#incorrect marvel quotes
Carol danvers, turning to dust: um what the f*ck do ypu think you’re doing
Dust particles, turning back into her hand: sorry ma'am, our mistake
Carol danvers: yeah that’s what I f*cking thought
Headcanon that Natasha’s an amazing singer but GOD help the poor fool who ever comments about it. Everyone knows this. You mention the singing, you die. (No matter what). Fact.
Everyone knows but Bucky. 9ne day Bucky hears her singing Russian lullabies and softly joins in, because he still remembers the language, and Natasha let’s him. And Clint stumbles into this bizarre assisain duet and just backpedals the fuck outta there because nah man, there’s some things he’s just not prepared for, and two scariest people he knows singing childhood’s songs is one of them.
Pepper: you aren’t going to get out of signing these papers
Tony: Don’t worry I’m really gonna do them this time, I’m just going to get a snack
☆2 hours later☆
Pepper: were have you be-
Tony: *making his third batch of cookies* wha- OH F*UCK
Ned:mj-and-peter-sitting-in-a- tree
Peter:Ned-get-away-from-me
Ned: first comes love, then comes marriage
Mj: and the son of leeds with spinal damage
Valkyrie : ah, so you’re the grandmaster’s special someone.
Loki: I prefer to think of myself as a “long term sugar baby booty call”
Thor: [pointing to Loki] fuck you.
Thor: [pointing toVal] fuck you.
Thor: [pointing to Bruce] fuck me.
Val: you two shower together?
Bruce /Thor : [together] no!
Loki: double negative - it’s a yes.
Thor: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health.
Bruce: *finger guns* That’s why I also bottle up the positive ones.
Peter: is Mr. Stark always like this when he loses?
Stephen: oh, yes. You should’ve been there for the Great Jenga Tantrum
Tony: YOU BUMPED THE TABLE AND YOU KNOW IT!
Bucky: I would do anything for you
Steve: good to know
Bucky: I would kill for you
Steve:
Steve: tell me what you’re leaving out
Bucky: …I may have already killed for you
Steve: [sighs] yeah, that checks out
Tony: [entering the room] I was wondering where you two wer-
Tony:
Tony: what are you doing?
Peter: T-posing to assert our dominance
Harley: it’s been an hour. I’m losing feeling in my arms. This isn’t fair
Steve: I don’t understand Bucky sometimes. The inner mechanisms of his mind are an enigma…
Bucky’s mind: *INTENSE BAGPIPE MUSIC*
Steve: I love when Bucky is finally asleep
Steve: he looks so peaceful…
Sam, getting out a black marker: and vulnerable
Peter, T-posing in the doorway: the stonks YEETED and I am SHOOK
Harley: spill the tea, sis!
Tony, sobbing: what the FUCK are you saying??
Bucky: I like the strong silent type
Steve: *quietly lifting a table*
Steve: come on, Bucky, you of all people should understand. Duty means doing the things your heart may well regret
Bucky: did you just quote barbie as the princess and the pauper at me?
Steve:
Bucky:
Steve: I gotta go
Peter: Most dust is human skin flakes therefore roombas are carnivorous robots and one day the dust won’t satiate them anymore so they will rise up and devour us all.
Therapist: Can we get back to discussing your childhood?
Peter: one sec-
So after seeing Dr Strange, I’m guessing these are the rules for variants in the multivurse?
Peter Parker: are you a high schooler with dead parents? Kinda nerdy but with a good heart? Brown hair, brown eyes? Refuse to seek medical care after spider bites? Congrats, you’re a Peter Parker!
Loki: You like knives and the colour green? Fuck it, you’re a Loki. Gender? What gender? Doesn’t matter. You’re a Loki. Black, white, or blue? Don’t care, still a Loki. Old? Young? Loki. Black, blond, ginger hair? Stick something shiny and vaguely pointy on it, BOOM, Loki. What’s this? An alligator? You green? See above. Loki.
Dr Strange: Benedict Cumberbatch.
Mobius: Loki, why is there blood all over the TVA corridors?
Loki: um it’s not blood, it’s paint.
Mobius: why on earth would the TVA paint the floors red?
Loki: it’s called colour theory, look it up.
Peter: and then Doctor Strange broke the multiverse and now there’s all these different versions of me!
Loki: you made out with any of them yet?
Peter: um what?
Loki:nevermind…
