#poem excerpt
Mary Oliver, “Heavy.” Thirst
“Do you know what’s the most tragic, unfortunate and agonizing reality is?
What is it?
I want to tell you how I feel but it won’t make any difference to our differences.”
— memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
“It’s been a year since we met for the first time and it feels as if it was yesterday. My hand was in your hand and your head was on my shoulder. I was embracing the birthmark on your hand and you were promising me ‘forever’. I remember I had always told you not to make promises you wouldn’t keep and ‘I want you, that’s it’, you would reply. You wanted me to crave you more than I wanted my books and I never stopped loving you ever since. It’s been a year and it feels as if it was yesterday when you were madly in love with me. Some nights, I forget that we had ever broken up and I hope I would get your text when I wake up next day.” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
— Good morning, baby
“Can we meet once again, for the first time? Can you tell me again that you are falling for my eyes? Is there any chance of you promising me that you won’t break my heart and tell me that choosing you over everything is not a mistake that I’m about to make? Can you hold my hand and tell me you want to get engaged before you leave the town? Can you call me one more time because you want to listen to my voice? Can you tell me you’re missing me more than anything in your life? Can I come to meet you one more time and this time, like the last time you did — can you ask me to stay?” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
— because I wanted to stay and you asked me leave
“and I keep waiting for your texts and calls. I keep waiting to hear your voice and telling me that you’re sorry. I keep waiting for you to scream at me and tell me that I was wrong too — I keep waiting for you to come and tell me that I was hurting you, too. I don’t know why, but I keep on hoping that one day, you would. You would come and tell me that you still love me and you would do anything that it may take for us to work again. I don’t trust you but I keep on hoping that you would come back and give me a reason to. I keep waiting for you to come and compel my heart that it still loves you.” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
— waiting and hoping
“and it was my birthday. I looked at my phone — waiting to see your name popping up in my notification, hoping that you’d be the first one to wish me. Before that night, I had no idea that an event could make so much of a difference — even though you told me the next day you didn’t forget, I had realised that I wasn’t as important as I thought I was — perhaps, that’s when I had lost you for the first time. Few days later, we had gotten into a fight — all I know is that it was my mistake but all it proved to me was that your ego meant more to you than the love you said you had in you. I assumed, that was it — I had broken your heart but you wrecked my soul when I found out that you’d been lying to me and I lost you one more time. On our last call — you said you love me but your actions recited a complete different story. I had lost all hope until tonight when I picked up my phone to dial your number and my heart refused because I no longer love you — I love the person I thought you were.” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
— a very happy birthday
“Now I know what it means when they say, “I don’t know which is worse, being the one with a broken heart or being the person that breaks the heart.” Now I know it all — I have broken your heart and there’s no debate about it. No ‘what-ifs’, ‘buts’, ‘could’ve’ or ‘should’ve’ can fix it — you wanted me to be happy, turned out you made me the reason of your happiness. You tell me you’ve fallen in love with me; you wish you didn’t and I wish I could love you the way you love me, I wish I could love you the way you deserve to be loved but this heart of mine is shattered and I only wish I shouldn’t have let you touch its pieces. I don’t regret meeting you — I regret that I’m the reason behind your lost smile. I am disappointed that I was breaking your heart while you were trying to fix mine. Now I know what it means when they say, “there’s nothing sadder than meeting the right person at the wrong time.” Now I know it all.”
— memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)
