These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!
-Some random staffer (possibly Dan Scavino), on behalf of President Donald J. Trump
Our Analysis
There is a 37% chance that Donald Trump wrote this tweet himself.
Word probabilities: 50/49 (Trump/Staff) Time probabilities: 10/89 (Trump/Staff) Metadata probabilities: 45/54 (Trump/Staff) Posted at: Wed Jan 6 18:01:04 2021 EST [Link] Tweet Source: Twitter for iPhone
The most informative terms in this tweet were: things (Trump, 4.6:1), happen (Trump, 5.2:1), landslide (Trump, 1.4:1), election (Trump, 6.6:1), victory (Trump, 4.2:1), & (Other, 2.3:1), away (Other, 1.3:1), great (Trump, 1.4:1), badly (Trump, 13.6:1), unfairly (Trump, 1.4:1), treated (Trump, 2.5:1), long (Trump, 1.7:1), go (Trump, 1.8:1), remember (Other, 1.7:1), day (Trump, 1.4:1), ! (Trump, 1.3:1)
A computer sees the following emotions in this tweet (NRC): {‘anticipation’: 5, 'fear’: 2, 'negative’: 3, 'sadness’: 3, 'joy’: 3, 'positive’: 3, 'trust’: 2, 'anger’: 1, 'disgust’: 1}
Kurt couldn’t believe he was doing this. He didn’t exactly have much of a choice, though - you see, he was out for a jog when he got jumped by a couple of muggers. They took his phone and wallet, but were pissed when they found Kurt didn’t have any cash.
To teach him a lesson, they took Kurt’s clothes, too. He’d been running shirtless, so there wasn’t much to take. Still, they greedily yanked down his shorts and his boxerbriefs and took off, leaving Kurt butt naked in a strange neighborhood.
Now, Kurt was approaching a stranger’s house in his birthday suit to beg for help. It was going to be humiliating - even more so when pretty Kate from English class opens the door…
How embarrassing! When Stephen heard about the fancy shindig in town, he broke out his suit and got ready for a night on the town. Unfortunately for him, he started hitting on the wrong girl, and her boyfriend was none too pleased. He grabbed Stephen and literally ripped his clothes right off of him, starting with the fancy suit and ending with his lucky silk undies.
Mortified beyond belief, Stephen ran through the throng of partygoers completely naked, desperate to get home and put on some clothes. Next time he hears about a party, Stephen’s going to stay far, far away…
With the new student loan enforcement bill coming into effect, some boys have already been caught up in it. These three weren’t following politics closely enough to find out that they would be stripped of their clothes at graduation and then sent to get their degree back naked in front of everyone .
Before they were scared employers won’t take them seriously due to their lack of experience, now they’re worried their degree won’t cover their lack of clothing.
It got worse after the ceremony when their families gathered around for pictures. The poor boys had to stand around naked as cameras flashed, with only their diplomas for cover. What should have been the proudest day of their lives quickly became the most shameful.
Peter struggled against the ropes that bound him, trying desperately to break loose. He never saw his assailants - one moment he’d been walking through campus, the next everything had gone dark as a bag was shoved over his head. He’d lost track of the twists and turns after that, until they bound his hands over his head.
Then came the scissors. One snip at a time his clothes were sliced off, until he was naked with his wrists restrained. When the bag was pulled off, Peter found himself in a dark room under a spotlight.
“What do you want, you assholes?!”
“Oh, you’ll see. Just be patient- the rest of the class will be here any minute…”
“Yeah, better hurry up and think of a way out of this, Peter. That is, unless you want everyone to see you here butt naked…”
Jeremy had been running late for work. His car wouldn’t start, and he’d gotten off the city bus at the wrong stop. Desperate to be on time, he decided to take a shortcut through a back alley, where he was stopped by a mugger.
The mugger was thorough, he took Jeremy’s money, his phone, and his clothes, standing him downtown butt naked.
Evidently someone had called the police on the naked young man roaming the alleyways, as he suddenly heard a man bark orders from behind him.
“Stop right there! Hands over your head, scumbag!”
“Please, I can explain!”
“I’m sure you can - and I’ll let you tell me all about it from your jail cell.”
Now Jeremy was headed to the police station naked and in handcuffs. Needless to say, he was going to be late for work.
Allen really regretted wearing tighty whities that day. It was laundry day and all his boxers were in the wash. He woke up late and had to scramble to get clothes. He reached into the back of his underwear drawer and found some old tighty whities from when he was in middle school and threw them on. He figured no one would see them and it was just for the day. Unfortunately for him, on his way to work some muggers jumped him and made him strip down and hand them his clothes and wallet. As they snickered at his underwear choice they left Allen standing in the alley in nothing but his white undies. How was he going to make it back home without being seen when he was already miles away and he lived in NYC. He started his run back home and already heard the whistles and camera clicks and knew he was going to see his tighty whitie clad ass on the internet.
“Come on, man. Let me at least keep my underwear…”
“I said everything, pretty boy. You think you’re hot stuff, huh, stealing my girl? Well, we’ll see what she thinks of you after your little naked walk of shame back to the dorms. Now hand ‘em over, chop chop.”
Bachelor Party 2, the last temptation: the bad guy falls in his own trap, stripped, bound, eager to be dildo-fucked by a woman, and exposed to his wife and everyone
