Jaune: “Aw, don’t say that. You shouldn’t compare yourself to-”
Nora, not listening: “But you know what I know now after hearing you both?”
Jaune: “Um. What?”
Nora, leaning in close with a sultry look: “I know I can at least talk dirtier. Come back upstairs to our room if you wanna find out.” *turns to leave*
Jaune: *dazed for a moment… only to see all of RWBY staring right at him* “Er… you girls didn’t hear all that did you?”
Weiss: “The whole cafeteria heard it, idiot.”
Yang: “You finally got with Pyrrha!? … Nice.”
Blake: “Can dirty talk better huh? Jaune, would you tell me if that’s true when you find out?”
Jaune: “No! This is… uh, JNPR business!” *leaves the table*
Ruby: … “Anyone else kinda wish we had a boy in the team?”
Jaune: Well, the other day we went to the mall to watch a movie. On the way out we walked for a while and she said some very random comments.
Nora: Like?
Jaune: Well…
————
Pyrrha: *Watching some children playing in a playground* They looked so happy. Jaune, don’t you wanna be a parent one day?
Jaune: Yeah, one day.
Pyrrha: Did you know that I’m obulating right now?
Jaune: I didn’t know that.
————
Jaune: After that she stopped at a baby store.
————
Pyrrha: Look how cute this crib is.
Jaune: It looks good.
Pyrrha: Now that I notice it. Your strong arms could carry babies so well.
Jaune: You think so?
Pyrrha: Yep. In fact, you look so fertile today~
————
Jaune: After that we went back home, I got ready to go play soccer with the boys. Before I left she stopped me and told me….
————
Pyrrha: You’re spending so much time with your friends, you should spend that time starting a family with me~
————
Nora: What did you say to her?
Jaune: I said “Maybe”?
Nora:*Angry* You said “maybe”?!!
Jaune: I’m sorry! I didn’t know what to say, it was something out of nowhere! I didn’t expect that! I don’t know what to do!
Nora: I’ll tell you what you have to do. You go back to your wife and you breed her!! Fill her belly with your babies and don’t stop until she tells you to! Understood?!!!!
Jaune: Yes ma'am!
Nora: Good. Now go fuck your wife!
Jaune: Yes Ma'am!!! *Runs off*
Nora: and make me the godmother of your babies!!! I hope he heard me.
Pyrrha:*About to shove Jaune in the rocket locker*
Jaune:*Feels Pyrrha’s hands on his chest, misinterprets and shoves his tongue down Pyrrha’s throat*
Pyrrha:*Eyes open in shock*MMMMPPPHHH!!!!!*Flustered by her naughtiest dreams coming true*
Jaune:*Enjoying the kiss, grabs and squeezes Pyrrha’s asscheeks*
Pyrrha:*Squeals, tries to push Jaune off*
Jaune:*Thinking Pyrrha’s about to push him into the locker and run off to die, panics*
Pyrrha:*Pyrrha’s brain shuts down as Jaune’s thigh rubs against her core, loses the ability to stand upright*
Jaune:*Spins, pushes a dazed Pyrrha in the locker and sets it off*
Pyrrha:*Already three hundred feet from Jaune* W-what, no! No! NOOOO!!! *Incredibly angry* Gosh flipping darnit girl, you l-let him get you all riled up and now he’s going to get himself killed!
—————–
Jaune:*In an elevator* This is officially the stupidest idea you’ve ever had! Even worse than the stuff with Cardin, worse than the Deathstalker, worse than the time you took the blame for Coral breaking the window and somehow, someway, worse than the time you let Saphron put you in a dress, do your makeup and practice kissing a ‘girl’!
Elevator:*Shakes ominously*
Jaune:*Pale* I mean you just had your first realkiss with a girl, you felt her ass up and holy gods does Pyrrha have a nice, tight, big one, you’re still hard as diamonds and instead of running from the school that literally had a holeburnt through it by some kind of fucking firebreathing Grimm abomination, you go in! *Elevator goes into freefall*
Jaune:*Climbs out, unharmed but aura has shattered* There’s got to be a limit, Jaune! Sure I turned Pyrrha to putty in my hands but that should not translate into running headfirst into certain death! Stupid Dad and his stupid advice! *Is hit in the head by a cane* Fucking ow! What the shit!?
*Witnesses Ozpin firing a gout of emerald fire that clashes with two huge streams of fire from the hot Haven girls hands*
Jaune:Oh what the fuck.And here I thought walking the walk was gonna be cool. Stupid Pyrrha. *Ducks underneath a scintillating jade orb thrown by Ozpin which vaporizes the elevator leaving nothing behind, in a falsetto* ‘Oh I’ll just kiss him and he’ll be so surprised and then I’ll shove him in a locker and go do something that’ll probably get myself killed. Teehee!’ *Breathes out* Not that I’m doing any better. The hot but apparently crazy Haven chick can fucking fly and - is that a tornado, ohhhh I’m gonna die - and Ozpin’s…
*Sees Amber*
Jaune: Is going to go to prison because this is a sex dungeon. Okay, Okay, you’re cool. Sure it was unanimously decided Pyrrha was going into the singles portion of the tournament and you nearly broke your neck twice getting down here, but something tells me sad Pyrrha has something to do with this. *Pauses*Which makes me wanna punch Ozpin, but question the pedo headmaster after you help!
*Sees Ozpin get a glass spear through the left lung*
Jaune:*Quickly* Or not. Okay, she’s monologuing, that’s good. Sneak, sneak, sneak-sneak-sneak. Blah, blah, magic? Really lady? Add delusional on top of crazy. Just get in closer, give her a nice kick to the ass and Ozpin will use his weird green themed semblance to obliterate her. *Hears Pyrrha mentioned* Ignore the urge to kick the dying sicko in the nuts, just focus on hurting the crazy chick who was apparently gonna kill my sorta-kinda-maybe girlfriend. Just nice, slowly, easily, quietleee– *trips over his shoelace* –EEEEEEYYYOOOOPPPP!!!
Cinder:*Coughs wetly, stares at the sword sticking through her chest* H-how…?
*Cinder falls on top of Ozpin, her body crushed between the Headmasters and the shellshocked Jaune’s*
Ozpin:*Coughs*I believe you. Unfortunately it was not to be. You pierced her straight through the heart.
Jaune: I didn’t mean to?
Ozpin:And in doing so you’ve saved miss Nikos from a terribly cruel fate.
Jaune:Oh. That’s good. I’m pretty sure that if she hadn’t tried to shove me in that stupid rocket locker there’s at least a 50% chance Pyrrha would’ve jumped my bones, Grimm invasion or not.
Ozpin:*Groans in dismay* Only to quite possibly doom yourselfto one.
Jaune:*Suddenly at full attention* You say what now?
Ozpin:You’ve stabbed me as well. *Sees Jaune about to speak* You’ve stabbed my other lung, young man.
Jaune:I-I’m sorry?
Ozpin: Not yet you aren’t. Usually when I reincarnate it’s some unlucky, random bastard. But you’ve imprinted on me.
Jaune:What.
Ozpin: I’m an immortal wizard who, when he dies, his soul and consciousness along with all his memories are transferred into a new man’s preexisting body.
Jaune:*Panicking* I don’t want you in my head, headmaster! On the off chance you’re not just a nasty pedophile, I really don’t want you in my head! I don’t think you wanna be there either! *Ozpin doesn’t respond* Professor?*Still nothing*Headmaster!*Ozpin is dead, Jaune* Ozpin you old fuck, don’t you dare, I don’t wanna hear your voice when I’m deep dicking my hot redheaded partner!
Ozpin:*Body explodes into green motes of light which Jaune inhales*
Jaune:AAAHHH, I DON’T CONSET, I DON’T CONSENT!
—————–
Pyrrha:*Bringing dat ass back, clapping his groin* Oh Jaune, oh gods yes I love it, I love your cock so-s-s-somuch!*Twists and twirls her booty on his cock* Oh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum agaaaaaiiinn!!
Jaune:*Going hard, closing in*
Pyrrha:Oh yes, please, harder, I’m gonna cum all over that delicious Arc meat again and o-o-oh shit, fuck yes Jaune, fill your slutty Nikos bitch up with your hot jizz!
Ozpin:*Mentally*She’d be cumming harder if you did what I suggested.
Jaune:*Mentally, trying to focus on Pyrrha’s voice and the image of her* Shut up. This is me time you parasite and I don’t care how long you’ve lived, I don’t need advice from the guy who’s ex is out to end the world.
Ozpin:*Mentally*I’m just saying, miss Nikos is a natural born sub. Placing your foot on her head and giving her what I’m telling you she absolutelywants by degrading her, lambasting her the way she does herself and I guarantee you the rewards will be worth it. I know you’ve been eying her anus for quite some time now, give her what she wants–
Jaune:*Mentally, pushes in deeper which makes Pyrrha wail* I knew I couldn’t trust you to shut up! ‘Oh no, the time you spend with miss Nikos will be your own, I’m just an old soul here to help you fight my batshit crazy ex’ and now you’re trying to live vicariously through me! *Eyes widen as Pyrrha spreads her cheeks, lying facefirst on the bed and moaning*
Ozpin:*Mentally, smugly*Oh of course. You certainly don’t want advice from a man who has slept with literally thousands of women. She’s cumming, by the way.
Ozpin:*Mentally*Good to see you plan on following my advice next round, Jaune. If you feel like paying me back, you could always just tell Pyrrha that you’ve gone through my memories and developed a taste for hardcore, mistress of pain BDSM.
Jaune:*Mentally, lying on Pyrrha’s pronebone body, still inside as they both recover* This is all Dad’s fault. No amount of badass magic is worth this.
——————————————————————————
I wanted one of these to have the advice backfire while still working and while I thought about it being an eventual Raven Jaune’s Father, I realized Pyrrha offered the best opportunity ever in the form of Ozpin, the unwanted and overly friendly brain ghost.
Hopefully any hardcore Arkos fans reading this don’t mind this one being the lewder, screwier one.
Pyrrha: Jaune can you help me please, I think my shirt got caught on the bed frame.
Jaune is looking at Pyrrha trying to wriggle free. She was searching for something underneath her bed and got stuck, somehow. Matters were not helped by her school skirt slightly going up higher and higher every time she to tried to wriggle out!
…
Jaune only blinked at the sight before him now, he never expected Pyrrha to wear Black Lace.
In that instant Jaune was dealing with his conscious as two forms appeared on his shoulders.
DevilJaune:Slap it and puut it in her butt!
Jaune:I can’t do that, she’s my partner and might kick my ass!
AngelJaune:Listen to Devil Jaune, he has a good point.
Jaune:Ain’t you the good one!? Ya know what, ta Hell with both ya.
With his inner turmoil settled, Jaune went over to Pyrrha’s side where she was stuck at and lifted the bed with ease. Allowing his Redheaded partner to now be free and smiling at him gratefully.
Pyrrha: Thanks Jaune, I have no idea how I got stuck underneath there.
Jaune:YeahSureThingGottaGoNowBye!
With those words Jaune sprinted out of the dorm, and leaving Pyrrha to let out a grimace.
Pyrrha: Dammit! I thought you said it was going to work. I even wore my good underwear for this.
Two forms then appeared on her shoulders.
DevilPyrrha: It should’ve worked! It worked all the time in those movies online!
AngelPyrrha: And we even bribed his Angel and Devil to help us out too!
DevilPyrrha: Guess he’s just alot stronger willed then we first thought.
The three Pyrrha’s let out a sigh of defeat, clearly Jaune was not to be taken lightly.
—
AngelJaune: So how long has he been like this?
DevilJaune: A good thirty minutes now.
The pair looked at Jaune as he was busy lifting logs to keep his mind off of the recent problem that had arise.
Jaune: Just stay strong Jaune, Pyrrha is a good lady and ya friend, no matter how sweet and fine she may look you promised your folks an Arc promise. Even if she does have one fine looking…
He stopped himself at that thought and let out a yell as he lifted the log even higher above his head.
The other Jaune’s only looked at eachother.
DevilJaune: Guess we should meet Devil and Angel Pyrrha for our dates then huh?
AngelJaune: Might be for the best, plus they could help us get Frontier Boy here some action and tamed like a stallion.
DevilJaune: Are you sure I ain’t the good one here?
AngelJaune: Just shut up and let’s go. Don’t want to keep Devil Pyrrha waiting for me.
DevilJaune: Guess we really are suckers for Redheads huh?
