#lore olympus
Apollo: When I have a crush and it’s not mutual? It’s like okay babe you’re not grasping the plot, did you even read the script???
Mortals, inside Demeter’s temple: Thank you for pre-slicing oranges for us. You didn’t have to and you did anyway and that was cool of you
Persephone: I’m fine, thank you for asking! But recently there’s been a darkness growing within me
Hermes: My boy mad because I haven’t replied to his selfie yet. Hold on shawty I’m trying to figure out how to spell georges
Zeus: You played me like a fiddle!
Apollo: Oh no, Father. Fiddles are actually quite difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.
Persephone: I am one hell of a woman and you should be fucking terrified of me.
this awoke something within me
[How it would have played out if Minthe, Thetis and Thanatos went to Hecate with their information on Persephone’s act of wrath.]
Hecate: Let me get this straight, you think that the Goddess of Spring, heir to one of the wealthiest and most powerful Goddesses in the world, secretly grew to giant proportions and slaughtered an entire human city during a psychotic break, and your plan is to blackmail this person?
[The snarky chat trio’s face fall and Hecate smiles.]
Hecate: Good luck.
Daphne: [Texting with Apollo, pre-Thanatos.] What the fuck?
Echo: …
Daphne: What the FUCK?!
Echo: [Stare’s disapprovingly.]
Daphne: I’m sorry. [Shows her the text chain.] Apollo just referred to my vagina as my “lady flower”.
Echo: [Disgusted] Ugh! Dump him immediately.
Artemis: Do you ever feel guilty about anything you do?
Apollo: Guilt is like a stomachache from overeating. You make all sorts of promises while you’re feeling it, but once it passes you just get hungry again.
Artemis: Most people are not like you.
Apollo: Everybody’s like me. I’m just not in denial.
Zeus: It’ll be fun.
Zeus: We’ll make it a boys day.
Zeus:Come on you punk bitch.
Hades: I can’t believe I have to say this.
Hades: I don’t have time to get tested with sti’s with you tomorrow.
Hephaestus: No.
Ares: [Holding up his hand for a hi five, while wearing a “Team Persephone” shirt.] Come on…
Hephaestus: [Also wearing a “Team Persephone” shirt, but looking much more dour.] I told you I would never do that again.
Ares: You can do it!
Hephaestus: …
Ares: …
Hephaestus: …
Ares: …
Hephaestus: …
Ares: …
Hephaestus: …
Ares: …
Hephaestus: [Lets out a frustrated sigh before finally relenting to hi five Ares.]
Ares: YES!!! TEAM PERSEPHONE!!!
Hephaestus: I hateyou.
Hades: It actually pisses me off sooooo much when people are like, “ohhh but if I hurt or kill the bastard who made my life and others’ a living hell, I’m just as bad as they are!” Like grow up and shoot him, what are you, catholic.
Persephone: “But I’m too good to kill anyone :-(” I’m not, give me a gun.
Persephone: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health!
Hades: That’s why I also bottle up the positive ones!
Hades, texting: Honey, I’m sorry, I’m running a little late at the station. I’m going to be about half an hour late to our date.
Minthe, who forgot the date entirely and is rolling out of bed: You always do this!
Minthe: Are you seeing Daphne?
Thanatos: What? Do you think she’s not my type?
Minthe: I didn’t think she’d lower her standards.
What can I say I adore Lore Olympus and totally recommend reading it when you have time. ALSO FUCK APOLLO
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The Greek gods – they’re just like us! Rachel Smythe’s new Lore Olympus vol. 1, a dead-tree edition of her hit webcomic, transplants Hades and Persephone to a world of sportscars, slick suits and “apology donuts.” Our critic Etelka Lehoczky says “The diverse, subtle ways Smythe reiterates her central question — which can be summed up as something like, "How have we changed in the past two millennia? How have we stayed the same?” — make this book a great read for anyone who’s thought about the stubbornness of human nature and the resilience of classic tropes.“ Check out her full review here!
– Petra
