Boyfriend Dreamies ☁️

Contestant: Zhong Chenle

we’re gonna start off with all the fluff

Chenle is one of the louder members, he’s always talking and always is very sure of himself and acts confidently due to this. even with the strongest or most confident people they do still have moments of insecurity and vulnerability

Chenle has problems being vulnerable with the team members due to all of them seeing him as a strong, confident, self assured people but with you he is easily able to just allow himself to talk and feel even when he’s not positive he actually knows what he’s saying

moments like those the two of you just lay on the floor of his apartment, daegal curled up on Chenle’s stomach while his head lays on his wrap, his eyes are closed as you play with his hair only because he still doesn’t want you to see him cry

those moments despite being so serious will always end silly due to neither of you liking just how serious the mood is (this doesn’t mean that they go away, both of you know the appropriate time to kill the mood) and will typically end with daegal either climbing up to lick his chin, or with her leaving him to come get pet by you

the times when daegal is too busy sleeping or playing with toys to break the mood, you’ll offer to play video games today (normally PUBG, but any game will do) and the both of you will get engrossed in the game letting the seriousness fall away

he may believe the tiniest bit that money buys happiness. buys you an overabundance of food whenever you say you’re hungry, constantly offers to buy you anything that you could possibly want (read anything that you look at for more than 2 seconds when you’re together) and it leads to some arguments

when you’re upset he might metaphorically throw money at you, instead of taking the time to help you figure it out or offer an actual method to fix it he’ll offer to give you money or buy you something instead, which causes you to get upset because it feels like he’s neglecting you. and yes he comes from a loving family, but he’s still young, and some of the fans comments about him being so rich get to him and he doesn’t know what to do

will always apologize if he hurts you, sometimes it might take minute because he’s so stubborn but he will eventually put his pride aside because he doesn’t want to lose you. apologies are also on the costly spectrum, but it’s typically sending you flowers, or a teddy bear along with some type of jewelry to apologize. he only does it for the really, really bad arguments where he refuses to put his pride aside and it leads to weeks of you not talking

but when everything is good it’s great. this man does plan dates, and some of them are costly such as you mentioned you’ve never been on a proper tour of Seoul and he’ll hire a helicopter to take you sight seeing. but you’re usual dates are normal, visiting the Zoo just so that he can make fun of you and relate you to every animal there, or bowling where he makes fun of you for not being able to bowl before teaching you how to bowl

proud believer that he would never simp for anybody, but when it comes to you? this man is the biggest unconscious simp. if you look uncomfortable, he’ll instantly try and fix whatever is preventing you from relaxing. if he hears anything about your relationship has been leaked he won’t rest until he figures out who leaked it, and get’s them fired and the articles taken down.

he has no shame in confronting czennie if they talk badly about you, he cares about you more than his career or the managers chastising him. this man will straight up go on live and just “stop trying to bully my significant other. I love them and if you really were a fan of mine you’d love them just because they love me and make me happy.”

swoon worthy, just periodt

sometimes he likes to act out in front of the boys, not kissing or cuddling you because he wants to keep his little bit of credibility he has around the group, but when it’s just the two of you (three if you count daughter daegal) he’s still not the biggest baby lol. but Chenle will occasionally beg you for cuddles or kisses if work is especially stressful, and if you aren’t staying the night at his apartment? he will stay on the phone with you all night because otherwise he just can’t sleep.

rich slightly tsundere boyfriend Chenle for the win

[masterlist in bio]
29 october 2019
a/n: for some reason it was rly difficult to think of different bullets for everyone ????? and to find gifs that match ?? so i apologize for the extreme vagueness

r e n j u n  ♡

• pls do it all the time
• kinda sees it as something intimate so he feels rly connected to u
• loves kissing ur neck but doesn’t do it nearly as often
• bc as just stated it seems intimate n he’d rather do it in more serious scenarios
• sometimes hints for u to do it but never says it out loud

j e n o  ♡

• can never stop smiling
• hugging him from behind and kissing the back of his neck ??
• waking him up w neck kisses ??
• L O V E
• chances are a some point he has a couple pictures of it cs it’s too cute

d o n g h y u c k  ♡

• actually rly rly loves it too
• likes it when u leave marks too but normally doesn’t let u
• just kinda runs his fingers thru ur hair and lets you do ur thing while he scrolls thru his phone or smth
• teases u about ur “obsession w his neck”
• but is only joking cs he deffo doesn’t want u to stop

j a e m i n  ♡

• thinks it’s super cute ^^
• like if u’re just lying down cuddling n all of a sudden u wanna kiss his neck
• he’s dEFINITELY not complaining
• will also surprise attack you with his own kisses
• depending on his mood will take it as flirty or playful, good luck trying to figure out before hand tho

c h e n l e  ♡

• unsurprisingly likes it just as much as u
• idk he just rly likes the feel of it ?? thinks it’s so nice
• deffo does it to u just as much as the other way around
• like the guys’ll walk in on y’all n y’all’ll just be mwah mwah mwah all the goddamn time ykno
• probably leaves hickeys so don’t go near 127

i will never forget this day he looks so fINEEEEE

j i s u n g  ♡

• the first time u left a series of kisses all over his neck he was kinda shy
• but he didn’t expect to like it as much as he does
• pls don’t do it around ppl tho, it’s embarrassing n he might actually get upset/mad
• probably won’t do it to u unless it’s rly casual or a nice makeout sesh
• he expects it often but u shouldn’t

[15:09]

“pretty.”jaemin mutters softly, his thumb running over your knuckles. you could hear the leaves rustling in the late summer wind as you lay sprawled out upon the pale yellow picnic blanket underneath you and jaemin. a mischievous smile plays on your lips as you quirked back at him.

“are you talking about me or the sky there, babe?” his eyes flicker towards you, a small smile playing on his lips as he shuffles closer to you. jaemin’s hair was slightly windblown, his hand suddenly enveloping yours in a warm embrace as he rests his head lazily into the crook of your neck. you could hear a deep sigh coming from jaemin as he placed a soft kiss onto your cheek. you smiled shyly to yourself, you could feel your cheeks starting to burn a rosy red from his kiss.

jaemin nestles closer to you as he murmurs. “both.” you hear him pause in his sentence. you turn towards him, an eyebrow arched before he continues. “though, in my eyes you’re prettier.”

[17:21]

“you’re like really pretty, y/n.”bestfriend!jeno drunkenly slurs at you, his lips twisted into a mischievous grin. you can smell a light whiff of alcohol as he lazily drapes his arms around your shoulders from behind you. he nuzzles closer towards you. “god, i wish i could kiss you.” you hear him whisper softly, his head drops tiredly into the crook of your neck. your cheeks suddenly flush a bright shade of red. you bite the inner corner of your lip nervously, a long pause draws between you and jenobefore you find yourself muttering quietly.

“then do it.”

[20:45]

“dance with me, y/n?”boyfriend!jaeminasks you, his chocolate eyes glimmering in the dim lighting of the apartment. slow yet charming music started to flood the empty apartment as he took a careful step closer towards you, his arm extended towards you with a small smirk playing upon his lips. you carefully slide a worn bookmark between the aged pages of your book as you turn to your boyfriend, his sweater hanging loose off his frame. you let out a deep sigh before taking his outreached hand, a mischevious grin gracing both of your faces as jaemin gracefully spins you into his embrace.

you feel your chest flushed against his as he wraps his warm hand around your waist, pulling you closer as you both sway to the melodic music across the hardwood floors. “so,” you mutter quietly. “mind me asking what spurred this sudden dance?” you let your gaze fall on jaeminas he looks back at you, a reddish hue starting to spread lightly across his cheeks as he answered back. “what? is it not allowed for a boyfriend like me to take the one i love for a romantic dance?” you giggle at his response, nuzzling yourself closer into the warm crook of his neck as you feel jaemin’sgrip around your waist tighten.

“fair point.” jaeminsmiles lopsidedly at your response as he watches you sway alongside him under the pale lighting of the apartment, creating an ethereal aura around the both of you. he lets outs a soft sight before he lets his temple rest lazily against yours. you hum contently as you place a chaste kiss upon jaemin’s lips, leaving you feeling fluttery from his touch. jaemin pauses for a second before turning his head towards your lips as they crash softly together, letting your feet move along accordingly to the slow rhythm of the music. you feel your shoulders droop as you both pull away, smiling coyly at each other before you return your chin to jaemin’sbroad shoulders and his to your temple. this goes on for a while. jaemin’seyes glazed over with pure adoration towards you and yours filled with a deep love for him.

the song in the background seems to never cease, playing the same sweet melody over and over again as you both slow-dance away into the airy night with hearts full of an evergrowing love. 

[21:52]

you remember him on a summer night like this. golden eyes, bright smiles he felt like heaven. his hair was a soft chestnut brown that glimmered in the moonlight as he took your hand in his, wrapping his warm fingers around yours with his sunglasses perched low on his nose. you felt the sand crinkle between your toes as hyuck, now gone from your grip, stood alone on the rocky shore of the beach before beckoning you over, a small pout resting on his lips with his hand outreached expectantly for yours. as you took his warm hand, bracing yourself for the harsh ocean wind blowing your way with the sea crashing violently against the rocky shore, a look of worry graced his face for a split second before he turned to you.  you giggled as you glanced at him a lopsided grin plastered on his features with his windblown hair resting messily upon his head as you asked him. “why? scared hyuck?” you could almost hear him light scoff at your question, a gentle smile spread across his red lips. you felt his hand grip tighter around yours, a quiet giggle left his lips as he placed a feathering kiss upon your nose before quirking back, his eyes watching yours intently. “never y/n.” it was a beautiful night wasn’t it, you thought to yourself. a heavenly night with a heavenly boy. but with all boys like him, he was never meant to last.

[03:09]

tarotreader!hyuck’s heart always skips a beat when he sees you walk into his shop for one of his infamous late-night readings. 

[17:36]

you feel yourself become filled with an almost childish glee when bestfriend!marksuggest for you two to go on the ferris wheel together with the last two tickets you have to wrap up the day spent at the amusement park together. hand in hand you step into a pale blue cabin as you watch the cotton candy skies with a bright wonder in your eyes. you point out different shapes of clouds, remarking on how the little lion-shaped one reminded you of mark. he smiles shyly at your comment, his gaze meeting yours for a split second before returning to the sky ahead of the both of you. you could feel your heart start to race a bit faster from his warm eyes meeting yours. as the ferris wheel starts to slow down, you feel a slight tap on your shoulder coming from mark. you turn towards him, puzzled before he places a tender kiss upon your lips. you feel yourself pause at the sudden feeling of his soft lips against yours while you were registering that mark lee, your best friend of nine years and that you hopelessly pined in those said nine years, was in fact kissing you. you felt your heart suddenly race and your stomach flutter as you gave into his touch, his hands slowly cupping your face. you could feel your cheeks burn up furiously and you were almost certain your knees would have given out if you weren’t seated. when you two parted lips, your face still cupped in his hands, he smiles softly at you before he utters quietly under his breath.

“you have no idea how long i waited to do that.”

[00:02]

“what are you so happy for?” you ask jaeminas you two lie tangled under a blanket, watching the stars twinkle from the comfort of your apartment window. you feel his arms tighten around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “nothing really,” he replies, placing a soft kiss to the side of your neck. “it’s just that i get to wake up to an angel every morning.”jaeminwhispers as his thumb rubs your exposed cheek. you mutter “go to sleep, you sappy dork.” as he giggles softly before placing another tender kiss upon your lips. jaeminfinds himself cuddling closer to him as you both fall asleep in each other’s arms.

opening ship requests!

I accidentally gave @httpshyuck a ship with her and jeno and she told me to “do ship requests coward”.

so here I am.

What To Do:

send me a paragraph of your personality and physical appearance, and I will try to match you with one of the Dreamies to the best of my ability.

happy requesting!

anonymousasked:“ heya! can i request mlt like someone who is an extrovert and talks a lot? thank you in advance ”

☁️    ☁️    ☁️

M O S T

1. jaemin
2. mark
3. haechan
4. chenle
5. jisung
6. renjun
7. jeno

L E A S T

☁️    ☁️    ☁️

E X P L A N A T I O N S

jaemin: I don’t really need to say much for this one. he loves talking, so he’d probably like someone who talks a lot. it’s more fun for him. someone more introverted might make him feel insecure.

mark: someone who could ramble on with him and laugh at his stupidity might fit him best. the two of you would make a lot of dumb jokes together and always be laughing.

haechan: he needs someone who doesn’t stop talking just as much as him. the two of you would drive the rest of nct insane. it would be the actual definition of “partners in crime.”

chenle: he, similar to haechan, might prefer someone who can be just as loud as him. the two of you would have a lot o fun together, and there would never be a boring day.

jisung: he would need someone to talk more to him than he does himself to balance it out. but, he also might be hesitant to do so at first. he’s a bit shy at first, so you’d need to initiate most conversations.

renjun: he would fit well with someone more on the mellow side. the two of you would go on quiet and calm dates and hang out a lot. the company of each other is enough.

jeno: he also seems like the type to prefer someone more laid back and quiet. I imagine him with someone who prefers a quiet cafe date.

☁️    ☁️    ☁️

these are just my opinions! if you disagree with anything I’ve written, feel free to comment, but please do so respectfully.

thank you for requesting!

anonymousasked:“mlt to like hate skinship”

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

M O S T

1. jeno (at first)
2. chenle
3. jisung
4. mark
5. renjun
6. haechan
7. jaemin

L E A S T

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

E X P L A N A T I O N S

jeno:I put him here because I feel like skinship would make him really uncomfortable at first. he’d gradually warm up to the idea, though, and come to love it. this might take a while though.

chenle: he just doesnt particularly strike me as someone who’d like skinship. he might not be very touchy, but the small little touches and sneaky held hands would be exhilarating because of how rare they’d be. he’d still love you, he just has other ways of showing his affection.

jisung: he would be scared to at first. the thought of even holding hands makes him giddy to the point where he chickens out every chance he gets. he doesn’t hate skinship, but at the same time he does.

mark:his goofy little self would be such a mess. he’d try a few things here and there, but usually they’d flop. he’d eventually hold a grudge against skinship, blaming it for his incompetence.

renjun: he’s all for it. maybe not as much as jaemin or haechan, but he still loves it. he loves the soft type. you know those justgirlythings posts from ages ago? that’s him. he’d enjoy the meaningful things. he would never be too pushy or overbearing. justrenjunthings.

haechan: he likes skinship a lot. his favorite kind is tickling you. weird, but he loves seeing you smile. you’d never realize his soft intentions because you’re too busy laugh-crying and in pain.

jaemin: he’s in LOVE with skinship. it’s his favorite thing in the whole world. he loves cuddling, soft little kisses here and there. he can never get enough of it. it somehow wouldn’t be annoying, and you’d come to love it just as much.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

these are just my opinions! if you disagree with anything I’ve written, feel free to comment, but please do so respectfully.

thank you for requesting!

anonymousasked:“most likely to prefer movie nights over nights out uwu”

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

M O S T

1. jeno
2. haechan
3. mark
4. renjun
5. jisung
6. chenle
7. jaemin

L E A S T

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

E X P L A N A T I O N S

jeno: he’s most likely insecure about his “jeno-fun” thing, and would be scared to do anything where talking is involved. movies are more his thing.

haechan:there is no way that he would not be a sucker for that stupid stretch move. he probably sees it in every romcom he’s watched and think that makes him a master of it. he would take you to see a movie just to do that move.

mark: he’s afraid of saying something dumb, which is why a movie might be a preference. as the relationship aged and the two of you got closer, he would be way more open to other things as well.

renjun: you cant talk at all at movies. he doesnt like that. he’d go somewhere like a cafe or an art studio. you’d talk about your dreams and your future, taking basic food pictures. there might even be a paint throwing war. silence isnt his style.

jisung:the boy is way too awkward for movie dates. his personality suits an arcade date much better. it’s a relaxing date, without too much pressure. it also gives time to let you do get even closer. in a new way.

chenle: he’d rather impress you with them Baller Skillz than awkwardly sit in silence in a theater. he loves you, but the boy is a cocky little show off.

jaemin: he’d be 100% okay with a movie date, but I feel like he’d prefer a night time amusement park visit over that. it’s something that would bring the two of you closer, he’d get to see you laugh and scream on a rollercoaster, and he’d get to talk to you more than at a movie.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

these are just my opinions! if you disagree with anything I’ve written, feel free to comment, but please do so respectfully.

thank you for requesting!

anonymousasked:“most likely to date an ‘01 liner ? i love ur blog btw hope you’re having a good day~”

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

M O S T

1. renjun
2. mark
3. jaemin
4. haechan
5. jeno
6. chenle
7. jisung

L E A S T

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

E X P L A N A T I O N S

renjun: he would probably prefer someone his age. he’d think that they would understand him more than someone younger or older.

mark:he probably prefers someone closer to his age as well or younger. probably not older, so he wouldn’t feel babied. I feel like he might have an insuperiority complex (is that even a word) because of his older bandmates making fun of how young he is.

jaemin: he most likely doesn’t care too much about age, so he would be willing to date anyone.

haechan: he also seems like the type to not care, but I feel like he’d still be slightly pickier than jaemin.

jeno:is it weird that I feel like he’d prefer someone a little older than him? like an older sister, but not because that would be gross.

chenle: he probably would probably want someone younger than him.

jisung:same as chenle. he’d want to take care of you, not the way around. he might fear an older person would do this with him because of how the rest of nct babies him.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

these are just my opinions! if you disagree with anything I’ve written, feel free to comment, but please do so respectfully.

thank you for requesting! (and I hope you’re having a great day too )

@zoohopeasked:“Mtl like to date someone who is dyslexic.”

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

M O S T

1. jisung
2. mark
3. jaemin
4. haechan
5. jeno
6. renjun
7. chenle

L E A S T

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

E X P L A I N A T I O N S

jisung: probably wouldnt even notice until it was pointed out to him.

mark:he’s enough of a mess himself to not really be bother by it.

jaemin:he would probably find it cute and enjoy helping you if needed. it would make him feel important.

haechan:he might make fun of you at first, but if it hurts your feelings he’d stop immediately. he’d eventually come to love it about you.

jeno: he honestly probably wouldnt care too much about it and pay no mind to it.

renjun: he’s a bit of a smart ass so I feel like he’d get annoyed occasionally, but in the end he wouldn’t care if it was someone he loved.

chenle: he can barely speak normally, so there’s no way he’d be able to help you. that would make him feel guilty, so he’d be scared to.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️

these are just my opinions! if you disagree with anything I’ve written, feel free to comment, but please do so respectfully.

thank you for the request!

REQUEST FOR MLT IS OPEN!

taking request for: NCT DREAM

Send me something such as who is most likely to like date someone older or who is most likely to date a foreigner. I will rank the members based on my own opinion and leave a small explanation as to why I placed them there. NO SMUT requests please, they will be ignored. try to keep your request simple!

i hope you can enjoy what I come up with.

thank you for requesting!

[ 3:02 am ] The bright screen of your phone illuminated your face, the white light shining through even your window. You glanced at the time at the top of your phone, and your eyes widened.

You quickly said, “Jeno, I love you and all, but I have a calc test first thing tomorrow morning, and I need to sleep, so goodnight.”

You ended the call, looking one last time at your phone to see the simple message that made you smile.

I didnt realize how late it was already but anyways you’ll do great on that test tomorrow I love you

THESE TWO BOYS BETTER CALM DOWN

Dreamies stuck in a elevator

Renjun: can you not stand so close you’re making me claustrophobic

Jisung: what does claustrophobic mean?

Haechan: it means he’s afraid of santa Claus

Renjun: no it doesn’t

Chenle: HO HO HO

Jisung: STOP IT CHENLE YOU’RE SCARING HIM

Chenle: HO HO HO

hiiiiii

thank you for giving just listen, trust me (my jaemin fic) so much loveeee

i really appreciate it! i saw all the sweet feedback, thank you so muchhhh

channiebbang:

just listen, trust me.

synopsis: a misunderstanding drives jaemin away from the only person that he should’ve trusted. when reality slaps him in the face he feels miserable and tries to win his love back. or something of the sort lol

characters: Jaemin, Main Character, Jeno, and a bit of Haechan, Renjun, Chenle, Mark and Jisung.

pairing: boyfriend!jaemin x f.maincharacter

genre: angst angst angst and fluff

word count: 7k (fucking hell it’s THAT long?) sorry lmao

warnings: none

author’s note: this took way too long to finish jfvamejgf but i really couldn’t come up with a good enough ending. or more like i couldn’t write down what i wanted to write lol but i finally finished it heheh
i hope you like it and it satisfies the wait i made you go through lol

the many things people told him echoed in his head. the dimmed lights of his studio room and the slow, low beat of the music not doing much to brighten up his mood.

she’s being too friendly with that one friend of yours, don’t you think?

he’s warming up too much to her.

watch out, you wouldn’t want someone to whisk her away from you, she is a bit naive, she could be affected too easily.

and it would all have fallen to deaf ears, because he was never one to let anyone talk about his personal life, only if one of his closest friends hadn’t said something.

Keep reading

guyssss
thank you so much for all the notes and reblogs, I really appreciate itttt :,((((

just listen, trust me.

synopsis: a misunderstanding drives jaemin away from the only person that he should’ve trusted. when reality slaps him in the face he feels miserable and tries to win his love back. or something of the sort lol

characters: Jaemin, Main Character, Jeno, and a bit of Haechan, Renjun, Chenle, Mark and Jisung.

pairing: boyfriend!jaemin x f.maincharacter

genre: angst angst angst and fluff

word count: 7k (fucking hell it’s THAT long?) sorry lmao

warnings: none

author’s note: this took way too long to finish jfvamejgf but i really couldn’t come up with a good enough ending. or more like i couldn’t write down what i wanted to write lol but i finally finished it heheh
i hope you like it and it satisfies the wait i made you go through lol

the many things people told him echoed in his head. the dimmed lights of his studio room and the slow, low beat of the music not doing much to brighten up his mood.

she’s being too friendly with that one friend of yours, don’t you think?

he’s warming up too much to her.

watch out, you wouldn’t want someone to whisk her away from you, she is a bit naive, she could be affected too easily.

and it would all have fallen to deaf ears, because he was never one to let anyone talk about his personal life, only if one of his closest friends hadn’t said something.

“jaem,” jeno’s voice made jaemin turn to his friend. jeno looked around to their other friends before figuring out they wouldn’t let what he was going to say out of the circle.

“yeah,” jaemin smiled at jeno, remnants of his laugher from what renjun was saying. jeno cleared his throat still unsure how to approach the topic.

as soon as the news reached his ears he had searched for his friend. he was unsure of the news but he figured jaemin could always ask y/n and they would solve things if it were to be lies. what jeno didn’t know at the time was all the other stuff jaemin had heard.

“listen,” jeno started, tongue darting out to wet his dry lips, “i.. people are saying some stuff and i-,” he cleared his throat again, in nervousness, “i thought i should let you know. i don’t think they are true at all! but… one can never be too sure, right?” he asked, voice unsure as his eyes darted to meet jaemin’s. the latter’s brows furrowed in confusion, wondering what the hell jeno was talking about and he was just about to ask when he continued.

“in case it’s wrong then you guys can always just clear it out but i heard this from someone close and thought i would let you know either ways,” jeno’s hand scratched his neck in nervousness.

“just fucking say it, oh my god,” chenle huffed, impatient with the suspense the older was building up.

“i swear to god, if you say something like a joke,” haechan warned, mark snorting.

“i’m serious, just,” jeno groaned, wondering why he had to be the one to break the news.

“just tell me, jeno,” jaemin smiled and jeno felt the already heavy load on his shoulder get 20 kgs heavier. he took a deep breath. all in one go, he thought, just like a band aid.

“y/n is cheating on you.”

and jaemin’s world fell apart.

everyone could have been wrong but jeno? could jeno be wrong too?

silence. total silence followed as jaemin’s smile fell and his eyes stared ahead to jeno but not really.

he thought about y/n, thought if he could picture her doing anything like than and the answer came right away, even before he finished his thought. no. just no. she could never. but they always said it’s the people you least expect it from. but y/n? she could never… right?

“what the fuck are you talking about?” it was mark who had spoken, the defensive tone evident in voice as he did nothing to mask it and jeno looked away from jaemin’s eyes to the eldest.

“y/n could never, she’s not like that,” renjun chuckled drily, in disbelief.

“jeno, are you sure about this?” haechan raised a hand in front of him to assess the grave situation.

“that’s what i said. i heard this from someone who’s reliable, i can’t say who, though.”

jaemin cleared his throat catching everyone’s attention. he gulped the lump in his throat before he looked around the group.

“i’ll handle this, don’t worry.”

that was all he said but even if he sounded calm and collected, his eyes said a different story, and his clenched jaw showed a different side of the coin. and as much as they wanted to believe he would handle it with care with y/n, they saw the storm coming even before he did. because jaemin’s eyes were on fire, he was aflame. and that uncertainty he had before had just been consumed with jeno’s confirmation. jaemin’s tipping point was reached. as he turned to walk away a hand grasped his arm.

“jaemin,” it was jisung, jaemin waited for him to go on.

“she would never do that.” was all he said.

the ding of his phone’s notification brought him back from the memory. he reached out to his phone deciding this could no longer be avoided. he was determined enough. with these thoughts running in his head he dialed y/n’s number and pressed the phone to his ear.

“hello? jaem?” she answered, and he sighed because how could she sound so angelic, and how was he supposed to confront her when he felt his heart tighten just by her voice. he sucked up the weakness he felt for her when she called out his name again.

“hey, where are you?” he asked softly, but no matter how much he tried to conceal it, the coldness in his voice seeped through.

“i’m at the cafe near my apartment with kyunhae,” she giggled and at the mention of the name jaemin saw red. what the fuck was she doing with him?

“when will you be done? i need to talk to you,” he deadpanned, voice colder than y/n had ever heard and she felt at alert right away. why was he talking like that?

“jaem?” wonder laced her voice as she silently asked what was up but jaemin said nothing.

“it’s urgent,” he specified and y/n had asked him to pick her up right away, sensing something was wrong. and jaemin was left confused to stare at his phone again.

how long are you gonna pretend you care about me? why are you doing me this dirty? why are you faking caring about me?

with those thoughts he had gotten up, whisked his jacket from behind his bedroom door and out of the house he was.

as he drove through the streets he tried to think again, he tried to figure out again if she could really have cheated on him. he was desperate for it to be a lie but then again, jeno had confirmed it, hadn’t he?

could the girl that held him so tightly when they slept, cheat on him? could the girl he grew to love so much do this to him? how could she even think about it when she cried during children’s movies, had ice cream cravings out of nowhere, cried in his arms, clinging to him when he had almost fainted from low blood pressure, helped him stand back on his feet whenever he was sick, babying him through the whole process. how could she cheat on him when she kissed him so softly, as if he was the most precious thing she had, when she held him so close as he murmured sweet nothings in her ears, when she looked at him with so much love when he smiled, when right as he laughed he would look over at her and she would be staring at him. her excuse? she loved seeing him happy. how could the same person that confessed her love for him in between shallow breaths, gasps and whines as he made her feel good be the same person to cheat. how could she make him feel so loved and so important if it was all fake.

it took him a total of twenty minutes to reach the cafe. he parked the car outside as he texted y/n he was out front. he waited for her leaned against the side of his car.

the door to the entrance to the cafe opened and y/n walked out first, face turned behind her as she laughed with kyunhae. jaemin’s hands balled into fists as he watched the interaction, the anger swam in his veins as he watched y/n collide her fist against his in a fist bump before calling out a text me later.

y/n turned out front to jaemin and the way her eyes seemed to genuinely spark up in bright stars as soon she saw him had his heart clenching in pain. how long have you been mastering this act? how can you look this genuine?

“hi, handsome,” she gushed as she pressed her chest to his, arms wrapping around his neck as she pressed a soft kiss to his jaw. jaemin gulped, eyes trained to her relaxed expression, eyes closed and a soft smile on her lips as she hugged him standing on her tippy toes. his arms shoot out out of habit as they went to wrap around her waist before his hands hovered over her frame. he couldn’t do it. he couldn’t pretend everything was okay.

as y/n didn’t feel jaemin hug her back she pulled away slowly, her eyes looking up at him as her arms slowly fell away from him.

“jaem?” she softly called him and his eyes met hers, cold as ever. her hand raised to rest on his cheek in affection but before she could touch his skin, his fingers wrapped around her wrist and stopped her in her tracks. y/n’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“let’s go,” he simply said as he stepped away and opened the passenger seat door for her, y/n looked at him for a few seconds more as he looked to the side and waited for her to get in, so she did.

the silence was eating y/n alive as she fidgeted with her fingers, suspecting something was wrong. she raked her brain, wondering if she did or said anything wrong but it all came empty.

“jaem?” she tentatively called for him. jaemin waited for a few seconds before he hummed in acknowledgement, but even that small sound seemed cold, colder than he had ever been.

“is something wrong?” she softly asked, hand reaching out to grasp his and intertwining their fingers before resting it on her lap. but as soon as the back of his hand rested against her jeans clad thigh he shook off her hand to grasp the wheel again.

she sat frozen, eyes trained where their hands were, her hand still in her lap the same way he had shook it off. what did i do so bad? she wondered.

“i’m driving,” came his excuse but she knew something else was up. he had never rejected her touch like this.

“if something is wrong please tell me, i’ll help you,” she shook off the hurt before turning to him and sending a small smile, eyes pleading, but jaemin stared ahead, silent.

a few minutes later jaemin parked the car in his apartment building garage before swiftly getting out and waiting for y/n. it took her a few seconds before she was out too. they made their way to the elevators. the elevator came, they got in, and it went up to jaemin and his friend’s apartment floor. all in silence.

jaemin walked in first, leaving the door open for y/n. as she closed the door behind her she made eye contact with jisung. the boy smiled warmly at the girl and stepped towards her.

“oh! didn’t know you were coming over, want some?” he raised the hot pot of ramen, seemingly on the way to his room, and y/n smiled shaking her head as she took her shoes off.

“i ate, but thank you,” she smiled warmly and jisung threw her a thumbs up before walking to his room and closing the door.

y/n walked into the apartment looking around for which way jaemin went before her eyes fell on his seated figure in the living room. everyone seemed to be in their own rooms apart from mark, who stood in the kitchen.

“hey,” he waved, a warm smile on his lips before his eyes shifted jaemin and his smile dimmed a bit, y/n waved back.

she shuffled towards jaemin, still confused as to what happened.

“jaemin?” she called for him, his head snapped her way before he slowly stood up.

“do you have anything to tell me?” he asked and y/n thought hard and careful if she had forgotten anything but came up with nothing so she timidly shook her head, hands picking at the border of her tshirt. the one that belonged to jaemin.

“did i forget anything?” she murmured, head low as she felt guilty for forgetting something that affected him so much.

“you have nothing to tell me?” he repeated, a scoff following and y/n looked back up at him, her brows furrowed.

“okay, let me ask you this,” he said, hands resting on his hips as he looked up at the ceiling. mark watched, debating whether he should leave or not, but then choosing against it, someone had to try and do damage control.

“what is kyunhae to you?” at the new question y/n’s brows furrowed even more.

“jaem what are you reaching at?” she asked, confusion eating her alive. jaemin’s eyes sent daggers her way and she realized that she never wanted to have that gaze on her ever again.

“answer my question; what. is. kyunhae. to. you?” he asked again, emphasizing his words. the agitation clear in his voice as he ran a hand through his hair. mark stepped into the living room area.

“jaemin, chill,” he tried to calm the younger and prevent him from saying anything he would regret later. this wasn’t how he thought jaemin would handle things.

“why can’t she just answer?!” jaemin exclaimed. the more she delayed her answer the more anger rose in him. her lips quivered seeing a jaemin she had never seen. he had never talked to her like that, with so much hartred.

“he’s just a friend! that’s all! why are you asking me that!” she answered, her voice a notch higher as she felt attacked. the way he talked to her made her feel defensive. she had never felt attacked by him and she was scared, she didn’t know what happened, why he was acting like that. but no matter how naive she was she wasn’t stupid.

she heard what people said about her, she knew things reached jaemin’s ears in the past and she had done everything in her power to show him he was the only person she loved, only person she cared about. that he was her everything, her all. she had gifted him with a matching promise ring, to reassure him that she was his, always will be. she had told him not to listen to anyone, only her. she loved him, she really did. that’s why she always told him when she would be out with kyunhae, she wanted him to know that whenever he needed it she will drop him and come running to jaemin. because jaemin was her priority. she had told him about meeting him today too but jaemin had forgotten it seems.

“then why the fuck do i hear different things?” he all but screamed and y/n stood frozen on her spot, scared. he had never raised his voice at her, much less in the process of accusing her of anything.

“i swear jaem,” her voice came out in a trembled whisper as jaemin breathed heavily, “none of it is true, i swear,” she pleaded, her eyes stinging in desperation. she needed him to believe her.

“you’re lying,” he shook his head, an empty chuckle leaving his lips as he threw his head back in disbelief and anger, “you’ve been lying for who knows how long,” he muttered and y/n’s brows furrowed, offended.

“i have never lied to you,” she breathed out, before she remembered mark standing nearby. she took two quick steps towards him, taking a hold of his hand softly, “jaem, let’s talk about it in your room, okay? let’s solve this,” she pleaded as she softly pulled his hand but jaemin snatched his arm away from her.

“no,” he shook his head, “we’re gonna do it here, so you can’t lie to me anymore,” his voice rose as he pointed around him and y/n’s eyes blurred in frustration and hurt. how could he be like this.

“jaem what has gotten into you?” she asked, voice a tremble as the first tears threatened to spill, “please, i don’t want to lose you, let’s calm down and talk about this,” she pleaded again.

“if you didn’t want to lose me you should’ve thought about it before you cheated on me!”

y/n felt her heart break at his words, she felt like he had pushed her off of a building, she felt like the ground was snatched from under her feet and she was left falling into the void. the emotion swam in her expression.

“what’s going on?”

mark’s head snapped towards renjun and haechan’s figures as they stepped out of their rooms and into the living room, eyes widened in alarm shifting from y/n to jaemin and then to mark.

mark shook his head. the three looked at y/n, her emotions set on her face and they knew right away they had the whole situation wrong. jaemin had it wrong.

she didn’t look alarmed, caught in the act or guilty, she looked down right betrayed, hurt, and deceived.

“i did nothing of the sort, jaemin,” her voice came out offended, disbelief swimming in her tone.

“jaem,” haechan walked in front of his friend, partially blocking y/n’s view, “that’s enough, calm down,” he muttered lowly, only jaemin hearing him. jaemin shook his head as he pushed haechan away softly.

“no, i need to know why,” he insisted, “why would you do that to me? why not just tell me?” he asked again.

“i didn’t do anything! i understand you heard it somewhere but hell, jaemin, at least ask me before you assume the worst!” she exclaimed her arms raising and dropping by her sides.

“and you’re still fucking lying to me!” he raised his voice again in exasperation.

“i have no reason to lie to you! why are you saying all this to me? how could i ever do that to you, jaem?” her voice grew quiet at the end, just the thought of his implications finally sending the tears tumbling down her cheeks. jaemin scoffed.

“exactly, how could you do that to me?! all i ever did was treat you with care, i always put you first!” he countered again, the vein in his neck popping.

“jaem, you’re not listening to me, please, just listen to me,” she pleaded a sob escaping her lips as she stepped closer t him, her hands grasping his cheeks in desperation for him to look at her eyes, to believe her, “i love you, i would never ever do anything like that, please trust me, let them all be, just trust me.”

but jaemin took a hold of her hands and let them fall in between them.

“what if it’s someone close to me that told me,” he scoffed stepping away.

“jaemin don’t,” renjun interfered, standing in front of y/n, blocking her completely from jaemin’s eyes.

“just go home y/n,” jaemin shook his head as his fingers ran trough his hair and he turned away.

“yah, you’re exaggerating,” mark called him out and jaemin threw him a glance.

“then why bring me here? why do this in front of everyone when you could’ve done that when you met me, why this whole thing?” she asked quietly. she didn’t know what she felt, she didn’t know who this person in front of her even was.

she understood jaemin, she really did. hearing so many things from so many people must’ve played with his head, she understood it. but fucking hell she wished he had talked to her about it, about all of it. she wished he didn’t lash out on her, she wished he had just remembered who she was and how much she loved him. she was a person too, wasn’t she? she could get hurt too, right?

when jaemin didn’t answer she hurriedly turned around, making her way to the door. she fleetingly saw the youngest two silently standing in front of their door at the commotion but she paid no mind to that. all she wanted was to go away. y/n felt so lost, so betrayed; why didn’t he believe her? why didn’t he just askher?

“y/n wait-” haechan tried to call back the girl but she was already out of the door, quickly walking to the elevator and pressing repeatedly on the button.

“fucking hell jaem, is this how you planned to handle it? really?” renjun scolded the black haired guy. jaemin sat on the couch, head in his hands and eyes brimming with tears. suspiciously all their phones dinged one after the other. chenle and jisung looking at each other in confusion as they were the only ones to notice.

mark ran out of the apartment slowly coming to a stop in beside of y/n. she kept her head down, tears dripping on the floor from the tip of her nose as she sniffled.

“y/n,” mark took a hold of her elbow, “wait for a second, you can’t leave alone. it’s late, I’ll take you home, hmm?” he tried to persuade her softly, careful not to be too loud. but she shook her head.

“thank you, but i need to be alone,” she whispered, her shoulder shaking as she took in a harsh breath. mark’s eyes softened.

“let me call you an uber, at least?” he offered again, hand caressing her hair in affection but she shook her head again.

“I’ll be okay,” she muttered as the doors to the elevator dinged and opened. y/n took a step forward before coming to a stop when another pair of shoes came into her view, she stepped aside muttering a sorry.

“oh, y/n..?” jeno’s voice was surprised, his phone held on his hand and his eyes wide. he looked at mark, who held the most disappointed look on his face, brows furrowed. jeno looked back at y/n in confusion.

she looked up at his voice and the sight of her wet cheeks, red nose and swollen eyes sent an alarm to jeno. his eyes widened as he stammered.

“fuck, y/n, I’m so sorry- i didn’t know-” jeno was at a loss of words as realization dawned on y/n and she smiled bitterly.

“it’s okay,” she simply said as she walked into the elevator and waited for the doors to close.

-

jaemin looked up as mark and jeno walked into the apartment, just at the same time as jisung and chenle stumbled out of their rooms, phone grasping in their hands.

“hyung, you gotta see this,” chenle shoved his phone into jaemin’s face. the latter took in a deep breath, taking the phone from the younger.

“jaem,” jeno muttered, eyes remorseful, “i’m so sorry,” he solemnly muttered out, and jaemin furrowed his brows in confusion before looking at the screen of chenle’s phone.

under the instagram picture, written in bold letters, the words “SHE SAID YES” and the small line underneath “thank you y/n for helping me make it even more memorable” were mocking him. and as jaemin ran his fingers through his hair for the nth time that evening and gripped his roots in a vice like grip, his eyes scanned the picture. the picture of kyunhee and who he assumed was his fiancé now. jaemin felt like the biggest idiot in the planet.

-

so as y/n helped kyunhee with the preparations of his engagement party with the biggest smile she could muster up, the happiness she painted on didn’t quite reach her eyes. jaemin had tried again and again to contact her but y/n made it a point to ignore all his texts and all his calls, only using her phone when extremely needed.

she helped her dear friend through the whole process, never missing a beat to tell him and the lucky girl how proud she was of them both.

kyunhee felt guilty taking her help, so much so that y/n had screamed at him to not give her the pity look. she had explained that she needed the distraction and after much thought he let her handle whatever she wanted.

he told himself if he ever came face to face with jaemin he would’ve made him taste his fist, but he knew they would resolve their misunderstanding. of course they would, they loved each other infinitly after all.

y/n was surprised when two days after the break up her mother came knocking on her door. at first she had thought jaemin had called her and as soon as she was about to send her mother away, the older woman had told, “i knew something wasn’t right, i could feel it.” and so y/n had her dearest mother at her apartment, making sure she got the energy she needed and she ate well.

jaemin on the other hand was lost. completely lost. he beat himself up for how he had talked to y/n, he scolded himself for not having talked it out. he regretted not listening to her when she was asking for him to listen.

he tried calling her a thousand times. he tried texting her from the boys’ phones and every time he would let a dry laugh out when she would reply “tell jaem i don’t want to speak.” he knew his girl knew him too well and he felt worse every time because how did he let go of her? what an idiot.

so it was with a heavy heart and jaw clenched in embarrassment that jaemin was standing in front of a building, waiting for the one he misunderstood. truth be told, he was nervous, for what he still didn’t know but he had a hunch.

“jaemin,” a voice pulled him out of his thoughts and jaemin turned to his right to come face to face with a poker face kyunhee. he cleared his voice, holding out his hand for a handshake.

“hey, i hope i didn’t mess up your schedule, i can only imagine how busy you are,” jaemin smiled a tight lipped smile. kyunhee stared at him for a second before deciding to be cooperative for y/n’s sake. he grasped jaemin’s hand and gave it a firm shake before letting go.

“you technically did,” he sighed, jaemin’s brows furrowed, a confused sound leaving his lips, “mess up my schedule. i had an appointment i had to cancel,” kyunhee said, arms crossing over his chest. jaemin blinked for a few seconds before muttering a soft sorry in embarrassment. silence fell upon the two guys. kyunhee’s eyes stayed put on jaemin’s wavering ones. he could practically see the wheels turning in the black haired guy.

“what the hell are you guys doing?” kyunhee sighed then. jaemin’s eyes snapped on him, eyes wide in alarm.

“i-i’m very sorry for misunderstanding your intentions. i really am,” jaemin blabbed, kyunhee rolled his eyes.

“why are you apologizing to me when the person you should apologize to is somewhere else?” kyunhee asked as a matter of fact.

“she doesn’t want to talk to me,” jaemin whispered, eyes looking away and jaw clenching. kyunhee scoffed catching jaemin’s attention again.

“yeah no shit she doesn’t,” the newly engaged one spat out and jaemin let out a humorless snicker, head nodding.

“you acted like a total dick to her, i don’t even know how she hasn’t blocked you yet,” kyunhee shot again and jaemin listened, for he knew he deserved it. the former’s eyes softened for a second at jaemin’s obvious miserable eyes, before hardening again.

“oi, dickhead,” he called jaemin, foot kicking at his shin, jaemin ducked to hold his shin out of instinct, eyes snapping up in despair.

“oi! what was that for?” he called.

“i won’t tell you to go to her place and beg for forgiveness, because quite frankly, that’s not going to work,” kyunhee deadpanned and jaemin nodded, hanging to his every word.

“give her time, jaemin, she’s hurt,” he continued.

jaemin stared at the floor at his feet as he thought. guilt enveloping him in its arms as usual these days. he took a deep breath again and looked up at his girlfriend’s friend, he offered a small smile.

“thank you, really,” jaemin muttered, genuine gratefulness in his voice, “for holding her up, i know it should’ve been me but i’m glad she has a friend like you, i’m really sorry again.”

“it’s okay, don’t worry about it. just think about what kind of pose you need to hold when you’re begging on your knees for her forgiveness,” kyunhee bit back in a lighter tone, feeling weird about all the formality. jaemin snorted the real smile in a while, grateful kyunhee got rid of the heavy serious air around them.

“congratulations on your engagement, by the way,” jaemin clapped the side of kyunhee’s arm and the latter thanked him, before a thought hit him and his eyes squinted as he looked at jaemin.

“uhhh why are you looking at me like that?” the black haired one asked, an unsure tone to his voice.

“you know what? why don’t you…”

-

“the place looks so pretty!” y/n turned to her mother with a proud smile as the older woman looked around the engagement party venue with sparkling eyes, “you did a great job, love,” she turned to y/n and lovingly caressed her face.

“thank you, mom,” y/n giggled, her hand grasping her mom’s as they made their way through the crowd.

the venue was decorated in hues of white and lilacs, the stage at the front of it was decorated with fresh flowers and thin branches giving it a very fresh look.

her eyes lit up when she saw her dear friend and his fiancé in the distance.

“let’s go say hi to kyunhee,” she told her mother as they made their way towards the couple.

-

it was thirty minutes later, when y/n was enjoying her time with a few friends and their families that the murmurs started.

at first y/n didn’t pay any attention to it because who cares if a handsome guy was at the party, she was already taken. well. not anymore, but that didn’t change the fact that her heart lay where jaemin was.

so imagine her surprise when she turned around to look around the place and her eyes fell on none other than the handsome guy everyone was talking about. na jaemin.

as soon as their eyes met y/n’s head snapped towards kyunhee a few meters away, talking to another guest, and the piece of shit had the audacity to smile at her and throw a wink before returning his eyes to the guest.

jaemin slowly came to a stop beside her, back as straight as a wooden plank, shoulders tense. he threw a tight lipped smile around the few people surrounding him as he greeted them.

“jaemin dear?” y/n’s mother’s eyes sparked up in adoration and y/n smiled softly at the scene as her mom engulfed a chuckling jaemin in her arms, hands grasping his face softly as she gushed over him.

“how long it has been, love, how are you?” she asked and jaemin chuckled before patting her back and stood back up straight to look at her.

“too long, sorry i couldn’t come to say hi sooner, i was stuck with all the assignments i pushed back,” he apologized, ever the gentleman and y/n’s eyes stung a bit as she blinked.

“ahh you study so well, but don’t neglect your health,” she smiled again as she hugged him tighter and jaemin nodded hugging her back. what he didn’t expect was the words the older woman whispered in his ear as she pulled away.

“make things right, love, fight for each other,” and she gave him the most loving smile as she said something about enjoying the evening and walked to a group of ladies.

jaemin’s eyes fell on y/n and she looked away as jaemin stepped up beside her as she pulled away from the small group, saying something about getting a glass of prosecco.

she threw him a side glance as she stopped at the table.

“why are you following me,” at the sound of her voice jaemin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. his hand twitched to hold hers.

“i wanted some prosecco,” he muttered and a small smile pulled at his lips when she blushed in embarrassment before nodding and moving away with the glass in her hand, jaemin doing the same. the two stood at the side in silence.

“y/n,” jaemin called after a while and y/n hummed, her eyes trained to the live band, “i’m very sorry,” he whispered. y/n stopped in the middle of taking a sip before detaching the glass from her lips.

“i don’t want to talk about it, jaem,” she muttered before taking the sip, finishing the content in the flute all in one go. jaemin’s hand rested against the back of her waist in reflex.

“slow, you’re gonna get dizzy,” he muttered and y/n could hear the worry in his tone, and she hated it because how could he sound like that after all he had said.

there were a few things that put jaemin’s worry at rest. that assured him that y/n was still is girl. he felt a small smile tug at his lips when she called him by his nickname, when she didn’t push away his hand on her waist, his chest puffed out, and when she nodded at his words of worry he felt himself relax a bit.

“you’re beautiful,” he muttered loud enough for only y/n to hear as he took a sip of his prosecco, eyes set on her as she turned around with narrowed eyes, only to blush like crazy when her eyes met his. jaemin’s eyes held an intimacy she couldn’t hold right now. he let out a deep chuckle when her chest and neck set up in flames.

they stood there side by side as they watched the many couples dancing. jaemin’s eyes would settle on her every few seconds, so much so that she could feel it every time.

“what are you two doing?” y/n’s mother’s voice made the couple’s head snap to the side. y/n made sure a soft smile settled on her lips as her mother’s friends followed her.

“who’s this, y/n?” one of them asked, curious eyes settled onto jaemin, the latter giving a polite smile and a bow as he muttered his hellos. before y/n could answer, her mother chimed in.

“oh! this is jaemin, i told you about him! he’s my daughter’s boyfriend, such a gem, let me tell you. sweetest boy i ever met,” she gushed, and y/n’s panic stricken eyes met jaemin’s smiling ones. her eyes narrowed at his pleased look.

“oh my, he’s so gorgeous! you’re absolutely stunning, dear!” one of the women smiled as she caressed his cheek and jaemin chuckled, muttering a thank you.

“well, what are you two doing here? go for a dance!” y/n’s mother ushered as she pushed them to the clearing, where other couples were dancing.

y/n made to protest and push back but her words got swallowed up by the encouraging giggling of the older women as they stumbled upon the floor.

y/n looked at jaemin as he settled his prosecco flute on the tray of a passing waiter.

a few minutes later the two found themselves slowly swaying to the music. one of y/n’s hands in jaemin’s as his other hand rested against the middle of her back. his thumb brushed slowly in a comforting manner, so much so that y/n found herself stopping from leaning her head on his shoulder out of instict.

jaemin’s eyes stayed on her features as hers looked anywhere but him. his heart hurt that she didn’t want to even look at him, but he also understood. he had hurt her deeply, after all.

“y/n,” he called, voice loud enough only for her to hear. she hummed in acknowledgment, “look at me,” he tapped his thumb against her back and she reluctantly looked up at him.

“i’m sorry,” he squeezed her hand, and she remained silent. she didn’t know what to say. what do you say to sorry when you can’t say it’s okay? do you ignore it? do you say i heard you? do you just nod? what do you do?

people say sorry and expect everything to be fine, they say sorry when they know the answer is going to be it’s okay. but, to y/n it wasn’t okay, it couldn’t be okay. she didn’t know if it would be anytime soon or anything. all she knew was that she was hurt, extremely hurt. so she couldn’t say it’s okay.

she loved jaemin tremendously. so much so it was scary. she loved him so much her chest hurt sometimes, her lungs felt like giving out and her heart felt like squeezing the life out of it. it was painful how much she actually loved him. she felt like crying if she didn’t ignore how much she actually loved him.

not because it was unhealthy, but because she knew she would give it all up for him. she couldn’t dwell too much on the love she harbored for him, she just had to live with the knowledge that she loved him a lot. she knew if she tried to think about how much she loved him she would cry so much it would worry him. and she didn’t know how she could ever explain that.

because how do you explain to someone you love them so much you want to cry because your heart hurts, it hurts so much because even your heart is too small to contain that much love. because you love everything about them, all of it. and you know how cheesy it is when people list out all the reasons why they love someone but your love is different; you can’t pin point what exactly you love, you can’t pin point what makes you happy about them, and you can’t bring yourself to just find one physical attribute you love about them because that would be a lie, because that’s not why you love them, and you can’t say personality because as much as that’s the closest thing as to why you love them, it’s not quite there yet.

you just love them. the essence of what and who they are, with all their flaws and imperfections and all things perfect, it’s just them entirely. it’s their ability to smile when they’re hurting, it’s the way they make mistakes and they learn, the way they just are. and you can’t explain it so you just accept it that when someone asks why you love them you’ll just have to say a measly i love everything about them, and as cute as that sounds it’s so basic and so underwhelming to what you actually feel but that’s all that you’re able to say.

so y/n stared at jaemin’s eyes and her eyes stung and moistened up because she could feel her heart hurting, because she let herself actually feel how much she loved him. yes, he hurt her. yes, she was in pain. but the pain she felt from loving him was so much greater and so much more overwhelming.

jaemin was quick to softly push his hand on her back and encourage her to rest her head on his shoulder, knowing how much she hated crying in public. she gladly took the support, resting her forehead on his shoulder. he hushed her as his lips pressed against her hair.

“you hurt me,” she said, and jaemin rested her hand clasped in his on his other shoulder, fingers squeezing hers, arm tightening around her back.

“i know, i’m so sorry, really, i’m so sorry, princess,” he muttered, lips pressed to her hair.

“i felt like i lost everything,” she started, voice trembling as she forced herself to not cry, “everything we build up, everything we went through, i felt like i lost all of it. i tried to care so much for you, i tried to show you how much i loved so hard, but i-” her voice choked, “-i felt like i lost it all, and you wouldn’t even listen to me. i was so alone, i felt so alone,” she continued, and jaemin’s eyes stung as he listened to her, because that was all she needed; for him to listen to her.

he brought her hands behind his neck as he grasped her face in his hands and pulled her back to look her in the eyes. he sent her a soft smile as his thumbs caressed her cheeks.

“i’m so sorry i made you feel like that. i’m an absolute asshole,-” “yes you are,” he chuckled as she interrupted him, “i will make it up to you. i swear, i will, please accept my apologies.”

his lips downturned as she shook her head before his brows furrowed in confusion when she rested her head back on his shoulder and crossed her fingers at the back of his neck.

“make it up to me and maybe i will,” she spoke softly and jaemin smiled fondly as he rest one arm around her waist and the other rose up to caress her head lovingly, and y/n’s eyes closed at the action, a smile pulling at her lips.

“deal,” he chuckled, before he smiled teasingly, “i’m surprised you didn’t cry, you crybaby,” he teased and she mutter a fuck you.

“why would i cry,” she scoffed and jaemin laughed at her words.

after a beat of silence, “i read somewhere if you clench your butthole right when you’re about to cry it stops the waterworks, guess it works.”

and jaemin laughed loudly as she shook in his arms from her own laughter.

sharing kisses with the dreamies.

feat. mentions of kissing and light touches.

unrequested ┊version with mark (127)

ʚ ⋮  huang renjun

• oh, he’s so smitten, it’s so bad for him :( his heart is going to explode
• as much as he tries to play it cool, it’s no secret to anyone that renjun thinks his s/o is the cutest person in the world. so, knowing he’ll be able to share such an intimate moment with them will have his knees buckling and resolve crumbling.
• not to mention, he’s such a sucker for close contact; run your fingers through his hair or pull him closer by his belt loops (!!!) and he’ll be putty in your hands.

ʚ ⋮  lee jeno

• sooo healing (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ
• if he’s ever having a particularly rough day he’ll flop onto your bed and stare at you, tapping his lips until you get the message.
• and omg, if you’re ever feeling sad he’s 100% the type of boyfriend to pull you by your waist and leave a quick kiss on your forehead before whisper affirmations in your ear.
• the effect you have on each other is so cute.
• he melts inside everytime your lips touch, but that won’t make him shy away from holding your chin and staring straight into your eyes when he pulls away.

ʚ ⋮  lee haechan

• loves to set you on his lap so he can kiss you all over your face and his hands roam free over your skin and under your shirt, he’ll do it anywhere, too. his friends are begging for the two of you to get a room, but he could care less.
• he’s very much young and in love and dying to show his s/o off, so if he wants to kiss in the kitchen, taeyong will just have to finish his drink somewhere else (/j)
• such a tease!! he’ll kiss you everywhere BUT your lips then he has the audacity to ask you why there’s a pout on your face.

ʚ ⋮  na jaemin

• jaemin is so giving— anything you want he’ll give it to you. he could be in the middle of a business call and you could waddle in all shy asking for a kiss and best believe he’ll stop everything and give it to you (and pinch the skin of your cheeks for good measure).
• he’s just in love with everything about you.
• you could be doing the most mundane thing and he’ll get this wave of admiration that gives him no choice to sneak up on you, wrap his arms around your waist, and pepper a million little pecks all over your face.
• the type of guy to do a loud mwah whenever you pull away.

ʚ ⋮  zhong chenle

• two words: playful and sweet.
• chenle’s kisses are so soft, i’m convinced you’d feel like you’re on cloud nine.
• he can not stop smiling for the life of him, it gets to the point where your teeth end up clashing bcus he can’t wipe of his grin before he touches his lips to yours.

ʚ ⋮  park jisung

• this boy… will be the death of you.
• he started out so shy and nervous, hands shaking before resting on your chin, and averted eyes, but now that jisung is comfortable with you? he’s bold as ever.
• he has no problem holding you close to him and staring you down before leaning in and closing the space between the two of you.
• (and if he’s feeling himself he might do it in-front of both of your friends…)

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au chenle
happy (once again late) birthday lele ! ~
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta |sicheng

• maybe the heat has gotten to chenle 
• when he sits down on the last step of the long staircase nestled between your building and the twenty four hour grocery store
• the stairs lead up to the next block, where you can hear the vague sounds of kids playing on the street. one of the voices might be haechan, he’s shouting for someone to come back
• but you look at chenle and he’s looking at his knees
• freshly bruised from where he and jisung both fell off their bikes a couple days ago, it’s starting to scab and he looks like he’s trying not to pick at it
• “sorry, you want me to do what?”
• “don’t make me say it again.”
• he mutters and he won’t look at you
• you know even if you ask him too - he’s probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met -  he won’t
• “no, i didn’t hear - well i did, but i mean - you’re crazy.”
• “you can just say no.”
• he shifts his gaze from his knees up to the sky and then after you wait patiently for another minute he finally does look at you
• “do you really hate the idea of it?”
• “it’s not that. it’s just…….if you really like this person, you should just fall into it naturally with them. you shouldn’t have to practice - you should just do it when it feels right.”
• his mouth twitches like he’s about to scowl and roll his eyes and stomp away
• because that’s what he does when things don’t go his way but instead he just stares at you and says;
• “i won’t know what feels right until ive at least tried it.”
• you should argue back, you and chenle are notorious for always bantering and quarrelling and leaving all of your friends either annoyed or doubling over with laughter
• but you can’t think of something witty to say. something at least convincing because he makes a point
• but also
• how is he not embarrassed to ask me of all people that?
• sighing, you’re the one who looks away and over your shoulder up the stairs
• no one is around - their voices are - but they’re distant and chenle is close
• so close that bruised knee of his could brush yours if he just inched a little to his left
• “fine.”
• you give in and turn your shoulders back toward him
• “you might as well practice with me, anyone else and you might actually catch another crush on top of the one you have now.”
• chenle half smirks and you don’t register the emotional shift in the light brown of his eyes
• you just think he’s going along with your joke - well not really a joke, more like a statement
• and that’s how you end up leaning in, one hand on the stairs as if to keep your balance even while sitting down
• and the other on the side of chenle’s cheek
• you hover just a moment before you kiss him - a split, wordless millisecond of hesitation - and then you let your lips gently press to his
• it isn’t even a real kiss but it is the first moment of the rest of a summer you never expected
• of course, you and chenle tell no one about this weird, awkward, beyond the boundaries of friendship thing you are doing
• mostly because if you did haechan and jaemin would not let it go, not until you were all rolling in your graves and jisung would probably be scarred with crippling doubt of where every friendship of his stood
• so you only naturally have to sneak around
• chenle is a good liar though, well better than you who has trouble even looking renjun in the eyes when chenle says you and him have to leave a little earlier from the backyard barbeque someones throwing because oh right, you forgot your allergy medicine at home and chenle promised some old lady across the street he’d feed her cat while she was on holiday
• they’re half-assed, badly timed lies but it is summer
• and if you and chenle don’t want to have fun with the rest of the group then so be it
• you guys just get teased and called debbie-downers and then you’re home free
• well home free in a sense that you know have some time to sit on the rug of your bedroom and kiss
• for the sake of learning
• “where do i put my hands?”
• chenle asks one time and you move instinctively to put one of his palms on the side of your waist. 
• that’s where i like to be held-
• you drop his hand as soon as the thought crosses your mind and stutter out
• “well, that’s more a question for your crush. different people like it in different places.”
• he nods and thinks for a second
• “we’ve only kissed a couple of times but i think i like putting my hand on your waist.”
• his palm ends up just where you had wanted to lead it and when a little swell of butterflies flutters in your stomach at the fact, you quell the feeling and shove it deep deep deep down 
• this persists throughout the weeks, and each time you try and introduce chenle to a tier higher of kissing, if that makes sense
• you’ve got down the leaning in, the hand position, the tilting your head, the emergency breath mints, the lead up or lead out, the avoid nose smashing or teeth clanking and then there’s only really one last thing you can graduate too and it’s 
• “tongue?”
• you almost hark on the ice-cream sandwich you’re eating when jaemin says the word
• “yeah, he got his tongue pierced. are you ok?”
• renjun turns his long gaze to you, the poor ice-cream melting all over the wrapper and on your fingers
• “fine, yeah, it’s just - super hot. i think im gonna go home and lay under the ac.”
• your eyes go from renjun to jaemin to chenle who gives a little nod and stands up from his side of the table with a groan
• “sorry guys, i got a text from my mom. i gotta go now too.”
• no one says anything. renjun taps his fingers and doesn’t look away from you as jaemin tries desperately to convince you both to stay and when you both say no he sticks his tongue out and asks you a question that you thought would sooner come out of anyone elses mouth
• “are you two like hooking up behind our backs or something, you’re always gone when we’re having the most fun!”
• you think you might really fall over - renjun, sure you could have seen him figuring it out. haechan - definitely. even jeno……but 
• jaemin?
• “what? like i’d ever hook up with them.”
• chenle’s voice comes out, high and mocking 
• it’s pretty good and you almost believe it for a second - turn around and tell him hey, you’ve been making out with me this whole entire month so if you want to end up practicing on a stuffed animal back home you better take that back!
• when you realize - right, he’s covering up
• you scrunch up your nose and chuck the icecream into the trash
• “right, like id ever let him touch me.”
• jaemin is convinced, he goes back to laughter and obliviousness, but renjun chuckles when you pass by and the undertone of it makes you shake even in the heat
• “renjun knows.”
• you and chenle are not in your room for once, you’re outside in a small park that’s been abandoned as the summer moon switches places with the summer sun
• chenle is swinging back and forth and you’re leaning against the side of the swing set nervously biting your lip
• “he gave me a look when we left.”
• “are you going to teach me it by the way?”
• “teach you what?”
• you hear the swing come to a stop and he stands up, you don’t know if now the summer heat is getting to you
• because when you look at him he looks different
• he looks handsome, not just cute and sweet like you’re used to seeing him - all round faced and smiley - he’s gotten taller and is still so naturally thin it brings out the defining cuts of the sharper parts of his face
• you look away immediately when you start cataloging all of this in your brain
• people only do that with people they like, you don’t look at your friends and start painting their best features in your head like a psycho …….. ok not a psycho but someone that’s…..that’s in ……
• “you know, how to actually kiss. not little pecks or whatever, like actual deeper kissing.”
• it is obvious what he’s asking and you are pretty sure it’s just his drive to be better at all this for that person he likes 
• but you feel shy about it, even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being slightly closer to someone who is using you as what could be compared with a scientific mannequin 
• a how-to user guide, a one time trial period
• you feel light headed and when chenle comes into your personal space and reaches out to hold you, you jerk back
• “stop - wait.”
• he listens 
• “w-who do you even like, you never told me.”
• “why’s that important?” 
• his eyes widen a little and you are racing through a hundred different excuses and reasons to prolong this conversation
• “well i want to know. i mean, i mean everything we practiced you’re going to use with them so i just i guess i feel like im at least entitled to know that.”
• “it’s a secret, it doens’t matter either way.”
• “do i know them?”
• chenle frowns, “no. they don’t live near here. anyway are you ok why-”
• you walk backwards, up until your back hits the fence that runs around the little park
• chenle’s ticked off look turns into genuine concern and he stops a couple of feet from you and asks this time if you’re really ok, if you don’t want to do this anymore than that’s all you have to say-
• he’s speaking, in almost something akin to a whisper, and the sound along with the dawning of the evening makes you remember that first kiss you gave him on the stairs
• his bruised knee, haechan’s voice in the distance, the long steps leading up to the entire world and away from chenle
• if you really had felt nothing for him but friendship, you would have gotten up and told him to stop playing around
• you would have trotted up those steps and joined everyone else
• you would have never leaned in and kissed him first
• but you had and the secret that you’d stowed as far back in your heart as possible had slowly, with each day of this summer, been pulled out and out and out
• and now it was big and shining and the only thing you could think about anymore
• i like chenle
• and everytime he kisses me
• he’s thinking of someone else
• “i can’t, i can’t do that with you.”
• you finally find the words and then clutch your fingers into fists at your side when chenle gives you a sad look you almost never see him wear
• “it’s not that i don’t want to, i do. i want to. and not to help you learn or whatever but because i really just……..want to.”
• that sad look is turning into something you’re too scared to look at - but you know he’s following your train of thought now
• “and you should want to do that with the person you like, not a replace-”
• “it’s you.”
• he cuts in before you finish your sentence and like a train going at full speed you brake and everything crashes in at once
• “-ment……sorry, what?”
• “it’s you. you’re the person i like.”
• “but- you - practice- you - what?”
• the starstruck look on your face makes chenle laugh and you can’t believe the audacity, buy you also want an answer so when he wipes away his chuckling he nods
• “it was you all along. do you think i’d ever want to spend days making out with someone i didn’t like?”
• when you had thought something had been wrong with him on the day he’d asked you to do this the first time, you really had thought either he’d gotten heatstroke or been brainwashed
• it was so unlike chenle to 1) admit he needed to practice something and 2) want to practice it with someone he wasn’t at least fond of
• so really, maybe something had been wrong with you, when you had failed to see that his whole plan this time was
• “you just wanted an excuse to kiss me all summer?”
• he shrugs and grins, “it was nice right?”
• you can’t argue or lie or disagree - it was nice - and now you’re standing here in this park with no one around and you think maybe you shuold teach chenle the last and final thing about kissing
• so you finally let him come closer and with his hand on your waist, just where you like it, he leans in again
• but just before you do anything else you pull back and mumble
• “jaemin is going to freak out when we tell him he was right, we have been sneaking out around behind everyones back to make out.”
• “yeah but renjun definitely knows right?”
• you nod, right, maybe that’ll soften the shock for everyone
• (it doesn’t)
• and sometimes you also get another wave of shock, even after dating chenle for so long 
• not much has changed - you still like to push each other and tease and pretend like you aren’t head over heels in love with each other 
• if only because that’s one way to show that you are, in fact, very much attached 
• and because even when you kiss in front of the group - jaemin still says it blows his mind
• the only person who keeps reminding everyone that he saw this coming, even before you and chenle spent that summer locking lips 
• is renjun who looks at you and chenle and is like, “one day ill probably be helping plan their wedding.”
• you and chenle look at each other and pretend to gag, wedding? no way? to each other? you’d both rather die!
• and then you grin and kiss and tickle noses and disappear into a bubble of your own
• every time you get to be alone though you whisper against his cheek that you love him, he knows exactly how to make you happy
• and he reminds you hey - you taught me everything i know, that one summer all that time ago.

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jeno
another late, sappy birthday gift for mr. lee jeno. i promised to finish the ot21s so…….
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun|yukhei|doyoung|jaehyun|jungwoo|ten|jisung|renjun
tw:mention of ankle injury

• summer is supposed to be a time of happiness, of adventure and goofing around under the constant sunlight
• and so when you start summer, you are all smiles and big dreams! unfiltered energy to do whatever you want!
• and whatever you want is definitely
• NOT spending even a day (actually three) in the hospital after you end up falling off your bike and breaking your ankle like the absolute unlucky person that you are
• “that is so gnarly dude, my condolences”
• chenle mutters, skateboard under hand and shaking his head
• jisung nods in agreement beside him - still wearing his helmet even after your nurse gives him a look about it
• “hey, at least you’re getting all this free candy?”
• jaemin motions, picking up a ‘get better soon’ box filled with chocolates from your uncle
• he pops one in his mouth and haechan swats his hand away before he can steal any more
• mark sighs and gives you a sad smile, renjun puts the flowers they all bought together in a vase by your bed
• it’s all a littletoo much - and you tell them it’s fine, it’s just an ankle and you’ll be out of here in no time
• they all agree, except for jeno who is sitting at the foot of your bed with his volleyball uniform still on and his duffel bag between his legs on the floor
• you keep throwing glances his way because you have never seen jeno so quiet in your life
• mark - who is the brains of your friend group (oddly enough) - catches the looks of worry
• so he does what any good friend would do, he tells all the remaining members he saw a machine with snacks out in the hall and they all excuse themselves with 'see you soon!’s’ out of your hospital room
• jeno doesn’t move a muscle
• “how was practice? jaemin looks happy so im guessing you guys are going to be in great shape when school starts again?”
• there isn’t any response and jeno is almost hidden with the way his head is hanging low and his hands are clasped on his knees
• “jeno-”
• “it’s my fault you’re in here.”
• you puff your cheeks and cross your legs
• “oh please! it’s my own fault! is that why you’re acting all sad?”
• he doesn’t answer and the lack of communication is making you nervous more than it is making you angry
• jeno and you are close, to the point of knowing each other’s parents by their first names and who your first kisses were back in middle school
• he has never been one to lack the words for a conversation - at least not with you
• you wish you could scoot closer and pinch his cheek or poke his forehead
• but your cast is restricting movement and these days touching jeno feels……different
• “i should have stopped you before you went down that hill, i was there and i couldn’t save you-”
• “jeno, im not made of glass and plus im not even that hurt!”
• he finally shifts so he can look at your leg, propped up on the pillow and covered in its cast that has been brightly decorated with signatures and doodles
• the way his gaze travels up your hospital gown and to you, you know he isn’t registering anything you’re saying
• you sit up a little and hide the wince behind another set of promises to jeno that you are ok and you don’t need him to blame himself when he has so much more going on on his plate
• “you and jaemin are going to graduate after the upcoming semester and that means it’s your last year with the volleyball team. you should focus on practice and being the best you can be - when i can get myself up on those crutches ill come visit to see how you guys are doing!”
• he seems to soften, the sharp angles of his face that have just gotten more handsome as he ages still somehow manage to look sweet and youthful
• he picks his duffel bag up off the floor and leans toward you like he’s going to push some hair from your face or kiss your forehead
• he’s done both before - but this is the first time the gesture has made the blood in your veins stop and something imaginary clog in the back of your throat
• instead of doing either jeno seems to buffer as he hovers above you, reaching out to fluff the edge of your pillow
• “ok, but also you have to be serious about your recovery.”
• he pulls back and the same concern as before washes over him, his vocal tone lowers
• “don’t go doing anything dangerous.”
• you point to your cast with a half-smile
• “i don’t think that’s going to be possible.”
• you get discharged from the hospital the next day, not that it brightens your summer any further, you basically just end up trading the hospital bed for the four walls of your own room
• the group chat explodes with more well wishes
• but you change the subject, all the pity makes you cringe
• 'how was volleyball practice?’
• several people start typing - except for jeno
• jaemin’s reply comes first, 'it was good!’
• followed by jisung’s, 'but…..jeno didn’t show up…’
• renjun adds 'he said he wasn’t feeling well - don’t worry!’
• you furrow your eyebrows
• 'has anyone visited him? does he need medicine?’
• haechan texts something before anyone can really stop him, 'im pretty sure he’s just being sad - if he had the stomach flu we all be sick. we eat together everyday.’
• 'haechan!’ mark replies as jaemin sends a shaking his head emoji
• 'wait. jeno is sad?’
• it goes silent and then suddenly jeno is typing
• 'im not sad, im fine. ill be at practice tomorrow.’
• you let out a sigh you didn’t know you were holding in
• it’s only natural that you, as jeno’s friend, would be worried about him. at least, that’s what you tell yourself.
• to be honest - now that you’re not out enjoying summer - you’re more than ever stuck with your own thoughts and the most recent string of them is: what changed between you and jeno?
• for years it had been easy going fun, the simple enjoyment of each others company
• but ever since it started getting warm enough for t-shirts - there has been a shift in the central point of you and jeno’s friendship
• you are suddenly hyper-aware of how strong the outline of his arms looks.
• you notice when he wears different cologne.
• you see the way other people turn their heads to look at him when he walks by, the way they pick up on the handsome features that make up your best friend
• and you can’t help but feel something cruel and cold fester in the pit of your stomach when you think jeno might one day look back at that stranger ….. and notice their features too
• you sit up, which is a mistake because you shift your foot and it makes you yelp, but you look at your phone again
• the gc has moved onto topics of video games so you message jeno outside of it
• 'hey, if something is wrong you can tell me’
• he reads the message and doesn’t reply. you tell yourself that’s totally fine.
• a couple of weeks pass before anyone lets you limp out of the house by yourself
• you’ve mastered crutches and when you really need something, one of your friends delivers it
• although recently, it seems to be everyone but jeno
• everything otherwise seems normal
• no one really talks about volleyball - which is fine, you just assume they’re busy practicing
• and so you hobble down to the school gym that’s still open for the student-athletes during the break and are secretly happy to bump into mark who helps you with the stairs
• “by the way, don’t be upset with him ok.”
• mark says before you enter the gym - you look at him with a raised eyebrow
• “upset with who?”
• mark swallows - just tilts his head and when you go inside you look everywhere, you see everyone, but you don’t see jeno
• “im guessing he isn’t in the locker rooms?”
• you ask mark with a deflated tone of voice, mark shakes his head
• “he hasn’t been to practice at all.”
• you can understand why no one had told you.
• like mark said, they knew you’d get on his case about it - which is what you plan on doing when you end up on his front porch
• jeno comes down with messy hair and basketball shorts on. he’s not wearing a shirt and immediately you think you lose the ability to speak
• “you shouldn’t be walking around just yet.”
• he says and you frown
• “it’s been a while now, plus im not here about me. im here to ask what you think you’re doing.”
• jeno crosses his arms and you hate the involuntary flex of his muscles.
• actually, you don’t hate it, you hate that you stare when you don’t mean to.
• he ushers you into the backyard and motions for you to sit on one of the patio chairs
• he’s still being the same thoughtful guy you grew up with but you’re beyond confused
• “are you quitting volleyball - why aren’t you going to practice?”
• “im not quitting. i just don’t feel like it - i don’t feel like doing anything.”
• you reach out with one of your crutches to poke him, he makes a face
• “im the one with a broken ankle - im the one who gets to be depressed. c'mon, tell me what’s really wrong.”
• jeno falls silent, you notice that he hasn’t completely shaved and there’s a bit of a shadow on his jawline
• you swallow the sudden dryness in your throat
• this is your best friend since you were kids. you are literally not going to think anything but pure thoughts from now on. ok. stop. don’t you dare.
• “that’s the thing. you have a broken ankle, you can’t even go to the beach and im supposed to do what - enjoy the summer without my best friend?”
• he throws his hands up and you see an expression you barely ever get from jeno form on his face
• “i could have stopped you from being reckless, i could have made sure you weren’t in that stupid cast and that you could-”
• “jeno!”
• you cut him off and he looks at you, the momentary distraction of your newfound attraction to him dissipates as you grind your teeth
• “i told you that it’s no way your fault i got hurt - plus it’s not like you personally broke my ankle and im not suffering torturous pain. things happen like this in life - don’t beat yourself up about it!”
• you wish you could get up to make your point, but the best you manage is a shaky lift grabbing onto your chair
• jeno gets up to help you but you shoo him away
• “it hurts me more to see you moping around on my behalf! did you think about that, how it would make me feel to hear that my injury is making you slack on the things you like?!”
• he blinks and you suddenly feel a rush of different things
• one is that you hate how he seems to be so full of pity for you, another is that you hate how he’s kind of right about this summer being pointless now that you can barely move, but the last is that because of all these things happening you can’t even properly wrap your head around the fact that you think you like him
• and not in the platonic way you’d been beating on liking him your whole life
• so to add this to the pile - you take your crutches and give him a stern look
• “just start going to practice. i told you when i was in the hospital, i’ll always come to cheer you on when i can. that doesn’t change for me, broken ankle or not because you’re my best friend and i want to see you succeed.”
• and i love you
• you don’t say the last part, you bite your lip back and although you can’t storm off in your usual fiery passion, you make it out of his backyard and let a heaviness fall off your chest as you somehow manage to get back home
• the sound of messages incoming on your phone are drowned away by your tiredness
• i just want to be a source of happiness for you, i never wanted to be your burden jeno.
• the next day there’s a knock on your bedroom door - you tell them to come in and go wide-eyed when you see jeno there
• he’s in his volleyball uniform and he’s holding something in his hands
• “jen-”
• “im sorry. you were right, i can’t use you as an excuse to be lazy anymore. i brought these.”
• he hands you the tupperware of cookies and you are about to ask him if he made these when jeno’s familiar, warm laughter fills your room
• “i didn’t make them, they’re chipsahoy but i thought the gesture could count.”
• you look down at them - he’s so silly.
• you look back up at jeno’s smile - i really love him.
• “good. now go have fun at practice, ill visit you guys later in the week.”
• he comes closer to you and suddenly the air in the room stills, he leans over and you think you can feel the temperature of your skin rise to an unsafe level when he hooks his pinkie with yours
• “promise?”
• you nod and he disappears with a wave. you sit in your bed and hold the cookies.
• maybe breaking my ankle and not spending every minute around him might actually have been a good thing.
• as you promised, you show up to practice at the end of the week.
• jeno is there and he lights up when he sees you, helps you with your crutches and everyone gathers around to tell you how thankful they are that you went and got jeno to comeback
• jisung randomly sputters a, “the only person who can control him is you. it’s like he’s your boyfriend.”
• mark catches the look on your face before jeno does and flicks jisung on the head, “what do you know about dating - c'mon lets go get water for everyone.”
• the comment swims around your head for the entire time you’re there - and you don’t know it, but it swims around jeno’s as well
• when practice is over, jaemin offers to drive everyone home - no one agrees because they’re probably terrified of his driving
• and jeno says he’ll be the one to walk you home
• it’s nothing unusual, you’ve been with jeno throughout your whole childhood, but there seems to be a weird pause among your group when he announces it
• when you and him set off toward your house, mark does something weird - he winks at you and you take a second before
• oh - he knows i like jeno doesn’t he?
• you can only go at the of the equivalent of snail’s pace, and jeno matches it without complaint
• you don’t say anything and it makes it that much harder to distract the chanting about how good he looks and how you can’t believe you’re that person who fell in love with their best friend and how this summer is so confusing its almost vomit-inducing and-
• “hey, would it be weird if i liked you?”
• it feels like the earth itself has been dropped from the shoulders of atlas, you think suddenly all the gravity has gone and disappeared
• you stop and look at jeno who sets his bag down on the asphalt
• the boy you met when you were young is suddenly not a boy anymore, his shadow is tall and mature against the setting summer sun
• “liked me?”
• he scratches the back of his neck and then nods
• “i had said i can’t use your injury as my excuse to be lazy. i actually wasn’t being lazy, i was just going through a hard time because i thought i had hurt the person most important to me in the world.”
• your heart thumps against your chest so hard it kind of hurts
• “me?”
• “yeah, and i realized your friend can be the most important person in the world - but i think it’s different the way i feel about now……i like you.”
• “i love you.”
• you blurt it out before you can even really stop yourself, jeno looks shocked for about a second before it breaks into a big smile on his face
• the one you haven’t seen in what seems like forever, the one that feels genuine and right
• “oh cool, i actually love you too - i just didn’t know if i should say it-”
• “can you come over here and kiss me, these crutches are kind of making it hard for me.”
• no one is surprised when you and jeno announce in the gc that you’re going on your first date
• mark tries to act it, but literally everyone is like finally - you do ask mark if he knew all along about how you felt and he goes i knew how you felt and how jeno felt. you two are open books.
• the date isn’t as thrilling as you both might have wanted, the broken ankle is still kind of getting in the way, so jeno takes you out to the lake and does all the rowing himself
• you offer, since it’s your hands, but he insists he can do it himself and he does. seriously, he’s way stronger than you remember him being a year ago.
• you guys eat on the grass when you get back and he effortlessly picks you back up onto your feet, you swoon everytime but try not to show it
• and when jeno drops you off - he kisses you again, and this time he doesn’t have to have you tell him to - he picks the perfect moment
• being his best friend and dating him doesn’t change too much, it’s just you’re now holding hands everytime you hangout and you’re kissing in the back of jaemin’s car much to his disappointment and well
• it’s just made everything easier - you’re not wrapped in your head about what’s different, because nothing is, you just are honest with how you both feel
• jeno and jaemin even get visited by scouts for volleyball and when jeno tells you about it you try to jump up to hug him and he’s like bABE CAST but too late you’re like OW and he’s like oh god oh god let me hold you
• you’re like jeno let’s learn to bake cookies for real so we don’t have to buy chipsahoy to give each other and he’s down for it but then you both almost set the kitchen on fire and call renjun like ten times to ask about the recipe and basically you are both banned from baking again
• your cast gets filled in with hearts from jeno…you let him lay his head on you when he’s playing games on his phone and you’re like watching him play and when you get bored you’re like let’s kiss instead
• jeno leaves all his hoodies 'accidentally’ over at your house because he knows you like wearing them but won’t admit it outloud
• the summer continues on until suddenly it’s colder outside and the reality of school coming back dawns on everyone
• and also, you get the date for when your cast will be removed
• jeno asks if you’re going to keep it once it gets cracked - you say you might, you woulnd’t want to lose all those cute hearts he scribbled on them and he just smiles and kisses your forehead
• “i’d scribble all the hearts everywhere for you.”
• “that’s cute, we should save that for when we get married.”
• and you do save it for then - years later when you’re showing jeno the design on your invitations
• beside both your names is a cluster of different hearts, all doodled by jeno himself
• “how’d you get these?”
• “kept a part of my broken cast.”
• he stares at you with wide eyes
• “im joking, i got them off a napkin you doodled on when we were at dinner.”
• jeno pokes his tongue out at you and you giggle as he wraps his arms around your waist as to not let you get away
• the softness of your love and silliness of your friendship is still there
• it’ll always be there - through all the broken ankles, casts, and doodled hearts to come.

☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au jisung
another late birthday au for the february neos ;__;
find others here: johnny|haechan|taeil|taeyong|mark|jaemin|yangyang|yuta|sicheng|chenle|kun|yukhei|doyoung|jaehyun|jungwoo|ten

• a sour taste makes its way down jisung’s throat
• he pulls the candy out of his mouth and scrunches his face up
• “did this shit expire?”
• renjun’s lips thin, “since when have you started cursing?”
• chenle harks on the grass beside the other two
• “ever since he got dumped.”
• jisung doesn’t disagree.
• out of everyone to pick up on his change of habits, it’d be his best friend.
• he doesn’t like to admit it, but the breakup that launched the beginning of his summer has made him feel different
• bitter, angry, empty
• he’s sure if he told someone older like his parents or a professor they’d explain that it’s normal.
• it’s part of growing up to have to process these horrible emotions and learn to feel them less extremely.
• that somehow doesn’t comfort jisung at all, why is it his fault that being young makes everything feel more vivid? the shatter of the heart in his chest and all the little pieces wedged up in his veins hurt so bad.
• “jisung, you’ll find someone better.”
• renjun ties his shoelaces and gets up, he’s still chewing on the taffy they brought from the corner store.
• jisung follows and he’s never been so awkward about his budding height more than he is now
• “i doubt that, i don’t think i could find anyone better than my first love.”
• chenle gives a depressed sounding laugh and renjun starts a spiel about how he’s being dramatic and silly
• the sounds gloss over in jisung’s ears, he tosses the candy he’d spit out and the wrapper over his shoulder
• “you shouldn’t litter.”
• three sets of eyes turn to the voice, you stand there with your gym bag over your shoulder on a path a little way down from the grassy hill the boys are on
• you look at jisung with an unwavering gaze that drops to where he assumes the candy wrapper landed
• you bend down and pick it up, shake your head and walk away
• jisung follows your figure through the park as renjun and chenle mutter about how you’re kind of right but kind of rude
• “do you know them?”
• jisung asks and renjun taps the bottom of his chin
• “i think ive seen them at the tennis courts.”
• jisung doesn’t know what it is about you.
• he mistakenly thinks it is dislike that breeds curiosity when he shows up at the public tennis court the next day
• you’re out on the court with a group of middle schoolers, showing them the right way to swing a racket
• jisung leans against the shade of a tree as you go through each step slowly and then have the kids copy you one by one
• when you make a sudden movement to turn in the direction he’s standing, he slinks behind the trunk
• this is so fucking weird, im being a creep
• he doesn’t have anything to do for the rest of the day, or the rest of the summer, but still he cringes at himself
• i should find something better than staring at a goddamn stranger. chenle was right, im cursing way too much.
• so he leaves and he doesn’t come back
• but he visits the park for the next week with the slight hope that your path will cross with him on accident
• not that he entertains that as actual hope - just that curiosity that nips at his heel like a cat asking to be feed
• on day seven it happens
• jisung is staring up at the expanse of the warm blue sky and you’re walking from the direction of the tennis courts, you pause to check your phone and jisung springs to his feet
• he’s in front of you before he really knows what to even say
• you don’t look as freaked out as he was scared you might, you actually just blink and then point your finger at him
• looks like they’ve got bad habits just like me
• “you’re the boy who litters!”
• “i don’t usually litter, i was just in a bad mood that day.”
• “doesn’t excuse throwing your garbage around.”
• “is that why you remembered me?”
• you slip your phone into the pocket of your duffel bag and shake your head
• “no, there’s another reason.”
• jisung itches to ask why but he realizes now that this conversation is going exponentially better than it could have
• you could have said something like get the hell away from me….or who are you?
• “do you want to walk with me for a little bit?”
• fuck, i should have just asked why - asking them to walk is weirder
• “why not.”
• you and jisung do loops around the park - it’s pretty big so by the time you’re on the third loop the night lamps are coming on and the sun is slowly disappearing
• you two have talked about everything and nothing at the same time
• jisung asks you if you’re going to be at the park tomorrow
• “i teach a summer tennis course for the park three times a week, but tomorrow is my off day.”
• “have any plans?”
• he puts his hands in his pockets because they’re sweating - i should have asked if they wanted me to carry their bag while we were walking. god did getting broken up with make me so stupid too?
• “are you asking me out?”
• jisungs palms stick to the fabric of his pants
• “i got broken up with before summer started.”
• he blurts out before he can take it back, you poke your tongue into your cheek
• “me too.”
• the genuine surprise makes jisung look younger than he is and you cross your hands over your chest as if you regret sharing the information
• “sorry, i have to go.”
• you edge around him and jisung has one million thoughts run through his brain, how he should apologize or ask for your number or suggest something that could heal you both in the snap of this one summer minute
• but instead he watches you walk ahead for a whole two minutes before you turn on your heel and uncross your arms
• “can you meet me here at noon?”
• “tomorrow?”
• jisung feels the sweat on the nape of his neck now too, matching the moistness on his palms
• “no, in twenty years. yes - tomorrow.”
• he nods and you don’t give him anything else to work with as you disappear and jisung catches the last little slither of sunlight wave goodbye with you
• “are you rebounding already?”
• chenle’s voice comes through the headphones as jisung clicks on a zombie with his mouse and shoots it
• “it’s not a rebound - we both got dumped so i thought we could like…FUCK! i died dude.”
• chenle groans
• “maybe they can help you fix this cursing problem, but uhhh it totally sounds like a rebound to me.”
• jisung thinks about that as he waits for you at the park
• rebounding has actually never even occurred to him as a possibility.
• then again falling head over heels and getting tossed aside by the person he thought was his soulmate also never occurred to him as a possibility either - especially not before he’s even managed to graduate university
• but using someone to feel better about himself - that just isn’t him.
• “oh you actually came?”
• he stops staring at the grass and meets the half smile you’re wearing. he matches it with a shy one of his own.
• you take jisung’s hand easily - as if you weren’t strangers a week ago - and tug him toward the park gates
• “where-”
• you look over your shoulder
• “we have to eat ice-cream on a date.”
• jisung and you have the same taste, getting the same flavor of ice cream with a hard no to sprinkles. you tell jisung about this kid you teach privately for tennis and how he’s a little rich brat but his parents always tip you nicely. jisung tells you that his best friend is chenle and they met when he nearly broke an elbow on the first day of middle school.
• jisung pays for your bus ticket into the busier part of the city, you beat him at a couple of arcade games, and then he absolutely crushes you at mini-basketball. you pile all your tickets together and jisung tells you to pick the prize you want.
• he watches you as you scan the cheap toys and then turn to your left where a younger girl is trying to see if she has enough for a sad looking stuffed panda
• you dump the tickets into her hand and grin when her whole face lights up, jisung walks out behind you and goes
• “you’re actually nice aren’t you?”
• “oh - you didn’t think i was nice when we first met?”
• “i-”
• jisung stutters when you look directly at him
• “i just mean you- it was nice what you did in the arcade.”
• “why did your ex break up with you?”
• jisung’s world sort of stops for a moment. you still haven’t looked away and he gets lightheaded by the sudden question.
• “i don’t know.”
• you nod, as if the answer is what you expected, and you take his hand again and make way toward the bus
• he curls his larger fingers around yours and is silently thankful you don’t ask for any more details
• actually you both don’t say anything the ride back, even though you rest your head on his shoulder the entire time
• your hands are still clasped together and jisung finds himself not wanting to let go even when you stop in front of the park again
• “thanks for the date.”
• you unwind your fingers first and jisung swallows
• “do you want to go on another one?”
• you shake your head
• “sorry, i don’t think i can do this more than once.”
• genuine shock sets in on jisung’s face
• “w-what do you mean?”
• “i know being heartbroken makes you lonely, it makes me lonely too, but i can’t just be someone’s summer fling and get abandoned again. plus jisung -”
• you tilt your head with a small laugh
• “i think you’re really cute and if we do this again i will start liking you seriously.”
• what the fuck do i say?
• jisung thinks the summer heat in the air constricts around him - especially when he can’t open his mouth to answer and you give a solemn wave as you turn and start to disappear down the sidewalk
• fuck fuck fuck fuck
• the curses start to hurt his brain and jisung breaks into a sprint to catch you before you make it to the end of the block
• slipping his hand back into yours and spinning you to face him
• “im not going to abandon you. and i - i already like you so please let me take you on another date.”
• the words fall out like letters into alphabet soup and you stare wide-eyed at him for about a second before you lean in and kiss him
• and jisung forgets the entire language he’s spoken since he was a child, curses and vulgarity gone with it
• the second date comes and goes, then the third, and then the fourth, fifth, and sixth.
• jisung watches you give tennis lessons and you even tug him onto the court one day to help with picking up the scattered balls off the court
• the younger kids you teach really adore him, tall and smiley, they cling to him more than they do to you
• and there really isn’t any way you can stop them because soon enough you feel that urgency to be near him always too
• it might be because jisung is so different from your ex, and you are so different from his
• the reality is that when you finally tell each other what happened before your respective summers started
• it turns out - it’s almost exactly the same
• jisung looks up at you as you lay across him in the tall grass of an empty corner of the parks sprawling fields, your tennis equipment abandoned and his shoes sitting beside yours in a lazy heap
• “they just told me one day i wasn’t enough.”
• you bury your face in his chest and sigh
• “maybe im not, maybe something about me is still missing.”
• the tenor of his voice is sad and you put both hands on the grass to lift yourself up above him, you stare down into the prettiest eyes you’ve ever seen on a boy in your life
• “shuttup park jisung. nothing is missing from you. you’re enough.”
• he gives you a goofy smile and you want so badly to smile back and kiss him but you take the moment seriously and add
• “remember when you asked me if i only remembered you because i caught you littering like weeks ago?”
• the furrow of his eyebrow is enough of an answer
• “i said there was another reason.”
• he sits up and you fall gently back against his knees and lap, jisung opens his mouth as if to ask what it was but you put your hands on both his cheeks before he can
• “that reason was because i could see all of you - people tend to be shrouded in something, but it was all on your face the moment you made eye contact with me. jisung - you’re the farthest person i know from being incomplete. you’re you and no one else.”
• the weight of your words comes crashing down on you a second later and you get up off of jisung in a fit of embarrassment
• even though you meant what you said it felt like something of a wedding vow than something you say someone you’ve been dating for only a month
• but jisung just breaks into a bigger smile - he pulls you back down into a hug that gets you both covered in grass stains
• “im so happy”
• you smell the fabric softener on his t-shirt and suddenly wish you could slip it off of him and put it on yourself
• his hands tighten around you
• “i always thought the other reason was because i was ugly or something.”
• you scrunch up your nose and tell him to be quiet, but jisung just laughs and buries his nose in your hair
• the rest of the summer is smooth and the happiest one you’ve had so far - and jisung, who had thought it would be hell, agrees
• renjun points out that he hasn’t heard jisung even utter the word ‘damn’ since he started dating you
• and chenle cuts in that it’s true - now whenever they game jisung just groans into the mic (or abandoned the game completely to fool around you with - as it is in chenle’s imagination)
• you notice it too, and you notice how everyday jisung grows further from the heartbreak that he had festered on for so long
• and just becomes more open with you
• on your last day at your summer job and what feels like the last day of summer in general, jisung picks you up with balloons
• you both hand them out to the kids you worked with and keep one shaped like a big red heart tied around your wrist as you two walk through the dimming evening of the park
• fall is coming, your shoulders shake and jisung pulls you closer into him, and when he stops suddenly
• you see that you’re in the place where you first met - when jisung had let that candy wrapper tumble down a grassy hill and you had picked it up with disdain
• “is untying the balloon and letting it float off considered littering?”
• he asks and you think for a second
• “probably, it’ll get stuck in a tree somewhere and we don’t want that.”
• he looks down and leans in to kiss you gently, letting your lower lip sit between his teeth for a moment before he pulls away
• “can we do it anyway to make the moment special?”
• you look at him, eyes clear as day, and answer
• “every moment is special with you.”
• jisung manages to get ten of those red balloons through the door of your shared apartment on your tenth anniversary
• you fret about how balloons are bad for the environment, but still launch yourself at him in a big hug when he gets them all settled into your living room
• he catches you, laughing as you both muse that you can’t believe it has been ten years since you met
• “and i haven’t cursed once since then - can you believe it?”
• you roll your eyes and say yeah sure, like he didn’t curse when he stubbed his toe on your bed this morning
• he pouts his lip and asks, “play along ok - just say i haven’t cursed once.”
• “you haven’t cursed once in the ten years we have been dating.”
• something twinkles in jisung’s eye and you bite back your lip
• “exactly - so is it ok if i curse this one time and say-”
• he fishes something out of his pocket that looks like a small box, you think your breath catches in your throat
• “i fuc-freaking love you - will you marry me?”