the hargreeves as things my siblings and i have said
“if I had a vagina I’d fill it up with Cheerios” “you do have a vagina” “fetch the oats”
“i’m such a milf, goddamn. What a hot-ass dude.”
“where’s mum?” “gone. I’m your mother now”
“a rooster’s cock could also be called cock squared”
“the sole reason you are alive right now is coz I poked holes in dad’s condom so I didn’t have to do the dishes myself”
“watch it or I’ll wash your mouth out” “please say with bleach”
“what’s a mukbang? Like a food orgy?”
“i swear one day I’ll take a piss in your bed and you won’t even know”
“If you were a flower I’d step on you”
“why’s your sock all sticky?” “Glitter glue”
“Santa isn’t real” “neither is your sex life”
“the only way I could hate you more than I already do is if you were named Chad”
“what was that? sounded like something shattered” “oh I was looking in the mirror w—” “ah, makes sense now”
“if you get famous one day buy me a crocodile intestine. Specifically small. Just the intestine.”
“I wish I had a willy. Can you lend me yours?”
“I heard some dudes talking about foreskin today. This fortnite craze is getting out of control”
“damn this girl’s legs are so hairy it’s disgusting. Like honestly you need to learn to shave” “she’s a cat”
“you were less aggravating before you got boobs”
“hey thanks for letting me play football with you” “of course. I’d never miss a chance to kick something at your head”
“would a furry without their fursuit be thought of as a skinned furry?”
“stay young forever okay?” “hell no, i wanna get fucked up man you can’t do that at eleven”
“FOR GODS SAKES IVE BEEN LISTENING TO YOU RANT ABOUT MICRO PIGS FOR AN HOUR JUST LET ME EAT MY BACON IN PEACE”
“remember when we were younger and i got you cat shit for Christmas?”
“what if cocks were like built-in pool noodles so dudes always floated in water but then vaginas were like pool filters” “I’m genuinely worried about you”
“I’ll pay you twenty bucks if you go up to the pastor while he’s throwing holy water and start hissing”
“you’re a dumbass but hey you make my coffee right so yknow what I love you too”
“ok but what if I snorted this pixie stick powder” (y’all remember pixie sticks? goddamn those were the good days)
“maybe if I stapled myself in the head it would help me get my life together”
“you’re useless for everything except for hugs and coke”
*solemn tone* “I’ve never seen a cat penis”
“what do I have to do to make you love me?” “turn into a subway sandwich”
“since you’re the only ticklish one in the house I think it was a sign from God telling us to make you suffer”
“the only thing I stand for is getting a bj”
(op: if you can guess which quotes are mine I’ll make you a headcanon of your choice)
If Vice President @Mike_Pence comes through for us, we will win the Presidency. Many States want to decertify the mistake they made in certifying incorrect & even fraudulent numbers in a process NOT approved by their State Legislatures (which it must be). Mike can send it back!
-President Donald J. Trump
Our Analysis
There is a 69% chance that Donald Trump wrote this tweet himself.
Word probabilities: 85/14 (Trump/Staff) Time probabilities: 50/49 (Trump/Staff) Metadata probabilities: 71/28 (Trump/Staff) Posted at: Wed Jan 6 01:00:50 2021 EST [Link] Tweet Source: Twitter for iPhone
The most informative terms in this tweet were: vice (Trump, 3.3:1), president (Trump, 2.3:1), @mike_pence (Other, 7.3:1), comes (Trump, 2.3:1), us (Other, 2.1:1), win (Trump, 2.6:1), presidency (Trump, 1.4:1), many (Trump, 8.4:1), states (Trump, 2.0:1), want (Trump, 3.2:1), made (Trump, 11.6:1), & (Other, 2.3:1), even (Trump, 5.5:1), numbers (Trump, 8.9:1), state (Trump, 1.6:1), ( (Trump, 9.7:1), must (Trump, 1.9:1), ) (Trump, 9.9:1), mike (Trump, 2.4:1), send (Other, 1.2:1), ! (Trump, 1.3:1)
A computer sees the following emotions in this tweet (NRC): {‘negative’: 4, 'positive’: 1, 'trust’: 2, 'sadness’: 1, 'anger’: 1, 'disgust’: 1}
