here we go here’s my incoherent ruin thoughts because I have passed the point of being able to count full album listens. I’m normal.
so we’ve got like… this big mess of dark and triumphant imagery, we’ve got broken bits, we’ve got learning and re-learning ourselves, the failed and dogged attempts to hold another damaged person together and keep them safe and/or to hold the own discordant pieces of ourselves together, fear and bravery, anxiety and darkness, etc etc
one thought that a “mother” and “father” could also be just any influences, any traumas, foundational things that shape and form us, so we’ve got a) the narrators from chords and b) old witch sleep and good man grace in juxtaposition. I’ve lost my thought there but uh love as a burden, love as a form of grief, love as a vicegrip and also love as letting go, love as a tough bit of self-care, love as a refusal to be hurt anymore.
listen. the tone shifts in a lot of the songs that grow into these big choral soaring things. I think that. is exceptionally slutty.
inkpot gods gets me worst of all in ways I can’t quite talk about. I would and most literally did beg to any god who would listen to keep him breathing, but you can’t really love someone well and whole, and he gave up a year ago. how wild that I wrote some trite little note on a fic about how he’d gone on to wander paths elsewhere until I can catch up and now get hit with that swelling repetition of “if I don’t make it back from where I’ve gone, / just know I’ve loved you all along”. I never got that affirmation but it’s a good fucking fantasy.
Thanks to Tumblr, I had seen this image. And learned that this image was from a production of Cyrano de Bergerac.
Several months ago, I saw the Peter Dinklage movie of the musical Cyrano, and then learned that this stage production with James was going to be in Brooklyn soon. So I thought, 1) I wanna see him kiss this man, 2) I wanna see what changes they have made to this story such that he is kissing Christian.
this is a fascinating take on the show op, I love it. I wanted to discuss the kiss though:
for context I was an usher for this production and have seen it many, many times, so I’ve picked up on some specific lines and staging choices specifically with the regards to the kiss. I also thought it came out of nowhere the first time I saw it, and it took me a few more times of seeing the show to catch where it came from.
the entire show, Cyrano refers to Christian as beautiful, and handsome, and specifically the phrase “pretty boy” is used a lot and repeated often when describing Christian by most of the female actors onstage… but also by Cyrano. The only man to refer to Christian using that phrase is Cyrano.
when they meet, there’s a curiously long hug that lasts *just* long enough for the audience to start laughing uncomfortably before they split apart, but not before they look into each other’s eyes and leave a lingering touch on each other before stepping back. There’s some kind of connection there that goes unspoken.
we do see Cyrano start to be able to joke around more around Christian as the show goes on, and Christian confesses to him that he has always felt more comfortable around men for some reason, and that he doesn’t know how to talk to women. That’s a big part of why he agrees to Cyrano’s plan: he feels confident in speaking intelligently to men and being able to come up with rhyme and verse around the men in the show. But not the women. Around women he feels dull and stupid.
I think part of his “stupidity” in this production is the fact that he feels like of course he’s in love with Roxanne, look at her, everyone’s in love with her! And then he looks at her, and can’t find the words to rhyme anything at all (which is a vastly important aspect of each character in this production.) When he’s with Cyrano, he has much less trouble speaking in rhyme. He can do it just fine. (I very firmly agree with op though that they made him way too unlikable and too much like a bully.)
Cyrano places his forehead against Christian’s very intently quite a few times in the show, and most times it’s Christian who breaks that contact first, scooting back nervously and looking away.
when Roxanne arrives on the battlefield, he isn’t pleased to see her. He doesn’t even smile. If Christian were genuinely being played as a dumb lovesick individual who can’t string two words together, he’d be grinning widely and thrilled to bits. But he isn’t: all he is, is mildly pissed off. he tells her she shouldn’t have come, and we, the audience, can see from her reaction that what she was expecting was the sweet lovesick smile. But she doesn’t get it.
Christian doesn’t even know how many letters Cyrano was writing for him. He doesn’t even know their contents. We see him ask Cyrano for that information after finding out how in love with her Cyrano is. If Christian were truly in love with his wife, he’d want to know every detail. But again- he doesn’t.
when they kiss, it’s Christian who oh so tentatively initiates it. There is a very long drawn-out pause in which Christian is just inching closer to Cyrano, as if to see how close he can get before Cyrano pulls away, but he doesn’t. And then they kiss, and break away, look into each other’s eyes, and then they both go back in for it, simultaneously. Christian breaks the kiss first, clearly panicking, and sprints upstage calling for Roxanne because Cyrano has something to tell her (aka, his love). Cyrano runs after Christian, desperately calling his name, and only stops when Roxanne calls him.
I think Christian realized the truth in that moment. He knew Cyrano loved Roxanne, and he knew that Roxanne loved the man in the letters, aka Cyrano, not him. And he knew, in this moment, that he didn’t love Roxanne back. That’s why he panics.
at the end of the show, after Christian’s death, Roxanne talks about how in love with her he had been, and how much she misses his love, and Cyrano doesn’t comment anything but just softly refers to him as “a confused boy” who didn’t know what he wanted.
I think they should have done a better job making this obvious to the audience, it definitely took me a while to figure out where in the show they made this kind of thing happen. So I think it definitely is there, but it’s subtle.
I do love to hear the uncomfortable laughter in the audience every night when the two of them kiss in the second act though, regardless of how unclear the build-up is. they are two men in a show that is famously about unrequited love, and they will kiss, slowly, onstage, right in front of you, forcing you to watch and accept that they are part of the story. and if that makes you uncomfortable? this show says too bad.
“ But it doesn’t hurt, and once Lan Wangji gets used to it, he actually doesn’t mind. It feels… exciting, maybe? It feels like half of a dance, an invitation to move with Wei Wuxian through unknown steps in order to make something beautiful together. Without really thinking about it, he tries to match the steps a bit, to take Wei Wuxian’s invitation, and—”
[id: A stock photo of three glasses of fruit juice in front of a white background, leaves and slices of citrus fruits laying around them. The grapefruit juice is labeled “Respect for aro bis,” the orange juice is labeled “Respect for bi aces,” and the lemonade is labeled “Respect for bi aroaces”. End id]
Can someone explain bi aro/ace to me? Not trying to be rude but my tiny smooth brain is struggling rn
i’m pretty sure you’re asking about bi aroaces specifically? (sorry, the slash is confusing me lol) but i’ll give a quick explanation of all 3 just in case:
for some context, some aspecs like to use the split attraction model (SAM, for short) because they feel that they can be attracted to other people, just not in the fullness of the usual meaning of the word, e.g. they may be asexual but still feel romantic attraction or vice versa
abi aro is someone who is sexually attracted to two or more genders, but not romantically attracted to anyone
abi ace is someone who is romantically attracted to two or more genders, but not sexually attracted to anyone
often, aspecs will refer to a different type of attraction we call “queerplatonic.” it’s neither romantic nor platonic, but has fundamental elements of both. for example, a desire for exclusivity, intense personal intimacy, as well as potential life partnership make it akin to romantic attraction while the lack of need or desire for romantic or sexual affections (the boundaries of such will differ from person to person) make it similar to platonic attraction. the definition of this type of attraction is especially useful for aros and aroaces who seek partnership, but aren’t comfortable with the traditional expectations of romantic partnerships.
abi aroace is someone who experiences queerplatonic attraction toward two or more genders, but neither sexual nor romantic attraction toward anyone
i’ve also seen it used by grey and demi aroaces who wanted to identify the attraction they do feel, tho seldom it may be.
my fellow queers, if i ask nicely, will you reblog and put in the tags a thing younger you did that looking back was obviously fruity? I will even go first, I kept getting jealous at the male love interest in any media i consumed
self-care is letting yourself cry till your head hurts, and you’ve gone mostly numb from staying in the same position for too long, then standing up and getting yourself some fucking microwavable rice.
I started reading dc comics on a whim and i figured it would be one of those things where im interested for like three days and then forget about it forever but its been over a month,,
I generally don’t like posting about a series or what have you until i feel like i have an adequate knowledge base about it and feel like i know what im talking about. But with comics theres just too much. So instead of waffling about it im just gonna post these now before i psych myself out of it again
Pepper: What are you doing? That’s one of Tony’s attack drones! It’ll destroy everything in this park! Harley: …oh. Harley, to Peter: Did you know that? Peter: No I did not. Harley: Yeah we didn’t know that. Peter: It’s okay! We’ll just use the controller to land it. Harley, where’s the controller? Harley: I don’t have it. I thought you had it. Peter: I don’t have it. Harley: Yeah we don’t have it.
