#scared

I find myself almost in tears, crying scared and sad

I feel so suicidal and I’ll start arguments and debates just so people will talk to me. I’m secluded and alone and I have no friends and I think about killing myself but I’m so afraid of dying.

Someone please help me I know I’m so fucking pathetic I’m begging for help at this point I want to give up sometimes and I can’t handle being who I am anymore. I just wish I one person would see value in me. Just one person would take the time to talk to me and understand.

When I look in the mirror I’m afraid, not unsatisfied, but scared. This isn’t who I am, this isn’t what I want to be, I’m a mutilated ghost.

I need help, people are terrifying and no one wants to share my company. I’m scared and I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing and I need to vent this I’m sorry. I just don’t want to be sorry and I don’t want to cry and I don’t want just pity I just want a friend or just someone to talk to. I can’t take this alone anymore.

I drew this little fella today, life is tough, brush your teeth!

I just wanted to really write on here to tell y'all some of the feelings I have right now.

Every day I literally wake up hoping that it’s gonna be the day that my life changes, but I know it doesn’t work that way.

So I just get on with doing me, going to the British Academy Of Music has been so good for me and being halfway through my year I have learnt so much. 

Any person who actually cares about there life will ask the question “What if I don’t make it?” Making it might be having a family, being a star, having a nice home…we all have different visions of happiness.

My vision is just of one and only thing…music. I don’t even see relationships, it all kinda gets blocked out. Some days I just get angry cause I put so much pressure on myself to do well, but I guess it’s just because I care.

And sometimes I do have them days where I’m like shiiiit man what happens….if i don’t make it? and it’s scary man…but there has to be something for never giving up and working hard right? 

JUST SOME THOUGHTS……..

Terrifying