#wanting what you cant have
“If he doesn’t text you
and you’re ruined.
If you can’t find joy
in what you used to,
If you can’t think
of anything other
than his absence
You Are In Big Trouble, My Love.”
“You looked at me
and your eyes widened
Hungry.
But I looked away
because I know
the pain waiting for me
if I let myself fall.”
- and I don’t think I could take it
And … you see … I love you.
And I love you
And I love you
I love you
I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you oh my god I love you
And I just love you.
“And just like that
You chose someone else over me.
Dismissed me
Like I’m nothing.”
- I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt.
“So it’s up to you now.
Talk to me or ignore me,
see me or leave me,
be with me or against me.
Love me or don’t.”
- So tired of trying
“I think of you before I sleep
I think of you after I wake
I think I’m lucky
If you think of me
At all.”
- This isn’t fair
“It’s like you’ve turned away from me.
And though I leap back and forth behind you
waving my arms,
shouting.
Your back remains turned.
You choose not to hear me
You choose not to acknowledge me.”
- you hurt me so easily
“And I wish and I wish and I wish
I mattered to you.”
- I love you more
“I’m done.
I’ve given you so much
and you’ve given me nothing.
And I am the only one who gets hurt.”
- I need to stop.
“And I miss you,
all the time.
Even when I see you.
Even when we talk.”
- It’s never enough.
“I have cried because of you,
I have lain awake because of you,
I have felt truly safe because of you.
And I am falling apart
Because of you.”
I never learn.
“You haven’t replied to my message.
And I can’t believe that after all this time
you are still that unkind
and I am still pathetic enough
to let it hurt me.”
Why
“It is a strange thing; to know that I loved you, so completely, so absolutely.
That I carried the weight of my love for you like a boulder in my chest.
That I longed for you, every day and every night.
And yet, it just wasn’t enough.”
I needed you like I needed to breathe.
“I cannot keep doing
the exact same thing
Over and Over and Over
again
and expect a different outcome.”
- Fairly sure that’s the definition of stupidity
10.10.19
“I am so tired of crying over you.”
- 03.10.19
“You don’t notice when you hurt me,
because how could you know
that anything other
than your complete
and undivided attention
causes me pain.”
- my fault, not yours.
“And although I love you
So deeply and so desperately
And although I cannot stop myself
from clinging to the thought of you loving me too,
a part of me wants to run
wants to hold my middle finger up
and curse the day you were born
And leave you
Far behind.”
“You call and I will come to you
Over And Over Again.
Even when my brain is screaming at me to stay put,
my feet will walk to where you are.”
“You will choose her
again and again,
and I will keep on choosing you.”
“I can’t begin to heal,
not yet,
because I am still breaking.”
