#hp incorrect quotes

Dramione | After the first date

Hermione:okay… so, give me a ring…?

Draco:*stands on one knee and gives her a ring*

Hermione:that’s a muggle exp… nevermind.

Draco: *after spending time with Hermione* merlin i love people maybe i’m not that introverted than i thought i can be around people forever

*exactly one hour later in Slytherin common room*

Blaise: *pulling splinters out of Theo’s heel* shut the fuck up you bastard

Theo: *in tears* I HATE YOU

Pansy: either. both of you.

Draco: nah, terrible mistake.

Ravenclaw: This food is too hot. I can’t eat it.

Slytherin: You’re too hot and I still eat you.

Gryffindor:…

Hufflepuff: ONE DINNER! THAT’S ALL I WANTED! ONE DINNER!

Gryffindor and Slytherin: *are fighting*

Ravenclaw, to Slytherin: GRAB HIS DICK AND TWIST IT!!!

Hufflepuff: Oh my god dude.

Ravenclaw: YOU TWIST THAT DICK!!!

Hufflepuff, getting into it: TWIST HIS DICK!

Ravenclaw: GOOD OL’ DICK TWIST!!!

Slytherin: I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here.

Everyone else:…

Slytherin: I’ve decided to live alone.

Everyone:*cheering*

Slytherin: *smiles* Your bags are in the driveway.

Ravenclaw: So in conclusion, you all now have a curfew, which is 10pm. I know a couple of you love that party night life, but i’m putting my foot down.. Any questions?

Gryffindor:*pouting*

Slytherin: Yes, I have a question.

Ravenclaw: Go ahead.

Slytherin: Who the FUCK do you think you are?

Gryffindor: Yeah! What they said!

Slytherin: Let me tuck you in, Gryff.

Gryffindor:

Gryffindor: You are holding a shovel.

Slytherin: Yes, I’ll make sure to spread the dirt as evenly as possible.

gryffindor: so are you straight?

ravenclaw: straight up dead inside.

gryffindor: do children actually like you?

ravenclaw: i’m actually really good with kids!

slytherin: he just despises being around them.

hufflepuff: slytherin isn’t all that bad!

ravenclaw: yeah, she’s a pretty good kisser.

hufflepuff and gryffindor:WHAT

ravenclaw:what

gryffindor: no- she wouldn’t- with you? wait-

hufflepuff: but if you- and then we-

slytherin, from the other room: wow babe, broke them in record time.

ravenclaw: *is hot, angsty, artistic, can bake and can cook*

slytherin: i mean, i hate men, but who knows?

slytherin: i got kicked out of the family because i’m “a liability” and “weak” and “slytherin.” the last one is just my name but you should hear my dad say it.

*Discussing how to deal with the Death Eaters*

Gryffindor: Who do we know that would have handcuffs?

Slytherin: Well, Ravenclaw and I-

Ravenclaw: *elbows Slytherin*

Slytherin: … wouldn’t know.

ravenclaw: wait are you flirting with me?

gryffindor: have been for the past couple of weeks but thank you for noticing.

ravenclaw: *talking about his ex boyfriends*

slytherin: does that mean you um, you just swing that way?

ravenclaw: of course not. i swing all ways. i wield a sword.

slytherin: that’s not what i meant-

slytherin: have you ever seen something that changes your life and you’re just like ‘huh’.

ravenclaw: i saw you.

slytherin: honestly that’s very sweet but it really makes this awkward because i was going to show you a photo of a five scoop ice-cream.

hufflepuff: dude are you even human?

ravenclaw: i’m human shaped.

hufflepuff:

hufflepuff: that was not the answer i expected nor wanted.

slytherin: i’ll destroy everything you love.

ravenclaw: i love you.

slytherin:

slytherin, flustered: w-well, jokes on you asshole! i’m self-destructive!

slytherin: have you been yelled at by ravenclaw?

gyffindor: i’m not scared of him.

slytherin: so that’s a no.

ravenclaw: slytherin pissed me off today so i told her i can’t wait to see what she has planned for our special day tomorrow.

ravenclaw: there is nothing special about tomorrow.

ravenclaw: but there is something special about watching the color leave her face as the panic takes over.

Gryffindor: *hands Ravenclaw $20*

Hufflepuff: What’s up with them?

Slytherin: Gryff lost a bet so now they have to pay Raven every time they say something stupid.

Hufflepuff: What was the bet?

Slytherin: Gryff had to go an hour without saying anything stupid.

Hufflepuff:Woah!

Slytherin:What?

Hufflepuff: You’re O negative, you’re a universal donor. You can give blood to anybody!

Slytherin: Or nobody you fuckin vampire.