Klaus: Vanya why are you blushing

Vanya:nothing

Inside Vanya’s head:

Vanya: Yep definitely nothing idk what you mean I’m not blushing

Vanya: Whats the best way to diss an adult

Diego: O K B O O M E R

Vanya: what if they’re not a boomer though

Klaus: *hits blunt* Boomer isn’t an age it’s a state of mind

Vanya: You could probably pour soup in my lap and I’d apologize to you.

White Violin Vanya:Do not fuck with me.

Five: we have to save the world from the apocalypse.

Klaus: *already walking out the door* ok boomer

Klaus and Dave starGAYzing

Klaus: Sometimes I just like to look at the stars and wonder what it all means.

Dave: *looks up at the stars*

Stars: Wanna make out

Dave: *looks at Klaus*

Klaus: *winks at him*

The apocalypse: *is about to come*

Reggie:

Klaus: I eat Cheerios because they’re heart healthy

Klaus: And my heart has been severely damaged

Klaus: *trying to summon Dave’s ghost* so Dave if you’re out there

YoungLuther: Do you even exercise

Young Klaus: I’m a runner

Young Luther:Really?

Young Klaus: Yeah, I run late, run from my problems, and run my mouth *finger guns*

Klaus: What’re you doing Five

Five: *writing in a journal* Making a hit list of everybody taller than me

Klaus: Cool! Am I on it

Five: Dont worry you’re sixth on it

Allison: Klaus you need to stop

Klaus: *rubbing glitter from the floor onto his face* BuT.. I mUsT b E FabUlOus

Diego: Who needs friends? I’ve got knives!!

Diego: *reaches for knife*

Diego:I…

Diego: i ran out of knives

Leonard: *gets down on one knee in front of vanya*

Allison: Omg it’s finally happening

Leonard: *falls over*

Allison: The poison is kicking in

Me when Five turned back time after Klaus finally saw Dave again:

Klaus when he’s being tortured and the ghosties start coming out:

Klaus: Look Ben, it’s a graveyard next to a lake.

Ben: Oh my god this is prime real estate

A kid on the street: Hey look at that man, he’s got a giant gorilla body

Luther:

Klaus: *trips and accidentally throws his bowl of fruit loops in the air so it lands on Five’s head*

Five:

Klaus: I’ve only had Dave for a day and a half but if anything happened to him, I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself.

~10 months later~

Dave:*dies*

Klaus basically the next day: Wow, God? Fancy seeing you here

the hargreeves as things my siblings and i have said

1. “if I had a vagina I’d fill it up with Cheerios” “you do have a vagina” “fetch the oats”
2. “i’m such a milf, goddamn. What a hot-ass dude.”
3. “where’s mum?” “gone. I’m your mother now”
4. “a rooster’s cock could also be called cock squared”
5. “the sole reason you are alive right now is coz I poked holes in dad’s condom so I didn’t have to do the dishes myself”
6. “watch it or I’ll wash your mouth out” “please say with bleach”
7. “what’s a mukbang? Like a food orgy?”
8. “i swear one day I’ll take a piss in your bed and you won’t even know”
9. “If you were a flower I’d step on you”
10. “why’s your sock all sticky?” “Glitter glue”
11. “Santa isn’t real” “neither is your sex life”
12. “the only way I could hate you more than I already do is if you were named Chad”
13. “what was that? sounded like something shattered” “oh I was looking in the mirror w—” “ah, makes sense now”
14. “if you get famous one day buy me a crocodile intestine. Specifically small. Just the intestine.”
15. “I wish I had a willy. Can you lend me yours?”
16. “I heard some dudes talking about foreskin today. This fortnite craze is getting out of control”
17. “damn this girl’s legs are so hairy it’s disgusting. Like honestly you need to learn to shave” “she’s a cat”
18. “you were less aggravating before you got boobs”
19. “hey thanks for letting me play football with you” “of course. I’d never miss a chance to kick something at your head”
20. “would a furry without their fursuit be thought of as a skinned furry?”
21. “stay young forever okay?” “hell no, i wanna get fucked up man you can’t do that at eleven”
22. “FOR GODS SAKES IVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU RANT ABOUT MICRO PIGS FOR AN HOUR JUST LET ME EAT MY BACON IN PEACE”
23. “remember when we were younger and i got you cat shit for Christmas?”
24. “what if cocks were like built-in pool noodles so dudes always floated in water but then vaginas were like pool filters” “I’m genuinely worried about you”
25. “I’ll pay you twenty bucks if you go up to the pastor while he’s throwing holy water and start hissing”
26. “you’re a dumbass but hey you make my coffee right so yknow what I love you too”
27. “ok but what if I snorted this pixie stick powder” (y’all remember pixie sticks? goddamn those were the good days)
28. “maybe if I stapled myself in the head it would help me get my life together”
29. “you’re useless for everything except for hugs and coke”
30. *solemn tone* “I’ve never seen a cat penis”
31. “what do I have to do to make you love me?” “turn into a subway sandwich”
32. “since you’re the only ticklish one in the house I think it was a sign from God telling us to make you suffer”
33. “the only thing I stand for is getting a bj”

(op: if you can guess which quotes are mine I’ll make you a headcanon of your choice)

This is my OC in the Umbrella Academy universe:

• She’s number 8 a.k.a. Emma Hargreeves.
• She’s called “The Immortal” because of her regenerative healing abilty.
• Her body heals at a superhuman speed no matter what damage had been done.
• She can die but she comes back to life everytime.
• She can also heal others through physical contact. But can’t bring someone back to life.
• She can pass and take energy. (also through physical contact)
• Like her siblings, there’s more to her powers that is yet to be discovered.
• She doesn’t have the umbrella tattoo because of her powers.
• She ran away after Ben died because she couldn’t take the guilt of failing to save him.
• 6 years before their father died, while in another country, she was kidnapped by a scientist that imprisoned her and experimented on her for 6 years. But she escaped with the help of an undercover government agent who sacrificed himself for her.
• Like Five, she had killed many people.
• She loves alcohol but never gets wasted.