#sexualization
okay like. supposedly being interested in m/m relationships, or even a specific m/m relationship because you like the specific dynamic depicted is fetishizing. because it’s only acceptable to take an interest in any m/m relationship if you’re a man who likes men, apparently. BUT then also m/f relationships are supposedly relatable and accessible to everybody???
or maybe.
just maybe.
that’s a bullshit argument used to shut down enthusiasm for anything that isn’t heteronormative as well as to shame a group of what is perceived to be young women and girls. because any time young women like anything at all, however harmless or even positive and uplifting, that thing is relentlessly mocked and derided as shallow and ridiculous.
this post has so much going on that i guess i gotta write a whole essay so here we go
as a gay man, i can say with full and total confidence that more often than not, women’s consumption of our relationships, and our sex lives, and our trauma is fetishistic. it’s not about fighting heteronormativity. it’s really not that deep.
finding another man loving man in fandom is incredibly difficult, especially in shipping circles. i’ve been in the tumblr business for almost seven years, and i’ve met maybe 1 or 2 guys total who write slash besides me. slash fiction is dominated almost entirely by women and woman-aligned people, and it’s been this way for a very long time. even a good amount of smutty slash fanzines in the 70s-90s were written by women who liked to write about boys fucking. when i met another guy who wrote slash fanfic, i was completely shocked. it had taken 6 or so years to meet him, and i was completely bowled over. and i just thought “boys don’t write about boys loving boys, that’s not our thing”. but what i wanna know is why isn’t it our thing???
why aren’t most slash fanfics written by boys who love boys? why isn’t a genre, a subculture ABOUT US, something that we’re seemingly not allowed to participate in? why do we feel like outsiders when writing our own stories? why are some of them most praised “gay shows” and “gay books” (for example, the song of achilles and yuri on ice) all written by women, and read by women, and aren’t really catered towards gay men at all even though we’re the SUBJECTS of the story.
when you go through websites like goodreads and look under the “gay romance” section, you see names like madeline, jane, abigail, marie, amy. i mean, abigail roux’s writing alone probably takes up half the list! you might see a sean or a david thrown in, but for the most part, stories about men loving each other are written by women. ones that are written by men often don’t get the attention reigned in by the foxhole court and cut and run. that’s where the issue lies. in a community supposedly dedicated to us, our love, our sex, our relationships, we take the back seat. we don’t get recognition. we don’t get control. we don’t get to tell OUR stories OUR WAY.
not to mention, much of slash has always been smut. and that smut, for a lot of questioning boys who love boys, that’s our first exposure to sex between two men. i know it was for me. but when it’s written by someone who’s never been a man having sex with a man (and no, if you’re a cis girl having sex with a cis man is not the same way trans men have sex with cis men, but y'alls abysmal treatment of trans men will have to wait for another post), it’s often written inaccurately and unsafely. not using a condom? unsafe. spit as lube? definitely not safe. SHOVING IT IN???????? REALLY NOT SAFE. rimming someone without having them clean or use an enema first????
not only unsafe, but also really gross. the general consensus (and yes i asked) about this is that safe sex has been deemed by slash shippers to be “boring”. they want to get right to the fucking, no time for prep (which is literally the most important part), no time for cleaning, no time for lube, no time for protection. this is incredibly dangerous for young men who love men who are trying to figure out all the different ways that we can make love to each other. if this is their only exposure, they’re going to think that doing this is okay. they’re going to think “yeah, i can just shove my tongue into someone’s dirty asshole” or “i don’t have to prepare my partner before shoving very large into something very tiny” which is not the case and will get people hurt. i know fic isn’t supposed to be a sex ed class, but the lack of sex safety is really concerning.
and when men who love men like myself bring up the fact that maybe you guys should stay in your lane a little and let us take the wheel in a genre entirely dedicated to us having sex with each other, you somehow claim that we are “kinkshaming” you and being misogynist by taking away “the one place where women can explore their kinks without judgement”. which is complete and total bullshit because FIRST OF ALL gay people are not your kink. we are not your fetish, we don’t exist for your entertainment or your gratification. if you really think that two men who make love to each other is your “fetish”, then maybe that’s telling you something. human beings aren’t kinks. so fuck outta here with that.
and the obsession with boys enduring homophobic and sometimes transphobic abuse and rape for the sake of ~angst~ and hurt/comfort is uh pretty fucked up. the obsession people have with gay trauma is by far the most disturbing of all. like so many woman slash writers go out of their way to subject gbt male characters to all sorts of injury and abuse just so they can be ~comforted~ and possibly get comfort sex. the idea that you want to see us hurt just because you think it’s cute when we comfort each other isn’t okay. like, didn’t someone want to write a check please fanfic about the pulse shooting??? yeah how can any of you look at that and think it’s okay. it’s not okay. in no world is that okay.
so this brings me to your claim that if gay/bi/pan men (including trans men and male-aligned people) tell you to maybe chill out and maybe let us write stories about us for a change, that’s a misogynistic/homophobic/shallow statement. this just blows my mind. i need a little more clarification about why it’s such an evil no-no for us to want to represent ourselves or speak for ourselves or tell our own stories. because it kinda seems homophobic that you’re so angry about gbt men wanting to represent themselves. it almost sounds like you only think our love and our sex and our lives exist only for you to write and read about. you’re making it sound like we are objects made for your consumption, and by establishing ourselves as real people is ruining your fantasy.
nobody’s saying you can’t be supportive of gbt boys and want to write about them in your stories. but for the love of god, don’t get angry when we want to tell our own stories, and don’t pitch a fit when we express that we’re uncomfortable with being objectified for your own sexual gratification.
tldlr; men who love men have never existed for your consumption. we are not your “escape from heteronormativity”, we are not your “safe space for kink exploration”, we are not your favorite ships, we are not your kudos on ao3. we are real men with real stories who want a chance to express ourselves in a genre that’s about us but that we seemingly aren’t allowed into. we are people, and we deserve to and be seen as people and treated like people. stop speaking over us and invalidating our concerns about how we’re being treated. and that’s the tea. ️♂️☕️
@ all you straight fujoshis
Oh my gods this. This is everything I try and fail to say when people ask me how to explain fetishization vs storytelling.
Do you know how many books by gay men I edited in my time at the erotica publishing house? One.
Out of literal thousands of manuscripts, there was One gay man writing m/m, the rest were all by women, and I feel safe in saying, the majority of them, not from within the LGBTQA+ community.
And boy howdy did they pitch fits when we turned to them and said “your manuscript does not meet our health and safety requirements please revise” because our house had a strict safe sane consensual rule, along with body positivity, which everyone LOVED when they were writing m/f stories. But when it came to m/m we had so many authors say “ew, but that’s not ~sexy~ :/” to which my reply was often a very politely phrased “literally don’t give a fuck Susan, you know what else isn’t sexy? Bleeding assholes, which coincidentally is what you’re being.”
But y'know, nicer. Because I’m a fucking proffesional.
Anyway. Do you want to know what happened to said singular man writing m/m fiction? He got dropped after a year. Because, and I quote, this is a direct line from our then marketing team, about a gay man writing gay erotica: “that’s not what women want to read”
And if that’s not one of the most precise and fucking infuriating demonstrations of what the fuck is wrong with the “but I write gay slash fic! I can’t be homophobic!” “~allies~” (spoiler: you’re not) in fandom and yes, even in “real” publishing, I dunno what is.
There is a Difference between storytelling and fetishization, and all y'all crying “kinkshaming!” when someone asks you to treat them with respect, need to stop.
What makes you think I want your body
On mine just because I show any of it?
Whichever parts seem to speak to yours
They aren’t seeking you out
Not asking for whatever you’ve got
Respectful compliments are fine
So long as they don’t cross the line–oh
You know, detailing all the ways
You’re oh so certain to make me writhe
Don’t slide into my dm’s just to talk about
Sliding in between my presumed milky
Thighs, nor mount a sales pitch to buy
Anything from or for me
You can claim to be a nice guy
For inquiring permission to self-gratify
Don’t flatter yourself, stop stroking
Your ego by believing I’d be flattered
So out of touch, is it too much
To not be sexualized for simply
Somewhat revealing below the face
Stop fixating on what’s situated
Below the waist and instead ask yourself
Why you behave this way
Mood
“I need feminism because… My choice of attire is not invitation for you to stare.”
C'mon, really? Don’t act like you aren’t guilty of the very same thing.
When you see those dapper looking gentlemen sitting in backstreet cafés, with their cold pressed coffee in one hand while simultaneously writing poetry with the other. Everything about them is perfect. From their antique leather case to the tiny infinity tattoo on their finger. Don’t pretend like you don’t swoon as they periodically fix their Ray Ban glasses into place every time it slides to the tip of their nose, causing their tweed plaited bracelets to fall back down to their pale forearms. Don’t act like you aren’t currently imagining what it would be like to have this fine specimen of a man start a conversation with you, and all of a sudden that very same evening he is making slow, sweet love to you in his wood cabin on the edge of the woods. Before you know it, your lady parts are getting a little wet before your coffee even arrives. You can’t help your bodies natural response to stimulants. But of course, you couldn’t stop staring because this guy was clearly dressing to impress, right?
Again, don’t act like you don’t get turned on by men with hot bodies while they are simply trying to enjoy their day at the beach without being the target of your lustful stare. Their chiselled chests, all smooth and golden brown. Don’t pretend that you’ve never looked at a man like that and fantasised about him literally sweeping you off your feet with his strong muscular arms, and suddenly you are in a private, secluded beach where he is slowly kissing every inch of your body as you lie in the soft sand. Before you know it, your lady parts are getting a little wet and you aren’t even in the ocean yet. But of course, he should have worn a swim vest because his bare chest was basically an invitation to stare, right?
Tom Hiddleston, Benedict Cumberbatch, Misha Collins. Don’t act like you don’t google image these guys obsessively and memorise every single detail of their bodies. Don’t pretend like you haven’t used their public images to help yourself get off when you need a little private lady-time. But of course, they shouldn’t have been actors who are constantly in the spotlight if they didn’t want people to notice them and lust over them, right?
Unfortunately, everyone has the right to stare. At anything. You cannot police somebodies right to look at whatever is in their field of vision. Especially when you abuse this very same right, for the exact same reasons. Don’t be a hypocrite.
-fraudulentfeminist
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I’m so fucking mad. I searched for #lesbians to see some nice art or cool memes and you know what I’ve got? Pictures that looks like scenes from porn and sexualized and/or objectified women
Very cool, thank you so much.
“I want to fuck you so bad rn”
Sexualize spleens Sexualize spleens
Sexualize spleens
This character, in the original game, had a pretty decent design. Now, in the sequels, she’s dressed in things like this (though there are many outfits and by no means have they all been revealed), and has some pretty horrible poses as well. Not to mention the camera angles.
My reaction is… disappointment, mostly. And disgust. And irritation. She was originally a fairly strong character but now look what they’ve done.
You’ve already had the napkin-skirt one on this blog but these outfits are getting ridiculous.
There are so many things wrong with these that it’s proably not even worth the effort to list them all.
To put it mildly I am extraordinarily skeeved. On one hand not every outfit is quite this ridiculous and it’s still up to the player what to dress her in. Unhappy as I am that some of the outfits are basically lingerie, at least you (probably) have the choice to never see her in it. On the other hand, combined with the animations, its a betrayal of her character for the titillation of [some of] the audience. And you all know how I feel about that.
Also from what I’ve seen, a few of the outfits are just ugly and broken. If you recall the question I posed a while back about value of customization vs. quality of customization options, well, I’m of a mind that if the cost of more options is a lower quality for each then I’ll take fewer options. So… bad times all around.
Bonus skeeviness from the developers.
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I wish I could re-live some nights.
:’)
I dont wanna be your friend, i just want to kiss your neck.
:’)
THIS THIS THIS I just love it. It’s so true. The same as “Defiling” a woman or girl when it’s your own hands so who is really the “dirty” one? Ugh, chauvinists.
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