(cws for racism/anti-blackness, misogyny, acephobia)
Following asexuality activist Yasmin Benoit on twitter has been one blunt example after another of the aggression and hostility that aces of color have to face, and how often every imaginable bigotry will get piled behind a more “acceptable” acephobic face to attack and tear them down.
In the name of questioning her identity as asexual, the author of the review she shared is practically playing anti-blackness bingo. We’re constantly hearing “teenagers can’t say they’re asexual! they’re too young! that inherently sexualizes other teenagers!” And then here, they say that because a black 14 year old went to Pride, she obviously was “interested in sexual activity” as a way to frame (and undermine) a later “swap” to asexuality.
It’s no surprise, but it’s wild these people can call themselves feminists when they see “beautiful black woman” and start sexualizing and objectifying her like the most stereotypical perverted men. “This 14 year old went to pride, so she’s interested in sex!!” sounds stolen straight from predatory rape culture, not to mention homophobia. “She’s dressing too revealing, this makes her interested in sex” is ALSO straight from predatory rape culture. The description of what she was wearing sounds straight from some misogynistic novel that we’d drag to hell and back for describing women by the state of their breasts. And yet it all becomes fair game to try to set up some kind of contradiction between a black woman’s stated identity and her existence.
To all my Black girls out there, please know that you are loved and that you do not always have to show up for others, especially in a society that doesn’t always show up for you.
When it comes to Black women’s hairstyles/protective styles, I do not want to see non-Black women wearing them. Here’s why:
Our hair is such a huge part of our history, our identity,our Black excellence, and our regality. Read that again. This is constantly trying to be taken away from us.
It’s really frustrating that this is another thing that we can’t have to ourselves. It’s not fair for that to be taken by others. Non-Black women do not have to worry about being discriminated againstorpoliced for wearing our protective styles and could really care less while they’re walking around carefree in costume. All they think is, well it looks good on Black women so I want to try it. Those who use “cultural appreciation” as an excuse think they’re doing us a favor when they really could have just appreciated from a distance instead of crossing the line.
To me, it sends the messages of “this isn’t yours, this is ours now”, “you can’t have something without us having a part in it as well”, or “joke’s on you for thinking you can have a part of your culture without us getting a piece too”. It’s no different from how every other aspect of our lives and bodies have been policed and controlled throughout history.
My hair is another aspect that I love about being a Black woman but as Black women know, we can’t love being Black women, we’re not allowed to be comfortable, we’re not allowed to feel beautiful, we’re not allowed to own our beauty without someone taking offense. I wish that non-Black women, non-black people, and even Black people would try to understand this.
ETA: Non-black women includes non-Black women of color. Not exempt.
Black women deserve to be taken care of vs always being the caretakers.
Read that again.
Love the support behind this post!
This is a post about emotional and physical safety. There are different forms of caretaking - emotional, physical, etc. This isn’t a post about literally being taken care of, however, there’s nothing wrong if this post resignated with you in that way. In our culture, Black women have always been the matriarchs, and with that, our health, safety, and needs fall to the side. Many have seen this with their grandmothers, mothers, sisters, themselves, etc. It is the norm for many.
Black women are also seen as being “strong” as if we don’t feel pain so we don’t need to be tended to… we’ve seen our physical and mental safety be disregarded especially in the healthcare system and we’ve been gaslighted even in our own community.
This post is a reminder that you deserve to have your emotional and physical well-being cared for, this shouldn’t be one-sided.
In order to see change, mindsets that have been held for a long time need to change and awareness needs to be brought. Tags like #blackgirlsmatter and #supportblackwomen exist for a reason.
A space that captures the thoughts, struggles, highs and lows from Black girls. I want this to be a safe space where Black girls can feel supported, heard, and have a sounding board to say what’s on their mind. A safe space where we can feel liberated.
I also want to make it interactive so I’ll eventually ask for y’all to submit thoughts, celebrations, milestones, fears, etc. and I’ll post them to this account and Instagram (will post anonymously).
While the blog and IG will have Black women at the top of mind, allies, you are more than welcome to follow! Allies are an integral part of getting underrepresented groups heard and I appreciate y’all for the work you do! I’m sure there will be some content that allies can relate to, however, that is not the main point which is to give Black girls a safe space to share and be heard.
There will definitely be content that I’m sure everyone can learn from which is most important.
A list of books for Black men who want to support Black women and gain a better understanding of race tied to toxic masculinity, sexism, male privilege, misogyny and misogynoir (a hatred for Black women). After you finish this list, APPLY THIS KNOWLEDGE- PRACTICE IT. BE GOOD TO BLACK WOMEN. LOVE US BETTER: ✊ We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks This book will change your life. A Black woman took the time to not only explain why Black men can be sexist, she reveals how you are also oppressed and provides strategies on how you can heal. If you are able to heal, then you will be able to truly support Black women. - Here is the PDF: https://feminism.memoryoftheworld.org/Bell%20Hooks/We%20Real%20Cool_%20Black%20Men%20and%20Musculinity%20(449)/We%20Real%20Cool_%20Black%20Men%20and%20Musculinity%20-%20Bell%20Hooks.pdf ✊ Words of Fire: An Anthology of African-American Feminist Thought by Beverly Guy-Sheftall - check out a series of writings by different Black women ✊ At The Dark End of the Street by Danielle McGuire This is written by a white woman, however, this reveals Black women as the catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement and how (trigger warning) sexual violence was a contributing factor. ✊ Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde -Read all of it for sure, however, please read the essay “The Erotic as Power: Uses of the Erotic as Power.” It’s important that you understand why it is a terrible thing to sexually shame women. Lorde will also teach you that Black women don’t owe you anything romantically or period. We will support you, but we don’t have to be with you. Be ok that you may not be of interest when it comes to our sexuality. “Black women sharing close ties with each other, politically or emotionally, are not the enemies of Black men.” - Audre Lorde ✊ The Womanist Reader ( a Womanist Anthology) edited by Layli Phillips - A lot of you as Black men only discuss feminism as if it is a dirty word. Learn that [white] Feminism is very different from Black Feminism. BUT now learn that Black women can want to dismantle patriarchy, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. and not be a Black Feminist. THIS BOOK shows there are a series of Black women who identify as Womanist. There are also Africana Womanist, African Feminist, and Intersectional Feminism. A matter of fact, Black women can actually have all of these beliefs, but not label ourselves as any of these Black women ideologies. ✊ “Womanism” (the essay) by Alice Walker (Yes, the woman who wrote The Color Purple) - This can be found in the a Womanist Reader. In 1979, Walker coined the term Womanism. This is typically the reading that I have found has changed Black men’s perspectives on Black women… Some of you have been brought to tears by it. Get into it. ✊ In Search of Our Mother’s Garden by Alice Walker ✊ “Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color” (an essay) by Kimberle Crenshaw - In 1991, a Black woman coined a term that was intended to debunk why it’s difficult to be just “race first,” especially as a Black woman when we have various identities that place us at the margins (keep us oppressed just like you and sometimes more so). The term is “intersectionality.” Here is a PDF- http://multipleidentitieslgbtq.wiki.westga.edu/file/view/crenshaw1991.pdf ✊ Multiple Jeopardy, Multiple Consciousness: The Context of a Black Feminist Ideology (an essay) by Deborah K. King If you have heard of W.E.B. Du Bois, double consciousness, imagine reading something as Black men discussing the various identities and intersections that we face as Black women. King shows how socially this keeps Black women in comparison to you and people of other races and genders at the bottom. Here is a PDF- http://web.uvic.ca/~ayh/318King%20Multiple%20Jeopardy.pdf ✊ Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins - It is just important. Period. and gain a better understanding of race tied to toxic masculinity, sexism, male privilege, misogyny and misogynoir (a hatred for Black women). After you finish this list, APPLY THIS KNOWLEDGE- PRACTICE IT. BE GOOD TO BLACK WOMEN. LOVE US BETTER: ✊ We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity by bell hooks This book will change your life. A Black woman took the time to not only explain why Black men can be sexist, she reveals how you are also oppressed and provides strategies on how you can heal. If you are able to heal, then you will be able to truly support Black women. - Here is the PDF: https://feminism.memoryoftheworld.org/Bell%20Hooks/We%20Real%20Cool_%20Black%20Men%20and%20Musculinity%20(449)/We%20Real%20Cool_%20Black%20Men%20and%20Musculinity%20-%20Bell%20Hooks.pdf ✊ Words of Fire: An Anthology of African-American Feminist Thought by Beverly Guy-Sheftall - check out a series of writings by different Black women ✊ At The Dark End of the Street by Danielle McGuire This is written by a white woman, however, this exposes Black woman as the catalyst for the Civil Rights Movement and how (trigger warning) sexual violence was a contributing factor. ✊ Sister Outsider by Audre Lorde -Read all of it for sure, however, please read the essay “The Erotic as Power: Uses of the Erotic as Power.” It’s important that you understand why it is a terrible thing to sexually shame women. Lorde will also teach you that Black women don’t owe you anything romantically or period. We will support you, but we don’t have to be with you. Be ok that you may not be of interest when it comes to our sexuality. “Black women sharing close ties with each other, politically or emotionally, are not the enemies of Black men.” - Audre Lorde ✊ The Womanist Reader ( a Womanist Anthology) edited by Layli Phillips - A lot of you as Black men only discuss feminism as if it is a dirty word. Learn that [white] Feminism is very different from Black Feminism. BUT now learn that Black women can want to dismantle patriarchy, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. and not be a Black Feminist. THIS BOOK shows there are a series of Black women who identify as Womanist. There are also Africana Womanist, African Feminist, and Intersectional Feminism. A matter of fact, Black women can actually have all of these beliefs, but not label ourselves as any of these Black women ideologies. ✊ “Womanism” (the essay) by Alice Walker (Yes, the woman who wrote The Color Purple) - This can be found in the a Womanist Reader. In 1979, Walker coined the term Womanism. This is typically the reading that I have found has changed Black men’s perspectives on Black women… Some of you have been brought to tears by it. Get into it. ✊ In Search of Our Mother’s Garden by Alice Walker ✊ “Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color” (an essay) by Kimberle Crenshaw - In 1991, a Black woman coined a term that was intended to debunk why it’s difficult to be just “race first,” especially as a Black woman when we have various identities that place us at the margins (keep us oppressed just like you and sometimes more so). The term is “intersectionality.” Here is a PDF- http://multipleidentitieslgbtq.wiki.westga.edu/file/view/crenshaw1991.pdf ✊ Multiple Jeopardy, Multiple Consciousness: The Context of a Black Feminist Ideology (an essay) by Deborah K. King If you have heard of W.E.B. Du Bois, double consciousness, imagine reading something as Black men discussing the various identities and intersections that we face as Black women. King shows how socially this keeps Black women in comparison to you and people of other races and genders at the bottom. Here is a PDF- http://web.uvic.ca/~ayh/318King%20Multiple%20Jeopardy.pdf ✊ Black Feminist Thought by Patricia Hill Collins - It is just important. Period. One day I will add more to this list Black men. I just hope that you read it. I love you, but I’m calling you to do better by Black women.
… or don’t. But I have something I want to get off of my chest, real quick.
::sips water::
Can we please stop blaming women for the actions of men?
Are we still doing that? Are we still relying on the Old Testament to tell us right from wrong?
Oprah is no more responsible for Dr. Mehmet Oz’s behavior than Oz’s mother is responsible for Oz’s behavior.
Her show has been off the air since 2011, but somehow she’s responsible for everything Oz has ever said and done for the rest of her life because he decided to be a despicable piece of garbage more and more over the years. (Not to say that he was ever great to begin with.)
We’ve all seen this man go from saying he believes in one thing (like more gun control laws) to aligning himself with the exact opposite (capping for the NRA in order to win over MAGA voters). He also supported expanding Obamacare and later, universal healthcare. And he did that 180° turn over the course of 5 or 6 years. Well after Oprah’s show had ended.
So how is she responsible for that?! Why does she owe anyone an apology?! Why is she to blame for his behavior?
You’re mad at her because you know who he is? She owes us an apology because he took the attention he got from her show and built a bigger career out of it (something 99% of the people who appeared on her show did as well, btw)? You’re upset that she gave him a platform over a decade ago, but he’s since sullied any goodwill he had from that experience and made his name into a joke?
People who want to blame Oprah (or any woman) for a grown man’s actions or the fact that you even know who he is really need to check their misogynoir.
“I get online,” Megan says. “I see funny shit all day. But then in the mix of that, there is also 20 people at-ing me at one time, saying crazy stuff. I’m like, ‘My 15 minutes [online] is over. Get off.’” When she’s not seeing her version of that night’s events blatantly discounted, she’s seen Lanez being celebrated, sometimes gruesomely. “I see people saying, ‘Damn, I would’ve shot that bitch too,’” says Megan.
“In some kind of way I became the villain,” Megan says, bewildered. “And I don’t know if people don’t take it seriously because I seem strong. I wonder if it’s because of the way I look. Is it because I’m not light enough? Is it that I’m not white enough? Am I not the shape? The height? Because I’m not petite? Do I not seem like I’m worth being treated like a woman?” For just a moment, her voice cracks.
