a Girl… a Woman?
This is a question that took many years, decades, to understand in my life so I could give an honest answer to myself and a reasonable person who might ask. During this journey, at a very young age, I received several pieces of misinformation that early on led me to an incorrect conclusion, the 1960′s. So I spent years denying this part of myself, the thinking I just needed to embrace the masculine and that dressing as her was a sin.
But this feeling and need did not go away, or be pushed away despite my efforts, and just grew stronger over the years. I knew I had to face it and understand the why. So I was driven, almost obsessed, to find the answer. And Yes… I was excited every time I wore feminine clothes and so disappointed I had to return to my masculine clothes.
What helped a lot was reading about others who had similar feelings and desires. I knew I was not alone with these feelings and needs. I’ve always had, from a very young age, an interest and related to, the feminine more than the masculine. This interest was before I ever wore my mother’s clothes for the first time.
It was excitement at first, as I dressed in secret. But over time as I obtained my own feminine clothes, and I did it more often, I felt something else, calmness. This calmness stood out to me and I created more times to stay dressed in secret to test it.
I bought more clothes, not just what I call play clothes, that I could create an outfits that were reasonable. I felt such a desire to stay dressed this way, to end the secret, that my boy clothes were a mask I wanted to purge. The desire to walk out the door in these feminine clothes as my clothes was powerful.
In preparation I had to answer the question to myself that dressing as a girl / woman was being myself. The reason was and is this is my gender identity. My gender and my sex are separate.
The second question I need to answer to myself is whom I’m attracted to has nothing to do with how I’m dressed, how I present. In other words I’m not attracted to men at this point in my life.
And the third question I needed to answer is this is how I was created, it was not a mistake or a sin. After reading the bible in depth I don’t believe being heterosexual is the only way. There is nothing wrong with being gay. I don’t dress to trick someone. I’m upfront with who I am. How you conduct yourself is what is important, not that your sexual orientation is. Your partner is not just about procreation. Reading the bible yourself in context is very important, not just a single passage out of context. Gain your own faith.
With these questions answered and understanding the consequences of coming out of the closet financially, in an unfair world, I successfully had my first time out dressed as a woman. I repeated this many more times and soon came out to my family and friends giving the answers to the questions I knew they would have. I felt solid in doing this and I have no regrets. That was about ten years ago or so.
Yes… the subject interests me because I personally live it in my life, my ongoing slow transition. Dressing as a woman puts a smile on my face as I’m being true to my gender identity, myself.
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