It was a normal day and I was bored. My back hurt, my feet hurt, basically every body part hurt but I couldn’t leave, obviously, I needed the money.
This relatively unassuming man comes in, in a suit, the kind I see every single day. He opened with “you’re gorgeous,” I smiled and asked what I could do for him. He ignored that and told me he’d always loved Black women and if I wanted to hang out off the clock. Again, I smiled and asked what I could do for him.
He leaned in, and put his hand on my arm. “Do you have a boyfriend?” I asked him why it mattered, he asked why I was being so mean. I told him “I’m just trying to work, dear, what can I do for you?” He said “you can go out with me.” I smiled and shook my head, wondering why he wouldn’t just tell me what he wanted and go. There was no one around and I knew if I said something to anyone, they wouldn’t do anything, anyway.
I finally got him what he wanted and he left, but not before letting me know he’d be back tomorrow. And he did come back. Every day for weeks. And every time, he made me feel uncomfortable, touching me when I said don’t, or otherwise looking at me in the most disgusting way. As I predicted, no one I told would do anything. No one cared. This guy was harassing me every single day and I had no recourse. In fact, some told me I should be grateful, since he was a good tipper.
Anyway, that’s why I quit working at Starbucks.
The point of this post is to illustrate that women get harassed in every industry, not just sex work, by baiting you with what you think is a story about a client mistreating me, when really it was a customer at a coffee shop. This is super good writing here, I’m just saying.
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life. Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
hey so the Democrats are in charge at this very moment. They could enshrine abortion rights in the constitution at this very moment. Why would they wait until after midterms to do something, and if they aren’t gonna wait until after midterms, wtf does this have to do with midterms?
The only way to “enshrine it in the constitution” would be to make it an amendment. This requires a 2/3 vote from both the House and the Senate.
Which… wouldn’t pass.
I know this is shocking. But “being in charge” doesn’t actually mean unlimited power.
This post mentions the midterms because it 1. Could give us a super majority needed for this kind of amendment and 2. Would affect STATE governments which could safeguard abortion on a state level.
Vote these midterms. It has never been more critical to stop this shit. Those playing the long con game have been waiting for this most of all. The more freedoms they remove from us the stronger they get. Stop the backwards slide to remove rights from everyone but the rich white male.
Vote these midterms. If Republicans win any more seats in The House or The Senate, they’re going to use the opportunity to enshrine THEIR beliefs as much as they possibly can. It takes votes from two-thirds of Congress to overturn a presidential veto and force a law into place. HELP KEEP, AND FLIP, AS MANY SEATS BLUE AS POSSIBLE.
John Walker getting a best down from the Dora Milaje wasn’t just great television or even “fan service”. There a lot going on in that scene which will be dissected just below
The Dora enter the scene when John Walker has just threatened Sam. One of them throws a spear into a beam between them, protecting Sam who is obviously didn’t want to fight.
So John Walker started the fight by threatening a Black man who helped defend Wakanda. #WinterSpoilers
John’s behavior toward the Dora is insulting and passive aggressive & FILLED WITH MICRO AGGRESSIONS (Like when he referred to their spears as “pointy sticks). He touches Ayo without her permission in a gesture that white men often claim is friendly but is actually a condescending way they assert their authority and power over others, especially women.
YOU DO NOT PUT HANDS ON A BLACK WOMAN WHOM YOU ARE PAINFULLY UNFAMILIAR WITH. It is not cute neither is it an ice breaker. Just F*cking DON’T ✋
We’ve seen John uses that gesture before, along with his nonchalant “aw shucks” act before. At this point we, the audience, should be aware that it is a mask that covers calculated violence and can’t be reasoned with. Ayo sure sees it. #WinterSpoilers
Which makes it very interesting to see so many people cast the Dora as aggressors in this situation. It shows how much we’ve internalized white supremacy that we see a white man we know to be dangerous threaten a Black man but frame Black women as the aggressors.
PS I understand that by virtue of how the fight scene is filmed it looks like the Dora, Ayo especially, have lethal intent. But if anything the fight demonstrates that if the Dora Milaje want someone dead he would be dead. They left those men alive. ♀️
And by returning the shield, they demonstrated that John Walker was of ZERO THREAT to them.
The Dora Milaje showed restraint and more importantly, class.
For those of you idiots saying "Don’t make it about race”, I say screw you. This show if anything shows how America views itself as the altruistic saviour when in truth they’re little more than soiled cattle muddying & soiling everything they touch.
