#writeundertheinfluence

Mondays keep coming

Even when the darling buds reopen

Per Shakespeare’s sonnet

Doomsday headlines hot off the press

Overdue library books stacking up

Forget-me-nots get pulverized

I wonder why I wonder so much

When it all seems a waste

I could close my eyes in a deep sleep

Alas I always eventually wake

Still there’s a break in drifting dreams

Polish my pearl

Deep sea diver

Wet your whistle

Whilst whetting

Synced appetites

Gild the lily

Plucking petals prettily

I’ve taken a shine to you

Making me feel all shimmery

Aglow with the flow

From you to me seamlessly

You see, eye to eye

Mind to mind we connect

My heart thumps faster

At the mere thought of you

My body can’t help but react…

And I’m beyond pleased by that

Irradiate me

Fuchsia you

A touch too much

Got down pat the part of Heathcliff

Still I will not be your Catherine

Lying in wait of your kiss to awaken

Ardor is best not underestimated

How would you like to be scared stiff?

Eggs must crack to bake a cake

Alas the blue gas flame loses oxygen

My time is better misspent

Vocal Point

Body talk

I listen raptly, rapacious for

Every shift, every rustle

Blood rushing to

All the peak places

The sighs, the moans

Deciphering meanings

Translating tongues

Slipping and sliding

Teach me the intricacies of

Your language; make me fluent

Whispering softly at first

Then volume rising

With intensity of feeling

Heed the hedonistic glee

Following each other’s lead

We will both get there

Gasping for air then preparing

To again hit those high notes

In harmony 

Interlinked

Traversing my walls

Taking tender steps yet

Sure-footed steady as you go

Putting me perfectly at ease

Laid-back onlooking between relaxed blinks

Of crinkled eyes, thinking with a satisfied

Sigh that this feels oh so right

As stoniness buckles under

The gentle sway of thoughtful touch

Bringing joyfully energizing

Vim and vigor to my days

Turning up the heat at night

Until we burst into flames

Fireworks colorfully lighting up the sky

Fourth of July has nothing

On our pyrotechnics display

Then we fumble drowsily sweet

Into dreamy gratified sleep

Reaching out for each other

Circuit complete

Redress

Dug out that dress–you know the one

I wore when we met, all eyeleted sunflowers

Swore I looked approachably sweet

Yet had your heart racing uncontrollably

Je ne sais quoi to buck the quotidian

An enchanting chance encounter

If only you unearthed the woman beneath

Took a dip beyond the shallow end

Peered past the Sunday-in-bed appeal

So I slip it on for me now, a better fit

More oomph than you’d know what to do with

What makes you think I want your body

On mine just because I show any of it?

Whichever parts seem to speak to yours

They aren’t seeking you out

Not asking for whatever you’ve got

Respectful compliments are fine

So long as they don’t cross the line–oh

You know, detailing all the ways

You’re oh so certain to make me writhe

Don’t slide into my dm’s just to talk about

Sliding in between my presumed milky

Thighs, nor mount a sales pitch to buy

Anything from or for me

You can claim to be a nice guy

For inquiring permission to self-gratify

Don’t flatter yourself, stop stroking

Your ego by believing I’d be flattered

So out of touch, is it too much

To not be sexualized for simply

Somewhat revealing below the face

Stop fixating on what’s situated

Below the waist and instead ask yourself

Why you behave this way

Forget me good

Moving on never looked

So easy, stuck that landing

Without skipping any beats

Simply beating a swift retreat

Now don’t get me wrong again

I want you to be happy…just couldn’t

It hurt a little first cause God knows

I do? Don’t know where to keep

It all and this lingering foolish love

North wind whistles through

Gloomy gaps seething cracks

Of my heart sounding like lost sleep

Dreams trampled dull as dust

Shouldn’t have let down my guard

For so long. Who was I to think

I deserved the promise in your eyes

Professed with a pleasing tongue?

How could I expect to ever be enough

Yet not see all the ways I am too much?

All I wanted was an always

No matter what I think you know

You’ll always have my love

I never until now wished it wasn’t so

Perhaps that’s the first step to

Letting go

Prompted by @abiblicalsasquatch:adivorce

Madness (Party of One)

I sat with myself

Then got up and left

In the middle of a row

Wouldn’t you know it? Me, myself, and I

Don’t see eye to eye…to eye…anymore

Not in eons of time since

The voices inside started picking

Fights claiming to know best

Be my guest, petty pretty ones

Go undercover. No more lackluster

Lovers leaving afterthought calling

Cards by disconnected phones

Cords cut on the bias

Another flight risk; wrists bound

Can’t wriggle out, no wiggle room

If only I could see me now

Got myself in deep somehow

Inspired by a prompt provided by @definegodliness

Settle down and set your mind

On those who don’t mind the asinine

Antics, play to the ones who want

Whatever rubbish you fling around

Like Oscar the Grouch on speed

Don’t need my reaction or to pick

My brain about anything relating

To you…or anything else for that matter.

Perplexing how she doesn’t make

The connection, too blinded by her own

Obsession to see the disturbing

Absurdity; surprised the hotheaded

Jealousy queen isn’t demanding

No alluding to me in her company

Let alone not to beg for scraps

Of my attention so blatantly.

No it is taken out on me.

Mr. Look-Ma-No-Hands-Geometry

Once again getting off scot-

Free to try wrangling up a triangle

Obtuse scalene obscene.

– All you’ll get from me is this poem you will never read

There were no flowers left. No card to display. There was no breakfast in bed. No celebration. There were no words said. Instead, the children went on with their day - laughed & played amongst those who raised them. But, the one they wanted most never made it home to greet them..

Darling, you gotta believe in yourself. Choose yourself. Show up, be aware, and present for yourself. Put in the time and dedication needed while doing the work. Take care of yourself. Heal. Make a mends. Forgive and forget. Make sure you’re okay mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically while always doing your best. You deserve to live life and thrive. You are loved. You are cherished. You are intelligent. You are beautiful. You are unique. You are everything you’re supposed to be. You don’t have to hide it. And, yes…you have flaws. A few of them. But, those things often change overtime. You have all that you need to have all that you want. You don’t have to ask for anything. You don’t have to beg for nothing. You don’t have to hide or minimize who you are. You are exactly who you’re supposed to be. Live your life. Gather your tribe. Manifest your dreams. Build your kingdom. Do what you like and love. Try what you hate and learn what you don’t know. Experience and explore this world and all that it has to offer you. There are blessings hidden within everyday with your name on it. Each day is a gift, every moment is a present. Be willing and open to criticism and learning. Be honest and truthful about yourself and others. Love yourself. Hug yourself. Date yourself. Let go and live. Don’t be afraid of the unknown or confused about what is know. Don’t fear anything at all. Go with the flow of what you’ve been called, positioned, and purposed to do. Embrace yourself. But, most of all…get rooted. Build yourself a solid foundation, safe haven, and home. For yourself and others by knowing who you are, what you stand for, & why. Never straying away from your truth. All of this your responsibility. This is how you discover your true identity. Take accountability over it. There is great power inside you. You deserve to be celebrated and known. Your DNA is one of a kind. You matter just as much as everyone else. There is no one else just like you. So, come on…tell and show the world who you are. Don’t hold yourself back or limit yourself. We’re all dying to know the real you. This is your time. Introduce yourself. “Hi, my name is…”

This can’t be it. This isn’t my dream. This won’t be my forever. I refuse to sit and dwell here. I refuse to give up. I refuse to settle. I’ve come to far to get to this place, although I’m passing through. I gave up so much of myself, although, I needed me too. But, this isn’t it. This can’t be it. This isn’t what I expected. This isn’t what I want or need. This isn’t it. I swear, it isn’t.

We’ve been desensitized to strip the human of their humane emotions & thought process; in exchange for instilling society with artificial intelligence & an algorithmic emotional state that’s incapable to empathize or sympathize with humanity. That’s not progress, it’s a setback..

To those in need of some encouragement & inspiration while stuck in a dark & twisted space, those questioning & seeking answers, those alone & lonley suffering in silence, those without a voice or depressed, or those contemplating a world changing decision…I know the pain, emotions, and experiences are real. I know the pressures, situations, circumstances, challenges, and hardships are taking a toll on you. I know the constant battle of debating & defending yourself is difficult. It is, there’s no denying it.

However, may I say…You’re here for a reason, with a purpose, & given a choice to live the best life you can in & through these horrid trials & perils. Please, don’t give up. Please, hold on. The world is brutal & the experience is mind blowing. I won’t argue with you about that but it’s still good. With all of the bad things that occur. The same amount of good is still evident and occuring around, to, through, and for you. We’re all better and worse off than each other at any given moment. It’s no fair no equal. No, but, it’s life. And, it’s still worth living, regardless. Please reach out to someone. Communicate & seek the proper help for your current situation. I know humans are messy & crazy but, there are still people in this world that will be willing & able to help, assist, provide, protect, maintain, & manage your crisis. We want to help! You aren’t in this alone. Be your own hero, save yourself by letting someone know you need help. You need you. Just like your family, friends, and those you encounter in this world - we all need you. We all want you. And, although it may not seem that way at times…it’s true.

Each and every day, we’re choosing to do more for ourselves and each other. So, we’re here and every day we’re going to choose to show up, be present, be aware, & stay conscious of this gift of life until we can’t anymore. We will support & protect you the best of our ability. We will love each and every part of you and encourage you to do the same. Not because we’re obligated or have too. No, because we want too and know that regardless of how any of us feel, we are all the same and in need of the same things. We’re all connected. And, without you - we’re all missing something that we could’ve, should’ve, would’ve had and experienced but, never got a chance too.

Please, reconsider your decision. Evaluate your feelings. Know your experience is vaild. However, so it your purpose. Please, choose to be alive. Not just alive but, to truly live & not just survive. Live your life abundantly. Seek the help & support you need. Find a community that will uplift, push forward, hold down & keep you accountable. Be responsible & kind to yourself & others. Because, things are going to get hard & be difficult. There will be major struggle & resistance to the process of recovery & healing. Some days will be better than others. Sometimes, things will drag & suck but, things will get better. I believe in, am praying & rooting for you. Don’t give up. You got this!

Forgive me. I say that in advance because I know once you’ve encountered me and my essence…you won’t be able to fathom how I caused your mind to think, your heart to beat, your soul to feel depth, your inner child to create and dream, or your spirit to be vulnerable and speak..

Not everyone will be able to understand your stance or the state you’re currently in to have that view and that’s okay! Move your own way, at your own speed, at your own time - one day at a time. Don’t worry about others. You are your own person, on your own journey - embrace yourself!

I love you. I’m not ready to lose you. Goodbye isn’t a statement that I’ll allow to escape my lips. It shouldn’t be thought or said. It’s not time yet. Life is short and eternity is too long. I don’t want to let go of what we have. I can’t let go of you - not a single part. You are my everything. My lifeline. My heartbeat. Without you, I am lost. I don’t want to wonder what happened or how things went wrong. I don’t want to question if I failed you or could’ve done more. I don’t want to blame anyone or anything. I don’t want to sabotage, isolate, hide, or run away. I’m here. I show up and am present, every day. I assess our problems and become an asset to our situations. I clean up our messes and I mend all that is broken. I give without question and I listen without judgement. I love unconditionally and I try my best to be all that you need. But, sometimes, I wonder if this isn’t supposed to be and if I’m standing in our way - doing everything. These are questions left existing.

Sleep child, close your eyes & dream. Today is over but, tomorrow will soon arrive again. No need to wait up, waiting for darkness to fade. Morning will come. You will change, becoming different from day to day, although all else in the world will feel the same…

Darling, I know how to be like everyone else, except for myself. I’m still trying to figure ‘em out. It’s a battle between feeling like a poser and loving my authentic self. Like, Am I who I say I am? Am I who they said I am? Am I who God says I am? Seriously…who am I exactly?