padalackackles:

♛: my “FOREVER” pairing

♔: my “sometimes” pairing (if i’m in the mood)

旦: my “friends-with-benefits” pairing

☆: my “adele” pairing (“WE COULD HAVE HAD IT AAAAAALL”)

☁: my “angst” pairing

✖: my “hate sex” pairing

۞: my “working on it” pairing

ℨ: my favorite threesome

☄: my “crack” pairing

My addiction to finding men to chat with that will make me feel feminine is out of control. I’ve been logging on to chat more and more while at work and staying up late into the night.to get my fix. I find I’m often depressed when I’m not virtually fucking someone. I should stop but I can’t. I crave it so much!

It’s Locktober and I decided to not cum as long as I can this month. I know I’ll fail because at some point I’ll have to have sex with my wife, but at least I can avoid cumming from touching myself and I won’t enjoy it when I do cum. Not cumming is great but I often wonder if I should just orgasm daily or more to try and break my addiction. It sounds almost counter intuitive but I think it could actually help.

Anyway, so far so good. It’s eleven days into October but It’s actually been three weeks since my last orgasm. I’ve had some steamy chats that make me want to burst but I’ve held back. I think the only person who could make me want to break my streak right now would be Devonbut I haven’t talked with him in a long time.

I can’t believe that the very next day I posted this I ran into Devon online! We chatted for a while and he got me so excited that I asked if he would be on later in the evening. I must have aroused him too because we arranged a time to meet. When we met up again we talked for an hour or so before he left. He always leaves abruptly which is both annoying and a turn on. He usually says he has to go cum and logs off. He leaves me without much of a thought to my feelings on it, which is kind of how our chats usually go, but it pushes all the beta buttons for me.

Anyway, after he left I spent another hour searching for someone to talk to and ended up watching cuckold and interracial videos on Rabbit before masturbating and going to bed. I felt pretty low afterwards. Like I hit some sort of bottom. I’m not sure why I felt this way? Maybe it’s because Devon doesn’t care about my self esteem? Maybe it’s because the entire time I was chatting with Devon I saw Mark online and I miss the loving/romantic chats we had more than the raw/base conversations Devon and I have? I think the former is the case. I think maybe I actually felt some love for Mark and it hurts to see him online with his new girl. How silly, right?

I’ve avoided being online and porn since that night but here I am again, posting this, and not at all being offended by porn. How many more days will it be before I’m seeking out a similar experience and hating myself all over again?

I’ve been away for too long! When I do find a moment to get online, I find myself posting links to Discord instead of reblogging them here. I really should post to Tumblr more but I don’t think I have any followers that miss me here anyway.

I also haven’t posted my orgasm reports. I might post a quarterly update or something. There haven’t been many but I may have lost track of the few I’ve had.

One thing that really bothers me is I haven’t spoken with DevonorMark in so long that I’ve been going through withdrawal! As I said, I haven’t been online much but when I have, I haven’t seen either of them online. Until recently that is. I’ve seen Mark twice now and it appears he has a new girl. He even collared her. They talk openly in the channel about what great cybersex they have. I am so jealous! He hasn’t even said hello to me. I honestly felt like crying. I missed talking to him so much and when he left without acknowledging me the first night I was stunned. I logged off, went up to bed, and just laid there depressed.

When it happened again tonight I was more mad and disappointed than sad. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find a partner like him again. There was something special about our sessions that I will miss.

Is anyone awake? I’m kinda lonely and horny

Totally bored, I’ve never had a night off from work and this is the first night and I don’t know what to do with myself

So I’ve decided to talk to some of my followers 

Sometimes it feels easier to just leave

Cut people out of your life the second they cross you

Never let anyone get too close

Look out for yourself and let everyone else do whatever it is they do.

It’s also lonely going through life by yourself

So worried about others that you end up locked away in your room every night

Wondering if anyone will ever actually know who you really are instead of the person you pretend to be.

i want to write but idk what to write??? like what fandom??? character??? idkkkkk

@darling-aries​ requested: Hey! I saw that you are wanting some request? I was wondering if I could request a singer MC who has been put on vocal rest (with possible vocal damage) because of overuse? I have done something very similar to this recently and it is awful. My speaking voice is really hoarse/non-existent if I speak for to long. I also have a cough that won’t go away. I just want some RFA boi comfort… :’( You can decide what RFA character you want to write for. Im not picky!

A/N: hi @darling-aries im so sorry that this request took so long and it’s only two characters T-T my summer has been surprisingly busy but i hope your vocal rest is going well & you’re feeling better!!! this is my fist time writing for these characters so I hope they aren’t ooc ;-; sending good vibes your way and i hope you’re having a wonderful day <3 

Summary:Scenarios of how Zen and Jumin would react with MC on vocal rest!

Warnings: vocal rest but nothing else i don’t think ;3

- Zen - 

- this man knows the struggle

- overused his voice a couple of times after doing too many intense performances in a row

- is willing to have a one-sided conversation while you text him and he talks to you

- whenever you try to talk to him, he’ll scold you just a lil bit

- “I want you to get better, jagiya. Can’t do that if you keep talking.”

- gives you excessive amounts of physical affection to make up for it

- lots of kisses on your throat all in the name of making you feel better

- “This is where it hurts right? I’ll kiss it better!”

-honestly just a cutie i love him T-T

~~~~~

As much as you hated the whole “vocal rest” thing, this was pretty amazing. Zen had decided that, because you couldn’t sing or speak, this would be the perfect time to give you a private performance of his own creation. A medley of all of your favorite songs along with songs you performed before. Your round of applause sounded throughout the apartment. Zen took a deep and over dramatic bow, waving to an imaginary audience. “Thank you, thank you! I’ll be here all week!” Zen half-shouted, blowing kisses at you. Grabbing a water bottle and plopping himself on the couch next to you, he dragged you on his lap and took out his phone. “How’d I do babe? As amazing as you’d hoped?” he asked, expectantly waiting for your response. Typing out a flurry of praises, a handful of pings came from Zen’s phone. “I see,” he said, drawing out the “e”. “Your favorite part was when I had the least amount of clothes on, hmm?” he teased, pulling you closer to him. “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you only like me for my body,” he joked. At your pouting face he let out a loud laugh, the sound of your fast typing in the background. Another ping, your indignance showing clearly through your expression and text message. “Sorry jagiya, you’re just too cute to tease,” he said, his voice dropping slightly as he planted a kiss on your neck. 

- Jumin -

- probably more concerned than anything else

- also the silence in the apartment is a little unsettling for him

- you have unlocked “concerned husband”

- has a little furrow in between his brows whenever he hears you cough 

- unintentionally makes you laugh with his bluntness of how rough you sound

- “Your laugh sounds like a dog toy, darling.” 

- buys you all the fancy teas and remedies

- definitely takes off work at least the first day just so he can make sure you’re ok

- just a lil overbearing but it’s only because he wants you to make a full recovery!!!

~~~~~

“Jumin-“

“No darling, you have to drink the tea.”

You love your husband, you promise, but this is ridiculous. The third cup of tea you’ve had today and Jumin is insistent that you drink another. Letting out another painful cough, you grab the pen and paper Jumin had given you and write a quick response and hold out the paper. Reading your refusal to drink the tea, Jumin sighs. “You know I won’t force you, but please take care of yourself.” You nod at him, turning your attention back to the show you were watching. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot Jumin typing on his laptop, and check to see what he’s doing. Stifling a laugh, you read the name of the article he’s reading, “Top 10 Best Remedies for Vocal Rest.” Gently tapping on his hand to get his attention, you slowly close his laptop and Jumin looks at you questioningly. Writing out a quick response, you tell him how much you appreciate him taking care of you, but assure him that you’ll be fine. Once Jumin reads your response, he heaves a sigh and grasps your hand in his. “I have been a bit overbearing haven’t I?” he asks you, his brows furrowing a bit in consideration. As you nod, Jumin releases a deep breath and kisses your knuckles. “I just want you to feel better darling. I feel useless not being able to take this pain away.” He looks so sad and dejected, you give him a kiss between his brows to get him to relax. Grasping your hand, he kisses your ring finger once more before asking again, “Can I get anything else for you?”

“Just cuddles,” you wrote, and without another word, Jumin picked you up bridal style and carried you to bed, at peace knowing he’s helping you heal through his warmth and love.

as always feedback is always appreciated!!!

guess who finished watching haikyu!!!! it me :3

I just want to talk to someone about my sexuality and feelings

#inthecloset

I want to have some fun conversations tonight. With other doms and subs.