A Quarter Century…wow!

Today represents 25 years to the day that I took an incredible step to change my life.

25 years ago I made the move to be true to myself and to those I love. It was on May 3rd, 1997, that I came out of the proverbial closet for the first time. I remember it so very clearly, nerves a wreck, and thinking over and over again that once it’s out, it can never be taken back.

I planned dinner at my place with my best friend from high school, Robin. We ate, we drank, we joked, we drank some more, and finally working up the nerve to tell her that I had something I needed to say, and then began crying. I know she knew, and I think she may have said as much, but encouraged me, and said it’s okay…say it. And then, I did. “I’m Gay.”

When someone says that old saying of “a weight lifting off your shoulders” it could not have ever been more true than at that moment. I felt free. I felt relief. I felt true, real, authentic, for the first time in my 23 years of existence. And I felt scared. I knew no gay people. It was going to be a long road to explore and make gay friends. I had to figure it out on my own at first. But I met people and leaned on others. I made plenty of mistakes (and still do!) and learned a lot (all while not being a slut, for a while at least. If anything, I was probably too much a prude for a few years. Really!).

The year 1997 was a very different time (25 years is eons in ‘gay years’), it really was in scope of how being gay was perceived. 1997 was the year Ellen came out on TV, and that was scandalous in its own way, but opened the door of public understanding for so many of us. There was no social media. The internet was still figuring itself out (Dial-up anyone?). No Will and Grace. No Mitch and Cam. Being lucky enough to grow up in California, I know I was afforded an easier time and better acceptance than so many others.

I just wish it didn’t have to be an issue for anyone. No one should have to feel the way I did hiding for all those years. The LGBTQ community has come so far, so fast really, in these 25 years, but there is so much progress to still be made: protecting our rights in the workplace, protecting children from the evils of therapy conversion, ensuring equality for the Trans community, allowing that kid in rural America to be able to be themself without fear. All especially in even more peril these days with recent hate laws spreading state to state.

I want to thank my family (Mom, sister and Bro-in-law, but especially my grandparents Ida and Art), all of my past boyfriends (and my man Rey) for putting up with me (I have learned from each and every one of you), and all of my friends (past, present and future) for being there for me. For supporting me. For encouraging me to be the real, true, better me.

I love you all.

Happy Re-Birthday to me!

tracylynnsworld:

The Power of Clothes…

The power of wearing a dress, or feminine skirt, is medicine to some like myself.  It’s clothing that helps reflect outside who I am inside.  Even if it’s just the feel on my skin, under-dressing gendered underwear, is powerful medicine.  It’s something I did before I came out.

The need, and I do mean Need, to wear clothes that help you to project who you are inside, or just feel under any clothes on your skin, is part of this.  Those who don’t feel this “need” may never completely understand some of the why’s because they don’t feel this.

They might just see the traditions of men’s and women’s clothes, staying in that box relating to their sex, male or female.  They forget that most women have a desire to be perceived as female, feel pretty, feel feminine.  Most men have a desire to be perceived as male, feel handsome, feel masculine. This is part of everyone’s gender identity which usually lines up with a person’s sex, but not always.  They also don’t understand that gender is not binary.  It has hues and shades.  It can swing to the opposite.  Some don’t want to project a gender, be gender neutral.  Some dress as a mix of both masculine and feminine.

To often some people assume it’s all some fetish, all about sex or trying to attract someone, like a man.  To them why else would you crossdress, wear women’s clothes?  They assume you must be gay without any evidence except the clothes you wear.  You must be labeled as a sissy and humiliated so you’ll conform back into wearing clothes of your birth sex.  And all these assumptions and lack of respect helps contribute to transgender person’s having a 40% suicide rate.

Thankfully times have changed in many places.  Most of us have already bought that dress, or skirt and blouse, and have all the needed accessories.  All that dressing in the closet has prepared you.   You’ve made a reasonable outfit you could wear outside.  You’ve longed for the moment, maybe dreamed about it, to step outside and be seen in those clothes, be your true self.  So if you’re ready for the consequences… just do it.

Going with a friend, or family member, is a good safety step.  Where you go and what time of day is another consideration to be safe.  The day I did the sky did not fall and no one laughed.  Those who smiled at me were a powerful inspiration.  Soon after that beautiful day I came out to family and friends.  Today, many years later, my wardrobe has changed, out in the open, to many clothes that I wear outside to reflect who I am inside.

So bottom line is if you see a perceived male in a feminine dress just smile and go about your business.  Nothing to see here.  They are a person trying the best they can to be who they are inside.  They are an example of why gender is not binary.  They have just as much right to dress as they feel as you do.  And yes… they have always been amongst us.

Bff: *talking about a ski trip*

Bff: Well, why can’t girls and boys share rooms?

Me: Yeah, it’s dumb

Bff: You know what? You’re just gonna hide in the closet

Me: Been there, done that. Not satisfied.

Hey there! Just here to remind you: there’s a human being behind your expectations.

“Out of the Closet”

B J