sapphos-witch-gf:

Lemme kick the fucking bear again.

“Ace people can want and have sex!” directly throws people who actually don’t want sex under the bus.

And when I talk about asexuals feeling like they have to sleep with someone, or feeling like they should have sex they aren’t interested in, I don’t even fuckin believe in asexuality. So I’m not talking about your twitter mutual who is “asexual” but fucks like a rabbit. I’m talking about people who have a low, almost nonexistent, libido for whatever reason who are having sex for others rather than themselves. And I fuckin specified that.

Those people are out there, and all the people who wanna be fuckin special are actively harming them by pushing the idea that it’s totally okay to sleep with people you aren’t attracted to.

There are people out there who need to be told it’s okay to not have sex. Need to be told it’s okay to be celibate. Need to be told it’s okay to seek out a romantic relationship with someone who is gonna be okay or even happy with never having sex again.

“You can have sex” is not fucking revolutionary. It’s not helping anyone. Especially a group that is mostly female; it’s not helpful to tell them they can have sex out of obligation to their partner (typically a boyfriend).

Why is it always the people who may actually face hardship who get tossed tf out by these oh so woke queers?

elytrians:

characters for whom physical contact is distressing and avoided at all costs due to traumatic associations learning to trust other people and themselves again through patience and reassurance and respect for their boundaries and becoming extremely physically affectionate as they start to make up for years of touch starvation my most dearly beloved

Day 4: Trust Fall

Summary: Eleven wakes up from a bad dream and finds someone sitting at his side.

Word count:952

Eleven is falling.

He’s falling freely through space, cutting through the darkness blanketing him from every side, every angle, as he stretches his arms and breathes.

When will he hit the ground? He doesn’t know. He sinks deeper into the jaws of sticky, clammy black, dissolving into it, closing his eyes, his skin tingling…

Like the snap of a finger, Eleven jolts up in bed and clutches his pulsing head. His fingers slip into his short hair and he sighs.

“Hey,” Erik’s voice mutters.

Eleven turns and there is Erik, sitting with his fingers folded in his lap, smiling slightly. Sadly.

“Hi,” Eleven says.

“Having trouble sleeping?” Erik asks.

“Mmhmm,” Eleven hums as his fingers dig into his eye sockets and rub the sleep from his closed eyes.

Erik doesn’t say anything. Eleven keeps his eyes shut, even after he’s finished rubbing them, shifting to a sitting position. His fingers flatten against his temple and he stares into his lap.

He can’t remember the last time he’s had a solid night’s rest. Maybe there was a night or two in the Last Bastion, in a place that no longer exists. But he can’t count even one night since then.

Realizing that Erik is watching him sleep comforts Eleven. Like he should have kept sleeping knowing there was someone else there to protect him, someone Eleven can trust.Someone who can lift the profuse weight off his shoulders.

This weight… Eleven sniffs. It’s unreal how unexpectedly relieving it is to not be carrying it alone anymore.

Before, when they’d been traveling, they’d take shifts staying awake throughout the night. Two people were always up, sitting by the fire. Eleven had spent a lot of time with Erik that way — with Erik having his back, the duo facing off against the night together.

Just like then, Erik leans forward and taps El on the forearm.

“You feeling alright?” Erik asks.

“No.”

Eleven feels the sting of his nose and clears his throat. Still not used to this whole “feeling emotions” thing, Eleven finds it embarrassing when he starts to cry. Hot, wet tears roll down his cheeks and he covers his face, curling into himself.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Erik’s voice breaks through Eleven’s thornbush of emotions, and Eleven turns to him, dropping his head into Erik’s lap.

Erik touches the top of Eleven’s head, pushing him deeper into his panicked cries, which shake his body.

It’s Eleven’s nature to be quiet, but that’s not so easy when he’s pouring his soul out, which stains the front of Erik’s tunic. By the time Eleven pulls away, he’s collected himself a little more, nudging Erik’s hands away.

“El, is everything okay?” Erik whispers.

Erik places a hand on Eleven’s knee and Eleven jerks away. Don’t call me that. Don’t touch me like that.

“Could you please not touch me? I just… I-I don’t feel very well.”

“Alright.”

Eleven slowly breathes in and out, dropping his shoulders and closing his eyes as Erik retracts his hands. Eleven’s heart races, everything on high alert as if expecting an ambush despite it being the middle of a peaceful night.

“You okay? You need anything?” Erik asks. He’s so close, yet so far away, with a rift of experiences between them.

El shakes his head. “No, I’ll be alright. I just… it’s been really difficult adjusting to not being in almost literal hell.”

“Mmhm.”

“The only time anyone ever touched me was to hurt me. Even you, when you saw me, drew your knife.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Eleven says. “It’s just… how can I ever reasonably expect to be treated with kindness again? I can’t. Kindness is much more fleeting than the scars on my body. I can’t forgetwhere those came from when…”

A tear slides down Eleven’s cheek and he clears his throat, but it feels like he’s choking, choking on the noxious thoughts that had settled over him ever since that first day back in time. It feels like a part of him had been broken, a part he is incapable of repairing because that would mean taking the whole person apart and starting over again.

“No one’s expecting you to forget, but I hope you can forgive us. Or at least me,” Erik says, the hint of a smirk returning.

Eleven lightly snorts. “Yeah, I’m— I’ll try.”

“You’re not there yet, huh?” Erik asks.

“It’s not for want of trying.”

“I’m sure you’ll get there.”

“Mm.”

“Well,” Erik starts, heaving a sigh, as he stands from his char. “I didn’t mean to creep on you while you slept. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Please stay,” Eleven says. He presses his hand behind his own neck, calming his nerves. “I can’t sleep otherwise.”

“You trust me that much?” Erik asks.

Eleven nods.

“Wow, uh…” Erik rubs the back of his head. “I guess I’m just a little surprised. After everything you’ve gone through, I assumed you wouldn’t.”

Eleven didn’t trust the other Erik at all. But this one? This was the one Eleven had gone back in time a second time for, possibly subjecting himself to once again being torn apart atom by atom. This was the Erik whom Eleven had been waiting to hug as soon as they’d reunited again.

“I trust you more than anything,” Eleven says. “So please.”

He leans over and pats the recently vacated seat for emphasis. Erik smiles and drops into it again.

“Alright, pal. I’ll be right here, so you go on and rest,” Erik says.

Eleven slides down into bed, resting his head on his pillow. He curls a hand under his cheek and smiles.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” Erik responds.

arodrwho:

a guide to writing touch-averse characters, by someone who can’t even pat the shoulder of their crying grandma*:

initial questions:

• consider: why is your character touch-averse? is it because of sensory issues? (if so, is the character autistic? adhd? do they have fibro? standalone spd? a combination thereof? something else?) trauma? (if so, what’re the specifics?) orientation? (if so, are they aromantic? asexual? dysphoric? a combination thereof? something else?) are they just kinda Like That?
• consider: how does your character experience touch-aversion? that is, what’s it feel like to them? (is it overwhelming? does it physically hurt? does it make them physically uncomfortable? emotionally uncomfortable? anxious? panicked? angry? nauseous? a combination of these? does it vary?) and to what extent? (a little? a moderate amount? a lot? does the severity remain the same all through, or does it increase if the touch lingers, or decrease, or fluctuate? is the effect immediate, or delayed? does it vary?)
• consider: what are the nuances of their experience? for example, are some moments better or worse than others? (high-energy ones? low-energy ones? emotionally-charged ones? others?) are some kinds of touch better or worse than others? (light? firm? unexpected? forewarned? brief? prolonged? on their back? hands? chest? arms? shoulders? knees? neck? other?) is touch more or less bearable from certain people? (children? men? women? strangers? friends? very close friends? family? very close family? pets? partners? doctors? other?)
• consider: how do they approach their touch-aversion? for example, how do they usually feel about it? (neutral? negative? positive? other?) are they able to set boundaries? (if so, do they? if so, do they enforce them?) how do they respond, in any case, if those boundaries are violated? (do they freeze? do they flinch? do they jerk away? do they shrug off the touch carefully? do they keep still and bear it? do they snap at the person? do they speak calmly? do they panic? dissociate? other?) how do they talk about it, if it all? (neutrally? negatively? positively? other?)
• consider: how do others approach their touch-aversion? for example, how do different people feel about it, if they’re aware of it? what assumptions do they make? how do they act on those assumptions, if at all? do they respect your character’s boundaries? do they try to desensitize your character? do they want to?

common pitfalls:

• the character grows comfortable with touch; this correlates with a character arc that involves them growing kinder, warmer, more compassionate, or more “human”
• recommendation: avoid.
• (seriously, avoid.)
• equates being touch-averse with being cruel, uncaring, and inhuman
• implies that it’s a character flaw to be outgrown or fixed
• implies it can and should be outgrown or fixed
• as a concept, full of ableism. so much ableism
• inaccurate, hurtful on all counts
• the character grows comfortable with touch from a specific person or group of people; this correlates with increased levels of closeness, trust, and/or emotional intimacy
• recommendation: tread carefully.
• implies touch-aversion is something to be overcome or fixed with love
• risks supporting myth that it can alwaysbe overcome with enough love
• can imply that it mustbe overcome in order to have a healthy and/or emotionally fulfilling relationship
• inaccurate, potentially damaging on all counts
• someone is very physically affectionate with the character despite their obvious discomfort; this correlates with a narrative about the other caring for them very deeply and wanting to break down their emotional walls or otherwise help them
• recommendation: tread very carefully.
• plays into the above issues
• depicts a violation of boundaries (no matter how benign the intentions)
• inaccurate, damaging
• the character finally willingly submits to physical affection; this is portrayed as particularly heartwarming or a sign of growth
• recommendation: tread carefully.
• can play into the above issues
• can be patronizing and/or infantilizing

avoiding common pitfalls**:

• the character grows comfortable with touch; this correlates with a character arc that involves them growing kinder, warmer, more compassionate, or more “human”
• option one: just don’t do it.
• option two: no really, don’t do it.
• option three: i’m serious.
• option four: don’t.
• secret option five: do not!!
• the character grows comfortable with touch from a specific person or group of people; this correlates with increased levels of closeness, trust, and/or emotional intimacy
• option one: don’t do it
• option two: include someone else who stays broadly touch-averse; portray their close relationships as equally healthy and emotionally fulfilling
• option three: have the characters talk about boundaries; portray it as a process and focus on consent
• option four: portray the increased comfort as non-absolute even within the relationship(s), even as emotional intimacy increases
• secret bonus option five: mix and match!!
• someone is very physically affectionate with the character despite their obvious discomfort; this correlates with a narrative about the other caring for them very deeply and wanting to break down their emotional walls or otherwise help them
• option one: don’t do it
• option two: have the narrative criticize the other character’s violation of their boundaries
• option three: have the other character ask about boundaries first; portray it as a mutually-agreed-upon thing
• option four: contrast it with other characters who respect their boundaries and are portrayed as better at connecting with and/or helping them
• secret option five: mix and match!!
• the character finally willingly submits to physical affection; this is portrayed as particularly heartwarming or a sign of growth
• option one: don’t do it
• option two: have other characters make it clear that they genuinely don’t have to do it; the impending affection is an offer, not a requirement
• option three: have the character choose to initiate physical affection in a way that’s comfortable for them
• option four: have the character accept a sign of affection that’s more comfortable for them than the ones previously attempted; portray it as a heartwarming sign of growth on the part of the other characters
• secret option five: mix and match!!

my personal pet peeves:

• touch-averse character “slowly” grows more comfortable with touch wrt a specific person; this process takes about a week. maybe a month, tops
• i’m sure it absolutely does work this way for some people!
• but in my experience, it definitely does not.
• for me, i’d need at least three months of knowing someone before i even thought about hugging them. probably more (and an extenuating circumstance besides) to actually try
• touch-averse character finds themself utterly comfortable hugging someone they just met bc they insta-click
• see above
• touch-averse character is suddenly much more (or even completely) comfortable with physical contact the instant they become upset
• again i’m sure it probably does work this way for some people!
• but for me, and i’m sure for many others as well, it actually if anything gets kinda worse?
• generally a bad time
• touch-averse character’s touch-aversion is played for laughs
• i’m sure there’s a way to do it well, but usually it just comes off rude

things i’d personally like to see more of:

• touch-averse characters that come with pre-established exceptions
• these types of relationships are the most interesting to me. got that implied Pre-Existing Trust and Closeness baked in there, real nice
• also, they feel less like a fixit narrative because we don’t see it happen and the character is still uncomfortable outside of the exception(s)
• touch-averse characters that don’t have any exceptions
• sometimes ppl just don’t have none and it’d be nice to see that u know
• touch-averse characters who are simultaneously touch-starved
• i enjoy suffering
• also, it happens
• also also it makes for some nice internal conflict (and external, potentially)
• stories that in some fashion mention why they’re Like That
• Say The Autism Word. Say The Trauma Word. Say The Asexual Word. The Aromantic Word. The Fibro Word. The [Insert Other Word]. Say It
• (please. i am begging you.)
• other characters respecting the touch-averse ones’ boundaries
• i am a simple person with simple desires
• stories with more than one touch-averse character
• i am a simple person with slightly more complex desires,
• stories with touch-averse characters who stay touch-averse
• i am a simple,,

in conclusion***:

• that is all i have
• pls go forth into the world and make some sweet sweet no-touchie losers
• thank u for ur time
• yes

-

*with the caveat that i am but one single person whose thoughts, opinions, and experiences are very very far from universal; also the caveat that i have admittedly never had occasion to try patting the shoulder of my crying grandma, but have certainly failed to so much as concernedly nudge numerous other weeping loved ones–but that’s less humorously phrased, so i give myself a pass on accuracy in favor of wittiness

**these are course not all of the possible pitfalls or even necessarily the most common or even necessarily the worst–and others might not label them pitfalls at all, which is fair as it’s certainly possible to include most of these verysuccessfully–but they’re the ones that have historically bothered me the most, personally, individually, as an individual person, and so here they are; i hope they’re useful, enjoy

***here lies the true conclusion after the footnotes, u are free now, go forth, & thank u for reading this heinously long post

Talking about stuff is hard, finding a bunch of these bad boys was pretty easy

Thanks@disabilityuserboxes

(Ps. Abt the suicide one: no need to worry about me, I’m dealing with it, I’m fine.)

Will Riker understands what it’s like to crave comforting touches but not being able to stand anyone touching you, and how frustrating that can be. Craving touch can be difficult enough, but when you can’t stand anyone actually touching you, that complicates things. It can lead to conflicting feelings, and it might lead to feeling as if there’s something wrong with you. But we as people are build on things like this, like wanting something but not being able to receive it. It can be tough to deal with, but remember to be patient and understanding with yourself.

thatautismfeel:

that autism feel when people wont stop touching you when you’re literally saying don’t touch me

do not touch me

do not remind me i am here