Every sibling had a counterpart. Whether it be one was nice, and one was mean. Or one was smart, and one was incredibly dumb. Every sibling had their contradiction. Remus and Y/n Lupin were no different in the grand scheme of things, but on the outside, they were different people.
Sirius and James had shuffled behind Professor McGonagall across the castle to Dumbledore’s office. They had hung their heads low, and kept their eyes on their shoes to avoid getting a sense of what kind of trouble they were in. Based on the way McGonagall had spoken to them, and the way she had practically dragged them out of The Great Hall by their collars – they already had a pretty good idea. Professor Slughorn had assisted in getting Sirius’ victim up to the hospital wing to see Madam Pomfrey, because the boy could hardly even stand on his own two feet.
McGonagall sat Sirius and James down in Dumbledore’s office, threatening them with an even heavier punishment if they tried to escape before Dumbledore could get there. James and Sirius sat in silence while they waited. The incident replayed over and over in their minds as their adrenaline and initial fury began to fizzle out. The longer they sat and pondered, the more worried they became. The punishment that was inevitably coming was nothing compared to the guilt that they felt. The nauseating remorse was punishment enough for what they had done. No, they weren’t guilty for what they had done – rather they were guilty for the effects of what they had done.
Specifically, how it had affected you.
“Did you see the look on her face?” Sirius asked quietly to his friend that was sitting right next to him.
Sirius was beginning to feel really terrible. The stinging pain in his battered nose was nothing compared to the ache of culpability that he felt in his chest. He knew that he had messed up. He had messed up really, really bad.
“Yeah….” James replied simply. “I didn’t mean to upset her.”
James was disappointed in himself. James knew that he could be hotheaded. James knew that Sirius could be that way too. When both of them got revved up and angry at the same time, in most cases, James was usually more likely to calm down before things escalated – and most times Sirius could calm down too as long as James didn’t completely let his emotions bubble over. James had let himself get out of control, and part of him thought that he could’ve aided the situation if he had kept his composure.
“Me either. If that fucking bastard had kept his mouth shut then I wouldn’t have even….” Sirius trailed off from his original thought, because he knew that making excuses wouldn’t help his case. “This is my fault, Prongs. I knew better than to let it get to me like that. I didn’t mean to get you involved.”
James shook his head, cradling and gingerly massaging at the soreness in his knuckles. His hands were mild compared to Sirius – his hands were torn, shredded, and busted to hell.
“You’re not responsible for the way I reacted. My actions were on me,” James dismissed. “It’s times like this that remind me how much better Remus handles stuff.”
Sirius and James shared a light chuckle, a laugh that was more for breaking the tension more than anything else. Their amusement didn’t last long, because the moment that Dumbledore’s entrance was made, they were right back to cowering in their seats.
As predicted, James and Sirius were seriously scolded for what happened – although, Dumbledore’s discipline was much mellower than Professor McGonagall’s. Dumbledore had cut them some slack before, but those instances had always been much less severe. It seemed that Sirius Black and James Potter’s luck had finally run out, because they were sentenced to Friday afternoon/evening detention for the rest of the term as well as hand-written, lengthy apologies. Despite the grueling tedious and two and a half month punishment, the boys had honestly been expecting much worse. To be honest, James and Sirius were notorious for being able to get out of pre-established sentences, so they didn’t sweat it much. Besides, the punishment was the absolute last of their worries.
They left Dumbledore’s office in a hurry, hardly seeing the need to stick around for any longer than necessary. It was fairly late by the time they were finished, nearing around 9’o o'clock or so. The Great Hall was long cleared out, and mostly all of the students had returned to their House towers for the evening. There were a few stragglers here and there as the boys traversed the corridors together to get back to their dorm, but none of them were anyone they were interested in seeing.
“How’s your hand, mate?” James questioned when he noticed that Sirius was cradling his hand that had taken more damage than the other. “We can swing by Pomfrey’s if-”
“No. I can get fixed up in the morning,” Sirius denied. “I want to talk to her first.”
Sirius was determined to get this resolved before it had time to sit too long. Sirius was beginning to think that his whole “do now, ask for forgiveness later” motto might’ve been in poor taste. He needed to explain himself before you had enough time to think on it to get the wrong idea.
Sirius was taking this harder than James was. It was understandable, considering that Sirius had started it. Sirius genuinely and truly had been working on himself. Sirius had been trying to understand his emotions and his short temper better. He had been trying to practice patience and improve his communication skills. In the last few years, Sirius had learned and saw firsthand how his ego could hurt those around him. For the most part, Sirius had improved on all cylinders – but every now and then, he’d slip up far worse than anything he had ever done previously.
Sirius could only imagine you right now. Sirius had undoubtedly made a horrible day even worse. He saw you reduced to a puddle of tears and a chorus of sobs, clinging to Remus for consolation – wailing and blubbering about how much you hated Sirius for being so quick to react in unacceptable ways. That thought alone caused a hot rise in Sirius’ throat. He’d never be able to forgive himself if he was the reason that you ever came to detest him or either of the other two.
It frightened him as well, because that part of himself was something that was hard for him to control.
“Are you sure? To be honest, you really look like shit.” James asked again, continuing to walk alongside Sirius.
Sirius didn’t even have a snarky remark for that. If Sirius looked even an ounce as he felt, then he was sure that James’ statement was true. A bloodied nose and battered face and hands wasn’t a good look for Sirius – no matter how good the glory of a violent victory felt.
“I’m sure. I’ll deal with it later.” Sirius confirmed, and James didn’t ask again.
By the time they reached the dorm, anxiety had done its job of making them both a spiral of nerves. James felt like he was going to be sick, because he truthfully didn’t have even an inkling of what he was going to say. What could either of them say? They had shown a less than pleasant performance, and had gone against your wishes in a way that was far worse than anything you could’ve imagined. They had messed up, and they knew it.
Sirius and James were slow as they entered, peeking their heads around the door rather than entering fully. Sirius’ mental image wasn’t met when they caught the first glance of the inside of their dorm. You weren’t wrapped around Remus in a desperate manner. There were no sounds of crying or obvious upset. The only inhabitant of the room was Remus, who was standing at the circular mirror on the wall. He examined his face, peering at his right cheek that had been struck from a stray punch during the scuffle. Compared to Sirius, it was nothing more than a scratch.
“Where is she?” James asked, not wasting any time getting to the point.
Remus sighed, shaking his head and turning from the wall to look at them.
“I don’t know.” Remus admitted.
Sirius’ stomach sank to his feet and bounced back up into his throat. If you weren’t here, then there was no telling where you had run off to.
“You don’t know?” Sirius questioned. “How do you not know where she is?”
“Well after you two decided to beat that guy to a pulp, I was pulled aside for questioning on your behalves….since McGonagall had you two tied up with Dumbledore, I had to do all the explanations everywhere else,” Remus revealed. “She was gone before I could go after her.”
“Do you have any idea where she is?” Sirius asked next in hopes of Remus maybe having an idea of where you could’ve gone.
“She’s probably with Lily and Marlene. They went looking for her when I got caught up.” Remus answered, his arms crossing over his chest.
James piped up this time. His jitters were so strong that he couldn’t even stand still.
“They’re probably in their dormitory.” James announced, looking at Sirius as if to communicate with him that they needed to go.
Remus caught the look, and stopped them before either of them could even take a step.
“I wouldn’t do that. She’s upset enough as it is. It might be best to let this sit until morning.” Remus advised, and Sirius disagreed.
“Remus, we can’t wait that long.” Sirius argued, his voice weighty and determined.
“Might I remind you that she is not happy with either of you right now,” Remus fired back. “Let it go for tonight. We’ll settle it in the morning.”
Remus had a point, but they really wished that he had been wrong for once. If nothing else, it would give them a little more time to think about what they were going to say.
“It’ll be fine, mate. Just give her some time,” Remus approached them, clapping his hands on each of their shoulders. “Come on. Go get yourselves cleaned up.”
James managed to get washed up much more quickly than Sirius. That wasn’t surprising, considering that Sirius had taken a worse beating than James had. James chatted and talked about anything that he could to anyone that was listening. James talked when he was nervous – the running of his mouth distracted him. James was cleaned and fixed up in about ten minutes, and he looked significantly better. While he looked better, he surely didn’t feel any better. He crawled into his bed once he was washed up, preparing for a sleepless night and several hours of tossing and turning. James could never sleep when he had an anxious mind, and it happened more often than most people would’ve thought.
Remus had gone to bed shortly after James, leaving Sirius to his lonesome to tend to his injuries. Sirius stood at the sink in the washroom, looking at himself in the mirror as he carefully wiped at the dried blood under his nose and around his mouth. As the blood remoistened, it dripped down his chin and soaked into the rag that he was using to get clean. He rinsed the rag out into the sink, watching the pink-stained water flood down the drain in almost an instant. His knuckles hurt the most, and his eyes involuntarily filled with tears when he cleaned them under the stream of water. He winced a few times at the tender, stinging flesh on his upper lip that was painfully sensitive when he touched it. It probably needed stitches, but Sirius didn’t feel much like getting it taken care of.
He couldn’t get you out of his head. Every passing thought was related to you. Your quiet plea to leave the situation alone replayed over and over in his head, like a record needle stuck on the same groove. He couldn’t get the image of your tearful eyes, the same ones that were usually so full of adoration and love, looking at him with horror and disappointment. That was the hardest part of this whole thing for him. He could get over you being mad or you being annoyed with him – those were things that he could come to terms with. But the thought of you being disappointed in him, the mere idea of you having any kind of displeasure for him absolutely killed him. He only had himself to blame for that, and blaming himself is exactly what he was doing.
He glared at his reflection that stared back at him. His swollen eye and busted lip were prevalent, and they were a sight to see. The throbbing in his eye and the heat coming off of it practically unnoticeable compared to the anger that he felt in his heart for himself. He found himself lost in his own eyes, drowning in the pools of gray that he was picking apart every aspect of.
Sirius had messed up so many times, and each time felt worse than the last. He wanted to be a good person. He wanted to be the best man that he could be for you, the boys, and himself – but it seemed that the more time that went by, the more that Sirius realized that he’d never be the man that he wanted to be. Sirius would admit that he regretted more of himself than he praised.
It was moments like this that reminded Sirius Black of the hate that he harbored for himself. Sirius was critical of himself. He could easily write himself off and present himself as a “go with the flow” or a “it is what it is” kind of guy. For the most part, that was what he did. He had painted this picture of himself and constructed this facade for others to view him as confident and sure with everything. That was one of the endless things that he admired about you – you had always been able to see straight through his false image.
He didn’t see anything good when he looked deeper into himself. He saw a hateful, spiteful, and dishonorable man that wasn’t worth the time of day and that didn’t deserve the warm drink of your love that you overfilled his cup with over and over again. Sirius knew that he didn’t show it enough, and he knew damn well that he didn’t say it enough – you meant absolutely everything to him. Sirius couldn’t put it into words, and oftentimes he had a hard time revealing it in his actions. Sirius couldn’t understand how he could love someone so much when his heart was so full of resentment. And the part that he really didn’t understand was how someone with such a pure, loving heart such as you could even spare someone like him a passing glance. You shouldn’t have given him anything. Sirius found guilt within himself that you loved someone like him. You deserved someone better – someone who wasn’t like him.
You were every flower in a summer field on a hot July day. You were the peaceful rainbow after every raging rainstorm. You were the calculated answer to all of his burning questions. In a black night sky full of glittering, dancing stars – you were every single one. After all of Sirius’ wrongs that seemed to outweigh the rights, he hoped and he prayed that he would be even a single being in your universe.
****
As predicted, neither James nor Sirius slept any real amount. They rolled and shifted in their beds all night trying to get comfortable enough to get some sleep – but they couldn’t find a position that slowed their racing minds. For a Saturday morning, they were up and going much earlier than usual. Sirius’ head perked up from his pillow when he heard James’ feet hit the floor, his good eye squinting to peer at him in the morning light. James noticed his stare, and grimaced at how Sirius’ appearance had changed overnight. His eye had swelled and turned a gnarly shade of black and blue, and his lip was red and irritated.
“Did you sleep?” James asked, his voice groggy with exhaustion.
“No.” Sirius replied as he watched James sluggishly pull a t-shirt over his shirtless frame.
“Me either,” James remarked. “Where’s Moony?”
Sirius’ sat up on his elbows to look over at Remus’ bed, and he was surprised to see that the bed was neatly made and arranged as it always was whenever he was out for the day. His Gryffindor robes were draped over his trunk that was stationed at the end of the bed, which was an indicator that he’d be back soon.
“He probably went to get breakfast,” Sirius guessed, groaning at the screaming soreness in his muscles when he sat up completely. “I hurt so bad.”
“I don’t doubt it.” James came to the side of Sirius’ bed, offering a hand to get him on his feet.
Truthfully, Sirius didn’t hurt as badly once he was up and moving around. He slowly dressed himself and was careful not to accidentally aggravate his hand or his face. He felt like he had been hit by a train, and he was sure that he didn’t look much better. James and Sirius dragged themselves silently around as they got ready, not bothering to look overly presentable for a regular Saturday. Their movements were laggy and tortuous as they maneuvered around, because they both hurt something awful. James was positioned on the end of his bed, his left foot cautiously propped on his right thigh as he tied the laces on his shoes. His mind hadn’t stopped reeling for well over twelve hours now, and the longer it went unresolved, the worse that it got.
“Hey, Pads?” James called, only continuing once he had Sirius’ attention. “Do you think she’ll forgive us?”
Sirius didn’t have a chance to answer, and he was thankful that he didn’t have to. The door to their dormitory opened, and Remus entered with smuggled food balanced in his hands. He had wrapped up some easy breakfast to-go items for the other two, because he figured that they didn’t feel up to sitting down for a meal.
“Hey, Moony.” Sirius greeted casually.
“Hey. I brought you two some breakfast,” He announced, splitting the pile evenly between the two of them. “I figured you were hungry.”
They were starving, considering their dinner was cut short the night before. James needed some nutritional energy to hopefully settle his nerves, his fingers working diligently to peel the skin off of the banana in his hand. As hungry as Sirius was, he was positive that he wouldn’t be able to hold anything down long enough to sustain him with any real nourishment. Sirius’ was visibly troubled as he looked at Remus with a look of expectation. Sirius had waited, and he had waited long enough.
“I talked to Lily,” Remus began. “She said that everything is fine.”
James spoke through bites of banana, his voice muffled as he made an attempt to talk.
“How is she?” James asked, referring to your current state.
“Lils said she’s on and off….and still not happy with any of us,” Remus recalled the information that Lily had shared with him. “But more so with you two.”
“What is she mad at you for?” Sirius’ question fell from his mouth before he had any real time to think about the answer.
“I think she’s upset with all of us for getting involved one way or another,” Remus remarked, and it hurt his heart just as much as the other two to know you were dissatisfied with him. “Once you two finish eating we can go.”
James suddenly finished the last of his curved fruit in one big bite, forgetting about the rest of his wrapped goodies until later.
“Let’s go now.” He gargled through chewing, tying his other shoe quickly and rising to his feet.
Sirius wanted to get this over with. Not because he was dreading it or wanted to get it resolved the easiest, quickest way – but because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle the guilt. It was miserably slow as it ate away at him, and he needed to get his sincere apology heard. The boys regrouped with one another and left their dorm, preparing for whatever kind of reaction they were going to get from you. They were quiet as they walked down the boys’ staircase and up the girls’.. There really wasn’t much that could be said, because at this point it had all pretty much been said. Sirius let out a shuddering exhale when your door came into view as they turned a corner. Remus heard his noise of stress, and took a moment to reassure both him and James.
“Take it easy, mate,” Remus smiled at his two best pals. “It’ll all be fine.”
They sure hoped that Remus was right, because if it wasn’t going to be fine – then they had no idea what they were going to do.
Remus took the lead on this. His light knocks on the large wooden door were dulcet in an attempt to avoid making too much noise. It was still fairly early, and most of the inhabitants of the Gryffindor tower were still sleeping. The last thing Remus wanted was to wake anybody up and cause another kind of stir.
James and Sirius shifted on their feet from where they stood behind Sirius. Their fidgeting from the heightened anxiety wasn’t even worth hiding, and hiding it honestly made it worse. Sirius’ heart skipped a couple of beats when the knob turned to open the door from the inside. Lily was the one who appeared in the now open doorway, her emerald eyes looking at the three of them standing together. Lily didn’t bother with a greeting, because none of them were there to see her.
“She’s in bed. She won’t get up,” Lily stated, keeping her voice hushed. “Just….try not to upset her any more.”
Lily was tired. She and Marlene had been up most of the night trying to console you the best that they could. With a little time and patience, they had managed to get you calmed down enough to get some sleep. They weren’t sure how restful it was, but at least it gave you some kind of break.
Remus nodded at her request, taking glacial steps inside when Lily stepped aside to allow them in. Marlene was gone for the morning, and Lily was going to follow suit once you were aware that they were there for you. You were curled up on your mattress, half underneath the sheets with your back towards the door. Lily moved to the side of the bed that you were facing, signaling for the boys to wait for a few moments.
“Hey….” Lily tilted her head as she looked down at you. “The boys are here.”
Lily had honestly expected you to start crying again when your eyes flickered up to hers. They were glassed over with remnants of tears, but the tears didn’t fall.
“They want to talk to you. Will you speak with them?” Lily questioned in her lightest, sweetest tone. Lily glanced up for a moment at Sirius, who was so pale that he looked ghostly. “I think Sirius could use a hug.”
James felt his halfway breakfast churning in his stomach. Now he had wished that he had decided to brave this on an empty stomach. When you sat up from your balled up position, they straightened up and stood a bit taller to look more confident in their presence. Lily smiled at you, and told you that she was going to be heading out for a little while. Once Lily was gone, it was just the four of you in the quiet room. They were frozen still until you looked over first.
Your gaze landed on Sirius first, and you couldn’t help the look of shock and alarm on your expression at his tyrannized face and abused hands. You hadn’t expected him to look so bruised and roughed up.
“Hey there, bunny.” Remus said first, approaching you cautiously.
He sat on the free space on the side of the bed, and Sirius and James didn’t know what to do other than to copy Remus’ motions.
“Hi, puppy.” Sirius greeted as neutrally as he could.
He was nervous, and it was a visible tell.
“Hey, angel.” James offered a small smile.
James was even more nervous, the slight shake in his hands giving it away.
“Hi.” You squeaked, and all three of them immediately felt the tiniest bit of relief.
This felt more standard. The three of them huddled around you in whatever open space they could get comfortable in on the small Hogwarts’ beds. The context of the conversation wasn’t ideal, but at least the familiarity of the positioning offered some delay in the tense atmosphere. The beats of silence that passed weren’t awkward, but rather hesitant. Everything that James and Sirius had come up with to say had vanished into the abyss of their subconscious. They were flying blind now, and whatever they were going to say was going to be whatever they could come up with.
“You look tired.” You spoke feebly, looking at James with the intentions of your words.
James was the most tired of all three of the boys. You weren’t wrong that it showed on his face, and he hoped that this would be settled well enough so that he could sleep the rest of the day.
“Oh, I’m a little tired,” James replied. “Just worried about you.”
The edge of the sheet over your lap was in your hands as you fiddled with it. The fact that all three of them were nervous on different levels made you nervous. Sirius was sitting at the foot of the bed, dragging his fingertips back and forth across the soft material of your blanket. He was doing it as a sensory distraction, and he hoped that it would relax him enough so that he could actually come up with something to say.
“We’ve all been worried about you,” Remus added. “You were very upset last night.”
There was a beat. A silence. And then a response.
“I asked you not to say anything.” You mumbled, toying with the sheet as you avoided any and all eye contact.
None of them knew who exactly you were referring to, but the burning ditch that opened up in Sirius’ gut gave him a pretty good idea. Despite his initial aggravation, Remus knew that neither Sirius nor James had acted the way that they had with the intent of disquieting you. He knew his friends inside and out, and he knew how they felt about you. No price was too big for the sake of defending you. Remus was pretty sure that you knew that as well, but he also understood where you found discomfort with the fact that they had acted that way after you had asked them not to.
“They were saying bad things about you, lovely. We couldn’t just let them say that.” James continued as charily as he possibly could.
He wasn’t trying to argue. He just wanted to explain the situation as coherently as he could.
“I deserved it,” You replied back. “I was stupid during Potions yesterday.”
“You weren’t stupid, and that doesn’t excuse what he said, princess. Never, ever should anyone talk about you like that.” Remus backed James up.
Sirius was silent. There weren’t any words coming to or from his brain. He was so embarrassed and ashamed of himself that he didn’t even know how to articulate anything. All he could do was listen and watch the best that his frazzled mind possibly could. He was so indignant with himself and so dispirited that he didn’t blame you for not accepting his apology.
“You didn’t have to be so….violent.” You muttered, and now the shared spotlight was shining on James and Sirius.
Neither of them really had much of a good explanation for why that was their best resolution to the problem. They could go on about how they could be hot headed and short-tempered….but that wasn’t one of those arguments that would hold up very well. Sirius felt a fiery balloon swelling in his throat – when that balloon popped, the waterworks were going to come with it.
James was handling this much better than Sirius and Remus had expected. He was still very obviously nervous, but he was doing a nice job of communicating his thoughts and feelings.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, my love….well, I was but it wasn’t for a reason that I didn’t find important to me,” James vindicated. “I care about you and I love you. At the time, that was how I wanted to handle it.”
You didn’t like that answer. The shake of your head and the abrupt sob that escaped your chest let James know that was not a response that you wanted to hear, even if it was the truth. The tears leaked from your eyes and spilled down your cheeks like raindrops racing on a clear glass window.
“But I don’t want you to handle things like that!” You wailed. “I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me and I don’t want you to hurt anyone!”
James felt a pang of remorse for setting you off again, but if it meant getting his point and apology across – then he supposed it was best. Remus noticed something odd in this quick couple of passing seconds. Your tears were notably genuine and you were clearly distressed….but your tears and your reaction seemed to be more of a panic response than anything else.
“Take a breath, bunny. He’s not trying to upset you,” Remus mediated, moving to sit behind you so you could cuddle up against him. Remus rocked you in response to your choked up cries. “What about this has you shaken up so badly?”
“It-It’s just….I didn’t-” You hiccuped. “Sirius was just so mean.”
The balloon in Sirius’ throat exploded at those words. The tears pooled in his eyes and it took everything he had to hold them back. Remus and James felt sympathetic for Sirius, because they knew that what you had said didn’t help how hard he was undoubtedly being on himself. Sirius’ lips parted as if he was going to say something, but the words still didn’t come. Sirius’ lower lip wobbled as he strained to keep the flooding tears from making their escape. There probably wasn’t anything that he could say to make you think of him the same way again.
“I think you’re being a little unfair to Pads, bunny.” Remus admitted.
“He feels really, really bad about all of this.” James piped up.
Remus used his sleeve to wipe away your tears, hoping it would help compose yourself better.
“I was so scared that he was going to get hurt and then it’d be my fault,” You blubbered on. “I didn’t want Siri to get hurt.”
Even after all of this, Sirius’ wellbeing had been the root of most of your concern. Sirius felt like such a jerk. He had done just about everything you had asked him not to do and you still were more worried about him. This was one of those things that Sirius knew to be true about how you felt about him.
Remus cast Sirius a glance, and it stung his heart to see one of his best pals nearly reduced to tears. Sirius didn’t get worked up in this kind of way often – and it took a lot to get him so rattled.
“Siri isn’t badly hurt, darling. And Siri and Jamesie both love you very much,” Remus professed you. “I know that it wasn’t the best decision, but it only happened because we all love you.”
“We love you so very much. It won’t happen again.” James assured you.
Sirius needed to speak. He used whatever brain power he had left to come up with something. A phrase, a word, a noise, absolutely anything that he could. He didn’t care what he came up with, just as long as he didn’t let this moment get away without him asking for forgiveness. If he had to fall to his knees and bawl into your lap and gasp for air between every snivel to show his remorse then so be it.
But that didn’t happen. His shoulder began to quake with the vibrating weep that was so close to expelling from his chest. It wasn’t until your eyes met his, the same dazzling ones that he found so much faith and comfort in, that he let it all go.
“I’m sorry.” Sirius cracked, and he couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.
It felt like such a sore apology. After all he had done and said to lead up to this point, “I’m sorry” just didn’t seem that it was even nearly enough. There were millions of more things that he could’ve and probably should’ve said – but that two word infamous phrase was all he could murmur. But as always, you could see Sirius for who he really was. Now was not an exception to the way that you could flawlessly read Sirius without error or misunderstanding. Despite the simplicity of his words, you felt the weight behind them. You heard the sorrow and the contrition in his voice as he said it. You saw the pleading and the silent beg for forgiveness behind his pupils. Maybe on the surface it wasn’t much, and perhaps to anybody else it would’ve been a shitty apology.
But to you, it was a sincere, love wrapped Sirius Black apology.
You sniffed when you crawled away from Remus, maneuvering the short distance between you. Sirius was stunned at first when you wrapped your limbs around him desperately, but he returned it with grace and another sob of contentedness. Sirius buried his nose into your hair, not caring that it irritated and hurt the tender area. That hug was the best embrace that he had ever been given. It spoke so loud and had so many volumes.
Remus and James shared an alleviating glance. The amnesty was a relief, and while there was some work to be done to get fully back to normal – it was a work that was unquestioned because of its rewarding nature.
“I love you. So so so much.” Sirius cradled your face in his slender, torn hands.
“I love you, Siri.” You replied, turning somewhat to address the other two. “Remy and Jamesie too.”
With that, the four of you fell into a big cuddle pile as the three of them peppered you with kisses and showered you with affection. There was a peaceful, serene vibe in the air – one that was much more welcomed than the tense one from before. Again, there was some progress to be made and some more conversations to be had, but for now the biggest hurdle had been cleared with ease. It was a straight sprint the rest of the way, and with no obstacles in sight – the end goal seemed like a breeze.
This was a major development moment for the four of you. None of you were perfect, and sometimes it took the hard way to learn from each other’s mistakes. This was not a mistake that Sirius or James would make again, and that was a solid fact.
Sirius and James had a basket of things to learn from this experience. It was a lesson learned and it motivated them to be much more cool and calm if something like this ever happened again. Once again, Sirius had been forgiven and given yet another chance.
Was it a chance that he deserved? He didn’t think so. However, it was one that he was grateful for nonetheless.
Summary: Maybe once I did believe that you and I were meant to be. But now you’re gone and I finally see, I couldn’t be anymore free.
Sirius Black was a layered misconception.
It was publicly known that Sirius Black was a charming boy with a dazzling smile and a flirtatious rhetoric that swooned all the girls off their asses. It had even swayed you off your feet and into his arms and at the time you had felt like the luckiest person in the world.
It started like all tragic love stories did. The beginning was like a foggy daydream consisting of days spent dancing in the rain, hours tucked away in corners of the hallway and sipping Butterbeer in Hogsmeade in the booth towards the back. He was all smiles and soft kisses. You were living the dream.
“My love for you…” he told you one snowy outing. “Has vastly exceeded the love I feel for myself.”
You had raised your eyebrows with a grin. “Oh, really? I didn’t think that was possible.”
He had chuckled. “Neither did I.”
Perfect.
But it soon transitioned into one of your worst nightmares.
The second phase of the said dream was when things started to escalate. There were no more dates in Hogsmeade, only outings with his friends. Nights you spent with him he’d only fall asleep. Sirius Black had never been a relationship kind of guy and perhaps you didn’t know this but his friends sure did and no warning was given to you about the consequences.
In classes, he would flirt openly with anyone he set his eyes on. That charming smile you once thought was reserved for you was now openly shared and appreciated by all. You’d watch as he’d flirt and his victim would run their fingers along him whenever they could and you’d have to watch in embarrassment as all your classmates watched your boyfriend shamelessly flirt his heart out with someone else.
“Would you quit it?” you told him one morning over breakfast.
“Quit what?” he asked nonchalantly. His eyes wouldn’t meet yours but the cool unreadable expression remained on his face.
You glared at him. “You know what.”
He turned to you with a knowing look in his eyes despite the lie that left his lips. “I assure you I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His attitude angered you to no end and you were done with his actions. “Well, you better figure it out.”
With that you had gotten up and left him eating lunch with a slightly shocked look on his face.
The final phase of dreaming was waking up. It was quick and startling and it’s only after you wake-up that you no longer hold the vivid feeling of being within a nightmare. Waking up wasn’t easy for you. However, you could pinpoint the exact moment that you woke and it was the day he had skipped your anniversary dinner.
That was the last straw for you.
“We’re done.” you said, serious but simple. The night air was cold when you finally found him on the trail to Hogsmeade, two and a half hours late. “I’m not even going to waste my breath on you.”
“What?” he replied, mouth dropping slightly. “Look I was about to show up!”
“Yeah!” you exhaled. “Two and a half hours late!” you approached him angrily. “You know, I don’t even know why I waited half an hour, let alone an hour, let alone two and a half! I cared about you too much and look where that left me.”
His face scrunched in frustration. “Cared? I still care about you and you still care about me. That’s how relationships work.”
“Well, if you cared you have a real fucked up way of showing it and I’m starting to think you don’t deserve mine.”
You had shouldered past him, the tears now beginning to stream down your face and for what reason you didn’t know. He didn’t deserve your tears but you had loved him once and love left a lingering sting. Sirius Black, despite all his complexities, was someone who had snuck his way into the crevices of your heart only to leave you feeling more empty than whole.
But now he was out of your life.
And Sirius?
Sirius was more heartbroken than anyone imagined. He knew he was an asshole and it was not something he was proud of. But he remembered all those moments with you where you were tucked in his arms or how you would dance to stupid songs about teenagers in love.
No one had ever made him feel like that before.
In all honesty it terrified him more it should. Youterrified him. The way you made him feel was beautiful but it also made him feel scared… stuck. In the beginning he indulged not knowing how deep those little moments would hit him. And then one day he woke up and realized… he was in love with you.
He was in love with your hair and your eyes and the way you said certain words. He loved the way you told him off and whenever you murmured “I love you” because all his life he had never heard someone say that to him before.
And now that person was gone and he was left standing alone in the snow.
“Fuck.” he muttered.
—
It did not take a day to get over someone.
But eventually you moved on. You wouldn’t allow someone to break your heart and ruin your entire life besides that. You came to class the next day with a smile held up on your face and a nice outfit and if the rumor hadn’t spread so quickly around the halls you were sure no one would’ve known Sirius and you were no more.
And that attitude paid off, you met someone new who made you realize you had spent so long believing Sirius had been the one for you. Believing that there was no one else who could possibly mean as much to you as he did. Now you danced with someone who danced in return and continued to do so even when they weren’t feeling up to it. They made your anniversary and reassured you that years more would come.
You gained everything you always wanted.
Sirius lost everything he once had.
—
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Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. Sirius. His name played like a mantra in her head, over and over.
His name was the most bittersweet thing she had ever tasted. Sirius. It tasted of regret, hatred, power, love. Like the Greek translation of his name, Sirius, he was scorching, burning everything in his path leaving no trace but the embers slowly dying from the wake of his footsteps, Sirius.
She felt sparks every time she dared to utter his name. Two months since their last meeting, two months and the door was still unlocked, the plants unwatered, the foundation crumbling. He left when it was raining. In her mind, rain was synonymous with Sirius. The door unlocked every rainy day and night.
He would be there. He would come and hug her. He would, he would, he would, he wouldn’t. Not now, anyway. Not while the Veil still had him, Sirius, in its deathly clutches. Never. But, she still sat watching the door, every rainy night, door unlocked, plants unwatered, her foundation crumbling beneath the weight of sorrow and hatred.
Sirius. Sirius. Sirius.
“Where are you?” a whisper of lost time.
His name was the most bittersweet thing she had ever tasted. The only thing she could taste now was death. Sirius.
Working in a college town would be the death of Sirius Black. He didn’t even attend Hogwart University. Instead, he opted out of the crushing debt and took a few classes at the local community college. He wouldn’t even be in this college town if the lease he signed wasn’t located in the middle of the city.
“Excited for all the freshmen?” James picked at a crystal, letting the raw cut rose quartz roll between his fingers.
“Far from it, we always get busy during moving in week,” Sirius was sipping on a herbal tea blend, watching James sort through the sleeves of crystals he knew nothing about but was supportive nonetheless.
“We do live in a liberal arts town.”
Sirius couldn’t be happier that crystals were more socially acceptable now, he grew up on Tiger Eye and Howlite, but he hated busy days. He hated helping people flick through the crystals, nasty looks on their faces as they took in Sirius’ long ponytail and tattooed skin, then storming out.
“Grab an amethyst and clear quartz,” Sirius pointed over the counter, not bothered by the question as he noticed shadows at the storefront window.
“Grab an amethyst and clear quartz,” Sirius pointed over the counter, not bothered by the question as he noticed shadows at the storefront window.
“I just need to grab a thing or two,” the bell chimes overhead; two college students not much older than Sirius and James wander into the small corner shop.
“I thought you went to the shop on Dumbledore Drive?” The tall girl beside the shopper spoke.
“I thought you went to the shop on Dumbledore Drive?” The tall girl beside the shopper spoke.
“I did until I found out half of the stuff was fake!”
Slytherin Selenite.
The crystal shop was a few blocks from Black’s Onyx and was the only crystal shop worth worrying about taking his business. Snape, the owner, was a slimy man that hated Sirius because of high school. Sirius had suddenly given up on listening to his brunette friend at the news of Slytherin Selenite.
“Fake?”
“Yep, I could get better ones from Walmart at that rate,” they rolled a Green Jasper between their fingers as they recalled the events.
Sirius respected their honesty, admitting that they were still getting used to crystal and struggled to figure out the difference between real and fake at times. He couldn’t name one time he heard someone admit to confusion about the spiritual world, for people’s pride always got the best of them.
“That git!” Their friend slapped a hand over their mouth, an embarrassed blush arose across their cheeks. She pecked around a display, noticing Sirius’s eye focused in their general direction.
“I’m sorry,” they squeaked out, their friend patting them lightly on the back before looking back over the green crystal laid out before them.
“No problem, I’ve said much worse about him,” Sirius shrugged, taking another sip of the steamy tea that lay beside the cash register.
“You know Snape?”
Their eyes were wide as they spun around, three new crystals that Sirius couldn’t see held tight in their left hand, their right balancing on a charging station.
“Yeah, we went to high school together,” Sirius shrugged as he watched James wander behind the counter to ring himself up for the stones he had placed in the baggy.
“He was horrible then too,” James spoke as he punched in the numbers, his head already done most of the math and left the exact change sitting on the counter.
The person frowned; their hand on the charging station fell to their side as they switched from one foot to another.
“Someone who takes something so beautiful like curious newcomers that are native to spirituality and rip them off is more than horrible; they’re downright wicked.”
Sirius almost fell off the cheap wooden stool, his nerves on fire from the proclamation of the stranger not only a foot away from him at this point. He’d seen many people walk in and out that door, but he had never heard something so genuine as he did right then.
“I completely agree,” Sirius ignored James’ pat on the back and the way the steam crossed his stumbled face, simply watching as the person turned back to the display and observed the crystal ordered to make a pride flag on the wall.
“Don’t go disturbing the customers’ Pads,” James mumbled as he rushed to the front door, hoping for a late display from the Black’s oldest as he registered his words. Sirius didn’t even care, slowly slipping from his seat to wander around the store to “clean” up.
“Can I help either of you?” Sirius rearranged the tarot card for the millionth time that week; why didn’t they look correct?
“This may sound stupid,” he didn’t think they knew how to sound stupid, “but do you know any good crystal’s for Shadow Work?”
Sirius smiled, wandering over to the other wall to point out the container of Snowflake Obsidian that sat by the cash register.
“It’s Snowflake Obsidian, it’s my personal favorite ‘cause it helps with balance too.”
“How’d you know my life wasn’t balanced?” Their smirk was gentle, barely taking up space on their face.
“Magic?”
“Ah yes! My bad for questioning you,” their eyes never left the display, grabbing a small bag and placing two of the Obsidian inside.
“Don’t do it again…” Sirius trailed off.
“(Y/N), you?”
“Sirius.”
“Seriously?” As soon as the question filtered from their lips, their eyes grew wide.
“Very original,” Sirius couldn’t help but smile, moving away from the two and walking back around to the cash register where his tea had started to grow cold.
“I didn’t mean to say that,” (Y/N) fell into the side of their friend, who had a twinkle in their eye as they watched the two.
“And your name?” Sirius directed his body at them, hoping to save himself from coming off rude for ignoring her.
“Alice,” the short-haired girl smirked in Sirius’ direction, her eyes glistening under the harsh light from the tinted window, and Sirius knew he was caught red-handed.
He was known to be a flirt, it was who Sirius was, and sometimes he forgot not everyone was. Flirting wasn’t a game to most, more like a right of passage to a relationship, and Sirius wasn’t trying to get caught up in another one of those.
A slight cough cleared his throat, focusing on the cold herbal tea instead of the two wandering around the store. He smiled at the tip James left in the jar, still leaving one even if he helped Sirius buy the building.
The door swung open with force, the bell breaking the mumbling of the two on the other side of the store now. Sirius spotted a thick dark green sweater vest and didn’t even need to think before speaking.
“Did you kill someone, Moony?”
“Yeah, you,” Remus’s finger was accusing, his loafers slamming against the hardwood floor of the shop as he stalked up to the register.
“What did I do this time?”
“Your stupid dog ruined my special edition of Tale of Two Cities,” Remus’s face had a red hue and a vein standing out against his skin.
“Reggie did that?”
“Yes, I had evidence in my car,” Remus’ eyes scanned the store, falling on the two that smiled at the red-faced dirty blond.
“Don’t worry, they’re cool,” Sirius leaned back on the stool, his brain trying to wrap around the fact that his sweet baby Regulus would do something like that.
“(Y/N)! Alice!” Remus wandered to the pair, his arms held wide as he approached. Sirius whipped his head around; his raven locks falling from his ponytail with the velocity.
“Remus,” (Y/N) wrapped one arm around the tall English major, her head resting on the side of his chest.
“You know them?” Sirius leaned closer to the three; his interest peaked, again.
“These are my study partners!” Remus gestured to the two, a bright smile replacing the rage that once painted his face.
The light bulb went off immediately, the infamous study group that Remus formed back in his freshman year when BIO 111 got harder than expected. One of them was on a Pre-Vet track, and the other was going to school for PR Management; they barely shared classes anymore, but they enjoyed each other’s company enough.
“(Y/N) was the one I told you about that could help with your PR,” Remus held the two close to him as he moved closer to the front.
Sirius knew he needed more of an online presence if he wanted his company to go big, but he hated social media. He found no fun in depressing himself any more than in high school.
“This is Padfoot?” (Y/N) spun to look up at Remus, a bright smile overtaking their gentle face.
“The one and only,” Sirius muttered under his breath.
“Remus told me you were struggling to manage your store, I didn’t know it was a crystal store, or I would’ve helped ages ago.”
“You think Remus would’ve shared that detail.”
“I’m still mad at you, don’t push it.”
(Y/N) wandered to the cash register, a ten in their hand as they placed the two stones on the counter.
“I can still help you if you need it,” Sirius glided across the floor, punching in the numbers without looking at the small cheat sheet taped underneath the table.
Sirius had to weigh the options, either spend all day with a brilliant and beautiful person and try not to flirt, at the same time, his business does better, or continue to be an independent crystal shop in the middle of a college town.
“I’m down.”
Sirius Black hated living in this college town, but if a pretty PR major is his way out, then he’s taking it.
okay okay so… how would y’all feel if i started writing smut??
i would obviously need to set some boundaries, especially since i’m a minor (17) and all but i see an influx of older minors writing smut and i was wondering how comfortable y’all feel about that
when (y/n) bennett and sirius black start a matchmaking service at hogwarts, they start seeing that cupid’s aim is slightly off (female!reader) (ongoing)
Summary: Sirius Black just might be more sentimental than you think when he takes you on a trip down memory lane.
Prompt used: “Sorry how do you spell that?”
Word Count: 4.1k
Warnings: mild angst, smoking, fluff, kissing
A/N: This is for @sweeterthansammy ’s 1k writing challenge! I hope you enjoy. Flash backs are italicized, and the prompt I used is bolded!
The weather was a little bit chillier now that the sun was dipping down in the sky, chilly enough for a sweater or a light jacket. Something you didn’t have much time to think about with the spontaneity of Sirius’ plans and just how urgent he’d been making them out to be. Really, there was no rush and he knew that, of course he knew that, but he was far too eager for his own good and you knew that.
You were certain he’d under dressed when you found him standing by the front door, leaning against the frame in that tattered old jean jacket. The one there’s no chance in him getting rid of, not in a million years. It’s got a myriad of holes here and there in the faded, washed out denim, the cuffs having seen better days as the frayed material dangles down half torn. A miscellaneous pin from James is still on there, even that bright yellow smiley face is stuck on the collar that you’d put there ages ago. It was more than a well worn article of clothing, that much was for sure.
You managed to break away from James and Lily’s conversation, more so Lily, and any other time you wouldn’t have minded a single bit. You absolutely wouldn’t have, but with Sirius calling you from the floor below in the small Potter home, you find yourself having no choice but to give in to saving the conversation for later in favor of quieting the raven haired wizard.
You walk down the stairs until equally tattered converse come into view, then those same old black denim jeans, the those frayed jean jacket cuffs. You smell the distinct smell, something that’d only further been confirmed as you reach the very last step.
“Either I’m a fool, or time just stopped,” he says, flicking the ashes from his cigarette as he smiled down at you.
The corner of your mouth quirks up, the kind of smile he knows isn’t a hundred percent sweet.
“I think you’re just a fool, Pads,” you say, that smile widening a fraction. There it is. He walked right into that one and he knew it, rolling his eyes. “And I don’t think Mr. Potter would approve of you smoking in his beloved family home.”
“Which is exactly why I’m standing outside,” he grins before bringing the cigarette back to his lips, throwing his hands up as he takes one step backwards through the threshold of the doorway just so he can officially say that he is in fact outside and not at all breaking the rules of the residence.
Sirius Black liked to bend the rules when he could, he liked to walk on the wild side just about every chance he got no matter how trivial it may be. He claims it’s the only way to be, claims that’s what having fun is all about and anything less is boring. Nonchalance is simply in his nature.
“Yeah, I’ll bet you are,” you counter, hopping off the very last step when he tugged on your hand to urge you out the door.
He pulled the door shut behind him and stopped you in your tracks, making you turn on your heel before you could take another step forward. You look up at him with a narrowed gaze and await an explanation as to just why it is he’s gone and stopped you when all he’s done the past ten minutes is tell you how desperately he’d wanted to go. So you stand and your stare and you watch as smoke blows past parted lips, lips that quirk upwards in a smile as he looks at you.
In that moment, he dips down, pressing his lips on yours in a kiss that’s as smoky as ever and the gesture alone has your smile pressing into his kiss. A smile that’s genuine just as much as it’s teasing.
“I thought we had somewhere to be?” You say, breaking away as you look up at him with a raised brow.
“We do,” he says, taking another puff before you snag the cigarette right from between his fingers, dropping it to the little stone walkway before putting it out beneath your boot.
You take notice of his pursed lips that fight a smile, at the squinted gaze he’s got set on you as you spin on your heel and walk ahead, leaving him to stand there and stare after you for a fleeting moment or two. You’ve got all the amusement in the world sitting on your expression and he doesn’t even need to see it to know it, he can tell just by simply hearing the laugh fall from your lips. He can see it as he catches up to you within a second’s time.
“How very rude of you,” he says in faux offense, but it’s not too long before you feel the tips of his fingers brushing against yours.
“How very generous of me,” you counter, and his scoff doesn’t go unheard.
The next time you look up at him, he’s got those sunshine yellow shades on, those obnoxiously yellow sunglasses that sit on his nose seemingly more often than not. James had gotten them for him at the town fair just a few years back, a gift just for laughs that he’d gotten with the rest of his tickets. They were bright and they were bold and very much fitting for the year nineteen-eighty-one, but he’d gone and kept them. Of course he did.
Sirius Black kept every single thing his friends have ever given him no matter how ridiculous or trivial it may have seemed. Even when he was just a child still stuck in his dreaded family home, he’d saved a shoe box from a pair of dress shoes he absolutely hated wearing, one pair of dozens that inevitably got scuffed up just a little too much for the liking of his parents before they’d gone and bought him a new pair to look more presentable for the family image. Aside from that, he’d kept a shoe box, one that he had tucked under his bed.
Inside were all the letters that James and Remus had sent him by owl over summer break, each and every letter even if it was simply James complaining about some nonsensical thing or a joke or if it was Remus writing to see if he’d gotten his Hogwarts letter yet. He kept all of them. He kept the four leaf clover James had stumbled upon, and he kept that special quill Remus had swiped from Snape. He never knew his best friend had a knack for being mischievous until that moment.
He’d read those letters on his best nights and his worst, read them just for so. They were tattered and worn at the creases where they were folded, but he didn’t plan on getting rid of them any time soon.
Over the years that sentimental collection grew and grew, adding to it a myriad of pressed flowers and leaves from Lily, and bookmarks from Remus, postcards from James that were the absolute most ridiculous he could find. You added to it with miscellaneous letters and a guitar pick you thought he might like. He never used it, he didn’t want to ruin it. He kept that feather boa you’d found and even that lucky coin. He kept it all.
Sirius Black was more sentimental than he let on, he’s got a softer heart than he showcased to most, he kept every one of those things no matter how stupid or trivial it may seem to someone else. But he’d never in a million years admit it. James had found it once, but he never said a word about it.
“You never did tell me where we’re going,” you say, kicking a pebble out of your way as you walked along the cracked sidewalk.
“I believe that’s the point of a surprise, love,” he says, and you catch his smile as you look up at him, lips pursed as you nudge him with your elbow.
“You’re terrible at surprises,” you tease, your smile in your voice and had he not been wearing those sunglasses at sunset, you’d have been able to see his eye roll. But you knew him well enough to know he’d gone and done it regardless of the visual confirmation.
“Have I ever told you you’re a pain?” He asked, his chuckle following his words as he grins ahead, glancing down at you briefly.
“Yes, and I take that as a compliment,” you say, hearing his continued laughter as he shakes his head.
You try and put the pieces together, try and pick up any hints to put together any form of information that just might lead you in the direction of where you could possibly be going. It was in town, that you knew for certain. It was somewhere, local otherwise he’d have taken Mr. Potter’s car. The attire was no use in a giveaway because there was not a single chance there’d be an occasion where you’d find Sirius taking you somewhere in which you’d need to dress to the nines. The days of pristine suits and freshly polished shoes were far behind him, he hated dressing up with everything that he had.
He didn’t even dress up above and beyond for James and Lily’s wedding; well, he did, but he dressed down his suit with a half loosened tie that wound up being a headband and that tattered pair of converse. And he even wore those same old yellow sunglasses.
It was early evening, and things don’t tend to stay open for that much longer, so that narrows things down just a little bit more. Makes things just a little bit clearer, but it all proved to be not as helpful as you’d like it to be.
The small town was dotted with street lamps casting the area in a warm glow as it began to get darker and darker outside. The surrounding trees held reddening leaves that dropped and fluttered to the ground when the breeze sifted through them. And it’s only then that it hits you, the smell of coffee and spice that wafts through the air the closer you get. The sweetened air the closer you got. You even heard that familiar little clang of the bell over the door.
It wasn’t until then that you’d realized that maybe this was his surprise, that it absolutely was judging by the way he’d been biting the inside of his cheek to stifle his grin.
“Sirius Black, is this what I think it is?” You ask, your brow raised as the corner of his mouth quirks upwards.
Your question is answered when that smile breaks through, when you do indeed stop in front of the door to that ever familiar coffee shop and he holds the door open for you to step inside. It’s noticeably warmer than the chilly weather outside, cozier than ever as the smell of coffee washes over you. It looked just the same as when you were here last, felt just as inviting as it always did.
There were a few carved pumpkins sitting outside the door, an assortment of fall decorations littering inside the small shop. Each of the little wooden tables have cozy orange table cloths, and string lights are hung. The entirety of the shop smelled like fall festive drinks and what was left of the pumpkin rolls and muffins, not to mention the sweeter than sweet scented candles that were lit.
He tugged on your hand as he stepped up to the counter.
“Can I get a black coffee with two creams and a hot chocolate?” He asks, dropping your hand to dig around for his wallet in the pocket of his jacket.
That was another thing, Mr. Potter had gifted him that very same wallet a handful of years ago. It was a hand-me-down, but that was the least of his concerns when he was given the leather wallet. He didn’t care about the scratches or worn corners. That was the first real gift he’d ever gotten that had true thoughtfulness behind it.
He remembered your order like the back of his hand, and he’d gotten the same thing every single time.
The drinks were ready in no time and he put some money on the counter with a little extra for a tip, handing you yours as he headed towards that ever familiar table tucked away in the corner by the window.
He ran his hand through his hair, sitting those sunglasses back on the top of his head once more to push his hair out of his face. Your smile was fond as you looked at him, a stubborn chunk of black hair dipping over his forehead and brushing against the tip of his nose anyway.
“Remember this place, love?” He asks, a knowing smile playing on his lips.
“As if I’d ever forget,” you say, a laugh leaving your lips.
Of course you did, it was hard to forget the one and only place you’d met Sirius black in a few years back.
It was a hectic afternoon, customer after customer flooding into the coffee shop especially now that the fall season was sweeping in at last. Things were always busy around this time of year, things were always busy around this time of day, so you’d come to expect the rush hour by now after all this time you’ve worked there.
Things were fairly simple once you got the hang of it, once you were able to do things with a practiced ease and it made the line of customers a little bit easier to move along. Most of them you knew by name, most of them you knew their orders because they never failed to get the very same thing each and every day that they came in. Some of them came in every day, some of them came in every week, some of them even had a select day of the week that they stopped in for their usual order.
It was one of the things you liked about working there. The regular customers were friendly as ever and made the workload a little easier given the prior knowledge of just what they get and how they like it, and it makes the time fly just a little bit faster.
The day hadn’t been your finest, you’d gone and spilled half a cup of hot chocolate on your apron, one you didn’t have the time to swap out and you’re quite sure you’d still had a smear of flour on your face from catching up on baking that morning before opening time. But that clumsiness was only in your nature and it was everything you expected from yourself.
“Y/n, can you cover up front? There’s someone waiting.”
That clumsiness only heightened at the sight of a new face, one you don’t believe you’ve seen frequent the shop before. He’s got a mess of black hair he keeps tucking behind his ear, yellow sunglasses dangling from the collar of a Queen t-shirt as his gaze focuses out of the window to his left. He’s got a pack of cigarettes tucked in the front pocket of his jean jacket and pin on the other.
You quit your staring, you quit while you were ahead as you smoothed your coffee stained apron.
“What can I get for you today?” You ask, capturing his attention as he looks at you.
You swallow thickly as your gaze meets gray eyes, a half smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. You take notice of the dimple in his chin and the strands of dark hair that dip down over his forehead as he leans against the counter.
“Just a black coffee with two creams, please,” he says.
“Your name?”
“Sirius.”
You nod with a smile as you snag a cup and the marker from your pocket, turning on your heel to head towards the coffee as you uncapped your marker before you very quickly made that realization and spun back around. In the process, you nearly tripped over your own two feet and you can feel the heat blossoming in your cheeks.
“Sorry, how do you spell that?” You ask, biting the inside of your cheek.
You hear the softness of chuckle as he looks at you, surprisingly not out of mocking even with the way you just made a fool of yourself in front of him. He spelled it out for you with a smile, and you turned away without tripping this time. You made his drink just how he’d asked, your heart racing in your chest the entirety of the two minutes it took to make it as you thought about his smile.
You tried your best to stall, to steal a little bit more time before you had to go back to the counter to face him once more. To give yourself a little more time to let the heat in your cheeks cool off.
You pressed on the lid to his cup and took a breath, turning around and heading back to the counter where he stood leaning against it still.
“One coffee with two creams for Sirius,” you say, setting the to-go cup on the counter as he dug around his pocket for some money.
He counted it out in his palm as his hair fell in his eyes, quickly brushed away as he ran his hand through his hair and set the money down in exchange for his drink, and a little extra for a tip.
You notice the way his gaze lingers on you for a little bit longer, you notice it as the seconds pass and your heart races. It lingers on you and you can see the way the corner of his mouth quirks up as he does, spinning the cup in his hand out of an absentminded habit as his gray gaze finally meets yours.
“You’ve got a little something on your face, love,” he says, pointing to his own cheek as a signal for your own face.
Your hand shoots up immediately to swipe across your cheek, the heat in your face flooding back once more as you swipe your fingers across your skin, pulling back to see that dreaded flour on your face that you knew was bound to be there from that morning.
“Oh, uh, thank you,” you say with a laugh and a smile, his following soon after as he nods.
There’s a sort of tension that simmers as you meet his gaze once more, as it bounces to his smile and you’re not quite sure if time actually stopped or if this is some cliche moving moment happening to you in the middle of your shift, or neither and you’re just being ridiculous. That, it’s probably that one.
Either way, you find yourself interrupted by the ding of the bell to your side on the counter from a customer growing impatient, a call of your name sounding over your shoulder just behind you. It all brings you back to reality.
“Have a nice day, Sirius,” you say, watching as he nods.
“I’ll see you around.”
With that, he offers you that same smile that had your mind on it for a ridiculous amount of time, that smile that made your heart race, and he turned away and headed out that door with a little ding of the bell over the door. He headed down the sidewalk as he snagged a cigarette from his pocket, lighting it before he disappeared around the corner.
“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Sirius asks, grabbing your attention as he gazes at you over the rim of his cup, gray eyes full of amusement.
“About what?” You ask, playing into it with a half smile even though you know you’re bound to be met with a tease.
“That time you tripped over your own two feet. I mean, do I really have that effect on people, love?” He jest, feeling you kick his foot just under the table.
There it is.
“Must you be so cocky, Pads?” You ask, your gaze glimmering with amusement as you purse your lips.
“I’m afraid I must,” he says.
You roll your eyes as you sip on your drink, eyeing the smile forming on his lips. “What?”
He chuckles as he shakes his head, his gaze dropping down as he swirls his drink in his hands and bites the inside of his cheek. His stare is more amused than ever as he looks at you again, that same lingering gaze set on you in the very same way it had been all those years ago and you knew it couldn’t have meant anything good. If it was anything like that very first time, you were bound to feel your cheeks grow hot even though you’ve known the troublemaker for years.
He doesn’t say anything at first, quiet as he lifts his hand and swipes it across the top of your lip and all the way to the corner of your mouth. He’s just as amused as he wipes away some hot chocolate that’s been left behind from your sip, his chuckle immediate.
“You’ve got a little something on your face, love,” he says, and you hear that teasing tone in his voice that he’s always got, that mischief dancing in his eyes.
“I truly think it’s you that’s the pain,” you huff, biting back your smile.
He chuckles. “‘S that so?”
You nod as you smile at him. “Very much so.”
He bites his lip momentarily as he looks at you, that pesky chunk of his hair falling back down in his face. “I take that as a compliment.”
He used your earlier words, of course he did, that’s just how Sirius Black is. Taunting and teasing in the most lighthearted of ways and that’s something that’s always been so, that’s something that always will be so forever and ever.
He’s got the tip of the arm of his sunglasses between his teeth, having given up on using them to hold back his hair as he looks around the little coffee shop where it all began, as he looks out the window at passers by, the corner of his mouth quirking up when he feels your gaze on him. It widens a fraction as he feels you get up, feels you swing around the edge of the table to take a seat in the booth bench next to him rather than sit across from him.
You’re quiet for a few moments as you rest your head on his shoulder. The foot traffic in the shop was dwindling as it neared closing time, growing less and less busy until it was starting to become just the two of you there. But you weren’t so focused on the details, not when you’ve been in your own little world with the one stealing your attention right next to you as you sat in your usual booth in the corner.
This was it, this was where it all began, this was where you’d met the chaos that is Sirius Black. The chaos that’s brought nothing but good into your life, nothing but a thrilling excitement that only he could bring.
You lift your head and look up at him, his gaze falling on you within a moment’s time. You see that smile, that smile that makes your heart race a mile a minute. You see it and you mirror it as you look at him. It’s only a matter of seconds before you lean up and press a kiss to his lips, soft and sweet and tasting of hot chocolate and coffee and a little bit of that smoke that never quite left his lips.
You kiss him before you wrap your hands around your cup, feeling his eyes on you. You take a sip as you stifle your smile, the arm of his glasses between his teeth once more as that smile he’s got remains as you look at him. You smile when you look away, head shaking as you nudge his foot with yours.
This is where it all began a handful of years ago. This is where you met Sirius Black for the very first time.
➴ Author Note: I can’t believe an anon forced me to listen to a 1D song but you know what… them lyrics was good. I hope you like it, it’s angst as fuck for some reason.
Sirius Black watches from a corner, drinking something he can’t remember the name of, but that is strong enough to make him forget the pain growing inside of him.
She dances and laughs, and spins around with people she has never met before. She makes the room gravitate towards her, as if she’s the light those people need to live. Men and women stop in their tracks to look at her, smile and speak as if an old friend was.
She doesn’t fear the attention. She’s not afraid of this, no.
When she’s tired, all she does is look towards the corner Sirius spends most the night in. She has tried to get him to dance before but he refuses, because he knows she doesn’t want people to know that when the night ends, he will be the one taking her home. This is their secret.
Sirius is the first to leave the place, walking a couple of streets to where he parks his bike. He is often tempted to show her what it can do, but he can’t expose himself and his magic like that, no matter how much he trusts her. He just can’t.
After a few minutes, she sneaks up behind him, kissing his neck and laughing. She spins around like she’s still on the dance floor.
“What’s wrong, babe?” She whispers against his mouth.
I want more, he thinks, but never again will he speak those words. He knows the consequences.
He shakes his head, “nothing.”
Another laugh, one kiss in the dark that gets her moaning, and she’s against his back on the bike passing the streets of London like… magic. He can hear her breathing and feel it fall against his neck. She moves a little bit closer to him, making his heart go wild.
He isn’t sure for how much longer he’ll be able to take it. Almost afraid his heart will give out. She is killing him each time she kisses him, each time she welcomes him to her house, then closes the door on his face after he asks for more…more…more. He should know better.
There’s nothing she’s afraid of, except for falling in love. Sirius can see the fear present when he holds her hand, when he hugs her after climax. When he tells her that he’s in love with her, begs for a chance to prove to her their relationship is fate, all she has to tell him is…
…”No. It’s not real. Come back to the real world. Goodnight.”
Sirius turns off the bike and she gets off. She runs up to her doorstep and opens the door, going in. She leaves the door open for Sirius to come in after her.
He could turn on the bike and go home. He’s tired of showing her he knows her worth and he’s not with her for a game. What more can he do? How can he stop this madness from occurring if this madness is keeping him alive? He’s weak. He can’t help it.
“I think it was her friends. Told her that I’d break her heart and she doesn’t want that to happen.” Sirius tells James while the two are shopping for the summer vacation.
James, who doesn’t know and doesn’t bother to learn how to hold back, laughs at his friend. It’s not an uncommon thing to see… not since Sirius met her. “It’s not her friends. Just like a month ago she was not testing you to know if you knew her worth. You’re a fool, mate.”
Sirius shoves James, but he knows his friend is right. He’s done all he could to be there for her and take that fear from her heart but nothing’s worked.
“I can’t help it, James. I love her. Nothing’s going to change that. Each night she calls and tells me all of her dreams and I know I want to be there with her when she makes them happen. But, I also know that she won’t let me. It’s killing me, James.”
He turns his face when he sees the pitiful look that Prongs is giving him. “We can tell. Mum tells me about the late night calls. She also told me the phone has not rung in almost a week.”
Sirius nods, sighing and letting his head fall down. It’s his fault.
A week ago he again told her he loved her, he hasn’t talked to her ever since. He misses the late night calls and the talks of hopes and dreams. He misses her, plain and simple.
“We’re in the middle of a war,” Sirius whispers all of a sudden, “and I’m here, worried about some girl that will never love me back. I’m a fucking idiot.”
“Love is complicated, would it not be, I know a few hundred thousand artists who would be out of business.” James tells him, grabbing a box of cereal Sirius hates. “Even if we weren’t at war, she still would exist. You still would be hurting over her. This has to end, Sirius.”
Sirius watches as James goes to the checkout. He runs up to him, “I’ve got something to do.” As he receives approval from James, Sirius takes off.
It’s past midnight during mid-winter, London is covered in snow and the golden lights that illuminate the streets reflect upon it, making it seem as if the ground and the top of the houses are glowing. This is such a beautiful sight that Sirius needs to take in, forgetting for a few moments what he’s going there, and the war, and all the pain.
“Sirius?” It’s her voice that brings him back. Making him turn around in surprise. Some people walk past them, some have tears running down their faces. Sirius looks behind her and sees the cinema closing up, with a big poster of a new horror movie at the front.
She loves horror movies. She’s not afraid of them. No, she’s not afraid.
He clears his throat. “Was it a good movie?” She nods, smiling. He fights himself to not get lost on that smile and let his lips speak the words his mind is begging him to speak.
“I can’t keep doing this. I know I’ve said this before, but I can’t.”
She’s holding his hand before he’s gone, because each time he’s told her he can’t do this, she’s been back at his door.
She’s kissing him before he can’t react, but when he does, instead of pushing her from him, he brings her closer to him.
➴ Author Note: Thanks for the request! Look at me writing. Unbelievable.
A few months have passed since she first discovered Sirius cheating on her with Marlene. It’s now Christmas and she’s packing all her things to go home, forget the burning hell she has been put through by the two people she had once loved the most.
You know, the rumours, the whispers and stares, it was all too much at first. She tried to hide in corners until people had passed and then she would go to her class. Too ashamed to face the classmates that pitied her. Until she realized there was nothing to be ashamed of, or to be pitied for. She hadn’t been the first girl to get cheated on and she wouldn’t be the last. It had happened and she needed to learn how to move on, ignore people around her and focus on herself. She took baby steps, with Lily and Alice always with her, and slowly but surely she had grown out of it. Now she can finally say she’s happy and over it.
Sirius, on the other hand, is like a dog that wouldn’t let go of his favourite bone. Rumour has it─and by rumour she means Remus telling her everything─that he hasn’t been with anyone since she broke up with him. Marlene tried to approach him a couple times but was rejected, and with the entire school knowing what she had done, it was safe to say she wouldn’t be dating or befriending anyone anytime soon.
She sighs, turning around on her heels and walking up to her closet to grab the last piece of clothing left. There’s a knock on her door.
“Come in!” But no one enters. “Come in!” She screams again, thinking the person behind the door has not heard her.
When her door remains closed and the silence falls upon the room, she lets out a frustrated sigh and walks up to the door, opening it wide to see what’s going on.
Her scream is loud enough to have alerted the entire castle─but she hopes no one comes─.
She grabs Sirius’s fur and pushes him inside, scoffing when he lets out a whine. After checking the hall’s still empty she closes the door and turns around, almost letting out another scream at the sight of Sirius’s naked body.
“Put something on, asshole!”
“Well, fine. But unless I’ve grown a third nipple, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”
“Before! When I wanted to see it, Sirius! Now I don’t, so put something on before I kick your ass out of the window.” She can’t believe she needs to explain this again.
Sirius taps her shoulder a moment after. Not knowing what she was expecting, she has to laugh. He has covered himself with her sheets. This man is unbelievable.
He clears his throat: “can we talk now?” She sighs.
This is not the first time Sirius has tried to talk to her about how much he has changed.
But she didn’t want to hear it the first hundred times and she doesn’t want to hear it now.
What can she do? Tell him to go? There’s a chance he won’t. Just give him five minutes, let him explain once again and ask him to leave. It’s worked before, it’ll work now.
“Fine,” she tells him while walking up to Alice’s bed and sitting down. “Speak.”
Sirius sits down on her bed─good thing he’s using her sheets, now he can’t get too far from her bed─and once more clears his throat as if it’ll make his words more believable.
“You’re going home for Christmas?” He asks, confusing her. Before she can answer his mouth is moving again and more and more words leave his throat: “Remus told me because Alice told him. It’s not that he tells me things! It came up in the conversation we were having so please, don’t get upset with him.”
She blinks one, two, three times. Unsure of what’s going on, she takes a couple seconds to take in his rambling and making out the meaning behind it. She is unable to make it make sense and the little patience that she has is growing out.
Is it her fault? Should’ve she told him to fuck off? Perhaps it’s because she keeps giving him the chance to explain himself although she knows nothing is ever gonna change. Is she leading him on? That’s the last thing she wants to do. Hurting is not in her nature. It’s never been.
“Sirius,” she calls his name while running her left hand through her hair. She inhales, gives herself time to think about her next words. It’s time to let things turn clear as water. “You didn’t go through all the trouble of morphing on school grounds, sneak around the castle and up here to ask me to not be mad at Remus. So tell me, what was the actual reason?”
She has taken him off guard, being so blunt, her voice so calm. She’s not upset with him, or resentful, she’s at peace and holds no grudge against him. “I…” he begins, the sound of his voice lingering in the room for a couple seconds before he finishes: “To be honest, I came here to ask for another chance…”
“Sirius─”
“…No, no. Let me finish. I came here to ask for another chance because I thought that to fix all of this mess all I had to do was change. But, that’s not it, right?” She shakes her head. “I made a mistake, now I can’t ask the girl whose heart I broke to risk it being broken again. So if it’s not too much to ask for, I’d like for us to be friends, like before. Because whether it’s as my girl or my best friend, I don’t want to find out what life without you is like.”
“We can’t be friends like before, Sirius. Before is gone. I’m not the person I was then. I like to think neither are you. But I’m sure we can work something out, as long as you promise to not come naked into my room ever again.”
“Oh, no I can’t promise that.” Sirius grins, tilting his head right.
➴ Author Note: No, I’m not in a Harry Potter phase. I am simply posting unposted fics while I manage to finish new ones. You may call it lazy, I call it genius.
Out of all the times Sirius could’ve chosen to cheat he had to do it first week of school. As if walking in on Sirius and Marlene making out in the Common Room hadn’t been humiliating enough, now she had to put up with the gossip, gazes and laughs for ten months. Fantastic.
She scoffed, drawing a long breath of the cigarette between her lips and breathing out the smoke short after, watching it disappear into the wind and fixing her gaze on the moon. Most of her friends warned her about Sirius Black, but she didn’t listen. She thought his intentions were honest, that he had changed and was worth fighting for; in that moment she realized she had been an idiot, a puppet he had used to have some fun and prove himself irresistible. But that wasn’t the worst part, no. She could get over a heartbreak; most people did through their lifetimes. No, the worst part was that Marlene had been her best friend - hell, she even considered her a sister. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind, she had been expecting Sirius to pull something, hell she even had been surprised it took him so long, but Marlene?
Was she supposed to expect her best friend to betray her like that, even after been friends for ten years? She didn’t know where she went wrong with them, if she had been so horrible to deserve such pain. But one thing was clear, it hurt like hell.
“Enough,” she said out loud, hoping if she did so she’d follow her advice and let it pass. She couldn’t keep thinking about it. She wouldn’t find an answer because there wasn’t a question. Sirius must had been tired of being in a relationship and Marlene must had been a liar all along but she hadn’t noticed. Letting herself fall back against the grass, she finished her cigarette and killed it, throwing it to the side. She had pitied herself enough, now it was time for people to do it - which, she was sure had begun.
It wasn’t as if those two treacherous bastards had thought about backstabbing her in secret to spare her from the public humiliation. She had been one of the last students to go into the Common Room after classes, she was well aware she hadn’t been the first one to see them.
It would be fine, she told herself. Ten months wasn’t that long of a time and before she knew, it would’ve passed. She’d graduate and she would leave Sirius, Marlene and the pain behind as if it never happened in the first place. Yes, it was going to be hard and she would have to put up with a lot of shit and it was going to come from friends, other students and even some of the professors (she was sure Minerva would give Sirius detention twice as much as a form of revenge for hurting her), but there was nothing she could about it. Even if it was going to be fine in the end - and she knew it would, the path there was going to be painful.
She heard footsteps coming from her side, but she didn’t bother to look up to see who it was. It was stupid, weird even, she knew he didn’t care about her feelings - that much had been proved, but she also knew he would look for her to apologize because he couldn’t fathom the idea of someone thinking he was a horrible person for the wrong reasons.
He sat down next to her, looking forward. He seemed tense, nervous even. She couldn’t bother herself to hide the pleasure his discomfort brought her and allowed a humourless laugh to escape her lips. He sighed next to her, forcing his gaze up to avoid looking at her.
She didn’t know when the tears had started to fall, she just knew she didn’t had the strength to wipe them off her face and so, she let them run hoping that he wouldn’t notice.
“I,” he started but stopped right after, the words getting caught in his throat. She couldn’t look at him even if she wanted. He took a deep breath that came out ragged right after. “I came to apologize, and if I have the chance, to explain what happened.”
“You were gonna shag Marlene when I walked in. That’s what happened,” she explained for him. It came out as harsh as she felt the words and he winced. “You can apologize now.”
Sirius turned around, the moonlight was right behind him and so it was difficult to distinguish his features, but even in that moment, from her position on her back she could see the storm that were his eyes, and the redness around them; as if he had been crying too.
He took a breath before speaking, clearing his throat to get rid of the soreness. “I don’t know how it happened and I didn’t want it to happen. It was a mistake and I am, believe it or not, sorry. Marlene had been flirting with me since school started again and then this morning I was in the Common Room waiting for James and Remus and she started talking about how she loved me first and it wasn’t fair that we weren’t together; next thing I know she’s all over me. I know the damage is done but, that is the truth and you had to know.”
His voice came out ragged, sore. He had wasted his throat out prior the conversation. It was for a moment she doubted, until she heard him sniff; that and how he pursed his lips together told her all she had to know. Indeed, he had been weeping as well. She cried for a lost love, for a friendship that had meant nothing, but what did he wept for? What had he lost?
No, she thought. It couldn’t be, even if the thought made her skin tingle. Sirius Black didn’t, and had never loved her. If he had done so, then he wouldn’t have done her like that.
“Now I know,” she said while nodding, breaking apart from her thoughts. Her own mind driving her insane. Her voice cracked and it made Sirius aware that she was sobbing. He tried to touch her but she stopped him, slapping his hand away. “Just leave.”
It was a simple request. Leave. He had broken her, it was painful enough to know she had to see him in the halls, in class, in the Common Room, the last thing she needed was for him to pester her until she forgave him. She couldn’t, not in that moment. The wound was fresh, her heart was ripping apart and she had trouble breathing.
She wanted him to leave, but he didn’t. She sobbed out loud, shaking. It was in that moment she knew, she had reached bottom. It was one thing he knew about her sadness, another to show him how her hopes and dreams for them had died.
Sirius wrapped his arms around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He buried his head in the crook of her neck, kissing the exposed skin.
If she killed Sirius but didn’t use magic, would she still go to Azkaban or to a muggle prison?
Azkaban was a horrible place and she wouldn’t risk being imprisoned there - although he was making it difficult to think about the consequences, but a muggle prison? She wouldn’t think twice before kicking his ass into the afterlife.
“You’re not listening to me, huh?” She was. Much to her own despair, she was.
Grunting, she got up from the couch and walked up to him. Sirius felt her anger and it scared him enough to make him walk backwards until he hit the wall.
Standing at arm length from him, she cleared her throat. “So, let me get this straight - James being the idiot he is thought that to make our uncle-aunt-nephew night more interesting, it would be fun to use the cloak for hide-and-seek?” Sirius nodded. “And I dared to leave for a second to get some water, so instead of using his actual blanket to wrap him up and put him to sleep- like I asked… You wrapped him up with the cloak and… lost him?” Another nod.
Even if it meant going to Azkaban, murdering him sounded like an appropriate response. But first, she had to find the four months old running through her apartment… being invisible.
Sirius didn’t lose him on purpose, alright, but he still did. He was old enough to understand that giving a child a cloak that would make him invisible was not a good idea at all but there she was looking for an invisible kid after his parents entrusted them with his well being.
“Fine,” she sighed. “Let’s split. You look through the kitchen and living room and I will check the bedrooms and bathroom. Be careful while walking, use a stick or something.”
Before he could agree or disagree - which he wouldn’t, she left for the master bedroom.
She walked with caution through the room, taking steps so small it got her wondering if she was moving at all. She wanted to see the comical part of the situation, imagine Harry running around and the two of them searching like idiots - it did sound fun, but it was also dangerous and what scared her the most was that, it didn’t seem like Sirius understood that. He was so used to be reckless, to not think about the consequences of his actions that sometimes he’d put other people in danger without realizing. Of course, Sirius didn’t want people to get hurt, but he needed to start thinking before he acted, otherwise it wouldn’t be long until he found himself in a dark corner, with no escape option whatsoever.
Kneeling down, she checked under the bed but all she found were her sneakers. Since she had checked the rest of the room, she got up from the floor with a long sigh. After exiting the master bedroom, she went into the guests’, carefully opening the door and stepping inside. Repeating the same process again, with no sign of Harry there either. Now, even more worried than before, she sat down in the bed and tried to think. Where would have Harry possibly go? Their apartment wasn’t big and all windows and doors were locked with magic and locks to ensure their safety with the ongoing war. He couldn’t have gotten far, right?
She looked towards the crib Sirius was supposed to put him to sleep and then a thought entered her mind. What if? Oh, Merlin! She scolded herself for not thinking about it earlier, then she ran towards the living room, where Sirius was still searching through for the child. Upon seeing her running around, all colour disappeared from his face.
“Be careful! You could step on him!” He caught her in his arms, forcing her to a stop.
She had the gift to laugh at the most inconvenient of times - hell, she couldn’t attend funerals because she would laugh the pain off. However, this time as she fell into his arms, shaking as she laughed and laughing even more as she watched Sirius’s confused face, she had a good reason. All the time she had worried Sirius had lost Harry, however, she had missed one important detail. When was the last time he saw him?
“I can’t believe I’m being the mature one but… I don’t think this is a laughing matter.”
“Sirius,” she shook her head and took a breath before continuing: “when was the last time you saw Harry before losing him?”
He thought about it for a moment, then replied: “when I wrapped him with the cloak.”
“And where was that?”
“In the room, where his crib is.”
She nodded. “Right, and now explain to me how could a four months old jump from his crib without us noticing? Or at least without me noticing?”
She waited for a few seconds and then, boom! Realization hit him right in the face and he let go of her and sprinted towards the room. Still giggling she followed him, a bit slower though. She had run enough for one night - and one life as well. When she reached the door to the room, Sirius had Harry in his arms - the baby was still asleep, unaware of the mess his uncle had just created for a simple distraction. Sirius was relieved, kissing him on his head and whispering words she couldn’t hear from where she was standing.
It got her thinking… She was sure as hell going to wait until he grew at least one brain cell before having children. Next time - and she was sure there would be a next time, he’d end up losing him for real. It was bad enough it was happening to her nephew but, her own kids? Oh, hell no, then she would murder Sirius without thinking twice and then her babies would grow up without parents because she would go to Azkaban. She couldn’t let that happen.
“Love!” Sirius called her out of her thoughts, smiling at her. “I didn’t lose him! You should have a little bit more of faith in me from now on!”
with fans shipping you together, there’s no denying that you and Sirius looked like you were perfect for each other. along with that, a song you wrote made them convinced that it was about him.
“Make sure you get the beat this time, Sirius. You were way off.”
“I WAS NOT!”
“Sure, you weren’t….”
“Calm down, Pads. You’re just giving her what she wants.”
“And it feels good to see it happen.”
You flashed a smile to Sirius, who was rolling his eyes playfully, holding a firm grip on his drumsticks. A silent chuckle left your lips before hearing him start off with hitting his drumsticks together.
Remus follows along, strumming his strings of his electric guitar, James pressing his fingers down on the keyboard in the same tune.
It was a night before the next show you had. The four of you started this band as a joke but found content in performing. 5 years later, and you couldn’t even believe you were in a band with your best friends. Much less being successful and being well known for being recognized for your talent.
Being in a band had its ups and downs; song writing, budget for equipment, advertising, but most of all..
Relationships.
Being in a music group with 3 guys and being the only girl had people giving second ambiguous glances.
The question always popped up in interviews, “Are any of you dating or have been previously involved?”. It was really no one’s business but people couldn’t let go of the idea that if one of you were dating, they had to know.
As if they’ll pass away with the thought of not knowing.
One way or another, you were always spotted with at least one of the boys outside and people would often assume you were dating. Your news feed was almost scattered with pictures in the mall, a cafe, a bookstore with each of them.
Like the time the rest of the band wasn’t available and it was just you and Remus who went out for lunch. Also one instance where some fans caught you and Sirius heading to rehearsals together in the street, and James meeting you in a random bookstore.
Fan girls hated you for it, saying that you should just pick one and stick to it, and not alternate between James, Remus and Sirius in an attempt to mark your territory of some kind.
It was hard to believe that none of you were ever involved from the 5 years you all worked together. None of you ever liked each other.
Well, that you know of.
You, on the other hand…have had a few tiny feelings.
It was a few years back when Sirius spent most of the day with you when Remus and James would go out to ‘bond’. Things you didn’t used to see from him made your growing feelings deepen.
When it was the four of you, your focus was constantly divided. But when you were left alone with Sirius, you noticed the little things he still does that he picked up from a few years back. Like hooking his fingers on the loop of his jeans, spinning his drumsticks, humming tunes out of nowhere.
It didn’t help that fans were shipping you two together most of the time at shows and you’d often have to hide your amusement, along with your feelings.
But the risk of dating a fellow band member to just end up ending the relationship would cause a lot of trouble. Tension. Memories. And putting James, Remus and the supporters in a difficult position. Thankfully, those feelings went away before you could act on them any further.
You aren’t even in a relationship with him but your fans always make you worry. Not to mention they all suspect the one song you composed was about Sirius.
Because, well…they’re right.
But it also made you look back at the time you wrote 'Love Drum ’ if it was in any way too obvious that they all assumed it was about him.
‘HOW ARE THEY NOT DATING—’
‘Yeah I still ship it’
‘They’re together; no one can convince me otherwise’
“Alright”, James sighed. “Well, as much fun as that was, I’m starving.”
“Same here.” Remus spoke through the mic, his voice echoing through the empty stage, slouching his shoulders and bowing his head, the weight of the guitar weighing him even more down.
“I heard there’s a new place a few walks from here.” You replied back, moving away from the mic and reaching for your phone on the amplifier.
“Perfect!” Sirius cheered, setting down his drumsticks and standing up to stroll behind your place.
It took you only a few seconds of scrolling on your phone to notice the smell of his cologne nearby that made you turn your head behind to see him looking intently at your eyes. You gave him a grin when Remus and James looking towards your direction caught your attention and made you lose eye contact.
“My treat.” Grabbing your wallet, you locked eyes with Sirius before walking away and heading for the door.
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“Full already?” James asks, head turned to Remus. He nodded with scrunched eyebrows, looking even more exhausted than he did a few hours ago.
“Well, too bad. I heard the tour manager ordered a lot of beer.” Remus groans and you chuckled along with Sirius before glancing beside each other and maintaining eye contact for a minute.
Both of your gazes travel to each other’s hair, lips, the shade of your eyes. The clearing of your throat made you turn away and excused yourself to the bathroom.
Sirius followed your figure up to the wall that hid you from his view.
James and Remus exchanged knowing glances with a smirk creeping up to the corner of their lips, then landed their eyes on a very hypnotized Sirius Black, waiting for you to appear from the wall once again.
Once you got out of the bathroom, two girls approached you and asked for a picture. Sirius watches you exchange pleasantries with a few fans, a bright smile that makes his heart swell up.
“When are you gonna tell her, mate?” Remus interrupts, his eyes following to where Sirius was focused on. Turning back to his friend, he seems very swallowed up by you from afar.
“You sure she feels the same?” He suddenly replies. James scoffs, which caught his attention.
“Padfoot, you’ll never know until you try..”
“Life finds a way..” Remus says with a cheeky smile and a wink.
“Don’t quote Jurassic Park here, I’m serious.” Sirius glares at him.
“For once in your life, you actually used that reference right.”
“I—”
“You all good?” He got interrupted mid sentence to you walking up to the table. They all look at you quickly, eyes widened to the size of a coin that you could have easily been terrified. James nods and stands up, Remus and Sirius following along.
“Yeah.”
“I just got a call from the tour manager. You were right, James; he did order tons of beer.”
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“Alright.” James’ voice went through the speakers. “If any one of us are a bit off, just know that we had beer the night before.” The crowd from below the stage got into small chuckles while you and the others carefully put away the equipment.
“This is the part of the night where we answer some questions that will either ruin our career or just make it even more successful!” Sirius sarcastically smiles through the mic.
One member of the crew handed the mic to a girl, and she gave a huge smile before clearing her throat and speaking. “Where do you plan to go on tour next?”
“Hi, I’ll answer that one.”
“REMUS, I LOVE YOU!” A fan from the crowd shouted, and Remus chuckled, a small tint of crimson showing in his cheeks.
“I love you too, sweetheart!” He yells back and gives a flying kiss, and the hundreds of people gathered up yelled in response.
“Careful, Remus. We don’t want this one to faint like the other two..” You mischievously grinned through the mic.
“Well, you know. That’s what he’s known for.” James replies, walking to Remus and wrapping his arm around his shoulder. “Fainter of ladies.”
“We plan on maybe taking it internationally? Depends on any future decisions. Thank you for that question.”
The mic gets handed to a boy, almost the same age as you that had a shy smile.
“Hi, I’m your biggest fan, I know every single one of your songs. I just love all of you so much! But I wanted to ask, which song has a personal attachment to you? The one that stands out from the many others.”
“I’ll take this one.” You called out through the microphone. Everyone’s attention lands on you in anticipation. “Mine would have to be ’Love Drum’.”
Everyone yelled to the top of their lungs cheers and it made you laugh from how they were all pointing to Sirius.
“Yes, yes. Calm down, I’m turning deaf. But that’s the only actual song I wrote by myself. None of these dunderheads helped me. Unlike the others where I contribute to vocals and—”
“SHE’S SO PRETTY! RIGHT, SIRIUS?” A voice from the crowd echoed.
“Thank you, uh—”
“DO YOU NEED A DOG? I CAN BARK.” Following after that, the girl barks and your jaw drops with the rest of the crowd laughing.
“What breed is that?” Remus interrupts. “Sounds a lot like James.”
“MARRY ME!”
“WHERE’S THE RING?” You yelled back, scanning the crowd for the fan that asked.
“I’M FIRST IN LINE, SORRY!”
“No. I am.” A familiar voice made you turn your head side wards, only to see Sirius holding up the mic and looking at you a few steps away.
“WOAH!” James exaggerates, placing his hand on his chest.
“THAT TOOK A TURN!” Remus follows along with a forced shocked expression.
“Listen,” Sirius started. He faced you from afar while you stood still, wondering if your legs just became numb or you were just feeling things. “These buffoons have been trying everything they can to just make me say it—”
“For far too long.” Remus cuts off, standing beside James and shaking their heads.
“And who are you calling buffoons?” Sirius rolls his eyes playfully by their interruption but returns his focus back to you, with the most sincere eyes yet.
“And I’ll just say it…I like you.”
“CALLED IT!” A fan shouted from the back.
“Yeah uh, he has a picture of you together as his lock screen—” Remus randomly mumbles near the mic.
“WHICH PHOTO?”
“SHOW US!”
“I’m starting to regret that I did this in public.” Sirius chuckles, bowing his head to the floor and covering his eyes. The crowd goes silent and you were left with eye contact with Sirius, feeling so far but with only just a few steps away.
“You really should’ve told me this sooner, Sirius…” You said through the mic, before walking to his direction. Sirius’ heart paced faster the closer you got but dropped when you passed by him.
Suddenly, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him closer to you as you turned around, before your lips crashed together.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The whole crowd jumps up and down with cheers following along as they watch you both share your kiss.
Remus and James playfully hit each other and began jumping up and down so much that you could feel the vibration from where you were both standing.
“SEE? WE DID THAT!” Remus points to you and Sirius. “AND NAGGING WORKS!”
Summary:You and Sirius use to talk about how when you get your apparating license you can go visit him at the Potter’s house. But now you see him with someone else.
a/n: English isn’t my first laungage so sorry for all the mistakes!
Inspired by driver’s license - Olivia Rodrigo
requests are open!
You had been so excited about your seventeenth birthday, it would mean you would be finally old enough to have your apparating test.
You and Sirius both had waited for this day for you to be able to apparate so you could finally go to the Potter’s house whenever you wanted to. So in the summer you two could spend more time together.
“This summer you can come over all the time. I can’t wait.” Sirius mumbled into your hair. You two were lying by the Black lake. He was leaning on a tree and you were leaning on him, enjoying the first days of spring.
“Me neither.” You tell him as you feel his lips against your neck. His long fingers playing with yours. “Every day with you sounds like a dream to me, honestly.”
“Just need you to turn seventeen and pass the appareting test.” He laughs. “Knowing you, you won’t pass it in the first try.”
“Shut it Black! I will!” You laugh with him. He was right you probably wouldn’t pass on the first try. “I love you.” You whisper to him as you close your eyes.
“And I love you, forever.” He whispers back. It was his thing every time he told you he loved you he would tell you that he loved you forever.
But now that all was just a distant memory that brought tears to your eyes. You still loved him like crazy, you always thought you two would end up getting married and having the happy ever after together. Even if you two weren’t perfect together you had never felt anything like the love you felt for Sirius. You two had dated for almost two years since you two were fifteen.
Tears were running down your face as you look at yourself in the mirror. You never thought you would have to go to the Potter’s house since you and Sirius broke up.
The last time you saw him he looked happy, like the brake up between you two never happen. He moved on so fast with Marlene.
The girl he always told you not to worry about. That they were just friends. But you doubted it. She was so much prettier, so much smarter than you and the way Sirius always looked at her told you more than his words could.
If Lily wasn’t your best friend you wouldn’t be going to James’ place in the first place. It was the end of the summer and you all were starting your last year at Hogwarts. So James of course had decided to throw a big party at his parents house and since he and Lily were dating Lily had made you promise to come.
Wiping the tears from your eyes trying your best to look okay before apparating. But you weren’t ready to leave just yet.
“It’s going to be okay y/n. Just go in say hi to Lily and then you can leave. You can do this even if he is there with her. You are strong and you can do this.” You tried to give yourself a pep talk in the mirror even if you didn’t believe in your own words. Fixing your makeup before getting up and looking around your room. Taking a big breath in before you apparate to the Potter’s house. You land in front of the front door, hearing that the music playing loudly and you could see people dancing through the windows.
Before you could knock on the door it swung open and Remus Lupin was standing in front of you with a huge smile.
“y/n! Finally! We been waiting for you!” He tells you as he brings you into a tight hug. Reamus smelled like alcohol and his steps weren’t the steadiest.
“Hey Rem.” You hug him back and place a soft kiss on his cheek.
“I can believe I haven’t seen you since summer started. Now come on let’s go in.” Remus takes your hand in his and pulls you inside the house. He makes his way to the kitchen where you can see James, Lily and Peter talking. Seeing all of them made you smile, you missed them all so much even Peter.
“Look who I found!” Remus yells to his friends and all of them turn to face you with smiles matching yours.
“Finally took you long enough.” James smiles as he brings you into a hug.
“James, she is my best friend. I wanna hug her.” Lily whines at her boyfriend and pulls him off you so she can take his place. “I missed you so much.” Hugging you a little tighter after he words.
“I missed you too, all of you.” You reply as you pull away from her, placing a kiss on her cheek as well.
“James give your quest a drink.” Remus speaks up from next to you.
“Oh no. I’m not drinking just game by too fast to say my hello’s.” You let them know.
“That’s not going to work my dear! You will have to stay!” James told you handing you a drink he made, by the smell of it, it was mostly vodka.
“I can apparate home drunk.” You tried to find a good explanation so you wouldn’t have to stay.
“So you finally can apparate?” You hear a familiar voice from the doorway. You turn to face Sirius, his arms wrapped around Marlene’s shoulder. Seeing him with her made your heart drop to your stomach.
“Yeah I can.” You give him a fast answer before turning back to your other friends.
“You can stay here for the night so you can drink.” James offers but you shake your head.
“No it’s okay but thanks anyway.” You tell him trying to give the drink back to him.
“Don’t be a party pooper y/l/n!” Sirius said from behind you. It hurt to hear him call you by your last name, even before you two dated he never called you by your last name.
“Yes don’t be a part pooper y/n! You will drink and stay the night! And I will not take a no as an answer so drink up!” James told you to bring your cup to your lips and makes you drink all of it.
“Let’s get this party started then!” James yells out wrapping his free arm around your shoulder as his other one around Lily and pulls you to the living room that had been made into a dance floor.
You weren’t sure how many drinks you had since you came here, but were surprisingly having a lot of fun. You haven’t seen any of your friends through the whole summer. Having been avoiding them because you were afraid you would have to see Sirius but now as you were dancing with your best friend you didn’t even care that he was close by dancing with another girl or were you just lying to yourself.
”I need a drink.” You yell to Lily over the loud music before you make your way into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass of water and leaning on the kitchen counter, needing to take a breath.
“Can we leave Sirius? I bet your apartment would be so much nicer right now…” you hear Marlene talk as she and your beautiful ex boyfriend walk into the kitchen. Sirius doesn’t reply to her when he sees you, you couldn’t read the look on his face. Couple of months ago you were so close, you would always know what he was thinking about but now he was just a stranger to you who you loved more than anything.
“Oh you have your own place now? And I thought you were still staying with James?” You can’t stop the words coming out of your mouth. You were more talking to yourself than him. If you had known he wasn’t staying here maybe you would have visited your friends.
“Yeah got some heritage from my uncle and got my own place.” Sirius replied to your question. How his life had changed, you still can remember when he had told you that he left home and would stay with the Potter’s from now on even if you tried to have him stay with you.
“Oh, nice.” Was all you could get out as a reply. You nod your head at them before you make your way out of the kitchen and then from the house. You needed some fresh air, feeling the need to be alone. You ended up in the backyard and you saw the swing that you had spent a lot of time at last summer. You and Sirius would always end up outside alone so you could just talk.
You sit down at the swing and look at the house, the music was so loud and it was making you feel sick. But in all honesty you were feeling sick because Sirius had moved on, he had a new life and all without you.
Warm salty tears make their way down your cheeks as at this moment you realize that you will never love anyone like you love him. He would always own your heart no matter how much he hurt you. Your heart belongs to him and always will.
A/N: Let me know what you think and if you want to be added to any tag list! It means a lot to me when you guys leave comments of what you think!!!
My Mum just told me to lose weight so here is just a little blurb of Sirius Worshipping chubby reader to make myself and you guys feel better.
Sirius Black x Chubby Fem!Reader
Warnings: weight, insecurities, body dysmorphia, swearing, sex refrences
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Standing there in your underwear you were looking at yourself in the mirror. You felt insecure. All those other girls were skinny and looked perfect. You felt inadequate.
Sirius your boyfriend looked perfect. And you knew he had a type before you. Skinny and popular girls. You were different to those girls. Naturally, would feel insecure.
A knock on the door shook you out of your thoughts.
“Baby, Can I come in?” You heard the sound of your boyfriends voice.
“C-come in” your voice wavered.
He opened the door and came in with his usual cheeky smirk plastered on his face.
“Hey bunny… Marlene said you were a bit upset” he said quietly.
You looked at the ground in shame. Tears had came to your eyes.
One tear managed to fall.
“Oh Baby” he whispered and wrapped you in a hug.
“What happened My Love? Hmm. What’s got you feeling like this” he asked you still coddling you in a hug.
“Sirius look at me” you sobbed “ I’m awful looking. Those skinny girls walk around looking amazing and here I am…” You cried into his shoulder.
“I don’t know who you are but you can’t say those things about my girl. My Y/N should know that she’s perfect. I mean have you seen her. Look at her perfect eyes and her soft stomach and Merlin her thighs holy shit. My girlfriend is the hottest and most beautiful girl in the world. So whoever you are saying these things that are simply lies about My baby should leave. I need my Y/N/N back” You giggled through your tears.
“Agh there’s my perfect girl back” he smiled kissing you all over your face while laughter spilt out of you.
“S-siri stop it” you giggled.
“I can’t your just so GodDamn beautiful” he whispered finally stopping.
“I know you have insecurities my love we all so and that’s okay. But I need you to know that I love every single fucking part of your body and you my love. You are the most beautiful human to walk this earth and anyone who tells you otherwise is a fucking dumbass” You didn’t say anything in reply you just wrapped you arms around him tightly.
“Thank you” you whispered in his ear.
“I’m gonna make sure you know how beautiful each part of your, body is,” he said.
