#that girl aesthetic
good morning, sunshine
new york is my lover
looking cute while taking care of my mind and body is my idea of a religious experience idk
boarding school babe
If you struggle with making to do lists,
Start with a list of only 3.
Three!
Practice it for around two weeks. Create consistency.
Remember, the most important part about achieving goals isn’t necessarily achieving the goal itself- it’s being consistent enough to achieve it.
Once you get the habit of setting 3 tasks a day, accomplishing them, and you feel that it’s getting too easy now, THAT is when you step out of your comfort zone and push boundaries.
Thenraise that number to 4 or 5 but don’t skip to an unnecessarily large number like 7 or 8 immediately.
Personal growth involves lots of baby steps. Kind of like accelerating a car - don’t go 0 to 100 immediately, go 0-10, 10-20, and then so on.
Weekly Progress : Working on Yourself (3)
This series is to make it easier for you to become the person you want to be. Keep in mind that I’m not a therapist, and take my suggestions as you would from a friend.
Try achieving these goals every week. They’re short and doable, and it’s to increase your confidence, step by step.
To keep things simple, we only have 3 categories (external, mental and physical) which will have one goal each.
External :
- Try making small talk with someone.
- Something as small as asking the cashier how their day is going, or telling your waiter that you like their hairstyle.
- Some topics: their day, the weather, their outfit, movies, the venue you’re at, travel, their local favourites, etc.
Mental :
- Continuing with the confidence practice.
- Last time we made a list of your good qualities and qualities you need to work on.
- Let’s take one of your qualities that you need to work on, and set a small goal that’s achievable.
- For example, if your quality is not being able to wake up on time, download an app called Alarmy. Set a goal that this week, you’ll wake up at least 5 days out of 7 on time.
Physical :
- Let’s do a 30 minute ab workout!
- Here’s one without any equipment:
Quantifying your goals
Coming up with goals is easy.
Everyone has a version of themselves that they’d like to be.
Someone who for instance, wakes up early on time; someone who gets work done fast; has enough free time in the world to pursue hobbies; avoids procrastination and so on.
Listing goals like this is child’s play:
1. I want to be rich
2. I want to wake up early
3. I want to work out everyday
4. I want to get good grades in my classes
But after listing it comes the problem. The first half of the issue has been tackled. But now what?
How do I work towards that goal now?
Let me teach you how to quantify goals.
There’s no point in having goals if you can’t quantify them.
I’ll use the exact four goals above to show you what I mean.
1. “I want to be rich.”
What does “rich” mean to you? What amount of money is “rich” to you? The amount isn’t the same for everyone. By simply saying that, you’re going nowhere because there’s no specifications.
Here’s an alternative:
“By the end of 2022, I should have X amount in my savings account. I have come to this amount by calculating my expenses and income. In order to live the lifestyle I want, I should have X amount in my savings.”
This is a better plan. Now you have something to actually work towards, a number, and not just an ambiguous “rich.”
2. “I want to wake up early.”
A lot of people, including myself, struggle to wake up early. How do you achieve the goal of waking up early?
Let me share my own example with you. I tend to get up at 8 am. My goal is to wake up at 5:30 am.
I have already established my main goal. Now I’m going to create steps for it.
I know that I can’t jump from 8 am to 5:30 am, because my body won’t be able to take it.
So I create short goals. Achievable goals.
For the next 10 days, I’ll get up at 7:30 am.
10 days after that, 7 am.
10 days after that, 6:30 am.
And so on.
By creating steps to my goal, I now have a strategy ready. I have quantified my goals.
The same applies to working out and getting good grades.
3. “I want to work out consistently”
= “I want to work out at least four times a week.”
4. “I want to get good grades”
= “I want X GPA by the end of this semester.”
Visualising goals is easy.
Strategising them is challenging.
Executing them is challenging.
By strategising your goals, you’re able to create a game plan. By creating a game plan, you’re able to follow through that plan. Execution then becomes a breeze.
Best Productivity Apps
Personal Growth:
If you struggle to wake up:
Alarmy (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/alarmy-morning-alarm-clock/id1163786766)
If you want to work on your English and math skills:
Elevate (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/elevate-brain-training/id875063456)
To keep a track of your habits:
Habit (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/habit-tracker/id1438388363)
To read diverse articles:
Medium (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/medium/id828256236)
To keep a track of finances:
Spendee (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/spendee-budget-money-tracker/id635861140)
Work
If you want to create to-do lists on your phone:
Minimalist (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/minimalist-to-do-list-task/id993066159)
Health
To do a 30 minute workout anywhere:
Sweat (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/sweat-fitness-app-for-women/id1049234587)
To keep a track of your menstruation:
Flo (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/flo-my-cycle-period-tracker/id1038369065)
School
To keep a track of your grades:
Grades (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/grades-grade-calculator-gpa/id1069653513)
To keep a track, schedule, and monitor studying time:
Flip (https://apps.apple.com/in/app/flip-focus-timer-for-study/id1435127190)
Setting boundaries : Saying NO
Setting boundaries can be difficult. It’s easier said than done, and often, when the situation changes, our boundaries seem to change too.
That guy who you can’t get out of your mind ghosted you for two weeks, so you decided to forget about him - now he’s texting you again. And your boundaries? Forgotten.
Someone who you don’t particularly like keeps asking you for dinner. What do you do? Reluctantly go against your will.
You’re placed in a position where you either have to betray your actual self for the validation or fear of upsetting someone else.
Boundary setting wasn’t easy for me, either. I used to be a very shy child - saying no was impossible.
Here’s how I’ve grown from that mindset:
1. Tell yourself saying no is cool.
I don’t know why repeating this to myself had a positive effect, but it did.
“Saying no makes you cool.”
Practice with small situations to be able to cope with larger ones.
- saying no for a second/ third helping at dinner
- saying no if you’re not in the mood to drink or smoke
- saying no if you don’t like what the salesperson is showing you
Unfortunately we live in a world where saying no is very slowly being accepted as “polite.” Had this been taught to us as children, it would’ve been easier to handle as adults.
2. Tell yourself this is a simulation.
Sometimes it’s very difficult to say certain things that you want to say. I like to tell myself that I’m in a video game or a tv show and that this is just what I’m supposed to say. “No.”
3. Anticipate the future responses.
A lot of people think that saying no is an opportunity to convince you to say yes.
“Would you like to drink?”
“No, thank you - I’d rather be sober tonight.”
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
I think this mentality comes from toxic hustle culture - “never accept no!” “Keep grinding!” “Try again and again even if you fail!” - so you need to anticipate this.
For this reason, keep your guard up. Nine out of ten times, the person who’s asking you is going to persist. Be prepared for it.
Here’s a couple of tips:
- Make a slight face and say “no thanks.” If you look hesitant, they WILL convince you further.
- Be very confident. Keep your posture straight. Shoulders broad. Have a neutral expression when they try to convince you.
-thank them at the end. In my experience, I’ve noticed that if I thank them for “being understanding”, they immediately drop it. Why? Because you’ve given them the validation they need.
“What! Why? It’s a party! Have you tried this wine? It’s seriously so good, have a couple of sips!”
“Oh, no thanks. I’m really not in the mood to drink tonight, thank you for looking out though!”
4. If you’re going to go to an event, or you’re going to have a difficult conversation with someone- plan it out.
Let’s say I have to confront a cheating boyfriend. Here’s what I’d write down in my Notes app:
‘He’s cheated on me with X on X date, at X venue.
He’s going to deny it at first. I need to stay calm and persistent, and not back down.
He’s going to try to convince me that I’m crazy. This is the phase I know I’m getting through to him, because he’s changing his tactics. Again, I need to be as blank faced as possible and refuse to give in.
He’s going to then try to emotionally manipulate me. He may blackmail or bring up the past. He may tell me that I don’t trust him. He’ll try to push the blame on ME.
I have to be aware of how he’s going to react. I need to be calm, absolutely calm until he breaks and confesses everything.
My goal of this conversation is to get him to confess and break up with him.”
Planning it like this helps, because now you have something secure. Here’s a guideline for the same :
1.Describe the situation briefly. (What happened exactly? What do you know? What have other people told you? Do you have evidence?)
2. Note down how you think they’ll react. Would they get defensive or angry? Would they lie? What would YOU do if you were in their place? (Come up with all possible scenarios).
3. Write down solutions for every situation.
“If X starts lying, I’ll say this : “____”.”
“If X denies it, I’ll bring up this screenshot.”
“If X starts to blame someone else, I’ll wait until they’re done speaking and then tell them I already spoke to that person.”
4. What is the goal of this conversation?
Advice for today: treat yourself as if you’re your friend.
We treat our friends better than we treat ourselves.
We listen to them, comfort them, provide them solace; we engage with them, and be their support.
Yet when it comes to ourselves, we can’t seem to provide the same.
What are some steps to treating yourself better and being comfortable in who you are?
- Create a personal SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats).
- What are your good qualities (integrity, good listener, loyal friend, etc.)?
- What are your weaknesses (lazy, bad temper, reckless, etc.)?
- Whatopportunities do you have coming up where you can shine (exams, job interview, meeting with someone important)?
- And what are your threats (i.e., what’s stopping you from being better?)
Without acknowledging the good AND the bad about yourself, you won’t be able to accept yourself. 

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- If you’re new to being committed to yourself, don’t be harsh on yourself. Being honest with yourself is a process, and the process includes messing up.
- Setone personal commitment a day. ONE. It could something as easy as putting on a mask. It could be cooking a meal. It could be going for a walk. It has to be only for you.
- Whatdoes not include as personal commitment? Homework, work, priorities that are directly related to your career and home, etc.
- Here’s how you should plan it : the commitment you pick shouldn’t be dependent on any other factor apart from you. Putting on a clay mask doesn’t affect your grades. Doing deep breathing for 5 minutes doesn’t clean your room - both activities involve 100% YOU.
Tough pill to swallow:
You are responsible for your happiness, regardless of the situation you’re in.
You are responsible for your health and well being, regardless of the money you have.
A permanent victim mindset does not fix problems.
It only makes you vulnerable, irresponsible and a dependent human being.
The 7 Day #IChooseMe Challenge
The next seven days, choose YOU.
Choose yourself.
Prioritise yourself.
Take care of yourself.
If you’ve been feeling lost lately, or life has been off track - this challenge is great to bring you back on track.
It helps you have some structure in your life, while allowing you to have fun and plenty of spare time.
I am not a therapist or a doctor. Take this advice as you would from a friend.
With this challenge, you’ll feel a little more fulfilled, happier, and you’ll have a set routine.
You only have to accomplish 6 small goals a day for 7 days to finish this challenge.
Download the tracker PDF to tick mark the goals you accomplish everyday! Download it from my google drive. https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1Nswwr87sQrFwWvcbexPrsJF5w0F-WyLk?usp=sharing
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The Night Before Day 1
- Get in bed by 11:30 pm, even if you’re not tired.
- Try to finish all your work.
- Set your phone away from you.
- Download the PDF tracker.
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Day 1
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
- Read 2 newsarticles.
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for today.
- Eat at least 1 fruit of your choice.
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Day 2
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Yf5SYwqjw&feature=emb_title
- choose a healthy option for lunch. Salads, soups, healthy wraps, a light rice bowl - eat something with lots of nutrients.
-Compliment someone at work/ school today!
-Clean your room.
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Day 3
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day by telling yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”Today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
- Read 5 pages of any book of your choice. If you don’t like reading, then listen to this podcast (start at 1 minute to skip the intro) :
- write down a listofqualities you think you need to work on. It could be things like being on time, working on your anger, etc.
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Day 4
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a lymphatic drainage massage! This is a 10 minute video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9MCezvvbm_A&feature=emb_title
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful fortoday.
- Do a 20 minute workout.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCG4zlvuUok
- Change your bedsheetsandcovers. If you have some lavender mist lying around, spray it under your pillow for a good night’s rest.
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Day 5
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 6 minute, deep breathing meditation. Sit cross legged as you face south east, close your eyes and focus on breathing deeply.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0Yf5SYwqjw&feature=emb_title
- Eat a fruit of your choice.
- Read 2 news articles.
- Drink 2 litres of water today. Add a piece of lemon or mint if that helps!
_______________________________________________
Day 6
- wake up at 7 am or 2.5 hours before work/ school.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Start your day with a 10 minute stretch. Do this before you eat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T41mYCmtWls
- Write down 3 things you’re grateful for.
- Tell yourself any 3 affirmations. Look at yourself in the mirror and speak out loud. This could be something like …”today is going to be a good day. I’m capable of accomplishing and handling everything sent my way. I am a positive, healthy person and I genuinely love the person I am, or I am becoming.”
-Call up your mum, family member, friends and have a chat with them. Find out how they’re doing.
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Day 7
-Sleep in till 9 am today if you like! But if you have work or school, get up at 7 am / 2.5 hours before you have to go.
- Make a to-do list for the day. Groceries, laundry, assignments due, appointments - make it a habit to note it down around 20 minutes after you wake up.
- Put on a face mask of your choice.
- Eat a healthy, filling breakfast. If you can’t eat in the mornings, then have a glass or two of water.
- If you can step outside, go for a 30 minute walk. If you’re unable to, then do some stretching at home.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssaMwhZlIeE&t=3s
- Write down how you felt this whole week. Did you feel better? Was there some structure in your life?
On being disciplined
Discipline can be really, really hard.
At some point of time, we all know that it’s not motivation that helps us achieve goals, but discipline.
Being disciplined can be exhausting. It can feel like everyday is the same day, and it can be scary for some people.
Self help books can often be annoying because they all repeat the same content more or less, just packaged differently.
So here are some easy steps to actually being disciplined.
1.Understand that discipline comes from accomplishing small tasks.
Here’s a simple formula:
Doing a task consistently = executing that task properly = experience in that task grows = results in confidence in doing that particular task
- What’s something that you can do in practically your sleep? It could be something as small as making your bed (because you have practice!), baking a certain dessert that all your friends love (practice!), being able to understand how mitosis works (biology homework- practice!).
- Everything comes from practice.
You can read as many books as you like, attend as many self-help conferences, but if you don’t put in the work, it’s money wasted.
2.So what kind of small tasks am I talking about to increase your discipline?
Here are some examples:
- You really want to nap for 20 minutes. So you set your alarm, and you sleep. 20 minutes later, the alarm goes off.
- Do you wake up? Or do you snooze for another 20?
Waking up after the first alarm goes off requires discipline. Sheer willpower.
Nail this step first.
- By nailing just the art of waking of waking up at the time you were supposed to, you may be grumpy for a minute but you’ve done it! You battled the feelings of being lazy and sleeping in - and now you’re going to probably have a better day.
3.Outline 3-5 tasks that you think you need to do every single day in order to achieve what you want.
Here’s an example of mine:
My Goals:
- To have the mornings to do my tasks, as opposed to sleeping in
- To be able to learn something new everyday
- To keep my brain and body active
- To be aware of what’s going on in the world
This translates to my 5 tasks:
- Waking up at 7 am
- Working out
- Reading the news
- Playing brain games on my phone that help increase your thinking, creativity and intelligence (I use Elevate)
- Reading 3 pages of a book
For me, I’m someone who loves seeing progress being measured. So I maintain a habit tracker.
This method may not work for everyone, but I get happy when I can tick those 5 boxes of my list every night.
4.Here’s how you set the correct goals:
How exactly do you come with those 3-5 tasks?
- Make sure they’re relatively easy.
Reading 3 pages of a book, for example, is quite easy. It takes me around 5 minutes to do that.
Surely I can spend 5 minutes of my day to read just 3 pages?
- Make sure that they’re attainable and you have a choice in that task.
If you don’t exercise, but you want to start, don’t start heavy. Especially if you’re working out by yourself.
“I’ll do a 90 minute workout today!” Turns to “God, I hate this, I hate working out, I’m never doing it again.”
So keep it attainable, even if you feel like you can do more.
Aim for working out 30 minutes a day for 2 weeks.
30 minutes a day, your choice of work out. Human beings love choice. We love choosing what to do. So give yourself the freedom to choose what you want to do.
Then increase that to 45 minutes for 3 weeks.
Then increase that again, if you want to, and if you feel comfortable.
- Make sure it’s something you can do everyday for some time.
For example, reading the news is a daily ritual. I need to know what’s happening in the world. My work requires me to.
I can’t read the news weekly or monthly - it’s something that has to be done everyday.
So regardless of the type of day I’m having, this is something I need to do and is doable.
I can read the news on the train. On the bus. On the toilet. While I eat something.
It’s doable everywhere.
Obviously, it doesn’t apply to all your goals - you can’t workout on a train or in the classroom - but try to keep majority of your goals somewhat portable.
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She Learns: Article of the Week
This series is to help you learn new things about the world, in all sorted of areas. To cultivate your mind, open your eyes and to see things differently.
Today’s article can be accessed on Medium.
