I was writing this cheat sheet out for a friend recently, and figured - hey if it’s useful to them, it may be useful other people too. Basically, this goes into places where you probably should add a paragraph break in order to help keep readers grounded in what’s actually happening, creating emphasis where you needed, and help break up larger/harder to read walls of text.
Note that this list is more about base readability/understanding. There are always going to be exceptions, especially when taking into account writing style - like any advice, these are more of guidelines than actual rules. (cue pirates of the carribean)
Always add a paragraph break for:
State of motion is changing
Ex: character is switching from observing surroundings to running for their lives
Basically, if you’re switching from being still to moving, or moving to still, break paragraphs
Why: mostly, it helps keep the reader grounded. A paragraph break is almost like a signal of “okay we’re doing something different here” which can be useful when your protagonist is doing an array of smaller actions in a scene.
Thought shifts
Ex: character is thinking about their dead mother, to thinking about what caused the explosion that killed her
Each topic gets its own paragraph. When in doubt, add a new paragraph
Why: if a character is lost in their own thoughts for a while and you don’t break, it will result in an impenetrable wall that most readers will skip because…. no. Transitions between ideas are just natural places to break, and again, they help with grounding readers.
(several more list items below the cut, and when to do a double paragraph break)
The bluebird was singing soft melodies and flapping its wings. The breeze was blowing sweet scents from the flowers that were red, blue, and purple. The sky was clear with only a few thin clouds. The tall dark trees were creaking and echoing against the woods. ✖️
Vs.
The rose-scented wind blew breezes against the forest. Bluebirds sprang into the air with songs of summer. ✔️
To make interesting paragraphs you need an even balance of the following:
▪️Conjunctions:(But, and, etc.)
▪️Short sentences:She went to the store.
▪️Long sentences:She went to the store, hoping she could get the bread she wanted on sale.
Example:
What would happen?Lily had never been left alone before, because she had super bad anxiety. But this time, her mother felt it would be good for her.No. It was the worst mistake.
Vs.
Lily had terrible anxiety and didn’t want to be left alone. But this time her mother felt it would be good for her, so she left to the store. This was a bad idea and a horrible mistake.
Lily had terrible anxiety. She didn’t want to be left alone. Her mother felt it would be good for her. She left to the store. This was a bad idea. This was a horrible mistake.
I’m an editor and writer, and I do not correct others’ grammar unasked on social media. I used to in my 20s, thinking it made me look smart, but now I know it just made me look like an asshole.
Besides, I get paid to proofread now, so no way are you getting it for free.
People sometimes tell me, “But I can’t help it!”, re correcting grammar.
Yes! Yes you actually can! Who is controlling your fingers? Look, it’s you!
As a copyeditor and Wangxian fan, I feel I must address a famous MDZS line:
In English, it should be “Every day means every day,” not “Everyday means everyday.”
“Everyday” is an adjective meaning “ordinary” (“in everyday life”). “Every day” is an adverb phrase meaning “daily.”
The sex in question is meant to happen every day—daily. It is not meant to be ordinary and commonplace, or so we hope.
The widely read fan translation of MDZS likely did say “everyday means everyday.” But it appeared not to have gotten a thorough proofread by a native English speaker, so while it is an amazing labor of love that I personally could not replicate (given I cannot translate from Chinese), it shouldn’t be taken as 100% technically accurate. ❤️
As I mentioned in my last post, I am SOOOOO close to being done with my master’s thesis TTnTT
If you have time the next couple days, I could use as many any you as possible to help me look over my final draft before I submit it to my advisor for review on the 29th March 2022!
Synopsis The growth of social media platforms like YouTube has opened up a valuable new resource for educational content, one which is not always fully realised by institutions like museums. The YouTube channel, The Brain Scoop, is an example of how the platform can be embraced and how it can differ from traditional video mediums like TV and other distributed film media. Its approach to educational content stands to inspire other museums to rethink how they create and engage with online educational videos.
My thesis is intentionally accessible to non-academics, and does not have any heavy academic language or a requirement of any deep knowledge of YouTube or museums. Below are links to the document (single doc or individual chapters) on Google Docs. All should have permissions for commenting turned on.
*My computer freaks out at the single full document sometimes so you can access both that and the individual chapters. They should be identical otherwise so whichever works best for you.
What To Help With
Anything! At this stage I want any and all feedback. Whatever you’re happy to provide I will accept. I still have 3,000 words free before I hit my max length so if you feel there is something I should add I welcome that too. Orange highlights are notes to myself.
Suggestions to look at:
Grammar (spelling, punctuation, etc)
Sentence structure
Readability
Academic numbers (should I use 1 or ONE, etc)
Citations aligning with References
Tables/Figures aligning with Appendix
Understandability (does it make sense?)
Accuracy of statements (do you think something is incorrect?)
Weak arguments (PLEASE point these out!)
Missing information (Does it look like I forgot to add something?)
Superfluous information (Adds nothing to the paper)
Superfluous repetition (Say the same thing twice without benifit)
Flow (Do sentences, paragraphs, sections flow well into each other?)
DON’T worry about page formatting, to come later.
So please, if you have some time in the next couple of days, please give it a read through and comment. Be (nicely) BRUTAL! I would rather find weaknesses and errors now when I have hime to fix them!!! And don’t hesitate to make (lots of) comments, the more I have to work with now the better this will be once I submit it. Also, please feel free to share it with friends you think could help :)
Please give your feedback by 28th (29th latest) March 2022!
Ok Team, this is it! I am coming to the end of my full Master’s thesis draft o__O What feels like a million years ago I posted my final draft of the Honour’s dissertation here and some of you amazing peeps helped me out with giving it a proof read and some seriously valuable feedback.
I’ve set the 29th as the day I will have it all done and submit it to my thesis committee for review and feedback…but before then I was hoping some of you could take some time to look over it first.
I’ll be posting it here Saturday 26th as a Google Doc with comments turned on. If you have the time, I would love an many of you as able to read over it and give any and all feedback. Grammar, corrections, pointing out weak arguments, lack of supporting information, unclear language ot points,ideas, re-arrangement and reformatting. Anything!
I just wanted to give a heads up as it’s a big ask and a big read (roughly 21,000 words). For those curious, my thesis is looking at the YouTube channel The Brain Scoop,and using original analysis of it to create a series of recommendations/best practices for other museums looking to create original educational content on YouTube. Nothing terribly technical or dense. I’m dyslexia and struggle with heavy academic language, so I write to be as accessible as possible.
I’m currently looking for someone to proofread my fics! (I know I said I needed to focus on my work but I just started to write a YoongixReader fanfic and I’m pretty excited about it so yeah…)
I’m looking for someone able to correct my english mistakes, as it’s not my first language, such as grammar mistakes or poor wording, but also make sure the plot makes sense.
Message me if you are interested or if you know someone who might! Thank you in advance!
I’d like to pass on some cool information about proofreading. Credit to author and screenwriter, Martin Johnson and the site Almost an Author.
Martin Johnson survived a severe car accident with a (T.B.I.) Truamatic brain injury which left him legally blind and partially paralyzed on the left side. He is an award-winning Christian screenwriter who has…
The best metaphor (and cautionary tale) I’ve read about how to keep readers immersed in a story came from a book on poetry — Ted Kooser’s The Poetry Home Repair Manual.
Recalling a childhood vacation on the Wisconsin River, Kooser writes:
I do vividly remember going for a ride in an excursion boat that had a clear glass bottom. It floated with grace and ease and a throbbing gurgle across water brightly dappled with summer sunlight. Beneath the glass floor I could see fish swimming, catfish and carp and gar, and rocks eroded into imaginative shapes, and soda bottles that people on earlier cruises had dropped over the side.
I remember being completely absorbed… [until a] woman sitting nearby leaned over too far and her white-rimmed cat’s-eye sunglasses slid off the end of her nose and fell with a clatter onto the glass. That sudden interference on the surface of the dreamy world beneath me brought my attention back to the glass floor, back to the ordinary world of being a little boy, hot and impatient and cross. The moment had been spoiled.
The moment had been spoiled.
I remember reading those words, and it resonated with me beyond just poetry. How many times had I been pulled out of a story because of metaphorical sunglasses clattering upon the page of the book I was reading?
I’m sure you’ve experienced the same.
So let’s talk about these sunglasses and how to avoid dropping them — to keep your readers immersed in the world you’ve created.
Types of “dropped sunglasses”
Aviators.
Ray-Bans.
JOKES. So what are some of these dropped sunglasses that appear in our writing?
Well, the lowest hanging fruit include mistakes of grammar, spelling, rhythm, and flow. That’s why it’s important to edit and proofread our writing — so it reads clear, like polished crystal.
But there’s more than that, too. So much more. Beyond just mechanical mistakes, dropped sunglasses can really be anything that spoils the illusion of the world and characters you’ve created, such as:
Someone acting out of character
A disjointed plot
Vague, confusing language
An inconsistent reality
Inconsistent tone
Literary showboating (showing off just to show off)
Etc.
But how do you spot these issues?
You’ll get better at noticing dropped sunglasses yourself over time, but the best help you’ll receive will be from the friends, writers, or beta readers who provide feedback on your story.
These readers can help with various aspects of your writing, but an additional request I’d recommend is asking them to mark all the places where something jolts them from the story. If they’re able to identify what distracted them, awesome; but if not, it’s still valuable to know where they were jolted so you can go back and investigate.
After that, use their feedback to fix problem areas and smooth out the prose.
That way the little Koosers of the future who read your story will never be startled by fallen sunglasses. Instead, they’ll just settle in, forget they’re reading — and enjoy the fish swimming by in the shimmering waters.
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Hey there! My name’s Mike, and I’m a writer & copywriter with an MFA in fiction. For more tips on how to hone your craft and nurture meaningful stories, follow my blog.
