Me, autistic: are u telling me u can’t hear this incredibly loud fridge
The lights have sound
Electronics have sound
Appliances have sound
If electricity runs through it, it has sound.
Rarely is there actual silence (and that does bother me due to lack of sensory input).
This is why the barn uses me when they think the horses are reacting to a noise they can’t hear. I’ll likely find it (it’s usually the heating or the electrical box in the indoor).
I also know when the electric fences are on.
For years I was convinced that I was either hallucinating or had hearing damage, because electronics always made this high-pitched whine that was closer to being felt than heard, and nobody else knew what I was talking about.
Then I met other autistic people.
I wonder if it’s an adhd thing too.
I always just assumed it was something to do with my migraines making me really sensitive to sounds other people couldn’t hear, because I can definitely hear things other people can’t seem to. Like the fridge or the tv (remember the old box tube tvs? Those things were loud on standby.) Hell I can hear my phone when it’s plugged in but for some reason not when it’s on a wireless charger. My brother is the same way, but he also gets migraines so we never thought much of it.
Huh. Neat.
Other…people…can’t hear that?
You’re fucking with me, everyone can’t hear the fridge?
No, I can hear all of those things. They just don’t bother me that much, so I’m not always forced to pay attention like someone with sensory issues would be.
Hearing also degrades with age, especially for high pitched sounds, and it’s not one of those retirement age vs. everyone else things: it degrades slowly over your whole life. It’s completely standard for any kid to hear a high-pitched electronic whine and their parent to not notice anything.
This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?
Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.
So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.
I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.
Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.
Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.
I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.
Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)
I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.
They didn’t like eye contact either.
Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.
Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.
“But they never talked!”
No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.
So you know what happened?
My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.
“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.
1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.
2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.
Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.
I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.
To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.
And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.
Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people
Have you ever read an article about the study that found that teaching the parents to cope with autistic kids yields better results than other therapies? Because this is exactly what they were talking about.
this is a fantastic short term solution. but what happens when that child goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills and still doesn’t know how to properly transition between activities? by not teaching them coping mechanisms you put them at a distinct disadvantage compared to the rest of their peers and I don’t think that’s fair.
Okay, first off, I don’t want you to feel that I skimmed your argument and chose to disagree on principal. I feel that I have read and understood your point of view, and am actively putting thought into composing a thoughtful response that conveys my perspective on the subject.
You have asked me what happens when an autistic child “goes out into the real world as an adult and has no verbal communication skills”.
The thing is, there are many adults who live perfectly well without verbal communication.
There are adults with hearing impairments who can’t verbalize their intentions.
There are adults with anxiety disorders who can’t verbalize their intentions.
There do, in fact, exist autistic adults who can’t verbalize their intentions.
I would not personally agree that forcing a child or adult to talk out loud -when it very obviously causes them stress, or when they are unable to do so- is a coping mechanism.
I would argue that a coping mechanism is something that one does to alleviate their own stress, not the stress of others.
Just as well there are, right now, at this very second, any number or real-life adult autistic people who actually do, at this minute, have a hard time transitioning between activities. I’m sure you could ask them what that’s like and you’d get a great number of autistic adults who do exist in the real world willing to tell you.
I’d like you to ask yourself, and I sincerely don’t mean to be condescending, a really quick question:
Is the problem Them, or is the problem You?
Furthermore, is there even a problem at all?
What I mean for you to ask, is: Is there a problem, or did you create one by being unwilling to compromise what makes you, personally, comfortable?
Are they doing something wrong, or are you valuing tradition over someone’s health and wellbeing?
Which is more valuable to you, in a society?
No child is ready to walk out and live life as an adult in the ‘real world’. That’s why they’re children. Raise them, whoever they are and whatever that means, into an adult who’s confident and kind. Let them speak to people who understand them, not just people who’ve studied them, because there is a difference, and children need more than anything to not feel alone. Everything else is secondary.
I was a picky eater as a kid. Like really, really picky; ARFID wasn’t a thing back then, but if it had been I might’ve been diagnosed with it.
My parents never forced me to eat anything. They encouraged me to try new foods, and when I got a bit older we had a system where I would get cheesy popcorn (one of my favorite snacks) in exchange for trying a bite of a new food, but they never forced me. They fed me foods that I would eat to make sure I got enough calories.
Eventually, I did broaden my diet. It is still pretty restrictive, due to anxiety and food sensitivities in addition to the sensory issues, but it’s a complete diet. All of the people who said I would end up surviving on pizza and goldfish crackers forever if they didn’t make me eat other stuff were wrong.
You know what did leave a lasting impact, though? The people who would say that. To me, or to my parents right in front of my face. Extended family, concerned lunch supervisors, and kids at school who would tease me for not having a “real” lunch, eating at the wrong speed, whatever it was. To this day, I get anxious eating in front of people outside of my immediate family and friends group, even if I’m pretty sure they’re not going to judge me.
Would my parents forcing me to eat the same things as everyone else have avoided this judgment from other people? Maybe. However, the impact of that almost definitely would have caused even more harm, and possibly even malnutrition (the logic of “they’ll eat it if it’s the only option” doesn’t work so well when eating said food is physically terrorizing for the kid).
We live in a world that is often deeply cruel to disabled people, and this should absolutely be a consideration when raising autistic kids, but the solution is not to “teach them to be normal.” Approaching kids with understanding and empathy, meeting them where they’re at, and treating them as human beings will ultimately create the healthiest foundation for helping them navigate the world.
Step One: Whenever there’s too much noise, put on headphones blasting your favorite non-painful/triggering music loud enough to cover up the bad noises.
Step Two: Go slightly deaf over time from wearing headphones blasting loud music.
Step Three: All noises are now quieter. It’s like noise-cancelling headphones but for free and invisible!
yes i know this is a terrible idea and please dont actually take my advice this was just a joke that my autistic sensory-sensitive self found funny please don’t sue me
Okay I know this is a joke but I think Deaf people would like point out that Deafness isn’t actually all that bad.
Also my dog went deaf in his old age and it honestly changed his personality and made him much more relaxed and chill.
Doctors would never agree to permanently damage a person’s hearing but maybe noise-dampening implants or something would be a good solution to misophonia and sound sensitivities.
Consider this: reverse hearing aids
I’m not talking about ear plugs or anything, I mean an electronic thing that can literally take whatever sounds go into it and soften them. You could adjust it to zero so you hear nothing, or when you’re only having a bit of an issue you could just turn sound a little bit softer.
1. Please do not frequently blast loud music if you can avoid it, because it can cause tinnitus in addition to hearing loss, which can be sensory hell for a lot of people and make other auditory issues worse.
2. According to a quick google search and this reddit thread, this actually sort of exists, and it’s called Adaptive ear plugs (that’s the name of the concept, not a brand). These are earplugs that only deliver outside noise under a certain decibel rating, therefore blocking louder noises while allowing you the hear quieter ones. Looking at a few different sites, it seems like the prices for these are in the same range as higher quality active noise-cancelling headphones, which are enougg for most people to block out loud noises, but may not be helpful for people who also have speech auditory processing issues or some hearing loss in addition to noise sensitivity.
Update:these earplugs from adaptive mall seem to be the most affordable exapmple of this that I’ve found, and are currently on sale for $25.
ppl w adhd and autism reblog and add what texture is so awful it haunts your dreams its okay if its incredibly specific ill go first: scratching my nails on a car
i know it said use the tags but if my hands even brush the specific plastic of these lampshades while turning them on I die in real life
Very specific but the sound of using these metal rakes on concrete makes me want to throw up!!!!
a notes section that gives u chills
Long pants. Yes, all of them. Winter and work are HELL ON EARTH.
@benevolentwanderer if wearing skirts is more comfortable for you I can recommend this
And also is it normal to have no problem with walls otherwise but if my nails touch it I die
Edit: I made the assumption that as I left the original posters name on the photo and the fact it is a photo people could deduce that it was not my own.
I found this image on Pinterest and thought it would be helpful, I attempted to find the original to reblog but the name @ceebycee does not come up when I search it and I was unable to find the original.
I do not claim this is my post and I am not trying to steal someone else’s just thought that it could be helpful.
I’m sorry if I have caused any issues or offend anyone in sharing this information.
Does anyone else feel like their eardrums are about to explode when they are in a crowded room for a while. Like the moment I walk into a crowded room, I already feel my energy fading away. I hear the loud cracking noise of paper to my left and the conversation between two people on my left.
By the end of the day, even the slightest sound is so painful to my ears. I would love to follow the conversation, and while I hear (and feel) the sounds, my brain is struggling so hard to keep up with the words.
I have this for as long I can remember and I don’t know if this happens to everyone.
Every evening for the past week, I suddenly get an almost violent migraine-like attack, that lasts from 2-5 hours, and then abates. I feel nauseous, my head feels like it’s going to burst, my chest burns and every sersory input hurts so so bad. It even gets a little hard ot breathe, and I have to put on my cpap just to feel like I’m getting enough air. It’s so new and terrifying, and I don’t know what to do :((
These yoghurts I bought taste so nice but they have bits of fruit through them which have an awful texture so I am using my spoon to divide the yoghurt from the fruit bits and I’m licking the yoghurt off the spoon to ensure I don’t accidentally eat a fruit bit
I got my braces yesterday!! So far it’s actually been okay. The itchy sensation is horrible but that should only last the first week. Sensory wise I’m coping okay. I’ve found exercising is a good distraction from the discomfort. I’m already starting to get used to them and I actually enjoy cleaning them.
My parents took me to Alton Towers this week to celebrate my birthday and I had a great time but it took a lot out of me. I’ve been doing pretty much nothing for the past 3 days trying to recover. Usually I would feel guilty for being so unproductive but I know that this is necessary for me to prevent going into autistic burnout. I’m usually very good on rollercoasters and they never make me feel sick but since my overdose I’ve been suffering from headaches and nausea so I wasn’t able to do as many rollercoasters as I usually would. I had some follow up bloods done and they showed that I was fighting an infection but they don’t know where the infection is. I’ve taken a covid test just incase although my doctor said they don’t think it is covid because my symptoms don’t match. Oh my god the covid test was horrible!!! It is an awful experience for anyone with sensory issues
Do you want to know what sensory input is like for a neroudivergent person? For a neurotypical person, for the most part you’re able to hone in on a single sense, an image, the feeling of something, the taste or smell. Your brain is able to filter out excess sensations, and you can easily have a conversation without hearing the sound of wind outside or the humbuzz of lightbulbs or the out of sync breathing from your sleeping dogs or The Office theme song playing from your brothers room on loop. I can’t fucking do that. Imagine having 20 songs palying at once, and trying to focus on just 1 song. That’s the bare bones of what me and many other people’s lives are like, and thats just the audible sense, the same applies to every other sense.
I can feel the fabric of my clothes at all times and the texture of the straw woven chair on my butt and the stagnant air fluttering by.
I can smell every whiff of cow manure and chicken feed that flows around.
I can see Every. Single. Damn. Movement. I can see (and hear) the soda bubbles beside me as I type this, the rising and falling of the the dogs chest, the crawling of ladybugs from the other side of the room. I can even see all the birds outside from my peripheral view, they’re looking for sticks and worms right now.
I can hear the drying machine spinning around and thump of clothes when they hit the bottom from the living room, the passing conversation from girls riding their bikes across the street, every step from upstairs.
The only time everything is “quiet” is at night. And even then, sometimes not. I can hear Evans fan and tv from the other room, the shuffling from downstairs, barking dogs across town, I can even hear all the bugs and rodents having what I can only assume is a disco in the walls. You want me to sleep when I can hear rats in the walls? Ok then.
Every sense is turned all the way up with no off button, so please don’t get upset with divergent people when they can’t pay attention
I compare my hearing to scenes in movies where characters are all arguing over one another, and no one can hear anyone, and it’s a big mess of confusion. That’s how my hearing is- everything is competing for my attention, but because there are so many things, I end up not being able to hear anything clearly.
people are absolutely EVIL about the boundaries of “picky eaters”. no, they do not have to try it. yes, they can know they don’t like it without having eaten it before. no, they probably have not suddenly grown a taste for the food they’ve said they hate. no, they probably are not going to like it in the Special Way This One Place Cooks It. yes, you are being a bad friend if you try to “trick” them into eating it anyway
Things that actually help picky eaters try new things:
“Do you want to try this off of my plate?”
“It’s made of [ingredients], I think you’d like [x part]”
“If you want to see if you like [x food], this is pretty good representation of it”
“You won’t like this, it tastes like [description]. Do you want to try it for fun?”
“Do you remember trying/have you ever tried [x food]? This is like that, but [differences]”
“I think you’d like the taste of this, but the texture is iffy. It’s [description]”
Make sure there’s other food they can eat if they don’t like the new one
And most importantly, build trust with that person by listening to them, showing that you take their concerns into account, and being cool if the answer is no. No is always an option. This isn’t something you do once, it’s a pattern you have to stick to if you want to establish that you are a safe person when it comes to food stuff
Basically: offer the food, explain what’s in it and why you think it’s worth trying, and then be cool with the answer you get. No pressure, no trickery, just be straight up with people
What also never helps is “You can barely taste the [ingredient they told you they don’t like the taste of]”
Becauseyou may barely taste it, but if you can’t stand the taste of something, you grow ridiculously sensitive to even trace amounts of that taste
When I was a kid my dad tried to force me to eat chicken (I would only eat it breaded) by putting it in grilled cheese.
Chicken. In grilled cheese.
It made me vomit and to this day I can’t eat chicken and cheese together (including chicken alfredo even though the components are all things I’ll eat separately).
In Girl Scouts there was no accommodation for picky eating. At camp they would force you to eat whatever was for dinner and if you didn’t want to eat it you’d either be forced or go hungry.
On school trips, the meals included on the group menu were extremely limited. Because of this, I barely ate anything in a 24-32 hour timespan on our way to Disney World, promptly got a raging headache like I do when I don’t eat, took Advil, and then proceeded to have the worst vomiting experience of my life. My face was puffy and covered in tiny red dots from broken blood vessels for most of the trip.
Give picky eaters options. I don’t care if you can’t accommodate everyone, but give them options. If you’re an adult and you’re caring for or chaperoning a child or teen who doesn’t like any of the options available, especially at a prepaid dining event, at least make sure they can eat something after. Don’t force kids to eat whatever’s put in front of them; it can be traumatic. I had a lot of experiences as a kid where my friends’ parents hated dealing with me so my mom would usually give me something to eat before or to bring with me. As a teenager I just wouldn’t eat if nothing was available for me to eat.
What I’ll never forget is my one friend’s mother, who knew how picky I was. Every time I came over and stayed for dinner, she always made a frozen baguette because she wanted to make sure I was able to eat something. I don’t think she ever explicitly said anything but I knew that was the intention and I’ll always be grateful for that.
TLDR; please stop forcing kids to eat foods they’re uncomfortable with. If anything, it’ll make them want to try new foods even less. Traumatic experiences surrounding food can cause lifelong issues with eating. Picky eaters are not choosing to be picky. If you would provide someone with allergies other options, you can do the same for picky eaters.
(ID: one hand labeled “autism” shaking hands with another hand labeled “gender dysphoria”, where their hands meet it says “making me dress inappropriately for the weather”)
i have been super self conscious abt my public & compulsive verbal stimming recently so if u r autistic/adhd/add/another stimming neurodivergency & have verbal stims/echolalia/palilalia please reblog with ur current favourite sound, word, or phrase! it’ll make me feel a little less alone:“)
mine is a high pitch "nnnyA nnnyA nnnyA nnnyaA nnnyA” & “wow” :D
