#mumbai photography

Days have passed, so have months.

At some point, during that time, my mind has been a blank piece of sheet, and my thoughts flowing like the ink of a broken pen.

I, and many here and there - probably, felt lost and lonely.

But everything is ephemeral, even these temporary feelings, that keep going and knocking back on my door, sometimes.

Sometimes, coming inside like a storm we try to protect ourselves from,

sometimes we decide to let them in, even welcoming with a smile, curious to learn more.

Some people call it growth, some healing, or just life.

Isn’t that life just a perpetual stream of changes and adaptations, to circumstances, people, and ourselves anyway.

Self portrait in Mumbai. May 2020

Waise bhi,

kahan fursat hua karti thi loggo ke paas

Ek dusre ke liye.

You are here

But I feel

Your absence

Words are void out there

I rather prefer

Listen to the silence

Flowing thoughts : you knew I missed you Bombay, didn’t you? (part II)

.

But It has been a month now, since life seems to be on pause. Days and week go on, and we have lost the sense of time. From laziness to anger, frustration and solitude, it has been a month now, since we all are stuck, encaged like birds. Encaged at home, in a room, in some thoughts and in our minds. We all are sitting calm like bombs, patiently waiting to taste life again. A month now, we are asked to stay away from each other, for the sake of the humanity. I feel split between my feelings. Sometimes I want to be left alone, sometimes I crave for human interaction. I feel caught by some nostalgia and reverie.

We all, here, care and worry for our loved ones. We pour out our hearts, sometimes. We make plans for the moment our wings won’t be clipped anymore. When we would enjoy the tiniest things we never thought we would miss. We do realise that we took so many things for granted. Probably, we will apprieciate things differently, value people’s company more, probably.

We tend to learn again to enjoy the simpliest things we are allowed to and that surround us. Far from the hustle and bustle. Old books smells, that breeze in your hair while walking to the grocery, the music - the companion to your solitude, that has been a remedy to your eventual loneliness. Don’t you enjoy, through that window, seeing the sun going down letting the moon and stars looking upon us at night. Don’t you find some peace to your restlessness?

Ph : Shuvangi S.C

Flowing thoughts : you knew I missed you Bombay, didn’t you? (Part I)

I carried my stubborness and some wishes in my bag, on my way back to Bombay. Some places I wanted to go back to, memories I wanted to relive. Some faces I wanted to see again, some laughers I wanted to hear once more. Eager to explore around, curious about the new souls that will cross my path.

By the time I landed, I already had that feeling, as usual, the feeling of being Home. From shopping bindis and jhumke, to the walks and sunsets at Juhu, the conversations with the aunties and the drives with that one. The horns of the rikshaws in the traffic jam, the smell of the food stalls, the carefree crowd and the kids playing in the streets. And with that smile, on my face, witnessing the scene. Nevertheless, you knew I missed you Bombay, didn’t you?

Bombay | April 20’

Ig : @miraakle_

I will meet you there,

When the birds won’t be encaged anymore,

When the sun will go down,

At the dusk.

my soul was dancing on these empty roads

#mumbai

Mumbai, may 2020.

An evening during the lockdown.

Ig @miraakle_

Zara aana

yahan mere pass,

beth te hain.

Tum aur main

aur do cup chai.

Kuch kahaniyan sunaungi,

kuch tumhari sunungi.

Zara aana

yahan mere pass,

Guzarte hain kuch paal.

Sometimes, throughout some discussions, I get asked about it, unless at some point, it just crosses my mind. That notion so subjective, yet blurred and romanticized of relationships and love. And I wonder, what it actually is. 

Has not it just been put in our minds, that one specific person is here, made for us, with whom we are meant to be. I have always felt, this perception beautifully comes from books and poems, movies we have been watching while growing up, idealizing people and relationships. 

I’d like to believe so, but the raw reality just seems to be a perpetual accumulation of ephemeral circumstances. Since nothing last, and everything keep changing, for a better version of it, or not. People, feelings, situations.Yet, we live in a world, I feel, where patience has become a rare attribute, consistency and loyalty too. I see, people getting used to everything surrounding them easily. Or just being distracted.

I just see that commonly used notion of love, as a sort of thread that connects you to that soul you want to grow with during your journey. What I know, throughout the plenty discussions i had about it with diverse persons, it is a subjective notion that differs person to person anyway. Believing in one and only life partner, or just beautiful stories that build you as the person you are.

in guzre hue paal ka sukoon

mumbai | may 20

I remember, few days back, that smell of food hitting my sense, reminding me a specific restaurant we use to go with my mom back home. I then remembered, those other places we use to go with my friends, those moments. Then I felt missing all this, and again, remembered, that other feeling of emptiness that hunts me when I am in Paris. I have been thinking, since time is given to us, about it. How, back there, I will feel a hole again, the feeling of not belonging, of not being at the right place.

Thinking of what actually “Home” means. I heard sometimes, someone can provide you that feeling, just some place. Is it where you were born and live, where you have your routine. Is it where your loved ones are. I feel, home is here for me. It is familiar. Not being a total stranger to that land and these souls. My heart probably recognized it as Home even before having spent much time here. It is just where I feel whole, and complete. Home is just that.