“If he doesn’t text you

and you’re ruined.

If you can’t find joy

in what you used to,

If you can’t think

of anything other

than his absence

You Are In Big Trouble, My Love.”

“You looked at me

and your eyes widened

Hungry.

But I looked away

because I know

the pain waiting for me

if I let myself fall.”

- and I don’t think I could take it

“And just like that

You chose someone else over me.

Dismissed me

Like I’m nothing.”

- I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.

“So it’s up to you now.

Talk to me or ignore me,

see me or leave me,

be with me or against me.

Love me or don’t.”

- So tired of trying

“I think of you before I sleep

I think of you after I wake

I think I’m lucky

If you think of me

At all.”

- This isn’t fair

“It’s like you’ve turned away from me.

And though I leap back and forth behind you

waving my arms,

shouting.

Your back remains turned.

You choose not to hear me

You choose not to acknowledge me.”

- you hurt me so easily

“And I wish and I wish and I wish

I mattered to you.”

- I love you more

“I’m done.

I’ve given you so much

and you’ve given me nothing.

And I am the only one who gets hurt.”

- I need to stop.

“And I miss you,

all the time.

Even when I see you.

Even when we talk.”

- It’s never enough.

“I have cried because of you,

I have lain awake because of you,

I have felt truly safe because of you.

And I am falling apart

Because of you.”

I never learn.

“How am I supposed to tell you

that the way you push me aside,

the way you keep me

so carefully

at arms length,

makes my brows crease

my chest hurt

my soul ache.”

I don’t understand when this happened

“You haven’t replied to my message.

And I can’t believe that after all this time

you are still that unkind

and I am still pathetic enough

to let it hurt me.”

Why

“I am so tired of crying over you.”

- 03.10.19

“And now I am grieving for the loss of you,

I wonder if my mother grieved for my father in the same way.

Quietly and alone,

so the sorrow remains unknown.”

- no one can know the pain of losing a love that was always in the dark.

14.09.19

“You don’t notice when you hurt me,

because how could you know

that anything other

than your complete

and undivided attention

causes me pain.”

- my fault, not yours.

“And although I love you

So deeply and so desperately

And although I cannot stop myself

from clinging to the thought of you loving me too,

a part of me wants to run

wants to hold my middle finger up

and curse the day you were born

And leave you

Far behind.”

“You call and I will come to you

Over And Over Again.

Even when my brain is screaming at me to stay put,

my feet will walk to where you are.”

“You will choose her

again and again,

and I will keep on choosing you.”

“I can’t begin to heal,

not yet,

because I am still breaking.”

“My curse is to love only those who cannot or will not love me in return.”