#short prose

LIVE

“I’ll always secretly wish that the honor of being my first love went to someone more noble, honest, and deserving. I would never want to relive the 6 years of my life with you, especially if it would’ve ended in the same pain and destruction. But even though my heart sometimes fills itself with regret at allowing myself to become so misguided by my blinding love for you, I understand it was all necessary. It was necessary to surrender myself to the suffering you caused me to grasp the importance of knowing my own worth. To understand that I must put myself before anybody else. For the rest of my life the scars you left on my heart will shake when I think of my first love. But they will guide me in making decisions that will fulfill me. I have taken a lot of lessons away from loving you, like following my intuition and respecting myself enough to remove myself from toxic situations. And understanding that the way you treated me is the stark opposite of what I deserve. Most of all, loving you taught me that you cannot have bliss without suffering, simply because you do not know what true happiness is without feeling the deepest sadness.”

— s.c. { i will be happier than i’ve ever been and i owe it all to the way you destroyed me }

“so important to realize that some feelings you carry aren’t necessarily ones that belong to you, but feelings connected to past or younger versions of you that felt unseen, unheard or unloved. certain feelings don’t just appear from thin air, they stem from unresolved energy.”

— iambrillyant

“no longer rushing what deserves time to bloom. no longer forcing what requires patience to attract. no longer looking outside of myself to measure my growth or progress, just slowly unearthing the parts of me that i had hidden and telling them that they deserve to be celebrated.”

— iambrillyant

“good communication is the foundation of anything healthy in a connection, but i appreciate the connections that don’t take many words for something to be felt or understood. i appreciate the connections that hear me beyond my voice and comprehend me deeper than my language”

— iambrillyant

“no longer swimming in water that shallows my depth. no longer assuming responsibility of calming waves that i never started. no longer diving deep to reach anyone who’d rather see me drown than see me reach myself. no longer tending to what’s convenient, but only what’s for me.”

— iambrillyant

“you’ve been afraid, you’ve had your fears and anxieties, you’ve felt unheard and misunderstood, you’ve had doubt occupy your space as a frequent visitor, you’ve worried about what the future holds, but in every moment you’ve still shown up anyway—there is power in that.”

— iambrillyant

“some connections fail because the expectations attached to them are unrealistic, and when those expectations aren’t met, we view the other person as the issue when it’s the way we view connections which is really the problem. seeking perfection will poison your perspective.”

— iambrillyant

“your moments of stagnancy have something to teach you. you’re not stuck, not moving, or not progressing. you are simply where you need to be until you absorb and learn everything that you need to learn about this current phase.”

— iambrillyant

“sometimes the destination does change. not because you aren’t worthy of attaining your goals or reaching certain targets, but only because the finish line looks different every time you outgrow parts of who you used to be.”

— iambrillyant

“some people have a habit of looking for you at addresses that your soul no longer resides at. it’s okay to accept that the space you are currently existing in looks very different to the one they last left with you. you don’t have to open new doors for old energy.”

— iambrillyant

“healing is such a lonely and intimate process. it requires you being your own friend on some days, being your biggest cheerleader in certain moments and spending quality time with your wounds— but it is all so necessary.”

— iambrillyant

“acceptance is more than just applauding the parts of yourself that you find beautiful and endearing, it’s about acknowledging the ugly parts that exist to you too. it’s about finding peace in who you are regardless of your flaws and the mistakes you’ve made.”

— iambrillyant

“accepting myself fully. even the undesirable parts and corners of myself i don’t like to visit. accepting the parts of myself still learning, the ones that play small out of trauma or conditioning. accepting myself, good and bad, high and low, unconditionally.”

— iambrillyant

“a lack of boundaries invites in a lack of respect. a lack of boundaries welcomes in a lack of honesty with yourself. a lack of boundaries accepts where they decide to view you instead where of you actually view yourself.”

— iambrillyant

“how many times have you failed to attract what you deserve because you were too busy trying to satisfy their wants, when you haven’t even met your own needs yet?”

— iambrillyant

“some peoples perceptions of you are so skewed that they will constantly misread your intent. their misunderstandings of you do not have to be your reality— they can only gaslight your spirit if you don’t know your truth.”

— iambrillyant

“i used to admire the ones who carried mountains of pain because it showed just how strong they are, now the ones i admire are the ones who are able to let go of that pain because this is where true power exists.”

— iambrillyant

tonight i saw you
with my eyes closed
in a vague sense of reality
far from my own

tonight i held you
with my hands gripping the sides of the bed
you sent lightning through my system
even across a world away

tonight i felt you
when i wasn’t reaching
tonight i knew you
when i was still out of my head
and tonight i heard you
when everything else fell silent

you were lovely
you had an impeccable sense of humor
my parents loved you
you were godly
you treated me with respect
i loved your laugh
your smile was strangely addictive.
it’s a pity i don’t remember your face;
or your name

i remember meeting you at a coffee shop, though
i was reading and you were reading
we were sitting across each other
never really minding each other’s business
until you looked up, and you saw me
and i looked up, and i saw you
and you smiled
that strangely addictive smile

and so every morning from now on
i’ll be hanging out at coffee shops
reading some book
waiting
for you
until you come
and smile at me
wih that strangely addictive smile

i think i might just fall in love with you
soon.

damn, i blame the smile.

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