I got out of a very abusive, controlling relationship a few years ago with very little money to my name and moved back in with my parents. I’ve been saving to get an apartment, which is about $1100-1300/month here, ever since. I got a job that allowed me to save up, but I was also relentlessly harassed, bullied, overworked, and sexually assaulted to the point where I had a series of mental breakdowns that ultimately led me to quit.
I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father’s interference. My father doesn’t want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn’t spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse “that n*gger” put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because “he can put you up now.” Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn’t take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn’t deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn’t take my father anymore, and we couldn’t do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.
I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can’t afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn’t take and which doesn’t cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.
I don’t have any friends. I’m autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn’t able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don’t talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I’m an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She’s so burnt out putting up with my father’s abuse that she can’t even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.
Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I’m not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn’t afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I’d report things like “Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room.” Sometimes I’ll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I’m anonymous - and get no response, except maybe “stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have.” I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.
I can’t hold a job anymore. I’m terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I’ve posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I’m afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I’ve been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can’t get cash assistance. I’m burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can’t be put on hold because they’re all private) and the rent my dad demands.
On top of all this, my mother just told me she’s divorcing my dad, because he’s abusive and cheats constantly. She’s disabled and won’t be able to keep the house so she’s moving out. She’s the only reason I’ve been able to stay here. I’m pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He’s already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can’t move in with her.
My cousins all have their lives figured out. They’re all married with kids, as I’m constantly being reminded of, with their own houses or apartments and good jobs. They’re not afraid of people, or struggling with money, or having a panic attack at 1am on a Wednesday because they don’t know how they’re going to get through the next week, let alone the next year. It feels like the cat is the only one on my side and the only one who actually wants anything to do with me. Ten years ago my father called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being, and it’s just… true.
I got out of a very abusive, controlling relationship a few years ago with very little money to my name and moved back in with my parents. I’ve been saving to get an apartment, which is about $1100-1300/month here, ever since. I got a job that allowed me to save up, but I was also relentlessly harassed, bullied, overworked, and sexually assaulted to the point where I had a series of mental breakdowns that ultimately led me to quit.
I lost my new boyfriend a few years later due to my father’s interference. My father doesn’t want me here. Before I moved home he actually hadn’t spoken to me in three years, because my previous boyfriend was black. He says I deserve all the abuse “that n*gger” put me through, which included complete alienation of all my friends, complete control and exploitation of my finances, brief homelessness, and the death of my child. He tried to throw me out a month into dating my new boyfriend because “he can put you up now.” Between my job and my father, I was always stressed and miserable, and my boyfriend couldn’t take it. Then he got cancer, and told me he couldn’t deal with my problems on top of his own, he couldn’t take my father anymore, and we couldn’t do this anymore. We broke up. All his friends, even the ones who were supposedly my friend too, sided with him.
I lost a tooth at the beginning of the pandemic, right in the front of my face. It was a crown that had broken. I can’t afford to fix it - I need an extraction of the remaining tooth and an implant, which is $6k total. I only have Medicaid, which the oral surgeon doesn’t take and which doesn’t cover implants anyway. My self esteem tanked.
I don’t have any friends. I’m autistic and have never been great at making them in the first place, and wasn’t able to repair the friendships I lost because of my ex. I don’t talk to my extended family, who my father has been telling for years that I’m an ungrateful, horrible bitch he wishes he never had. They agree with him. Talking to my mother is like talking to a brick wall. She’s so burnt out putting up with my father’s abuse that she can’t even pretend to be a support for me. She never has been anyway.
Most of the time I feel like a glitch in a computer program. I’m not supposed to be here, so people ignore me until I cause problems (whether I actually did or not). No one cared when I was being abused by my ex, even when I came to work crying every day and couldn’t afford to eat. No one said anything in my defense when I was being harassed at work, and after I was assaulted HR told me it was all in my head when I’d report things like “Joe and Brian are telling people they fucked me in the stock room.” Sometimes I’ll vent on social media - both where I know people and where I’m anonymous - and get no response, except maybe “stop saying xyz about people, be grateful for what you have.” I had to delete Facebook because it added to my depression.
I can’t hold a job anymore. I’m terrified of people and being outside. I recently got a freelance gig doing transcription but the pay is very low and only per minute of audio, and I suffer from migraines which makes it difficult. I’ve posted on social media that I can also do editing and proofreading, with no takers. My health has always been very poor and my mental health is trash. No therapist near me takes Medicaid and I’m afraid to go out and talk to one anyway. I’ve been denied state assistance, though I was recently approved for food stamps. I can’t get cash assistance. I’m burning through all of my savings with student loans (which apparently can’t be put on hold because they’re all private) and the rent my dad demands.
On top of all this, my mother just told me she’s divorcing my dad, because he’s abusive and cheats constantly. She’s disabled and won’t be able to keep the house so she’s moving out. She’s the only reason I’ve been able to stay here. I’m pretty sure my father will kick me out, or tell me I can only stay if I become the maid and yard caretaker. He’s already trying to sell my car (which he had to put in his name because my ex destroyed my credit), which will leave me trapped in the house, and my mother has made it clear I can’t move in with her.
My cousins all have their lives figured out. They’re all married with kids, as I’m constantly being reminded of, with their own houses or apartments and good jobs. They’re not afraid of people, or struggling with money, or having a panic attack at 1am on a Wednesday because they don’t know how they’re going to get through the next week, let alone the next year. It feels like the cat is the only one on my side and the only one who actually wants anything to do with me. Ten years ago my father called me a failure as a daughter, an adult, and a human being, and it’s just… true.
Lopez wants to sign an abortion ban into law but couldn’t respond to a reporter asking him if he was pro-life when he beat and kicked his pregnant wife. He’s running against fellow Republican domestic abuser Danielle Neuschwanger in the Republican primary.
For the past month since the Weinstein Effect began, one small thing has been bothering me about the way we frame sexual harassment. Sure, sexual harassment is gross and a horrible offense. Most of us absolutely get that right. But in centering the conversation on adult women and men in professional environments, we overlook the fact that our exposure to sexual harassment starts in childhood.…
Last December, as I was completing the online sexual harassment training course mandated for all faculty and staff at the college where I teach, my mind—like everybody else’s these days—wandered to my own “#MeToo” experiences. What struck me as I reflected upon them was that the most serious, sustained, and scary experience I’d had involved a perpetrator who was a woman.
The fact that same-sex harassment can occur among lesbians has barely factored into the wider public discussion, which is not really that surprising
What happened to me was 40 years ago. I lived in a rural village and so did (let’s call her) Margaret.
One night I received a barrage of enraged (and deranged) phone calls from Margaret. I was alone in my house. Margaret lived nearby. When I stopped picking up the phone, it continued to ring incessantly. Moments after it finally stopped, there was a burst of screaming outside my door; Margaret was mauling it with an evident intention to break it down.
I called 911
The officers put their ears to the receiver and caught a follow-up volley of vitriol—surprised, to put it mildly, to hear it issued in a female register.
I knew of no feminist script for such scenarios.
Somehow, word got out, and a mutual acquaintance—a feminist academic—took me to lunch to upbraid me for my own part in the matter: Lesbians never call the cops on other lesbians, she said.
Strangely, that was the worst part of it for me.
I don’t find this strange at all. Feminists don’t care about what’s good for women; feminists only care about what’s good for feminists. Any admission that women are equally capable of the crimes and behaviors they slander men for is bad for the feminist propaganda campaign. Therefore, it must be suppressed and silenced.
If you’re a person m/f/? who was sexually harassed, assaulted or worse by a woman you must suffer in silence. Why? Because doing otherwise undermines the feminist propaganda war. That cannot be tolerated - as Harriet Malinowitz has now learned for herself.
Feminism is a fraud. To justify the fraud requires hypocrisy. To enforce the hypocrisy that justifies the fraud requires intimidation.
Feminism does not exist to advance the causes of women. Feminism exists to advance the causes of feminists. These are two entirely different concepts.
Once you take an open minded, critical eye to the movement you see this is true. If you deny it you are either disingenuous, delusional or mentally deficient. It’s your choice, but you have to choose.
(My aunt works at a popular doughnut shop chain near my grandmother’s house. One evening, my older sister and her boyfriend, my little brother, and I decide to head there after an afternoon at a fair, while waiting for my mom to pick us up. A short while afterward, a couple of tough-guy type young men walk in, making rude comments, being loud, and generally making a nuisance of themselves. The leader of the group approaches the counter where my aunt is working.)
Customer #1: “Yo, b****, gimme your number.”
Aunt: “I don’t think so. Is there anything you’d like to order?”
Customer #1: “How ’bout a piece of that a**?”
Aunt: “Sorry, not on the menu. Now order something or please leave. You’re holding up the line.”
Customer #2: “B****, we’ll leave when we wanna leave.”
Customer #3: “Yeah, who’s gonna stop us, little old you?”
Aunt: “No, little old [Manager]. Now, please, place your order or get out.”
(The customer orders two cases of donuts, and throws his money to the ground.)
Customer #1: “See what you did? Pick it up and hand it back to me!”
Aunt: “Um, it’s on your side of the counter.”
(The customer picks up his money and walks over behind the counter and throws it down again.)
Customer #1: “Now pick it up, b****!”
Aunt: “No. As a matter of fact, leave. I’m refusing service.”
Customer #1: “Why, because I’m black?!”
Aunt: “No, because you’re acting like an imperious a**hole, and you have been since you walked in. Now leave, or I’m calling the police.”
(As luck would have it, a police officer stops inside the shop.)
Me: “Wow, that was fast.”
Customer #1: “Officer, this racist b**** was trying to kick me and my homies out. We ain’t even done nothin’!”
Officer: “Really? Because what I saw was you throwing your money at this woman twice, in addition to walking behind the counter, which isn’t allowed for non-employees.”
(The customer and his buddies start throwing a fit, yelling expletives, flipping everybody off, and generally acting unruly. Then they head outside and start throwing boxes around; the leader even takes off his shirt and tries goading everyone into a fight.)
Customer #1: “COME ON, I’LL SHOW Y’ALL! I’LL BEAT Y’ALLS A**ES SO HARD! COME ON!”
(He has another argument with the officer, but thankfully leaves with his buddies. However, he comes back a few minutes later accompanied not by his friends, but his grandmother.)
Customer’s Grandmother: “So I understand y’all have a problem servin’ my grandbaby?”
Customer: “Yeah, yeah, they were callin’ me all kinds of s***, and the girl over there was saying we were on food stamps!”
Customer’s Grandmother: “…[Customer’s Name], stand outside and wait while I talk to the officer here.”
(The customer steps outside and my aunt explains everything that happened. After hearing it, the grandmother is incensed and walks outside.)
Customer’s Grandmother: “YOU LITTLE PUNK-A**! GET YO’ A** IN THE CAR NOW! You dragged me outta my home for THIS?!”
(As they drive off, my mom finally pulls in.)
Mom: “So, what’d I miss?”
Uh huh. So I’m supposed to believe:
- That the aunt had snappy comebacks to everything?
- That a Black person, particularly a “tough guy type” Black man, would seriously think the cops are ever going to be on his side, particularly with something like this?
- That a police officer who brought up “going behind the counter” as proof of wrongdoing would then just shrug and look the other way as the customer yelled, swore, threw things about, and challenged everyone - including the cop - to a fight? Officer I Magically Saw The Whole Thing In Detail From Outside just let them make a fuss and then walk out the store at their leisure, and then just argued with them in the parking lot after some time? Sure.
- That in all this the customer never asked for his money back for the donuts he didn’t get?
- That he’d then bring his GRANDMOTHER in, because apparently she can somehow override a cop, and as everyone knows, “tough guy types” who challenge cops to fights would totally bring their grandmothers (who refer to them as “baby”) in to defend them?
- Those horrific attempts at AAVE?
Of course he “ain’t even done nothin’.” He doesn’t actually exist anywhere outside of the imaginations of anti Black losers who really want to believe that anti Blackness is a myth conjured up by Black people who are unmistakeably in the wrong and are “playing the race card” to try and get their way.
That they’ve never actually seen it happen is completely irrelevant. It’s not lying if you really, really, really want to believe it happens, right? /sarcasm
There is a story I need to tell you. It’s a story that involves not only me, but many others. Over the past couple weeks I have spent a great deal of time listening, watching, and at times speaking. And now, after witnessing the whole of what I’ve seen, I have come to the conclusion that this post must be written. For it is through the enforcement of silence that the bad actors in this situation control their victims, and I cannot remain silent anymore.
Kale Aideron is a serial sexual harasser, and not only have the moderators of Gold & Glory <G&G> willingly enabled his behavior, but they also have used manipulative abusive tactics to silence and control their membership when they try to speak up or get out.
In this post, you will see a great deal of screenshots and testimony. These have been shared with permission.
To begin, I am going to walk you through Kale’s behavior and break down his pattern. And as this post continues, I will discuss how the G&G moderators enabled him, then break down the behavior of the G&G moderators themselves.
[As a note this post contains descriptions of sexual abuse and harassment]
If y'all weren’t already aware of why Kale Aideron has the rep he does, and admits he does, or why he is disliked in general, this is a complete post with EXTENSIVE evidence and explanations about his sexual harassment and manipulative behavior.
This post also includes evidence and explanation on the leadership of the FC G&G and how they facilitated his behavior and acted on their own as a heinous environment
I just want to say, please believe these ladies, because they are telling the truth. I have had near identical experiences with Kale as Sylb has described. With Kale and I both being very active RPers since the beginning 2.0 and both running events and FC’s, I’ve bumped into him a lot, worked with him on an event, and known him for a very long time. While we’ve never been particularly close, when we got to talking, it was immediately a discomfort to me.
He would ask about my thoughts on ERP and my approach to it–seemingly fishing for me to tell him I wanted to ERP with him. He was always dissatisfied with my answers and pressed for more details and more explanations. He also began to randomly ask me really specific questions regarding how I would feel on certain situations with my expertise “as a woman.” It always seemed like he was trying to get me to agree to a certain viewpoint to help him justify something. And rarely would I express to him the opinion he wanted to hear.
As Sylb says, he’d seem a little disgruntled and abruptly change the subject. It always felt like he was poking at my boundaries, but I didn’t budge on them, and even got a bit snippy at times when I was frustrated with his questions that always felt like they had some ulterior motives. This pattern continued for months. I don’t know if this turned him off or if it was just coincidence, but he began speaking to me less and less, and I was A-okay with that. Meanwhile, I heard of how he treated a couple other women in the community, and I heard him vaguely mention his bad reputation once or twice (a reputation I figured he’d probably earned) in the context of him claiming to have improved.
I see that improvement obviously didn’t happen. I’m disappointed to hear there were even more women he’s creeped on, disappointed to find out this behavior has gone on since back in WoW, but most of all disappointed to find out trusted and respected people in the community enabled this. I have done events with Gold and Glory (as recently as last week) and know a lot of great people there. I had no idea this was happening and it’s really disheartening
Ultimately, I never cut ties with Kale (though maybe I should have to spare @its-the-val-pal all my bitching whenever Kale pressed his luck with me lol), because I’m very fortunate it didn’t escalate quite to the levels of these other stories. To me, he was just a creep barking up the wrong tree; something I’ve sadly dealt with enough times before and was confident I could handle. The more I brushed him off, the less he messaged me, so I didn’t see the need for further action.
But I fully understand and support anyone else who suffered his behavior to do more than that, to block him, to avoid him, to report him to whoever can hold him accountable. To me, the most unsettling part of this story is how someone who was understandably trying to do just that was treated because of it, especially by people who acted to her face as if there were no concerns on their end.
With all these other updates of creeps returning to the game, it’s worth noting Kale is still playing and has namechanged to Khaleed Quartzwall.
I’m resurrecting this post from the grave because this player is still around and still doing this shit as Khaleed Quartzwall. Ask me how I know! Just kidding, I bet you can guess.
Hi Theo (astralera),
This is you right?
Right-click -> Open image in new tab for full resolution
You’ve got a lot of nerve trying to weaponize this post against me when you yourself don’t even agree with any of it. I was upfront and honest with you about everything when we started to RP. You were accepting and for you to throw it back in my face is disgusting. It is is absolutely abhorrent you would try to use the experiences of others (who you laughed and jeered at) to attack me.
It has been almost 3 years, and I wanted to say that I acted on what the community called me out on by not having a single negative testimony to my name. Indeed, the only other thing on this tumblr blog is the original apology from January 2019. Every new prospective long-term friend I make in FFXIV, I encourage them to Google my in-game name to have a read of Ojene’s original post and decide for themselves whether they want to associate with me. This is how you (Theodora) discovered this OP in the first place. The fact I am reblogging the original post that called me out should hopefully be a clear indication of my transparency on this topic.
I am sorry that our friendship didn’t work out and things just seemed to go sour because of differing personalities or expectations. However, this is unacceptable, so I will let others see what you originally thought of the OP way back in June 2021. If you didn’t want to RP or PvE with me anymore, you just had to say so, not resort to this.
Later,
@kommanderkale I know you thought this was a cute response, but the truth was that I didn’t get the full truth until recently. Certain things have come to light that made the original post much more understandable to me.
You really should include the parts of your screenshots where you “explained” things to me to make the OP seem unreasonable which prompted some of my doubt. I trusted your information which I have come to find out was untrue. I am pretty sure that anyone who has ever extensively dealt with you knows what it is like to be lied to and manipulated.
Addendum: The termination of our contact was clear prior to this, so please do not act as if you were unaware of me no longer being interested in RP or PvE any longer. You were already blocked on Discord following our final conversation.
To anyone I doubted, I am sorry that I did and I will own that mistake (no matter how misled I was by the guilty party), but I am pretty sure all of you with experience understand what it is like to deal with him and his endless attempts to violate boundaries. If anyone’s curious, you can hit me up. We’ll chat.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
You know, when I saw these additions cross my notes I didn’t feel a need to comment. I don’t actively post on Tumblr much these days, and by the time I saw the conversation it had run its course. But then on 12/1, I received this:
The post Kale (Khaleed) linked to me is from 11/13/2021 (just a few days after the above conversation), but I’m not going to dignify it by responding directly to it. Instead you can find it in screenshots below the “read more” link.
What’s truly remarkable about this to me is that three years later, in everything Kale (Khaleed) has just said and done he’s repeating the exact patterns we identified in the original call-out post. I’m not surprised to learn that he’s still up to his old tricks, given the fact that he’s been doing this over and over for years, but I do think it’s important to point out how his actions today repeat the same cycles, which I will do past the jump.
The fact that this man continues to accuse me of “opportunism” is absolutely revolting. I have already made my apology to those I disbelieved; what “opportunity” does this man think I am seizing by speaking up?
Oh, it’s the famous “women who claim to be victims just want attention”. Of course it could never be that I spoke up at great personal risk of this kind of continued harassment and smear campaigning from someone who has proven himself for years to do exactly that to anyone who has cause to feel badly treated.
I put my trust in someone who did not deserve it, who then went on to exploit that trust by constantly and repeatedly battering at my boundaries. The fact that I received this vitriol from this man for merely reblogging a post and adding that he was still up to his same old tricks (if it is not obvious to everyone reading at this point) should be more than enough to prove that he was scared and worried and absolutely rushed to smear my name and throw doubt on me.
What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t fucking care. It’s not about me. It’s about those I didn’t believe who deserve to have their stories shared and to have support in that regard. @diskwrite-ffxiv has done a great service in taking the time to put all this together. I am personally grateful for what they have done and I encourage anyone to read their thoughtful assessments of the matter.
It doesn’t matter what you think of me. If merely agreeing with someone else’s opinion after seeing the behavior firsthand was enough to cause this man to do this to me, I can only imagine what else he is capable of.
Pretty sure making the premeditated choice to take screenshots of a conversation rp partner taking your side so that you can use it to discredit her later when she leaves you is called entrapment, Kale. Cropping your side of the conversation doesn’t make it less obvious.
Glad to know you haven’t changed one bit.
Sorry you had to put up with him, astralera.
No, dude. She didn’t “leave” me. I’m the one that cut things off with her and put her on block after saying I couldn’t foresee anything improving. You’d know this, if @astralera posted any actual evidence of sexual harassment rather than just write a whole lot of nothing 3 times.
Every time I engage with this, I draw attention to the original post. It’s the only thing on this blog. I’m not even denying anything in the 3-year-old OP. I’m specifically highlighting that @astralera had absolutely nothing to do with it. If she did, she’d post receipts already.
There’s a difference between someone who engages in sexual harassment because they are sinister, plotting, and conniving versus someone who engages in it because they can’t read the room, pick up on social cues, and respect boundaries. Frankly, I’m not intelligent enough to be sinister anything.
“There’s a difference between someone who engages in sexual harassment because they are sinister, plotting, and conniving versus someone who engages in it because they can’t read the room, pick up on social cues, and respect boundaries. Frankly, I’m not intelligent enough to be sinister anything.”
There’s a similarity between them too. They both involve sexual harassment, which is bad – no matter how one tries to justify it (which in itself is an abhorrent stance), no matter how much reality-altering stupidity one may be afflicted by (or chooses to employ, honestly).
If you’re not intelligent enough to be sinister anything, allow me in my finite wisdom to impart unto you a lesson.
You will never get away with this bullshit here again. It’s time to stop.
Astralera, I’m sorry you had to deal with this, with him. You’re not alone. More people see than you realise, and we’re with you.
Kale DMed me again before these responses too:
This manipulation attempt is so baldly transparent it’s breathtaking. Just in the last message he said he wasn’t going to “patronize me” by trying to “convince me about astralera’s opportunism”, and then what does he do the moment I respond? This.
I said it once and I’ll say it again. Everything Kale is doing in this thread mirrors the exact things we documented in the above 2019 posts.
And then this statement, that Berrod also picked out?
Frankly, I’m not intelligent enough to be sinister anything.
This right here is exactly how Kale functions. He wants you to believe that he genuinely just doesn’t understand people’s boundaries, that he doesn’t know when he’s crossing lines. Or that he’s not smart or savvy enough to be doing any of this on purpose.
I have four things to say to that.
1) People who genuinely don’t understand how boundaries work step on everyone’s boundaries. They do it to men, women, and everyone else. If someone is a creep to women but conveniently tucks it all away in front of men, they know exactly what they’re doing.
2) Kale is very good at skating just on the line of plausible deniability, probing at the edges of people’s boundaries. Someone who doesn’t understand boundaries won’t be able to do that- they simply burst through boundaries like the Kool-aid man.
3) Kale obviously understands how not to creep on women, because despite the fact that for a time we interacted on a semi-regular basis, he never violated myboundaries. But he violated Sylb’s boundaries during that same time period, as shown in the original 2019 post.
4) If Kale is somehow doing all of this “unintentionally” as he claims, that makes him no less dangerous. And really, that’s the most important point of all.
Also, can I just say: considering I blocked you on Discord back when the callout post happened in 2019, the fact that you’ve circumvented that twice now by DMing me on Tumblr to send me this is pretty weird, Kale.
There is a story I need to tell you. It’s a story that involves not only me, but many others. Over the past couple weeks I have spent a great deal of time listening, watching, and at times speaking. And now, after witnessing the whole of what I’ve seen, I have come to the conclusion that this post must be written. For it is through the enforcement of silence that the bad actors in this situation control their victims, and I cannot remain silent anymore.
Kale Aideron is a serial sexual harasser, and not only have the moderators of Gold & Glory <G&G> willingly enabled his behavior, but they also have used manipulative abusive tactics to silence and control their membership when they try to speak up or get out.
In this post, you will see a great deal of screenshots and testimony. These have been shared with permission.
To begin, I am going to walk you through Kale’s behavior and break down his pattern. And as this post continues, I will discuss how the G&G moderators enabled him, then break down the behavior of the G&G moderators themselves.
[As a note this post contains descriptions of sexual abuse and harassment]
If y'all weren’t already aware of why Kale Aideron has the rep he does, and admits he does, or why he is disliked in general, this is a complete post with EXTENSIVE evidence and explanations about his sexual harassment and manipulative behavior.
This post also includes evidence and explanation on the leadership of the FC G&G and how they facilitated his behavior and acted on their own as a heinous environment
I just want to say, please believe these ladies, because they are telling the truth. I have had near identical experiences with Kale as Sylb has described. With Kale and I both being very active RPers since the beginning 2.0 and both running events and FC’s, I’ve bumped into him a lot, worked with him on an event, and known him for a very long time. While we’ve never been particularly close, when we got to talking, it was immediately a discomfort to me.
He would ask about my thoughts on ERP and my approach to it–seemingly fishing for me to tell him I wanted to ERP with him. He was always dissatisfied with my answers and pressed for more details and more explanations. He also began to randomly ask me really specific questions regarding how I would feel on certain situations with my expertise “as a woman.” It always seemed like he was trying to get me to agree to a certain viewpoint to help him justify something. And rarely would I express to him the opinion he wanted to hear.
As Sylb says, he’d seem a little disgruntled and abruptly change the subject. It always felt like he was poking at my boundaries, but I didn’t budge on them, and even got a bit snippy at times when I was frustrated with his questions that always felt like they had some ulterior motives. This pattern continued for months. I don’t know if this turned him off or if it was just coincidence, but he began speaking to me less and less, and I was A-okay with that. Meanwhile, I heard of how he treated a couple other women in the community, and I heard him vaguely mention his bad reputation once or twice (a reputation I figured he’d probably earned) in the context of him claiming to have improved.
I see that improvement obviously didn’t happen. I’m disappointed to hear there were even more women he’s creeped on, disappointed to find out this behavior has gone on since back in WoW, but most of all disappointed to find out trusted and respected people in the community enabled this. I have done events with Gold and Glory (as recently as last week) and know a lot of great people there. I had no idea this was happening and it’s really disheartening
Ultimately, I never cut ties with Kale (though maybe I should have to spare @its-the-val-pal all my bitching whenever Kale pressed his luck with me lol), because I’m very fortunate it didn’t escalate quite to the levels of these other stories. To me, he was just a creep barking up the wrong tree; something I’ve sadly dealt with enough times before and was confident I could handle. The more I brushed him off, the less he messaged me, so I didn’t see the need for further action.
But I fully understand and support anyone else who suffered his behavior to do more than that, to block him, to avoid him, to report him to whoever can hold him accountable. To me, the most unsettling part of this story is how someone who was understandably trying to do just that was treated because of it, especially by people who acted to her face as if there were no concerns on their end.
With all these other updates of creeps returning to the game, it’s worth noting Kale is still playing and has namechanged to Khaleed Quartzwall.
I’m resurrecting this post from the grave because this player is still around and still doing this shit as Khaleed Quartzwall. Ask me how I know! Just kidding, I bet you can guess.
Hi Theo (astralera),
This is you right?
Right-click -> Open image in new tab for full resolution
You’ve got a lot of nerve trying to weaponize this post against me when you yourself don’t even agree with any of it. I was upfront and honest with you about everything when we started to RP. You were accepting and for you to throw it back in my face is disgusting. It is is absolutely abhorrent you would try to use the experiences of others (who you laughed and jeered at) to attack me.
It has been almost 3 years, and I wanted to say that I acted on what the community called me out on by not having a single negative testimony to my name. Indeed, the only other thing on this tumblr blog is the original apology from January 2019. Every new prospective long-term friend I make in FFXIV, I encourage them to Google my in-game name to have a read of Ojene’s original post and decide for themselves whether they want to associate with me. This is how you (Theodora) discovered this OP in the first place. The fact I am reblogging the original post that called me out should hopefully be a clear indication of my transparency on this topic.
I am sorry that our friendship didn’t work out and things just seemed to go sour because of differing personalities or expectations. However, this is unacceptable, so I will let others see what you originally thought of the OP way back in June 2021. If you didn’t want to RP or PvE with me anymore, you just had to say so, not resort to this.
Later,
@kommanderkale I know you thought this was a cute response, but the truth was that I didn’t get the full truth until recently. Certain things have come to light that made the original post much more understandable to me.
You really should include the parts of your screenshots where you “explained” things to me to make the OP seem unreasonable which prompted some of my doubt. I trusted your information which I have come to find out was untrue. I am pretty sure that anyone who has ever extensively dealt with you knows what it is like to be lied to and manipulated.
Addendum: The termination of our contact was clear prior to this, so please do not act as if you were unaware of me no longer being interested in RP or PvE any longer. You were already blocked on Discord following our final conversation.
To anyone I doubted, I am sorry that I did and I will own that mistake (no matter how misled I was by the guilty party), but I am pretty sure all of you with experience understand what it is like to deal with him and his endless attempts to violate boundaries. If anyone’s curious, you can hit me up. We’ll chat.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
You know, when I saw these additions cross my notes I didn’t feel a need to comment. I don’t actively post on Tumblr much these days, and by the time I saw the conversation it had run its course. But then on 12/1, I received this:
The post Kale (Khaleed) linked to me is from 11/13/2021 (just a few days after the above conversation), but I’m not going to dignify it by responding directly to it. Instead you can find it in screenshots below the “read more” link.
What’s truly remarkable about this to me is that three years later, in everything Kale (Khaleed) has just said and done he’s repeating the exact patterns we identified in the original call-out post. I’m not surprised to learn that he’s still up to his old tricks, given the fact that he’s been doing this over and over for years, but I do think it’s important to point out how his actions today repeat the same cycles, which I will do past the jump.
Kale’s New Post:
Let’s run through this, shall we?
1) In the original callout post in Jan 2019, we document how Kale (Khaleed) has a longstanding reputation for sexual harassment, and he often brought this reputation up himself.
This is a common tactic for harassers & other bad actors. By bringing the reputation up with their new targets, they can attempt to explain away the stories. To make them seem “not that bad,” overexaggerated, or a “relic of the past.” But when used in this manner, it is an attempt to groom their victims.
We see this again, not only in the conversation in the previous reblogs of the callout post, but also in Kale’s (Khaleed’s)post itself. He claims that he openly admits to his behavior with new potential RP contacts. But, he admitted it back in 2019 too. It was a tactic, a way to get his new targets to let their guard down- to try to keep them from getting “scared off” if they heard a story that Kale hadn’t already controlled himself.
2) When a story about Kale’s harassing behavior comes out, he claims it is an isolated incident.
He did this in 2019. And again, here in 2021 he’s back at it. But in reality, Kale has a long string of victims, stretching back across years.
3) In 2019 Kale repeatedly attempted to downplay his behavior.
Even when admitting wrongdoing, he would quickly turn it around into saying that other people were wrong for holding him accountable. This turns admitting wrongdoing into a smokescreen. It’s another tactic, one used to dodge consequences and to “smooth things over” with the people he’s harmed.
In other words, to silence them. And Kale (Khaleed) worked hard to silence his victims, which we documented at length in the original callout post. And now in the above reblogs, we see him at it again.
4) Kale actively works to discredit his victims, even when admitting wrongdoing.
This was documented at length in the original callout post, and it happens again here. With Astralera, he shared fragments of a conversation with her in an attempt to smear her reputation and seed doubt into the hearts of bystanders.
In fact, in the screenshotted post above, he even did this to the original callout post when he said that other female players share the view that his behavior in the post wasn’t that bad.
5) Kale (Khaleed) repeatedly claims he’s changed.
As stated in the original callout post:
As we have seen, Kale claims his reputation is based on old behavior and doesn’t represent who he is now. He states he used to be an ERP hound but then he got a fiance/wife and changed for the better.
Yet, as we said in 2019:
If Kale is still using social power to make his targets feel they cannot assert boundaries with him, sexually harassing his targets, and manipulating and lying to push past boundaries, how can he claim he has changed in any significant way?
Furthermore- if Kale seems aware of his behavior, if he apologies or acts contrite? Even if he was sincere, it doesn’t mean he’s going to change.
As Bancroft says:
The salient point about remorse, however, is that it matters little whether it is genuine or not. Clients who get very sorry after acts of abuse change at about the same rate as the ones who don’t. The most regretful are sometimes the most self-centered, lamenting above all the injury they’ve done to their own self-image.
Kale hasn’t changed. He’s just gotten savvier. Instead of outright denying what he’s done, Kale weaponizes his admissions. He wants to gain control of the narrative before you have a chance to understand the full picture. It was the past, he’s misunderstood, those people were unreasonable. But in actuality, he has and will continue his predatory behavior.
Showing remorse, or even fessing up to parts of the behavior, does not mean a bad actor has changed. And given everything we’ve seen, Kale hasn’t changed. Instead he’s back to old cycles, leaving new victims in his wake.
With all of this said and done, I want to very clearly state one thing. I was never personally one of Kale’s (Khaleed’s) victims. However, for what it’s worth, I would never hold the screenshots Kale shared against you, @astralera . It’s unfortunately a common tactic for a bad actor to make their targets feel “complicit” in their own abuse. Or, to make them feel like they themselves participated in wrongdoing, so they cannot ever speak up.
If anyone else has been put into this position by Kale, please know that you’re not alone. And, it’s not your fault.
When I was 15 I was walking my dog and went into a chip shop only to have a 45+ yr old man say to me if you take your clothes off in front of me I’ll give you your food for free. I ran home as fast as I could because I was scared he was following me and I will not walk past that shop 4 years later.
I once knew a guy who had a crush on me. I didn’t reciprocate, but he was initially cool with it. Until one day he got fed up with me being “distant” with him and demanded I “give him a chance”. We parted ways. I talked about it on Tumblr but kept him anonymous. Problem is, I initially forgot to blank out his name, so another one of my followers saw and told him what I said. He then sent anon hate and sexual harassment to me AND all of my Tumblr friends for several months until he was found out.
I once had a guy tell me he ‘loved the look’ on halloween, while staring at my chest. I was wearing a high necked tshirt and a (somewhat crappy) binder.
Me, two female acquaintances and one close guy friend of mine were driving to a halloween party in my car and came across a girl in a giraffe costume (big, loose fitting, cozy jumpsuit, NOT revealing or sexy) talking on her phone. Both her and our car had to stop at a red light (she was walking by foot) so my guy friend decided to open the car door to catcall her. I told him to shut the door and cut the crap and started ranting on why it’s wrong to harass women like that. The girls in the back agreed and he said “no, let me be sexist if I want to!”, which obviously didn’t stop me from ranting some more. He tried to argue that he once was at a gay party and had dozens of hands on his ass without his consent, like that would give him the right to harass women. I’m not sure he understood why it’s wrong to catcall and I might talk to him again about it in a quiet moment, but I’m really proud I used the opportunity and called him out on his behavior. A year ago I’m not sure I would’ve reacted the same way.
I once had a guy trap me at work and continuously talk about how girls my age flirt with him and try to get with him while leaning way to close to me. I couldn’t get away bc I was in the middle of my job and couldn’t just walk away from it. He went on for half an hour as I lugged heavy pallets back and forth to a freezer and I can’t get over how scared I felt.
I once had a guy ask me whether I’d have sex with him if he paid me. When I told him I was insulted he couldn’t understand why. This was after I refused to become his girlfriend or a friend-with benefits. He was my closest friend.
UPDATE: April 30, 2016: River’s/Cavebae’s new blog is wokebae
UPDATED: AUGUST 13, 2015: CAVEBAE HAS CHANGED BLOGS. Her current blog is dadamime
UPDATED JULY 6 - She has changed her URLs so I thought I’d update this
WARNING this post will contain content such as sexual harassment, gender dysphoria, perhaps transphobia/disregard for gender dysphoria, asexual erasure, homophobia maybe (homophobic stereotypes), ageplay
I originally made a vague post regarding my ex-partner (see here) because I saw people reblogging her posts, and it was making me uncomfortable.
Now, however, after speaking with other people about her, I have discovered that her behavior is not all-that new and she has treated multiple people the same way as me.
So I’m making an official callout post for River AKA tumblruser cavebae/biologiclust (NSFW)/dicksploiter for sexual harassment
She has attempted to harass anyone who reblogs this post (only on anon though) information here
Edit: She made her own “callout post“ accusing me of necrophilia and animal abuse. Also involves more asexual erasure and disregard for the fact that I have always been open about my sexual confusion/asexuality. (warning for ableism at some parts)
River and I started "dating” during sometime early April. It had started out as sexting when she informed me that she wanted help getting off because the birth control pills she was taking were increasing her sex drive.
However, after a couple of days of just teasing/sexting, things soon progressed to the point where she confessed she “loved” me.
However, it should be known that she was extremely persistent with her advances and “confessions”.
It was my first “relationship” (something that she was aware of) and I had told her multiple times that I wasn’t too comfortable with relationships, especially extremely romantic sexual ones.
Despite being told this, she would send me multiple messages (majority of them being sexual) per day.
I’m not going to upload all the screencaps in this one post because there are A LOT, but I will link them
This is only perhaps half of the messages she sent me over a span of two months.
When I had told her her sexual advances made me uncomfortable (for reasons that I have a history of sexual assault, gender dysphoria, and general confusion about my sexual) she would typically “play the victim”, or try to “comfort me” in order to be more sexual
Here is a chat log I had with River explaining my gender dysphoria and just general dislike for my body
[I then proceeded to tell her about my experiences of being sexually harassed as a teenager, and just the bullying I went through in high school]
This is all she really had to say about the matter. This chat was from April 20.
Even after this discussion, she still continued to send me sexual messages. They became more graphic, too, asking for specific role playing (particularly anything involving incest). She would also send me videos and nudes regularly.
It had gotten to the point where I could no longer handle her sex drive when she had decided to send me sexual comments when I was going through a difficult time with my dad. I had made posts about it during the time (and she saw, because she commented on them) about how my dad was in Moncton during the Moncton Shootings.
zh also informed me that River had disgregarded my sexuality/confusion with my sexual multiple times before, even insinuating that because I enjoyed gay porn I wasn’t asexual
Anyway, after that incident, I had told River that I wanted to break up (sometime on June 14 - I can’t remember the exact date) after she had sent me several incoherent/hostile messages because I was I was acting silly during one of her video game streams
These are only some of the messages I received
A couple days after she had unfollowed me and no longer spoke to me. I had thought it was the end of everything, however, it turned out that she was telling people that we were still together (screencaps provided by zh again)
I had just found out about this literally like, 3 days ago too when zh had told me (my own screencaps)
Afterwards, I was extremely upset and began to basically blog about my displeasure about finding out River was lying to people about our relationship, which caused her to send the following asks present in this post
I have heard that this behavior is not necessarily new for River - however I will not speak about the experiences of other people as I do not have their permission.
This post is mostly about my own interactions with River and how she treated me. I made this post in order to warn others that she is extremely manipulative and does not understand the meaning of “no”.
