#i dont want to be like this

I’m so sick of being told that “I’m okay” and “I just need to be happy.”

No, I’m not okay. I can’t just be happy. Depression isn’t a fucking decision. Don’t act is if I’m choosing to live like this.
It’s not okay that I wake up and cry because I don’t want to face the day.
It’s not okay that I panic every time my teachers call on me.
It’s not okay that I fall asleep every night with tears on my cheeks.
It’s not okay that I haven’t showered in a week because I can’t bring myself to get out of fucking bed.
It’s not okay that I don’t eat anymore.
It’s not okay that something as simple as clearing my throat makes me want to cry in the middle of class.
It’s not okay that my thoughts revolve around a blade separating my skin every day.
It’s not okay that I feel so fucking empty all the time.
It’s not okay that I question every single thing I do.
It’s not okay that I spend the entire day thinking about how much I hate myself.

Depression is not okay. It’s not a choice. Depression affects every aspect of my life. It is this unbearable emptiness all the fucking time. Stop invalidating my depression.

Depression is not a choice.
Depression is not a choice.

Depression is not a fucking choice.

Fuck, being happy is so god damn hard.