My Mum just told me to lose weight so here is just a little blurb of Sirius Worshipping chubby reader to make myself and you guys feel better.

Sirius Black x Chubby Fem!Reader

Warnings: weight, insecurities, body dysmorphia, swearing, sex refrences

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Standing there in your underwear you were looking at yourself in the mirror. You felt insecure. All those other girls were skinny and looked perfect. You felt inadequate.

Sirius your boyfriend looked perfect. And you knew he had a type before you. Skinny and popular girls. You were different to those girls. Naturally, would feel insecure.

A knock on the door shook you out of your thoughts.

“Baby, Can I come in?” You heard the sound of your boyfriends voice.

“C-come in” your voice wavered.

He opened the door and came in with his usual cheeky smirk plastered on his face.

“Hey bunny… Marlene said you were a bit upset” he said quietly.

You looked at the ground in shame. Tears had came to your eyes.

One tear managed to fall.

“Oh Baby” he whispered and wrapped you in a hug.

“What happened My Love? Hmm. What’s got you feeling like this” he asked you still coddling you in a hug.

“Sirius look at me” you sobbed “ I’m awful looking. Those skinny girls walk around looking amazing and here I am…” You cried into his shoulder.

“I don’t know who you are but you can’t say those things about my girl. My Y/N should know that she’s perfect. I mean have you seen her. Look at her perfect eyes and her soft stomach and Merlin her thighs holy shit. My girlfriend is the hottest and most beautiful girl in the world. So whoever you are saying these things that are simply lies about My baby should leave. I need my Y/N/N back” You giggled through your tears.

“Agh there’s my perfect girl back” he smiled kissing you all over your face while laughter spilt out of you.

“S-siri stop it” you giggled.

“I can’t your just so GodDamn beautiful” he whispered finally stopping.

“I know you have insecurities my love we all so and that’s okay. But I need you to know that I love every single fucking part of your body and you my love. You are the most beautiful human to walk this earth and anyone who tells you otherwise is a fucking dumbass” You didn’t say anything in reply you just wrapped you arms around him tightly.

“Thank you” you whispered in his ear.

“I’m gonna make sure you know how beautiful each part of your, body is,” he said.

The night had just begun…

s.b Holidate - Ch. 11 His Birthday

:Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader
Word Count: 7.2k
Synopsis: Her and Sirius have a complicated relationship and things get even more complicated when they agree to start a fake relationship to get their parents off their back    
Warnings: swearing, i think mention of champagne and smoking, and brief mention of outfits ;)

A/N:This is a bit wordy at the beginning but then the rest is pretty much dialogue

Masterlist|Holidate Masterlist

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

I wasn’t sure if it was fortunate or not that Sirius’ birthday was close to Halloween. I guess it was fortunate because it meant that we would be forced to talk things out, but then it was also unfortunate because we’d be forced to talk things out.

This wasn’t my strong suit and I knew from previous experience, it also wasn’t Sirius’.

Once my post-drunk thoughts disappeared the day after Halloween I realised that I had potentially overreacted. I guess it was sweet that Sirius didn’t want to do anything when I was hysterical after rejecting Tiberius and if I was being honest, I was tired of fighting with him. I had been fighting with him my whole life and his words on Halloween made me think that maybe he wanted to stop fighting as well. If he was ready to lay his armour down, then so I was.

After I had woken up in the morning with a pounding in my head that wasn’t solely because of the amount of champagne I had drank, I started sobbing as I recalled the events of the night before. My hands were rubbing my eyes to dry the tears when I eventually stood up and walked over to my desk to look at the stupid photo I had taken.

I looked ridiculous.

I felt ridiculous.

I wasn’t sure how, but somehow I had made everything worse when I already thought that I had reached my lowest point. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and I put the photo in my top drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at it and sighed.

I blocked it out of my mind until it was the afternoon before Sirius’ birthday and I realised I didn’t know what to get him. He had got me such a thoughtful gift and I desperately wanted to return the favour.

I wanted to get him something nice and my mind instantly went to new watches and fancy suits, but he had gotten me something even nicer and spent a fraction of the price.

Not knowing what to do, I went to sit on my desk and I pulled out my top drawer to take out all of the notes I had received from him over the past year. His annoyingly neat handwriting was staring at me, but for a moment, I didn’t mind.

They were sprawled out on top of my desk and I pulled out the one from my birthday, skimming over it to see if anything inspired me.

I have given you my favourite book and I hope one day we can share our thoughts together, but I won’t blame you if you never want to speak to me again.

I almost laughed. I didn’t want to speak to him. Then and now. I didn’t want to speak to him right now and have to deal with all of the stupid choices I made. What if he was embarrassed by me after what I had done on Halloween and now wanted nothing to do with me?

I knew that I would only find out when I went to his stupid birthday and that really put me on edge.

But at least I knew exactly what I was going to give him now. I got a spare piece of parchment and my quill out, taking my time to make sure my writing was as neat as his.

Sirius,

On Easter, you asked me what I thought would become of us if you had been sorted into Slytherin. I told you nothing would have changed. You still would have annoyed me. But that was only half true. That night I couldn’t stop thinking about it and ever since then I have been selfishly wishing that you had been sorted into Slytherin. I think things would have been very different.

I don’t think I will ever stop caring about what people think of me, but I care the most about what you think. And I want to hear your thoughts. You don’t care what anyone thinks about you, but I hope you enjoy my thoughts.

This was a very Sirius Black book. Take that however you want.

Love forever,

Your Princess xxx

I spent longer than I usually would making sure that my writing was immaculate. Not that he would ever probably notice.

I wanted to write more. I wanted to tell him how despite all of the pain he had put me through, I’ve always known it was him, but I didn’t know what was going to happen and I didn’t want to take any risks and make an even bigger fool of myself.

I turned to the stack of books on my desk and pulled out the one that Sirius had given me for my birthday. The one with my messy scrawl on each page, with the corners bent and the spine broken.

I found a spare bag and put the book in along with my note. The bag was sparkly and silver and I knew Sirius was more of a gold person, but I hoped it would only serve as a reminder of who it was from.

I went to put the rest of his notes back in my top drawer, but when I pulled them all together, that cursed photo of me that I had taken on Halloween night fell out of the pile. I sighed as I bent down to pick it up.

I held it between my pointer and middle finger, moving them so the picture flicked back and forth. I thought about it. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew I’d regret it. I knew I should have put it back in the drawer where it came from. Or even just thrown it out. But instead, I quickly dropped it in the sparkly silver bag and stood up and walked out so I wouldn’t dwell on it.

The next night I was standing in front of my mirror. It was dark outside and my lights were making my jewellery sparkle. I was definitely overdressed for Sirius Black’s birthday. There was, of course, a reason that I had made such an effort. I’ve always cared about what people think of me, but I knew I cared more than I would like to admit about what Sirius Black thought of me. And if this all went downhill, at least I would still look good at the end of it.

I took a deep breath as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was going to be fine. Maybe I had made a big deal out of nothing on Halloween, but my actions weren’t unjustified. My pride had been hurt by Sirius Black one too many times and all I wanted was him to be vulnerable with me, just once. Hopefully this time, he would be.

~~~

“Welcome.” Walburga gave us another tight lipped smile, but when she took me in she couldn’t stop her eyes from lighting up.

“Oh he’ll just love you,” she whispered so softly I tried to pretend I didn’t hear it.

I felt like a fool. I had worn red plenty of times and I alwaysdressed nice. Why would anyone think that I had done this for a boy.

But I still smiled at her and thanked her, the sparkly silver bag hanging from my arm as we walked inside.

It was dark and cold outside, but it was warm and bright inside. It wasn’t as extravagant as my birthday or any of these other celebrations I had been too and there were barely any decorations up, but I wasn’t surprised. Sirius was never one to go all out for his birthday, even if I didn’t understand that all.

But I guess Walburga couldn’t help herself because there were still red and gold balloons around the place and a few happy birthday banners hanging on the walls. There was also music playing in the background that I wasn’t familiar with. It was playing quietly, but I could still tell that it was some band, no doubt, one that Sirius liked and Walburga had only put on because it was his birthday.

I walked around the room to greet everyone. I found it humorous that everyone from our society was in attendance, even if Sirius hated them all and they all hated Sirius. I guess everyone was too scared of Walburga to say they couldn’t make it.

My eyes scanned the room and I felt funny when I noticed a familiar head of red hair in the corner. I must have been staring for too long because she turned over to look directly at me and when she saw me, she started waving.

I was embarrassed already. She definitely wasn’t shy and she was making a big deal about trying to get my attention when she already had it. My eyes quickly scanned around the room to make sure no one was watching and when I saw no one paying attention to us, I quickly walked over to her in hopes she would calm down.

James and Lily Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, were once again sitting in the corner of Grimmauld Place looking completely out of place. They were usually present at Sirius’ birthday, so I didn’t find it odd, but I had never spoken to them here before.

“Oh Sirius will love this!” She squealed as she motioned to my dress and brought me in for a hug. There was a part of me telling myself that this was a horrendous thing to do and people were going to think horribly of me, but then there was a part of me who reminded myself that I had already spoken to Lily Potter at Halloween and still lived to tell the tale. I quickly pulled away in hopes no one would see us again.

“It wasn’t for Sirius,” I mumbled and she laughed, knowing that that was a horrible lie. When she turned her back to me to face the rest of his friends I noticed baby Harry was there and for a moment I wanted to go over to James Potter and take the baby right out of his hands, but I was brought out of my trance by Lily’s voice.

“Happy birthday!” She took a step behind me, her arms out ready for a hug. I didn’t want to but I knew I’d have to. I turned around and even though his arms were around Lily, his eyes were on me and my whole body went flush.

She quickly pulled away and went back to James and Harry leaving me and Sirius alone. My back was towards his friends and he was standing in front of me. He had black pants on and a black dress shirt. It was slightly creased, but he had on his horrendous leather jacket which helped in hiding it. His hair was done in its usual messiness and he was still freshly shaven from Halloween.

He was smirking at me and I wanted to slap him for it. He was so infuriating. I wasn’t sure how I looked or really, what I was doing. All I could do was stare at him. I wasn’t sure what to say and I was scared about what he was going to say. But it didn’t seem like he was going to start anything so I inhaled and said, “Happy Birthday.”

For a moment it seemed like he wanted to hug me, but my arms weren’t outstretched and he mustn’t have wanted to make the first move.

“Thank you,” he said. I smiled awkwardly at him and passed over the bag. I wasn’t sure where this awkwardness was coming from and I really didn’t enjoy it, but the look on Sirius’ face told me he did.

One of his eyebrows slightly raised at the present, but he took it gently from my hand, our fingers brushing as he did so.

“Thank you, princess,” he mumbled and I had to stop myself from giving in. To what exactly, I wasn’t sure, but I stood up straight and maintained eye contact with him.

We stood in silence for a moment before Sirius broke it.

“You came,” he said.

“It’s your birthday,” I said.

“I didn’t know if you’d come.” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to say, ‘Of course I was going to come, I need to see where this goes.’ but I didn’t want to rush it.

Instead I went with, “I didn’t think you’d still be wearing this horrible leather jacket.” He laughed. A deep laugh that weirdly sounded like a bark. I missed that laugh.

I smiled at him. This was a familiar area. I could do this. I’d been doing this my whole life.

“You don’t even try to make an effort for your own birthday,” I rolled my eyes dramatically at him and he went back to smirking.

“Well,” he said and there was a mischievous look in his eye that told me I wouldn’t like where this was going, “someone did.” He looked me up and down and my whole body became hot. I simultaneously wanted to melt on the floor, but also burn him. When his eyes came back up he winked at me and I tried to keep my face neutral.

“Well,” I mocked, “I’m still looking for an eligible partner, I need to be looking my best.” I stuck my chin out at him and he scoffed. I hoped he would see right through me and when he ran a hand through his hair and groaned, I think he finally did.

“You drive me fucking crazy, you know that, princess?” He took a step closer to me and I shrugged.

“You drive me crazy too,” I argued.

“You know,” he paused as if he wasn’t sure he should say what was about to leave his mouth, “I almost didn’t wear this jacket.” I squinted my eyes at him, not entirely sure where this was going. “I knew you wouldn’t like it and for some unknown reason, I wanted to impress you. I’ve never cared about what people thought of me until you came along.” His voice was sincere and I suddenly felt embarrassed. He was so close to me and I was scared he was going to hear my heart beating.

“At least I’ve done you some good,” I said, “by giving you some doubt. You’re too vain.” He laughed. He was looking at me and I was looking at him and I decided that if he could share that with me, then maybe I could share something with him. “I guess,” I started, dragging out the last syllable, “I had you in mind when I decided to wear this dress as well.” I admitted reluctantly.

I’d never seen him smile so big.

“And I’m glad you did.” I rolled my eyes at him playfully and his eyes never left me.

“Oi, lovebirds.” My head snapped around at James Potter’s voice, but before I could send him a vicious glare Sirius grabbed my hand and squeezed it in his own. “Are you going to join us?”

“Shut up, Prongs.” I went to turn around to ask Sirius why he had just called his best friend Prongs, but before I could, he started walking over towards them, my hand still in his meaning I was dragged behind him.

If I was being honest, I didn’t want to sit with his friends. Regardless, they were still blood traitors and I knew going back to Sirius Black would do horrible things for my image, but this would be even worse.

“It’s the birthday boy’s request that you sit with him and his friends, and you wouldn’t deny the birthday boy would you?” He asked, apparently reading my mind. He turned back to talk to me while he continued to walk, my hand in his and my silvery gift bag in the other.

I rolled my eyes, not giving him an answer, but I followed him over to the lounge.

I sat down next to him and he was sitting next to Peter with Remus on one of the adjacent chairs and James, Lily, and Harry squished in another lounge meant for one person.

“So did he make it up to you?” Remus asked and all I could do was blink at him. Sirius slouched in the lounge, putting the bag on one of the tables next to us and placing a hand over my shoulders as I sat up straight, giving Remus a confused look.

“What?” I asked, wishing that Sirius would take over the conversation for me, but he just gave me a guilty look.

“He said you had a fight, but he was going to make it up to you today,” Peter explained and I froze. I guess I wanted Sirius to tell his friends on Halloween that we had broken up, but I never considered how fearful I was about how much detail Sirius would go into.

They were all staring at me expectantly and I wanted to answer them, but I didn’t know how.

“Don’t worry,” Sirius sat forward so he could murmur in my ear, “I didn’t tell them the full story.” I relaxed at that, but I still wanted to know exactly what he had told them.

“Oh,” I started, “uhm,” I turned to face him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His face looked worried. He was blinking fast and I could feel his arm tense around my shoulders and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the power I held over him. “I guess he did,” I said and they all started cheering.

I was surprised. Sure, they had let me in on St Patrick’s Day, but it was obvious they weren’t fans of our relationship. I wondered what had changed to make them so excited about us.

Sirius finally looked at me and he gave me a sheepish smile and for the first in a long time, I beamed at him.

I leaned towards him, closer to his face so only he could hear me say, “But there is always room for improvement.” He shook his head at me, but pulled me closer to him regardless.

I stayed sitting with him and his friends for the rest of the night. A few people looked at me and gave me some funny looks, but apparently Sirius could tell whenever I saw it happen because he always took my hand in his and made an extra effort to include me in the conversation.

Which, I was actually joining in this time as compared to St Patrick’s Day. And I was learning lots, maybe his friends weren’t thatbad.

Eventually it was time for his cake and we sang and he blew out the candles only to smile back up at me immediately.

When it was time to go I said goodbye to his friends and I only wondered if people had seen me once they had left. It was too late anyway, I had spent most of the night with them. And weirdly, I enjoyed it.

I then went up to my mother and father who were waiting for me before they apparated away.

“Do you mind if I stay here a little longer?” I asked. I was feeling giddy and I wished I was calmer when I asked because my mother gave me an unimpressed look.

“Why? Do you have more blood traitor friends to ruin our image with?” I frowned at her words.

“I-no,” I mumbled, suddenly not so excited.

“Well why do you need to stay here?”

Before I could answer I felt a presence behind me and when they grabbed my hand I squeezed it in my own.

“Birthday boy’s request.” There was a smile on Sirius’ face and I hoped that when he looked down at me and I looked up at him, he didn’t see the way my mother rolled her eyes at him.

“She’s been here long enough,” she said and I looked down at the floor. There was a brief moment of ignorance where I thought Sirius’ words would change her mind, but then I remembered how much my mother disliked him.

“Oh, darling, there you are.” My head snapped up at Walburga’s voice and everyone’s eyes followed her as she came and stood on the other side of me. “You don’t mind if I keep her around a little longer, do you?” She asked, turning to face my mother. “I promise I’ll have her home before midnight.” She laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh as well. I was so shocked at what was happening and it seemed everyone else was as well by the looks on my parents’ faces.

“Oh, I guess that’s alright,” my mother said, but her face was saying something different. Her face was tight and when she smiled, it didn’t reach her eyes.

“Wonderful,” Walburga said, looking down at me, “thank you so much for coming.” She turned back to my parents and waved as they apparated away. My mother gave me one last unimpressed look before she left and then it was just me, Sirius, and Walburga.

I turned to face Walburga to thank her, but she was already putting distance between us, winking at me and walking away to give Sirius and I our space.

“I love your mother,” I said, turning to face him and letting go of his hand. He gave me an unimpressed look and I laughed. “Did you not see what she just did?” He shook his head at me and didn’t say anything.

It was just us, standing apart, facing each other, looking at the other, and when I stopped laughing we were standing in silence. The room was empty. Walburga had left and I was sure she had told Regulus and Orion not to go in either. The music was still playing softly in the background and the mess of the party was still around us.

“I promise I didn’t go into specifics when I told my friends,” he said, eventually breaking the silence.

“Okay,” I said. I was going to continue, but he cut me off.

“I told them that I fucked up because I should have told you how I felt and that I was going to make it up to you tonight, but that was all.” He said quickly.

“You’re very sure of yourself,” I teased and he smiled at me. “I don’t want to tell anyone we fake dated.” I took a step closer to him.

“What do you want to tell them?” He had a cocky look on his face and I hated that he was making me be the one to say it.

“I want to tell them that you’re still annoying me,” I said sarcastically and he chuckled.

“That’s weird,” he said, “I want to tell them that we’re actually dating.” He raised an eyebrow at me and for some reason I reached out to grab his hands.

“I guess I want to tell them that too,” I said and took another step closer to him.

“I should have told you that sooner,” he whispered.

“You should have,” I said.

“I’ve been spending the last year telling myself that I’m not good enough for you, and I’ve never thought that.” I rolled my eyes at him. “It’s the main reason I never said anything to you on Father’s Day and it was definitely the whole reason I reacted how I did at the engagement. You were confirming my biggest fear.” His voice was soft and he was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. “That I wasn’t good enough for you.”

“That’s a shitty excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse. I’m a disappointment, I’m doing absolutely nothing with my life,” he stressed, “and you’re you. The golden child.” I gave him an unimpressed look but he only continued. “You could have had absolutely anyone you wanted, I’m sure you know how loved you are to these people and I know a few people who would beg to get a chance to prove themselves to you,” he rambled, “and I got that chance. And all I kept doing was fucking it up and for some reason, you kept showing up.” My heart was pounding in my chest and I wondered if Sirius could feel my pulse as he held onto my hands.

“We made a deal,” I whispered.

“And I kept having to remind myself of that. We were just a deal, there was nothing else involved. But I selfishly thought that we could be more and then you ended it and then I saw you with Nott and he looked like he belonged with you.”

“He wasn’t-”

“He’s rich,” he cut me off, “he can dress himself, he has a stable job, he could give you everything you wanted. I can’t give you everything you want.” I had never seen him so serious and I didn’t like how he was speaking about himself, but this was exactly what I hoped would come out of tonight, so I let him speak.

“I do want a lot of things,” I mumbled and he chuckled softly. “Do you remember on Mother’s Day when I went on that little rant to my mother?” With only us in the room, staring into each other’s eyes, I was sure that it was just Sirius and I in this world, and selfishly, I wanted it to stay this way forever.

“I do,” he said.

“Do you remember what I said?” I could see him replaying the conversation in his mind and I couldn’t help the grin on my face when I watched one develop on his own.

“Yes,” he said.

“Well I’d be willing to give it up to marry someone I loved…Yes mother, we’ve been dating for almost six months, I wouldn’t be with him that long if I didn’t love him.”

“I meant it all. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I’m a horrible liar.” We were so close together that we were only whispering and I liked how intimate it felt.

“You are,” he said, “if it wasn’t for me, everyone would have known we weren’t actually dating.” I shook my head at him and ignored him.

“Well I meant when I said that love isn’t about money, “ I paused and he was smiling down at me, “and I meant it when I said I’d be willing to give up my luxurious lifestyle for someone that I loved.”

“You love Sirius Black?” He was mocking my mother and I gave him an unimpressed look.

“Maybe I do.” I wasn’t sure when it happened, but I knew I loved him. I finally admitted it to myself after Mother’s Day, but it was something that I think I had known for a while. There wasn’t a cathartic moment of realisation, nor was it something that I was really aware of. Falling in love with him was something familiar, something that made me feel safe to be myself comfortable being with him. It happened slowly and it took its time, but I knew it was there, the attraction had been there most of my life and the love was easy to follow.

“Well maybe he loves you back,” he said.

“A girl can dream,” I sighed dreamily and he tugged on my wrists so I had to take a step closer to him. “But I want to keep my job,” I said sheepishly and I suddenly couldn’t meet his eyes. In my mind, Sirius didn’t care that I wanted to keep my job, but I wasn’t sure if that was a reality.

“Of course,” he said and I smiled up at him. “I’d be a much better housewife than you anyway.”

“Well you could also get a job,” I teased.

“Sorry princess,” he frowned, “I’m accustomed to a certain lifestyle.” I scoffed at him and he was laughing and I couldn’t fight the smile spreading across my face.

“So,” I dragged out the syllable, “if I don’t care that you can’t give me everything,” I said, referencing what he had previously said, can you at least give me yourself?” My voice went higher and my shoulders went up and I knew it was cliche and stupid and I felt like an idiot. But I needed him to explicitly say it.

“Only if you let me wear this stupid leather jacket whenever I want.” Of course. I forgot who I was talking to. I hoped he was just teasing.

“Only if you promise to let me wear it when it gets cold,” I challenged. I wasn’t going to let him win. He raised an eyebrow at me and there was amusement written all over his face knowing my distaste for that jacket. “It looks better on me,” I explained.

“I really have ruined you.” He squinted his eyes together and squeezed my hands. “Okay,” he said thinking, “only if you let me take you for a ride on my motorcycle.” I had a feeling we could go on like this for the rest of the night.

“Definitely not,” I said.

“Well then,” he sighed, “sorry princess, but I can’t give you myself then.” I scoffed at him again and removed my hands from his to fold them across my chest.

“Are you serious?” I had never seen such an excited look cross Sirius Black’s face.

“Actually, I am. Sirius” I gave him an unimpressed look even though he looked so proud of himself for finally making that stupid joke.

“Fine,” I stuck my chin out at him, ignoring his laugh, “but only if you let me wear your jacket on the motorcycle because it’ll be cold.” Like I said, I wasn’t going to let him win this.

“I like the sudden interest in you wearing my leather jacket.” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m hoping if you see how ridiculous it looks on another person, you’ll stop wearing it.” He opened his mouth to go to say something, but then just pouted.

“That was rude,” he said. I giggled and he started taking his jacket off. “But I do really want to see how stupid it looks, so maybe you could wear it?” It was one of the lamest things I had ever heard him say, but I still took it from him and wrapped it around my shoulders.

I inhaled the scent. Oddly enough, it had become familiar. It didn’t smell strongly of cigarette smoke anymore, but it still lingered, and the distinct odour of wet dog was still there, but weirdly, I didn’t mind it. “Absolutely horrible,” he murmured, shaking his head. “You must take it off immediately.” I sighed and he took a step closer to me and grabbed the back of my arms in his hands.

“Whatever,” I said. “So…” I prompted.

“I guess I can give you myself then,” he said, “princess, will you please be my girlfriend.”

I took a step closer to him and nodded.

For a moment, I was staring into Sirius’ grey eyes and he was staring into mind. We were both quiet and for a moment, I thought we were going to kiss. We were so close I could hear his breath and for a moment, I wanted the world to stop.

“I really want to kiss you,” he whispered.

“Then maybe you should.” Apparently that was all the permission he needed because his lips were immediately on mine.

I was right. Nott was an unusually rough kisser. Sirius was much softer and when his hands moved to cup my face, his touch was gentle and I couldn’t help but lean into it.

He tasted a bit like birthday cake and I had to stop myself from giggling at it. We were both smiling into the kiss and I thought that all of our fights, all of our screaming matches, everything, was all worth it to get to this moment.

Eventually we pulled away when my brain decided that right now was the perfect time to remember what I had put in his bag and I was unbearably embarrassed by it.

“I should get going,” I said apologetically. He frowned, unsure about my sudden change in mood. “I don’t want my mother to stress. And Sirius?” He nodded his head at me, a concerned look on his face, “please open my gift in private.”

His face changed to one of shock but I didn’t want to explain it to him. I was already humiliated, but there was also a part of me that really didn’t want to take it out so instead I kissed his cheek and quickly said, “write to me, I want to see you soon,” before apparating away.

I knew Sirius Black quite well and I knew that he was going to immediately go and open my present.

“So?” My mother asked as soon as I walked into the kitchen. My heart was pounding and the embarrassment had subsided and been replaced with that giddy feeling I had felt earlier. “Are you together?” She eyed the leather jacket I was still wearing, but I chose to ignore it.

“Yes,” I said confidently, “we are together.”

“Well let’s hope this time it works out.” When I ignored the way she immediately went up to bed after she said it, it sounded nice, and so I decided to look at it in a positive way as I made my way upstairs and got ready for bed.

When I was comfortable and in my pyjamas, the leather jacket resting on my computer chair, I went to get into bed but before I could, there was a familiar knocking on my window and I almost tripped as I raced to open it.

There he was, still in the same clothes he was wearing this afternoon, an urgent look on his face. I opened the window and before he could enter he croaked out, “Princess, I think you’re going to kill me.”

He came in and I closed the window behind him so the cool air wouldn’t get in. I was giggling up at him and he looked like he was trying to control himself.

“That picture was,” he paused, “really,” he struggled to find the right word, “something.”

“Wow,” I laughed, “that makes me feel sogood about myself.” He took a step closer to me.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” We were kissing once more and Sirius’ palms were cupping my cheeks and I was leaning into his touch and all I could think about was his lips on mine.

He still tasted a bit like birthday cake and when neither of us pulled away, I reached out to grab onto his shirt.

We stayed like that until eventually I pulled away when I needed to breathe. But apparently Sirius couldn’t get enough of me because he struggled to pull away and as soon as we were no longer kissing, he brought his lips back down to peck my own.

“I’m sorry,” he said, squishing my cheeks together as he brought my face closer to him so he could peck them again, “I’ve been dying to do this for ages,” he kissed me again, “I just,” another kiss, “can’t,” another, “help myself,” and one more. I was smiling up at him like an idiot and he was grinning down at me and I couldn’t believe that what I wanted had finally come to fruition. “I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend

“Alright loverboy.” I rolled my eyes and stood back from him. “Here,” I said, picking up his leather jacket, “I forgot to give this back to you.” I passed it to him, but he shook his head.

“You keep it, so you can wear it when I take you for a ride on my motorbike.” I groaned and he laughed.

I answered him with another kiss and he seemed to like that because his eyes crinkled as he smiled down at me.

“I have to get back to help clean up, will I see you soon?” I nodded up at him and watched him leave.

When I went to bed that night I couldn’t sleep. I had been thinking about this for a while, but I didn’t want to relive the humiliation of it so I kept pushing it to the back of my mind. But now I couldn’t stop myself from it.

I was suddenly twelve again. I was sitting in the Great Hall when there was a bang. I hadn’t been at Hogwarts for that long, but I knew that it was the sound of a dungbomb going off, but this was the first time I had ever been close to one.

I was sitting with Narcissa and a few other girls from my year along with some of Narcissa’s friends, and it seemed that they had all been a target as well. Most of the people sitting around us were.

It seemed the whole room was confused, but I could hear the laughter of no doubt the Gryffindors who would be the only ones immature enough to do something like this.

I had my hand covering my nose to protect myself from the horrid smell, so when I looked up and saw Narcissa with red hair, she couldn’t see the way my jaw hung open.

She had her hand in a similar position, but I saw the shock in her eyes and I heard her gasp and I knew my hair must have looked the same.

At this moment, everything was fine. Sure, we were going to have to go shower, change our uniform and be late for class, and yes, we would have had to do the charm to fix our hair and hope that we didn’t stuff it up and lose it instead, but that was all manageable.

Sure, I was angry and embarrassed and I wanted the people who had done this to suffer, but I was resilient and I knew life would go on.

But then I looked around the room. I knew everyone would be watching us, but then I saw him. Sirius Black. Him and his stupid group of friends were laughing and I was hurt. He was looking at me and he was laughing.

I couldn’t fight the frown on my face and I know Sirius saw it too. But he turned away. And then another round of dungbombs went off and they laughed louder and I dramatically stormed out of the room, not caring if I left my friends behind.

It was, of course, Sirius and his friends. There was no doubt about it. They were always doing stupid things like this, especially to Slytherins and now I wasn’t so sure why I was still defending him.

I didn’t want to admit it, but I knew that it was because I had never been on the receiving end of any of their antics, so I could easily say, “It’s his friends! They’re a bad influence.” Or “They’re just harmless pranks, he’s still the stupid kid we grew up with.” whenever people spoke badly of him, but really, I knew how he felt about Slytherins and about our society and I knew they weren’t harmless. I guess I thought that I was an exception to it.

Because we were friends. We still spoke, we still got along. But he knew it got me, he knew it would have got me, and he still let it happen. I was stupid to ever think I was an exception to him.

I cried the whole way to the dormitory. I didn’t care. I was hurt and upset and humiliated and I didn’t want to leave my dormitory for the rest of the year.

But when I walked into the Slytherin Common Room, someone was already there.

“What happened to you?” I sniffled and wiped my eyes as the door shut behind me.

“Your stupid brother,” I spat and Regulus stiffened.

“I’m sure he didn’t know that it hit you.” I wondered how Regulus knew exactly what I wanted to be true, but unfortunately, I knew it wasn’t.

“He did,” I huffed, “he saw me and he still did it.” My voice broke at the end, but I bit my lip so I wouldn’t start sobbing.

“I would hug you, but you know,” he said awkwardly, giving me an apologetic look. I probably smelled horrible.

“That’s okay,” I sniffled and went up to my dormitory.

As it turned out, Sirius and his friends weren’tstupid and there was no charm that me, my friends, nor Madame Pomfrey could use to get the red hair dye out and with two hits from the dungbombs, it seemed to linger on my skin for weeks.

I decided that Sirius no longer deserved my protection if I didn’t have his, and so, I made the mature decision to ignore him. And it didn’t take him too long to figure that out either.

The very next day he came up to me in the library. My friends sent him daggers, but I didn’t even look up from my book.

“Nice hair,” he sniggered. I wanted to yell at him. I wanted to hit him. I wanted him to know how much he hurt me. But I took a deep breath and kept reading my book. Or pretended to. “I think it suits you.” He was standing behind me and I wasn’t going to turn around.

I took another deep breath. I wasn’t going to give in. “But I do think you need to invest in another perfume.” He wasn’tgoing to get a rise out of me. I could tell that he knew I was purposefully ignoring him because his voice started getting more desperate. “Do you think your mother will like your new look?” I counted to ten in my head. “I thought it was funny,” he mumbled.

One of my friends sighed and stood up. They had been ignoring Sirius their whole life so really, how hard could it be?

“How about we go find somewhere quiet to study?” One of them asked.

“Please,” I said, staring right into Sirius’ grey eyes as I said it.

He looked dumbfounded. He looked like someone had hit him. He looked hurt that I was ignoring him as if he hadn’t publicly humiliated me.

But that was it. I didn’t want anything to do with him. I was no longer going to defend him because all of the nasty things people had been saying about him were true, it had just taken me a while to see it.

I wondered what twelve-year-old me would be thinking right now. I don’t think she’d be happy. Or, maybe she would be because the whole reason she was upset was because all she wanted was for Sirius Black to like her, but that prank just showed her that he didn’t really care about her. He knowingly humiliated her and that crushed her.

It was probably why nineteen-year-old me was so heartbroken when he humiliated her at the engagement. It was uncovering an old wound that I never really let heal properly in the first place.

I sighed. I really hoped that was over. I really wanted this to work.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Tag list = @silverose365@sweetlyspice@marauderssimpcuzwhytfnot

Summary: just some domestic stuff ‘cause washing your lover’s hair is the intimate thing you can do with your fingers.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Male Reader 

Key: (Y/N)- your name 

Word Count: 812

A/N: Sorry I’ve been gone for a month, I’ve been struggling with mento illnesses. I’m most likely going to purge my entire inbox because it’s really stressful haha…

His hands were intertwined with yours, his fingers running circles around your knuckles as the light of the new day streamed through the windows. You watched his chest rise and fall peacefully for once. You moved your hand sleepily to his chest, feeling the pulse underneath. His breath hitched as you did, but quickly calmed. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and kissing your forehead softly.

“(Y/N).” He spoke softly, finishing your name with a kiss to your knuckles.

“Sirius.” You replied, humming with your eyes closed concentrating on his soft lips on your hands, the warmth travelling your entire body as he practically praised your existence.

“I…” He trailed off a little looking away from you as he tried to push out his thoughts.

“You?” You looked at him through your eyelashes, your eyebrow raised in question.

“I love you.” His eyes holding a sparkle of fondness only you got to see. He looked like he couldn’t stop smiling even if he tried, looked rather goofy on his sharp face.

You smiled widely, stretching your neck up to look at him, he was blushing slightly as he continued to fidget with your fingers, his eyes darting away from yours. You took your hand away from him, placing it on the side of his face and pulling him close. Your lips teased his, as you stopped a mere inch away. You smiled to yourself again as Sirius bridged the gap. His arm sandwiched underneath you as a pillar as you bent over him to deepen the kiss.

“We have to get up” You stretched across him, falling onto him with a small thump. He sighed and wrapped his arms around you, squeezing around you.

“What if we didn’t?” He said in between kisses across your shoulder and neck, making you shiver. You shook your head and pushed yourself up against him. He wrapped the duvet around him, only his face visible in his duvet burrito. You kissed his nose and he smiled warmly.

You yawned and stretched your limbs upwards, feeling the tension and relaxation of the action.

“Sexy.” He commented and you took a pillow to throw at him. He laughed his hands up in defence as you huffed. You took your shirt from the floor slipping it on as your feet found their way into slippers as you made your way to the bathroom you could hear him slipping his way out of bed, following you.

The water hit your sleep ridden muscles making you sigh as you heard the curtain open next to you.

“Mind if I join?” He asked, stepping into the shower regardless. You nodded and both of you did your shower routines, slipping past each other in sync to use the shower head.

“Hair?” You said, he nodded and lowered his head slightly. You grabbed the shampoo and slowly scrubbed the wash into his locks, letting him slip past so you could wash it out with the slowly cooling water. He sighed in content as your fingers deepened the massaging. He really was a dog sometimes, which became apparent as you mindlessly scratched the back of his ears with the shampoo making him sigh and lean into it.

“Feels nice?” You asked, scratching at his scalp to work it in.

“Beyond.” He nodded, lowering his head a little more so you could access the back.

“Rinse.” He hummed and let his head fall back as the shampoo washed out and down his body, he couldn’t help, but sigh again. You pulled his head in and kissed his forehead softly.

“Turn around for the conditioner” You said, moving back a little so he could turn around, resting his hands against the shower wall. You laughed a little to yourself.

“What?” He asked “oblivious” to him sticking out his ass for you to admire. You laid a hand on the small of his back feeling him lean into the feeling.

“Oh nothing.” You smiled, reaching for the conditions and repeating the previous steps.

You hugged him from the back, kissing his neck softly. “Breakfast?”

“Some eggs would be nice, maybe some toast.” He hummed softly, turning the shower off and grabbing your hands to hold and kiss.

“Sounds good, come on.” You moved away, grabbing his hand as you got out. He followed, grabbing you both towels. You sat back on the bed, goosebumps travelling across your body as the cold air settled on you. Sirius immediately attacked your head with a towel, softly scruffing it around to dry your hair. Standing up a little dizzy, you did the same.

You dressed in some lazy day clothing and went down to the kitchen to wait for Sirius to get ready.

“How about those eggs, huh?” He said as he entered, going for the stove with a pan that you weren’t sure he came in with.

Summary: drabble about Sirius’s death :) , (Y/N) reacts etc.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Male Reader

Key: (Y/N)- your name

Warning: sirius’s death, angst, survivor’s guilt, a lot of sobbing (i am venting)

Word Count: 536

He dropped to his knees looking down. A black abyss felt like it would tear him apart, limb from limb. The kind of heart wrenching sob that started in one person’s throat and lodged itself into another. His throat stung and flexed as he tried to get the words out, but nothing came out. Remus was pulling Harry back as best he could, (Y/N) couldn’t stop. It just came out now, horrible sobs that mixed with Harry’s screams.

He put his head in his hands, gripping at his own hair with a frantic inhuman sound coming from his throat. There was nothing he wished more than to switch places as he watched Harry scream. It should’ve been him, he repeated in his head over and over again. No one dared to comfort him, most too busy trying to calm Harry down.

“It’s broken.” He repeated over and over again as Remus tried to drag him out of there, but he wouldn’t budge, only looking up and down from his hands to the veil.

“We have to go.” He sighed, trying to comfort him the best he could given his own heartbreak.

“I won’t leave him there! He’s not gone! H-He can’t be. Please, Remus. Save him. Please.” He begged, his hands gripped onto Remus’s pants desperately, tears had stopped flowing almost 20 minutes ago now he just dry sobbed and heaved.

“I can’t.” He whispered softly, grabbing the back of (Y/N) head with his hand as he sobbed further into his pants.

“Y-You have to. Please.” It broke Remus’s heart, seeing his friend like this. With Harry gone and him and (Y/N) being the only people left in the death trap, he too fell to his knees with him.

“I couldn’t even if I-I wanted to.” He said shakily as he hugged (Y/N), keeping him from shaking harder in his grasp. He wanted to cry too… He’d lost his best friend.

“We c-can’t even have a proper funeral, Moony.” He shouted into the fabric of Remus’s jacket, gripping on Remus like he was the last thing keeping him together and in this moment… he was.!

“We just got him back.” Remus sniffed a little, hugging (Y/N) tighter. They were all that was left.

“Please make the hurting stop, Remus. Please.” He begged more, Remus’s figure started shaking a bit. A few sniffs escaping his careful facade.

“I don’t know how.” He choked out honestly, trying to muffle his cries into (Y/N)‘s coats.

“Neither do I.” (Y/N) stuffed his face into Remus’s jacket again, shielding himself from the hurt it brought him to look up. Just for a moment.

“Then I guess we’re in the same boat” Remus chuckled sadly, a real joke of the world, he thought. A cruel, stupid, reckless joke.

“Seems like it.” He held onto Remus, his feelings going numb as he looked at the veil in front of him. Of all the rooms they could’ve been in, it had to be this one.

“He’s really gone.” He spoke up again, sighing shakily as he felt Remus rubbing his back in circles. It made him feel calm for a moment, but moments never last anyway.