#working on myself
Okay so this is mostly for my mutuals and anyone who frequents my blog. Since I finally started going to therapy on a regular basis (once a week!) I want to dedicate the rest of the year working on myself and making things better and making healthier choices for myself, which means I am taking a break from social media.
And by social media I mean Tumblr, because it is literally the only thing even remotely close to social media I am on.
Yeah no Twitter or Insta for me. I’m self destructive but not THATself destructive!
Anyways.
I don’t know if I’ll come back to this blog or not but I hope I do, because in spite of all of the dumb arguments and fights that happen on here, I really love connecting with people who share a mutual love for things I enjoy (or bonding over dunking on things we hate). If I do come back on here it will be with more concrete boundaries set for myself and how I interact with people on here and how I interact with social media in general. I’ll probably be mostly focused on writing and posting my writing if I do come back on here.
I also hope to dedicate more of this blog to just enjoying The Loki Trilogy instead of recycling the same arguments and discourse about the show over and over again. The problems that I have with it have been said over and over again in different ways and honestly if you can’t see what’s wrong with the show by now after all of this then you’re never going to and I am done wasting my energy trying to change the mind of people who refuse to see how toxic the writing is.
So instead I am going to focus my energy towards enjoying the movies Loki is in that actually portray him respectfully (so literally nothing past TDW), and thatpart of the fandom.
But first I need to take a break in order to work on myself. I’ve taken breaks from Tumblr in the past (even ones that have lasted over a year or even two years I think) but I didn’t have a therapist to help me fully internalize changing myself for the better.
This post is way longer than I intended it to be. I literally was just going to post “Taking a break for three months, later!” but…. Idk. I really don’t think anyone cares, but I also feel like if I don’t say what I want to say now it will haunt me and keep making me want to get back on here to post about it. So I have to get everything out now so I don’t worry or think too much about it.
Anyways. So yeah, I’ll be taking a break, fully ghosting, for the next three months, until New Year’s. It seems like a pretty good amount of time to work on myself.
I hope you all a very good spoopy season and holiday season, and for the other members of Loki’s Army who remain here: fuckthe TV show.
SELF CONCEPT WORK
So I am 6 months in to SOLID SC work ! I have woken up every morning and positively affirmed, I’ve listened to subliminals, listened to affirmations on my way to work and persisted the f*ck out of circumstances! Worked through trauma in therapy, been at Pilates 3 times a week! I first started manifesting when I was 22 years young and now 8 years later I’m into law of assumption and it’s transformed my life
As someone who previously had poor boundaries, codependent and was used to always putting other people before me this is huge!! I am celebrating the f*ck out of this! I am now my biggest priority and focusing on myself solely and giving myself my undivided attention and energy . I’ve chosen to specifically highlight this because I’ve tended to skim over and skip over these and actually I deserve to celebrate and feel good about looking after myself In all AREAS of my life. I give myself FULL credit for the effort I’ve put into myself and I feel that it should not be overlooked. It could have been easy to just stop or not be bothered to affirm etc however I persisted and did not give up on me. It also feels good to know I’m giving all of my energy and attention to me and no one else is getting this much attention from me and it makes me feel special and exclusive ! I can no longer say ‘ people don’t support me or take advantage’ because I’m actually giving all of me to me and I love it! Im super focused on me and the vision I have for myself and my life and I love it ! I don’t have to settle and if I’m unhappy I just need to change the story I’m telling myself and that’s it ! It really is that simple.
I’ve not stopped affirming and talking to myself kindly. I’ve also learned and embodied the concept of Give to yourself what you seek from others. My affirmations are being recited back to me from others, and YES 3D is conforming. I try not to pay attention to 3D but I do use it as feedback at times also to see how I’m doing and what other people are showing me also.
Things I’ve learned along the way is do the SC work to solely feel good about self and not to manifest a man or anything. We all deserve to feel really good about ourselves ! Also there is NOTHING far fetched. I can have anything, be anything and do anything I want ! Think as BIG as possible and no it’s possible, I have it and I’ve always had it. I don’t want to manifest what I ‘think’ I ‘should’ have NO let’s get delusional baby . Think BIG!!!!! I’m NOT thinking in the box at all whatsoever. I’ve posted a lot on the thing I’ve manifested over the past 6 months and it really is amazing! I’m excited to see where I will be at by August on my birthday . I am nothing short of amazing and I own it .
So in my short few days away from social media, I have so far:
1. Not bought anything stupid and unnecessary online.
2. Logged hours of practice on Duolingo.
3. Done more chores around the house, and picked up my dishes and things right away instead of being easily distracted by the scroll-hole that is Facebook and Instagram .
4. Done less needless snacking and more sketching and sewing.
I’m really happy with how this is going. I may never go back! (Obviously still updating commission info and such, but no more looking for the sake of looking)
Weekly Progress : Working on Yourself (3)
This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
External :
- Try making small talk with someone.
- Something as small as asking the cashier how their day is going, or telling your waiter that you like their hairstyle.
- Some topics: their day, the weather, their outfit, movies, the venue you’re at, travel, their local favourites, etc.
Mental :
- Continuing with the confidence practice.
- Last time we made a list of your good qualities and qualities you need to work on.
- Let’s take one of your qualities that you need to work on, and set a small goal that’s achievable.
- For example, if your quality is not being able to wake up on time, download an app called Alarmy. Set a goal that this week, you’ll wake up at least 5 days out of 7 on time.
Physical :
- Let’s do a 30 minute ab workout!
- Here’s one without any equipment:
Weekly Progress : Working on Yourself (2)
This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
External :
- Check up on a friend or family member.
- Just asking, “how are you? Have you been doing okay?” shows that you care about them.
- Relationships are TWO WAYS! You can’t complain about someone not putting in effort if YOU don’t.
Mental :
- Let’s practice confidencetoday.
- To do this, we first must outline the kind of person you’d like to be.
- You’ll need a book / diary for this - in this series, you’ll write pretty often.
- Why? Having a game plan makes it easy to visualise and therefore carry out activities to help reach that goal.
- Create two lists, 1) qualities and attributes you think you have (honesty, integrity, etc) and 2) qualities of the person you want to be.
- Don’t be harsh on yourself. Write it down for yourself, no one will judge you. You’re allowed to write good things about yourself.
Physical :
- A HIIT workout, 15 minutes.
- Something to keep your heart pumping and blood flowing!
- YouTube, as usual, has some great options.
Setting boundaries : Saying NO
Setting boundaries can be difficult. It’s easier said than done, and often, when the situation changes, our boundaries seem to change too.
That guy who you can’t get out of your mind ghosted you for two weeks, so you decided to forget about him - now he’s texting you again. And your boundaries? Forgotten.
Someone who you don’t particularly like keeps asking you for dinner. What do you do? Reluctantly go against your will.
You’re placed in a position where you either have to betray your actual self for the validation or fear of upsetting someone else.
Boundary setting wasn’t easy for me, either. I used to be a very shy child - saying no was impossible.
Here’s how I’ve grown from that mindset:
1. Tell yourself saying no is cool.
I don’t know why repeating this to myself had a positive effect, but it did.
“Saying no makes you cool.”
Practice with small situations to be able to cope with larger ones.
- saying no for a second/ third helping at dinner
- saying no if you’re not in the mood to drink or smoke
- saying no if you don’t like what the salesperson is showing you
Unfortunately we live in a world where saying no is very slowly being accepted as “polite.” Had this been taught to us as children, it would’ve been easier to handle as adults.
2. Tell yourself this is a simulation.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to say certain things that you want to say. I like to tell myself that I’m in a video game or a tv show and that this is just what I’m supposed to say. “No.”
3. Anticipate the future responses.
A lot of people think that saying no is an opportunity to convince you to say yes.
“Would you like to drink?”
“No, thank you - I’d rather be sober tonight.”
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
I think this mentality comes from toxic hustle culture - “never accept no!” “Keep grinding!” “Try again and again even if you fail!” - so you need to anticipate this.
For this reason, keep your guard up. Nine out of ten times, the person who’s asking you is going to persist. Be prepared for it.
Here’s a couple of tips:
- Make a slight face and say “no thanks.” If you look hesitant, they WILL convince you further.
- Be very confident. Keep your posture straight. Shoulders broad. Have a neutral expression when they try to convince you.
-thank them at the end. In my experience, I’ve noticed that if I thank them for “being understanding”, they immediately drop it. Why? Because you’ve given them the validation they need.
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
“Oh, no thanks. I’m really not in the mood to drink tonight, thank you for looking out though!”
4. If you’re going to go to an event, or you’re going to have a difficult conversation with someone- plan it out.
Let’s say I have to confront a cheating boyfriend. Here’s what I’d write down in my Notes app:
‘He’s cheated on me with X on X date, at X venue.
He’s going to deny it at first. I need to stay calm and persistent, and not back down.
He’s going to try to convince me that I’m crazy. This is the phase I know I’m getting through to him, because he’s changing his tactics. Again, I need to be as blank faced as possible and refuse to give in.
He’s going to then try to emotionally manipulate me. He may blackmail or bring up the past. He may tell me that I don’t trust him. He’ll try to push the blame on ME.
I have to be aware of how he’s going to react. I need to be calm, absolutely calm until he breaks and confesses everything.
My goal of this conversation is to get him to confess and break up with him.”
Planning it like this helps, because now you have something secure. Here’s a guideline for the same :
1.Describe the situation briefly. (What happened exactly? What do you know? What have other people told you? Do you have evidence?)
2. Note down how you think they’ll react. Would they get defensive or angry? Would they lie? What would YOU do if you were in their place? (Come up with all possible scenarios).
3. Write down solutions for every situation.
“If X starts lying, I’ll say this : “____”.”
“If X denies it, I’ll bring up this screenshot.”
“If X starts to blame someone else, I’ll wait until they’re done speaking and then tell them I already spoke to that person.”
4. What is the goal of this conversation?
