#policartoon
How Dare They Call Me A Conservative!
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the (unlocked) original patreon post!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON:
This cartoon has six panels. All six panels feature a 50ish white man, wearing glasses and a suit jacket over a black tee shirt, speaking directly to the viewer. Two of the panels are much narrower than the other four. In addition to those six panels, there’s also a tiny “kicker” panel below the bottom of the cartoon.
PANEL 1
A medium shot of the man. He is speaking excitedly and angrily at the viewer, holding a fist in the air. We can see there’s a tree behind him.
MAN: Did you read my article in Quibbette? I show how there’s no freedom of speech for anyone criticizing the “woke” fascists!
PANEL 2
A longer shot lets us see he’s standing on a path on what might be a college quadrangle. It’s a park-like space with trees and a faux-roman style building in the background. He continues to speak intensely, holding up a forefinger to make a point.
MAN: Like I said in the Times, the campus left are coddled, free-speech hating totalitarians!
PANEL 3
In a closer shot, and a much smaller, narrower panel, the man, smiling, cups his mouth with a hand to whisper to the viewer. He’s making a thumbs up sign with his other hand.
MAN (whispering): Psst! I’m pro-choice, and I voted for Obama.
PANEL 4
He’s back to angry rant mode, raising both hands into the air.
MAN: Like I said on Fox: The Democrats have been taken over by identitarian totalitarians who hate white men!
PANEL 5
Again smiling and whispering in a much narrower panel.
MAN: Psst! Have I mentioned I have a Black friend?
PANEL 6
In the final panel, the man has a hurt expression, and is holding one hand flat on his chest.
MAN: And how dare they call me a conservative after I took all those liberal positions!
SMALL KICKER PANEL BELOW BOTTOM OF STRIP
Still talking directly at the viewer, the man looks angry again.
MAN: And why can’t those fascist totalitarian cowardly thugs be more civil?
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Reducing Abortion Is Definitely Their Number One Priority!
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON:
This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same two figures walking through a city environment while they talk. The first figure is a dark-haired woman wearing a business outfit, with a black shirt. The second figure is a middle-aged man wearing glasses, slacks, a collared shirt, and a striped necktie.
In the first three panels, they’re both walking in the same direction with the man in front, so the man is facing away from the woman.
PANEL 1
Both speakers are friendly-looking.
WOMAN: Okay, Pro-Life… let’s brainstorm ways to reduce abortion!
MAN: Reducing abortion is definitely my number one priority!
PANEL 2
The man dismissively waves a hand.
WOMAN: Research shows that giving people free long-acting reversible contraception reduces abortion more than anything!
MAN: Nope. That would encourage promiscuity.
PANEL 3
WOMAN: Okay, um… How about a super generous child benefit program, like Belgium or Germany?
MAN: I don’t want taxpayers paying people for being irresponsible.
PANEL 4
The woman loses her temper a bit, looking angry and holding up her hands. The man has turned around to face the woman, smiling and looking eager and excited.
WOMAN: Come ON! There must be SOME way of reducing abortion you approve of other than punishing doctors and patients!
MAN: Now you’re talking! What’d you have in mind… Shaming? Prison? Death penalty?
SMALL KICKER PANEL BELOW THE BOTTOM OF THE STRIP
The man from the previous four panels is now talking sternly at Barry the cartoonist.
MAN: If a million “pre-born babies” have to die to avoid compromise on birth control, it’s worth it!
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The Woman I’ve Been Waiting For
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon . A $1 pledge really helps!To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original Patreon post!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON:
This cartoon has four panels.
PANEL 1
A man and a woman stand on a fancy pedestrian bridge over a stream, holding hands and gazing into each other’s eyes. Both are smiling.
MAN: I’m so glad I found you. You’re the woman I’ve been waiting for! You’re always supportive, always cheerful.
PANEL 2
A closer shot of the two of them, walking while holding hands. They’re still looking fondly at each other.
MAN: You never think about your appearance or diet, yet you look like a model. You’ve got a career, but it never interferes with time for me.
PANEL 3
A long shot shows them walking side by side down a path in a park. He’s looking ahead, smiling as he talks; she’s turned to face him a bit, smiling, with an “explaining hand” gesture.
MAN: You insist on doing the cooking and my laundry. You’re eager to hear about all my hobbies..
WOMAN: But don’t forget, honey - I’m also imaginary.
PANEL 4
The same setting and shot as in the previous panel. The man has come to a stop and is looking down a bit, expression sad, one hand reaching out a bit as if to grab onto something that’s not there. He is completely alone.
MAN (in a thought balloon): I always forget that part.
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How Banning the Abortion Pill Works
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon . A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON:
This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid. Every panel shows the same subject: A man wearing glasses and a polo shirt, sitting at a small table, with a laptop computer open in front of him.
PANEL 1
The man sits typing on his laptop. There’s a “tap tap tap” sound effect for his typing. Above him, in Ariel font (a font commonly used for computer text), we can see what he’s typing. He is smiling and looks relaxed.
MAN (typing): Hello, “ask me anything” forum. I wrote proposed legislation to make using Mifepristone, also known as “the abortion pill,” a felony. Ask me anything!
PANEL 2
The man speaks aloud (in the usual faux-handwritten comic book font I use), looking pleasantly surprised.
MAN: I wonder how long it takes for… Oh, someone’s asked me a question already!
PANEL 3
The man reads aloud from his laptop screen. (Again, regular comic book font.)
MAN: “Pregnancy loss from taking an abortion pill is indistinguishable from miscarriage. How will you know who to arrest?”
PANEL 4
The man, still smiling and looking relaxed, types on his laptop.
MAN (types): Great question! First, we’ll tell doctors and nurses to immediately call the police if they think a miscarriage is suspicious.
PANEL 5
The same scene, but closer up. His smile looks creepier, however.
MAN (types): Cops will show up and grill women while they’re still bleeding and drugged. The perfect time to get a confession!
PANEL 6
Even closer up. His smile looks downright malicious now.
MAN (types): Experience suggests that certain classes of women- like poor women and Black women -will more often be seen as “suspicious.” That shouldn’t bother you becau
PANEL 7
The man leans back from the laptop and puts a hand on the side of his face as he thinks. He’s no longer smiling.
PANEL 8
Leaning forward again, frowning, the man hits the “delete” key a few times. We know this because of the sound effect, which says: “Delete! Delete! Delete!”
PANEL 9
The man types again, once more looking relaxed.
MAN (types): Great question! We’ll know who to arrest through good old-fashioned police work.
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Token White Male Character
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON:
This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same corner of a rooftop in some “high fantasy” sort of setting. The rooftop is rough-hewn but fancy, with three small gargoyles, like snakes with animal heads, and one larger gargoyle, which looks somewhat dragon-ish.
There are two people on the rooftop: A human male, who is white. He wears no shirt and a red cloak. Next to him is an elf woman, who has facial tattoos, large pointy ears, wide eyes, and is wearing a flowing purple gown.
PANEL 1
The human is looking down at something that’s visible from the roof, stroking his chin thoughtfully, with a serious expression. The elf is positioned as if she was just looking in the same direction, but then looked out the corner of her eyes at him instead. She’s raised one hand in a “just a second” gesture.
HUMAN: If we break into Lord Vezox’s warbase at nightfall-
ELF: Just a moment. What’s the story purpose of your being a white male?
PANEL 2
The human and elf have turned so they’re directly facing each other. The human is a bit surprised looking; the elf looks a bit angry and is “talking with her hands.”
HUMAN: Er… What?
ELF: If there’s no reason your character needs to be a white male, then you’re just a token!
PANEL 3
The human is looking annoyed, crossing his arms. The elf is angrily yelling, holding up a hand in a “stop that” gesture.
HUMAN: But what about white male representation? What about-
ELF: Don’t bring in that SJW garbage! It’s just not realistic to have a white man in this setting!
PANEL 4
The large gargoyle has turned its head to speak to the human. The human is surprised looking. The Elf looks pleased.
GARGOYLE: And if we aren’t strictly realistic, fans won’t accept the story!
ELF: Yeah!
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From the Archives: Maternity Leave vs Profit
(with Becky Hawkins)
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
Transcript:
Panel 1
A woman in a collared shirt and black pants is talking to a businessman in a fancy suit.
WOMAN: Businesses oppose paid maternity leave because you put money above women’s health!
BUSINESSMAN: We care deeply about women! We’re against paid leave because it’s bad for women!
Panel 2
The businessman has pulled a mother, holding a crying newborn, into the panel.
WOMAN: Women need time off to recover after giving birth.
BUSINESSMAN: Nonsense! Just look at Tiana here… She can’t wait to get back to work. It’s patronizing of you to say otherwise!
TIANA: So tired….
Panel 3
BUSINESSMAN: Paid maternity leave makes hiring women more expensive – and that means companies will discriminate against hiring them! Have a heart!
Panel 4
The businessman violently shoves Tiana off-panel.
WOMAN: So we’ll give paid leave to new mothers AND new fathers!
BUSINESSMAN: But that would cost MONEY!
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Say I’m Not A Racist!
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript of Cartoon:
This cartoon has four panels. Each panel shows the same three people - a Black man, a Black woman, and a white man - sitting around a round cafe table. They have coffee cups and a muffin on small plates in front of them.
On the left, the Black man is wearing glasses, and a green tee shirt with an exclamation point design. He has a van dyke beard and mustache, so we’ll call him “Beard.” In the middle, the Black woman is wearing black tights, a black tank top, and an orange hair band. We’ll call her “Hair Band.” On the right, the white man has blonde hair pulled back in a pony tail, and is wearing jeans and an orange striped tee shirt. We’ll call him “Pony Tail.”
PANEL 1
Beard is talking intently, leaning forward a bit to make a point. Hair Band is about to bite into a muffin. Pony Tail is raising a hand to interrupt Beard, looking wide-eyed and a bit panicked.
BEARD: Awards aside, that movie was racist. Look at how the Black character was-
PONY TAIL: I liked that movie. Are you saying I’m racist?
PANEL 2
Beard raises a hand, palm outward, in a “no, no, that’s not what I meant” gesture. Pony Tail is even more panicked, and is yanking his own hair a bit.
BEARD: Nah, not what I meant. Anyway-
PONY TAIL: I have Black friends. I have a Black niece. I can’t be racist!
PONY TAIL: You agree I’m not a racist, right? RIGHT?
PANEL 3
Beard and Hair Band are both leaning way away from Pony Tail, who has stood up and grabbed the front of Beard’s tee shirt. Pony Tail is now screaming loudly, still looking panicked. The table is tipping over, coffee cups and muffin spilling.
PONY TAIL: SAY I’M NOT A RACIST! SAYITSAYIT SAAAAAY IIIT!
HAIR BAND: He’s gonna blow!
PANEL 4
The table has been knocked over. Beard, looking annoyed, gestures at Pony Tail. Hair Band looks shocked, one hand held to her chest. Pony Tail’s corpse is now slumped back in his chair; he is missing all of his head above his chin. Little puffs of smoke are rising out of the hole where his head used to be.
BEARD: See, this is why I don’t usually hang out with white people.
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Both Sides Are Equally Bad!
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To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript of Cartoon:
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has six panels; two rows containing five panels between them, and then a final row with just a single large panel.
Panel 1
Three people stand on a city sidewalk talking. There is “Mr. Right,” a bald white man wearing a dress shirt and a tie; a woman wearing glasses, a white collared shirt and a floral skirt; and “Ms. Left,” a black-haired woman wearing a hoodie and jeans.
Glasses has turned to her left, to address Ms Left.
GLASSES: Whats’ the worst thing you do, Ms Left?
MS LEFT: Well,.. Some of our extremists punch people, and not everyone punched is a Nazi.
Panel 2
Glasses has now turned to her right, to ask Mr Right a question.
GLASSES: And Mr Right, what’s the worst thing you do?
MR RIGHT: Oh, you know… Forced child separation, inhumane detention camps, and mass shootings inspired by the violent rhetoric of our highest elected leaders.
Panel 3
A close-up of Glasses, who is holding up a hand with a “stop!” gesture and looking upward as if thinking.
GLASSES: But if you both do violence… Then that means…
Panel 4
An even tighter close-up of Glasses. Her hands are up on her face, and her eyes are wide, as if she’s having a startling realization.
GLASSES: That both of you are…
Panel 5
A very tight close-up of Glasses’ face - her entire head doesn’t even fit in the panel. She’s grinning too wide and sweating and looks very intense. Her dialog in this panel, rather than being contained in a dialog balloon, is done in huge, happy letters superimposed over the image.
GLASSES: EQUALLY BAD!
Panel 6
A large panel, showing Mr. Right and Glasses grinning and dancing joyously while they sing. Musical notes fill the air around them. On the far right of the panel, Ms Left is facepalming.
MR RIGHT (sings): Equally bad! Equally bad!
GLASSES (sings): Equally bad!
MS LEFT (thought): Why do I even talk to centrists?
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Portland is a War Zone!
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins. Becky and I have done other political cartoons together, and we also collaborate on our webcomic SuperButch. (Also here on tumblr)
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript of Cartoon:
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has five panels. The first four panels are narrow, and show a tight close-up of a woman’s head and shoulders as she talks on a cell phone. The final panel is a long shot, showing a sidewalk scene.
Panel 1
A woman with blonde hair, and glasses pushed up on top of her head, talks on a cell phone. She looks frightened.
WOMAN: If you don’t live in Portland, you can’t imagine what it’s like. It’s a friggin’ war zone here!
Panel 2
She continues speaking into her cell phone, now looking a bit angry.
WOMAN: Every day we’re dodging tear gas and concrete milkshakes! Proud boys and antifa are everywhere!
Panel 3
She holds up one hand to cup by her mouth, as if whispering.
WOMAN: Don’t print my name…. I don’t want to become their next target.
Panel 4
She looks wide-eyed and panicked as she presses the button to hang up the phone.
WOMAN: Even talking to you like this– oh no! Someone’s coming! No, NO! Please, don’t hurt me! AAARGH!
PHONE: Click.
Panel 5
The “camera” has backed very far back, and we can now see that the woman is sitting with a friend at an outdoor table on the sidewalk in front of a restaurant or cafe. The friend is wide-eyed with shock; the woman is sipping her coffee and smiling as if she’s very pleased with herself.
We can also see almost a full block of the sidewalk they’re sitting on, and some of the street. It’s a peaceful street scene; diners sit at tables with striped umbrellas; a mom pushes a baby carriage; a parent bikes by with a toddler seated between the parent and the handle bars; two children play catch; further back, a woman in a black dress bikes, her black hair blowing behind her. The red brick building has green paint accents, and in the distance, trees and a mountain can be seen behind the city buildings.
WOMAN: God, I love out-of-town reporters!
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It’s Excessive Occupational Licensing, Charlie Brown!
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
This cartoon is a collaboration with Becky Hawkins. Becky and I have done other political cartoons together, and we also collaborate on our webcomic SuperButch.
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript:
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels, plus a small extra “kicker” panel below the bottom of the strip. Each panel has the same setting – a green field with blue sky, and a childish booth, drawn to resemble Lucy’s “psychiatric help, the doctor is in” booth from the comic strip Peanuts. But this booth says “State Legislature, the Senator is in.”
Behind the desk is a white man with gray hair and a conservative suit and tie.
Panel 1
The Senator sits behind his booth, listening with his head resting on one hand. A Black person with braided hair has walked up to the booth and is talking to him.
BRAIDER: I’m starting a business braiding Black people’s hair. But the law says I can’t until I’ve taken two thousand hours of training in styling white people’s hair.
Panel 2
The Braider keeps on talking, getting a bit more passionate. Behind them, a grinning man wearing a v-neck shirt and a blazer, with a full beard and carefully styled hair, walks on, waving “hi.”
BRAIDER: Even becoming an Emergency Medical Technician only takes thirty three hours of training! This makes no sense!
SENATOR: This is Bob Johnson of the State Hairdresser’s Association. What do you say, Bob?
Panel 3
Bob leans his elbow on the Senator’s desk, oozing confidence. The Senator listens like an attentive schoolboy. Behind Bob, unnoticed, the Braider looks angry and appalled.
BOB: It’s far too dangerous to permit competit- I mean, to permit unlicensed hair braiding.
BOB: On a completely unrelated note, we’re increasing our donation to your re-election campaign.
Panel 4
The Senator, with a satisfied air, leans back on his chair, hands behind his head and feet on his desk. Bob grins and makes a “hand gun” gesture towards the Senator. The braider raises her hands into the air, and has a huge open mouth of despair and objection as she yells.
SENATOR: After careful deliberation, I’ve concluded unlicensed braiding would be a grave threat to public safety.
BOB: Thanks, Jeff. Lunch?
BRAIDER: THIS IS A TERRIBLE SYSTEM!
Small kicker panel below the bottom of the strip.
The Senator is talking to the braider.
SENATOR: If you don’t want to buy thousands of hours of training about white people’s hair, aren’t youtherealracist?
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What I Wish I Said/What I Said
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript of Cartoon:
This cartoon has four panels, plus a small panel underneath the strip. The first and last panels are colored in shades of purple; panels 2 and 3 are colored in shades of blue-green. All four panels show three people walking through a hilly park. There’s a thin short man in a striped shirt; a thin woman with glasses and black hair in a ponytail; and a bald fat man wearing a button-down shirt.
Panel 1
Stripes and Glasses are cheerfully chatting, and Baldy looks back at them, looking concerned.
STRIPES: I ate too much on vacation and now I’m so fat and gross!
GLASSES: I know just what you mean! Let me describe my new diet in mind-numbing detail!
Panel 2
A large caption at the top of the panel says “WHAT I WISH i SAID:”. The three of them have stopped walking; Baldy has turned around and is talking to Stripes and Glasses, who are listening.
BALDY: Hold on a sec. Neither of you are fat. But I am. When thin people call themselves fat and gross, what does that imply about me?
Panel 3
The three have resumed walking as they talk. Glasses is thinking as she speaks, a hand on her chin; Baldy has his hands spread in front of him as he talks, Stripes, looking perhaps a bit nettled, is raising a finger to make a point.
GLASSES: I hear you, but isn’t this just how an anti-fat and misogynistic society has conditioned us all?
BALDY: But it still feels like you’re co-signing anti-fat bigotry. And I’m sure I’m not your only fat friend you’re making uncomfortable.
STRIPES: That’s not what I meant to do….
Panel 4
This panel has a large panel at the top, which says “WHAT I SAID:”. In the background, stripes and glasses are happily chatting with each other. In the foreground, Baldy is walking away, with a hand on his stomach as if he’s got an upset tummy.
STRIPES: Diet talk calories lifestyle change blah blah
GLASSES: Carbs keto diet talk blah blah blah
BALDY: Gotta go. Bye.
Small “kicker” panel under the bottom of the strip
Barry the cartoonist speaks directly to the reader.
BARRY: The funny thing is, at one time or another, I’ve been all three of these characters.
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Thought Congestion
Another collaboration with Becky Hawkins! (frenchtoastcomix) This one was written by me, and drawn by Becky. If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon . A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript:
TRANSCRIPT OF COMIC
The comic has four panels.
PANEL 1
The panel shows backed-up traffic on an overpass in the foreground. In the background, we can see more backed-up highways, and behind that the buildings of a small city, including a white building with a big dome on top and a US flag - i.e., a government building. Two word balloons come from that building. The balloons belong to characters I will call MAYOR and NERD.
MAYOR: The city just spent half a billion widening roads. But we still have traffic congestion!
NERD: Well, Mr. Mayor, studies show that adding lanes doesn’t fix traffic.
PANEL 2
Inside the mayor’s office. There is a big curtained window and a fancy executive desk with a big leather chair. In front of the desk is the Mayor - a man in a suit with gray hair - and a woman who is a nerd, by which I mean she’s wearing glasses, has her hair in a bun, and is carrying a stack of three-ring binders.
The Mayor is making a “stop talking” gesture, holding up a hand flat in front of the nerd’s face. The mayor looks angry, and his eyes are bloodshot.
NERD: People’s capacity to drive is greater than our capacity to build roads, so-
MAYOR: Blah blah blah! We’ve got to do something!
PANEL 3
The mayor, now looking happy, makes a big sweeping gesture with his hand, causing the surprised nerd to drop her binders.
NERD: Um…
MAYOR: I’ve got it!
PANEL 4
The mayor and the nerd are now on stage, the mayor behind the podium and the nerd to one side and behind him. There is a cheering crowd watching the mayor speak.
The Mayor is waving a hand grandly as he speaks. The nerd is face-palming.
MAYOR: Good news, citizens! We’re widening the roads again!
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The Existence of Trains Debate
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript:
Transcript of Cartoon
This cartoon has nine panels, arranged in a three by three grid, with a small “kicker” panel under the bottom of the cartoon.
Panel 1
We see two people on the train tracks. They are not tied to the tracks, but they are tied together, so neither one could move without the other. One person has black hair in a pony tail; the other has wavy hair and is wearing capri pants. Ponytail has a panicked expression, while Capri looks wryly amused.
PONYTAIL: I can’t believe we’re tied together on the train tracks.
CAPRI: Are we sure these are train tracks?
Panel 2
Ponytail turns her head back towards Capri to urgently suggest a plan.
PONYTAIL: If we work together, we can crawl off before a train comes.
CAPRI: There’s no evidence any train is coming.
Panel 3
Ponytail shouts a bit, angry, and Capri laughs.
PONYTAIL: The train comes at this time every day!
CAPRI: HA! What’s happened in the past can’t predict the future.
Panel 4
Ponytail panics, yelling, and Capri responds with amused dismissal.
PONYTAIL: The tracks are shaking!
CAPRI: it’s natural shaking. Haven’t you heard of earthquakes.
Panel 5
Ponytail angrily yells, and Capri sneers. (It’s a mix of a grin and a sneer).
PONYTAIL: LISTEN TO ME! I’m a train engineer, and
CAPRI: Pfft! “Engineers” are just in it for the money.
Panel 6
A close up of their heads. Ponytail is terrified now, sweat droplets flying off her. Capri remains amused.
PONYTAIL: Let’s get off the tracks, just in case! HURRY!
CAPRI: Expend all that effort over what might be nothing?
Panel 7
Ponytail yells, her eyes as big as dessert plates.
PONYTAIL: I CAN SEE THE TRAIN! WE’RE GONNA DIE!
CAPRI: You’re being hysterical.
Panel 8
This panel contains only a sound effect, in big overlapping letters, with stars flying around: CRASH
Panel 9
The same two characters are hovering in the sky, in angel outfits, including wings and halos. Capri is shrugging but still smiling; Ponytail is yelling angrily.
CAPRI ANGEL: Okay, maybe there was a train.
PONYTAIL ANGEL: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?
Small kicker panel under the bottom of the cartoon.
A bald guy talks to a fat guy with a ponytail and glasses (i.e., me, the cartoonist).
BALD GUY: Cute cartoon, but what if some readers don’t get that it’s a metaphor for global warming denial?
BARRY: I’ll find some subtle way to let them know!
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CEOS, Except With Subtitles
If you enjoy these cartoons, please reblog or support them on my Patreon. A $1 pledge really helps!
To read my notes about the cartoon, check out the original patreon post!
Transcript:
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has six panels.
PANEL 1
This panel contains nothing but the title of the cartoon, in large, friendly letters.
TITLE: CEOs, EXCEPT WITH SUBTITLES
PANEL 2
This panel shows a friendly-looking man, seated behind a desk, wearing a three-piece suit and talking directly to the viewer. He is the CEO. In this panel, and in all the following panels, the CEOs dialog is at the top of the panel in a comic book font, while there’s a subtitle “translating” what he’s saying in a more mechanical font at the bottom of the panel.
CEO: Greetings! As CEO, I want to talk to our entire company family about a serious issue: Unionization.
SUBTITLE: Listen up, serfs!
PANEL 3
The panel shows a wall-mounted flatscreen TV; on the TV, the CEO, in the same shot as panel 1, is talking, his right hand on his chest over his heart.
CEO: I think of us as more a family than a business.
SUBTITLE: A family where papa gets paid 271 times as much.
PANEL 4
A room is filled with people watching the CEO on a wall-mounted TV. The TV is flanked by a security guard on one side, and a manager-looking woman on the other, both watching the crowd in an unfriendly manner. On TV, the CEO has raised his hands and looks angry.
CEO: We don’t need union outsiders in our family!
SUBTITLE: "Outsiders" like pro-union workers who have worked here for decades.
PANEL 5
A shot of the CEO in his office. We’re now off a bit to one side, so we can see the camera the CEO is talking to, a boom microphone, and the corner of a big photography light aimed at the CEO. The CEO is raising an index finger and looking stern.
CEO: The consequences of unionization could be terrible for all our company’s workers.
SUBTITLE: We will be illegally firing union organizers.
PANEL 6
The same shot as panel one, with the CEO looking straight at the viewer and smiling, his arms folded on the desk in front of him.
CEO: In closing, to the union, I say: You don’t scare me!
SUBTITLE: In all the universe, nothing frightens me more than unionization. I literally just peed my pants.
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Everything is Problematic!
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Transcript:
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has five panels, with the same two characters – a young woman wearing glasses and a pink scarf, and another young woman wearing a long yellow jacket. In the first two panels, the two are sitting around an apartment, on a couch.
Panel 1
Scarf woman is reading a comic book, and speaks enthusiastically to Jacket woman, who looks unconvinced.
SCARF: Have you read this comic? It’s really awesome.
JACKET: I heard the creator was arrested for beating his girlfriend.
Panel 2
Scarf tosses the comic over her shoulder. Jacket looks a bit angry as she talks, waving a hand in the air.
SCARF: Screw comics, then. We’ll just browse the internet.
JACKET: Yeah! We can google how the workers who make our devices are horribly abused.
Panel 3
Scarf tries again, but Jacket rejects the idea again, standing up with her arms crossed, turning her back on Jacket.
SCARF: Let’s watch an old movie. Something made before the internet.
JACKET: Hitchcock, Kubrick, Bertolucci… Lots of directors abused their actresses back then. Just like today.
Panel 4
The two characters, after a quick back and forth, both yell to the sky (or ceiling) in abject frustration.
SCARF: Music?
JACKET: R. Kelly.
SCARF: Disney?
JACKET: Are you joking?
BOTH: AAAGH! EVERYTHING IS PROBLEMATIC!
Panel 5
The two characters are now out in a beautiful, sprawling park, with trees and rolling hills, sitting on a hillside. Scarf is smiling and leaning back; Jacket has her arms crossed on her knees and still looks crabby.
SCARF: Isn’t it great out here, enjoying clean, unproblematic nature?
JACKET: Stolen land.
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