#wnq quote
“I hope to love with the same abundance I choose to read. Endlessly and wildly.”
- g.d
“You give and give, only to realize that there isn’t much left to give. So you shut doors and learn to heal, learn to give to yourself. Only to have people say you’re being selfish. But then retort and say “Fuck you, I am still going to give but to myself first."”
- g.d. (i’m important as well)
“And I did not realize how hard it is to forget you. Forget the friendship we had, the memories we shared. The laughter that rang through the dark nights and sunny mornings. The promises we made to stay together forever. But I guess I was justthe sea for you, while you were my anchor.”
- g.d (best friend break ups hurt more than anything)
“I just wanted you to love me as much as I loved you.”
— you never did
“so important to realize that some feelings you carry aren’t necessarily ones that belong to you, but feelings connected to past or younger versions of you that felt unseen, unheard or unloved. certain feelings don’t just appear from thin air, they stem from unresolved energy.”
— iambrillyant
“no longer rushing what deserves time to bloom. no longer forcing what requires patience to attract. no longer looking outside of myself to measure my growth or progress, just slowly unearthing the parts of me that i had hidden and telling them that they deserve to be celebrated.”
— iambrillyant
“nothing compares to the flowers that bloom from all the work you put into yourself.”
— iambrillyant
“good communication is the foundation of anything healthy in a connection, but i appreciate the connections that don’t take many words for something to be felt or understood. i appreciate the connections that hear me beyond my voice and comprehend me deeper than my language”
— iambrillyant
“someone’s toxic traits does not make them a bad person by proxy. some habits get picked up in unhealthy spaces and take time to unlearn, some ideas get wired in childhood and need patience to be unplugged, some people are still finding the courage to outgrow their programming.”
— iambrillyant
“no longer swimming in water that shallows my depth. no longer assuming responsibility of calming waves that i never started. no longer diving deep to reach anyone who’d rather see me drown than see me reach myself. no longer tending to what’s convenient, but only what’s for me.”
— iambrillyant
“you’ve been afraid, you’ve had your fears and anxieties, you’ve felt unheard and misunderstood, you’ve had doubt occupy your space as a frequent visitor, you’ve worried about what the future holds, but in every moment you’ve still shown up anyway—there is power in that.”
— iambrillyant
“it’s the ones who give me the space to be myself, that create more room for themselves in my life.”
— iambrillyant
“some connections fail because the expectations attached to them are unrealistic, and when those expectations aren’t met, we view the other person as the issue when it’s the way we view connections which is really the problem. seeking perfection will poison your perspective.”
— iambrillyant
“your moments of stagnancy have something to teach you. you’re not stuck, not moving, or not progressing. you are simply where you need to be until you absorb and learn everything that you need to learn about this current phase.”
— iambrillyant
“sometimes the destination does change. not because you aren’t worthy of attaining your goals or reaching certain targets, but only because the finish line looks different every time you outgrow parts of who you used to be.”
— iambrillyant
“some people have a habit of looking for you at addresses that your soul no longer resides at. it’s okay to accept that the space you are currently existing in looks very different to the one they last left with you. you don’t have to open new doors for old energy.”
— iambrillyant
“healing is such a lonely and intimate process. it requires you being your own friend on some days, being your biggest cheerleader in certain moments and spending quality time with your wounds— but it is all so necessary.”
— iambrillyant
“acceptance is more than just applauding the parts of yourself that you find beautiful and endearing, it’s about acknowledging the ugly parts that exist to you too. it’s about finding peace in who you are regardless of your flaws and the mistakes you’ve made.”
— iambrillyant
“sometimes, when you can’t articulate your feelings it is a sign that you are meant to absorb what you’re feeling and learn from it until you can find a language for your emotions. give yourself all the time you need, your intentions deserve softness.”
— iambrillyant
“sometimes, all you can do is love yourself a little more than you loved yourself yesterday, and that is more than enough.”
— iambrillyant
“the unknown is scary, but what is even more frightening is not knowing because you never tried.”
— iambrillyant
“accepting myself fully. even the undesirable parts and corners of myself i don’t like to visit. accepting the parts of myself still learning, the ones that play small out of trauma or conditioning. accepting myself, good and bad, high and low, unconditionally.”
— iambrillyant
“a lack of boundaries invites in a lack of respect. a lack of boundaries welcomes in a lack of honesty with yourself. a lack of boundaries accepts where they decide to view you instead where of you actually view yourself.”
— iambrillyant
“how many times have you failed to attract what you deserve because you were too busy trying to satisfy their wants, when you haven’t even met your own needs yet?”
— iambrillyant
the girl who lost things but gained so much more
the darkness, the madness
i’m attracted to the sadness
the discomfort in your eyes
every time your heart aches
the pain makes you insane
fills every corner of your brain
i want you under my veins
but i try so hard to refrain
mama told me to watch my steps
when it came to demons like you
but you take my breath away
every time you walk into the room
but you’re the devil fighting your demons
which makes you an angel in my eyes
you’re so lost, yet to serene
digging deep ends for a way to survive.
- i think your sad eyes are kinda nice | @heavyemptyheart
It was a mere summer daydream, it wasn’t supposed to go far. It was to be short and sweet, like ripping a band aid off, quick and painless. But the more time I spent with him, the more the infatuation grew. I didn’t care that he wasn’t six pack ripped. I didn’t care that he had fading pimples, or random tattoos. He took me out of my boundaries. He was new. And I soon found myself tracing the freckles that covered his nose and back, I found myself running my hands through his messy hair, and smiling into his sparkling blue eyes whenever he caught me staring. He was beautiful, and he made me feel the same. Our time together was a magical experience; the sneaking out in the pitch-dark of night, climbing out of motel room windows and smoking Marlboro reds. Lying on the basketball court side-by-side talking to one another under the thousands of stars. Car journeys, shopping, sleeping together, watching the meteor shower cuddled under a blanket, hands entwined.
It all happened so quickly, and ended the same way.
A bittersweet love affair.
He told me smoking was bad for me, I never thought he would turn out to be worse. He was the type of person that got stuck, not only in my head, but in my veins too. The type I wrote poetry about, but wouldn’t introduce to my parents. He lit a fire inside of me, and then left me to burn out. I didn’t need to kiss him to feel the sparks, every time his fingertips brushed across my skin, my heart would race like a Maserati. My skin erupted in goose bumps, and my stomach filled with butterflies. And every time his lips met mine, I felt like I was on ecstasy. He was the closest thing to love I ever felt, and now that he’s gone I don’t want to feel it again. When he kissed me for the last time, my heart felt this loneliness; I still haven’t recovered from it.
- an illicit affair
You walk across that dirt road, and make your way towards the lake, our lake. And you’ll sit on the hill, under the tree and you’ll light one of those Marlboro cigarettes you always used to smoke. And you begin to remember. It’s been nearly two years, but you still remember. You remember it all perfectly. You’ll remember the songs we listened to, and argued over. You’ll remember the first time we sat there at sundown and how we spoke endlessly for hours. About everything, I learned about your fears and you learned about my dreams.
And you’ll remember the first time you kissed me, and you’ll remember the last. Then the sun will eventually fade into the horizon and the dark will creep it’s way in, and you’ll realise that it’s over. We don’t get second chances in this life, and we can hold on and hold out but nothing will change it. All we have is the memories, those bittersweet memories that are far too precious to let go of. Without them, it would have all been just a dream. A picture perfect dream. But you’ll be there in our spot, and you’ll remember everything as if it were yesterday - and you’ll wonder where it all went wrong, and you’ll think about the timing, and what it could have been, what we could have been.
A diary excerpt
America - summer, circa 2015
You did it again,
You did it again.
Poison ivy twisting around your neck, just like last time.
“Why are you crying?” “you don’t have any reason to be fucking crying” “what’s the matter with you now?”
You’re mid panic attack, he can’t see that. He never sees that. He just assumes you’re pissed off at him, that’s always the case. You’re not allowed to be quiet, you’re not allowed to sit in silence with your thoughts without being rude and pissing him off. You’re not allowed to be annoyed or upset - you’re feelings aren’t valid, you’re manipulating him, you’re crying to make him feel bad. You’re mid panic attack, and he’s lashing out at you, making you feel worse than you already do.
You’re shrinking,
you’re shrinking.
Disappearing, diminishing, soon you’ll be nothing. You think that’s want he wants. You’re hurting, worse than before. And he can’t help you, you’re not even sure if he wants to help you. You feel like he leaves and goes out to get relief from you, to get away from the emotional baggage and grief you cause him.
You’re crumbling onto the hardwood floor, you wish the floor would just swallow you up. You think about leaving, maybe one day you will.
This road is treacherous.
You can’t just let things go, because you’re not the one causing someone pain - he is, he’s causing you pain. So when you argue and bicker he’s always okay because you’ve never hurt him, he’s always the one hurting you. You’re always the one to go to bed with tear stung eyes and an aching heart. You’re the one that wakes up the next day with open wounds that haven’t healed yet He can forget and let go because he isn’t hurting, he hasn’t felt the pain of your knife plunging into him, because you’d never stab him. You can’t forget about the words he spits at you because there’s always truth in them, he wouldn’t say them if he didn’t mean them.
So when he comes home at 3am expecting a warm bed and heart to cuddle up to, you won’t be there - you will be this time, but as time passes and things worsen, one day, he’ll return to an empty room, vacant of any trace of you - the same way your heart will be vacant of him.
We’ll be a fine line
She was a bright girl. She knew what she wanted, and she knew exactly what she didn’t. She was easy to know, but difficult to work out. Mature for her age, with bright - misleading eyes, filled with innocence; contrasting from the crimson red that constantly coated her lips. Sending mixed signals without even opening her mouth. A burning soul and a freezing heart - contradicting herself from inside out. She’s a paradox. She’s careless, but she cares all too much. A love that once filled her heart, leaves her aching and longing. A passion that consumed her, leaves her cold and distant. A smile that was once permanently etched on her face is now vacant, left hard and bitter, non existent.
I set myself on fire just to keep you warm.
Maybe one day, I will find someone else to love, But I know it will never be a love like ours. It might fill me up with happiness - but it will never replace the love that we had. He might know me, But he won’t know me the way you did, the way you do. He won’t know to give me the grape flavoured candies out of the bag of Jolly ranchers - you know they were always my favourite. He won’t know the way I drink my coffee; strong with that French vanilla creamer you know I loved. He won’t know to squeeze my thigh when that one Ed Sheeran song plays, I always cry when that one song plays, but I didn’t when you were with me. He won’t know to make me a grilled cheese at barbecues - you know how much I hate grilled meat. He won’t know what I’m thinking without even asking me - only you could do that. He won’t be able to read me like an open book - that was your job. He won’t know to push me up against walls and steal a kiss from me - that’s always reserved for you. He won’t know what playlist to play when we drive - that will always remain ours. He won’t know me, I don’t think anyone will ever know me the way you did, the way you still do.
- You were a moment in life that comes and goes.
You always told me I would be better off without you. I used to think you were just insecure and you wanted the absolute best for me. That wasn’t the reason. It actually was a warning. I am better off without you and you knew it all along. It just took me a bit longer to figure this out.
