#wanting you
I have never enjoyed sweet drinks
It’s always, “Liquor and bitters, please”
I never considered myself to be particularly sweet, either
It never went down well, I preferred the burn of whiskey
Rather than being burned.
But, I’m sweet on you - oh,
I’m sweetest with you.
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Once I had you,
The night I first tried you -
Tasted you.
The night I let myself want you…
I found myself appreciating the sweeter things.
Maybe it’s you, your sweetness
That disarms me
That sweetens me.
Maybe it’s you, sweetheart.
“If he doesn’t text you
and you’re ruined.
If you can’t find joy
in what you used to,
If you can’t think
of anything other
than his absence
You Are In Big Trouble, My Love.”
“You looked at me
and your eyes widened
Hungry.
But I looked away
because I know
the pain waiting for me
if I let myself fall.”
- and I don’t think I could take it
And … you see … I love you.
And I love you
And I love you
I love you
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you oh my god I love you
And I just love you.
“And just like that
You chose someone else over me.
Dismissed me
Like I’m nothing.”
- I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.
“So it’s up to you now.
Talk to me or ignore me,
see me or leave me,
be with me or against me.
Love me or don’t.”
- So tired of trying
“I think of you before I sleep
I think of you after I wake
I think I’m lucky
If you think of me
At all.”
- This isn’t fair
“Maybe I’ll be okay.
Without your smile
Your easy company.
Maybe I’ll be okay,
without your little laugh
and the warmth of your affection
blanketing me.
Maybe I’ll be okay
without your name on my phone
Day After Day.
Maybe I’ll be okay
Without you.”
- Hold tight.
“It’s like you’ve turned away from me.
And though I leap back and forth behind you
waving my arms,
shouting.
Your back remains turned.
You choose not to hear me
You choose not to acknowledge me.”
- you hurt me so easily
“And I wish and I wish and I wish
I mattered to you.”
- I love you more
“I’m angry
all the time.
Even when I smile,
Even when I laugh,
Even when the warm breeze of happiness rushes over me.”
- The anger never leaves
“I’m done.
I’ve given you so much
and you’ve given me nothing.
And I am the only one who gets hurt.”
- I need to stop.
“And I miss you,
all the time.
Even when I see you.
Even when we talk.”
- It’s never enough.
“I have cried because of you,
I have lain awake because of you,
I have felt truly safe because of you.
And I am falling apart
Because of you.”
I never learn.
“How am I supposed to tell you
that the way you push me aside,
the way you keep me
so carefully
at arms length,
makes my brows crease
my chest hurt
my soul ache.”
I don’t understand when this happened
“You haven’t replied to my message.
And I can’t believe that after all this time
you are still that unkind
and I am still pathetic enough
to let it hurt me.”
Why
“It is a strange thing; to know that I loved you, so completely, so absolutely.
That I carried the weight of my love for you like a boulder in my chest.
That I longed for you, every day and every night.
And yet, it just wasn’t enough.”
I needed you like I needed to breathe.
“And no matter the pain, no matter the hurt;
Life will keep on going,
hearts will keep on beating,
the world will keep on turning
and you,
My Darling,
will keep on living.”
Perspective can be hard, but it is important.
The worst thing about getting everything you ever wanted
is losing it.
-10.03.20
I will be okay
I say to you and to everyone else.
I will be okay.
I say it to myself, every day.
I will be okay, no matter what it takes.
No matter how long it takes.
I will be okay.
- 18.11.19
“And maybe
in another life,
we are standing
Side by Side.”
23.10.19
