it’s getting harder for me to only touch the tip of your fingers when all i want is to hold your hand and to pull you in closer to my skin. it’s harder especially when you’re this close, moving towards me, at a pace a little too fast for my breath to catch up on. my thoughts, that are forbidden to ever even reach the tip of my tongue, are getting harder to supress. especially when you speak first, about art and the future, with a gentleness in your voice that sounds a little too sweet for my ears to stifle.

you’re making it harder for me not to fall for you love, because how am i to do that when you’re this close? when i can see you this close, in macro lenses, in all of your imperfect glory. how am i to ever get enough of you when i could just reach you if i tried? and lord knows how much i’m clenching my fists to stop myself from ever even trying.

My soul is tired.

It aches for the solitude of the woods, of the snow and the healing silence of nature. So, let me pack my things, some thick socks and some warm and soft sweaters. I’ll stock on hot chocolate and marshmallows, my writing equipment and when I’m ready, I’ll leave the noise of the city behind. There, in a cabin in the woods I will breathe and rest. Sleep and dream of simpler days, of days where I do not have to rush and simply be.

Perhaps I will not have a life forever free of stress, but for these days, I can have this.

@nosebleedclub#22

Wouldn’t hurt a fly

- #1: Tales from the wild

How to handle whatever life throws at you

- #12 : Life hacks for the Passive Aggressive

All the books on my shelf are rejoicing

The recipes I jotted down but never tried are happy again

All the plants in my home are singing

The walls seem brighter than before

My people can’t believe what’s happening

Look, all of us are home to stay

Not for a day or two

Not for a moment too good to be true

But for a long long while as if this is where we were meant to be

This is the place we’ve been traveling to for a while now

And we’ve finally reached home

Amidst the pain and the chaos, the hurt and the confusion

We’ve reached home and we’re here to stay

I am here to stay

Stay : Excerpt from a book I’ll never write

I swam with the Loch Ness
who revealed cryptic secrets of the sea

Your sea, 

the nefarious deep blue
you kept hidden from me.

-myths

Sometimes you’ll find comfort in what your mind says, even if it doesn’t fit with the answers that your soul is truly asking for.

I don’t know what you’re capable of // ma.c.a

Crush

choking on your tongue

just to call it love

is not what i wanted

us to become

there’s a comfort and a torture in the things left behind:

a reminder you were here;

a reminder you are gone.

How early do you learn

What other people think

And why does that make me

So ill

Ghost Town

I took my love with me into a ghost town

I left it there so it would know the lost sound

A panicked heart, a silenced tomb

It’s the exact same thing I would have done to you.

I’m not a prophet, I’m not a source

I’m just a girl growing all these thorns

I never wanted to let you down

Yet here we are, walking to a ghost town

Boxes

I pack it all up in boxes

I lug it from place to to place

It weighs down on my spine,

The toll this life will take.

Our lives are packed in kindling,

The world will take its tithe,

We wait in silence together

For the match to strike the grease

I can’t remember sunshine

My hurts cast too long a shade

What’s it like to drop my defenses,

Leave my hurts, erase my hate?

I want to know the feeling,

But I’m scared of what I’ll find

Will this really feel like freedom,

Or just another shackle bind?

romeo,
i’ve forgotten where we met,
i think it was at some party?
you were with your friends that night and you were just someone who caught my fascination.

the next thing i know your face was lit up from laughing at a lame ass joke i told that you deemed witty.

and the night sky went on, we got in your car and drove aimlessly
there’s a mixtape you made playing in the background- later on i found out that was your way of introducing me to your favorite bands.

my heart badly wanted to get out of my chest the whole time- it was so loud inside, knocked up by all the anxious flutter

you sent unknowingly through me.

the weariness i had from willingly entering a stranger’s car gradually melting.

i was relieved that we actually had a conversation despite it being casual and light. i remember the way your eyes glimpsed at me as i got out of your car
and not even ten minutes have passed when you sent me a text saying, good night sleep tight-
but i didn’t really catch sleep not until it was 4am, an hour after i finally calmed down the slightest bit.

and we took it from there and all the moments we’ve had now reside in the crevices tucked in the lone corner of my brain; i keep coming back to them.
it was all too fast and i was falling and it just couldn’t be because what if i haven’t gotten in your car that night?
if this wasn’t written by the stars or some great force but just black ink over the lines of some doomed fate.
and it doesn’t make sense and history repeats itself and everyone knows this is a tragedy where you’ll come after me and it’ll be the end of the both of us.

i had to leave,
i had to save you.

because this was never supposed to happen-
it’s supposed to be romeo and rosaline or some other girl.
but right now you probably found your rosaline in a pack and a bottle in your hands.
and i’m sorry for causing you pain; you don’t deserve to hurt.

now i remember-

it is east where we met;
but quite frankly i am not the sun.

sincerely,

juliet

-caela m.