I’m going to attempt to caption this. This man talks fast and puts a lot into a minute.
[Video I.D.
Bruce enters the room, clearly agitated.
Bruce: “Alright, which one of you motherfuckers did it?”
Tim Drake, slightly alarmed: “Woah, Bruce, you doin’ good?”
Bruce, so very annoyed: “Nah, nunununu, shut the fuck up. Which one of you did it!?”
Jason Todd: “Well, that very much depends on what the fuck you’re asking about.”
Dick Grayson: “Yeah, what he said. ‘Cause honestly I’ve done like six things in the last four hours alone that could probably tempt that response.”
Bruce, done with his children: “Confess, or I call Alfred in here and he’ll make you tell me.”
Time Drake, calling bullshit: “Nah, nah you’re bluffing. You wouldn’t dare.”
Bruce: “Alfr-”
Tim Drake, cutting him off, afraid now: “Me and Stephanie convinced Damien that petting zoos were like free yard sales for barn animals.”
Bruce, surprised: “I’m sorry you did fucking what!?”
Dick Grayson: “No, no that’s not it. Uh, the villains from the Silver Age that you thought disappeared didn’t. I just fight them alone and don’t tell you about it because I don’t want you to break all of their bones.”
Bruce, taken back slightly: “Jesus Christ, I’m not that violent, am I?”
Jason Todd: “A little while ago I replaced Two-Face’s coin with an identical replica that’s weighted so that it will always land with unscarred side face up.”
Bruce, shocked: “Is that why we haven’t heard from him in like three months?”
Tim Drake: “I painted all of Jason’s helmets blue.”
Dick Grayson: “And I replaced all of his guns with water pistols.”
Jason Todd: “I replaced all of Tim’s coffee with decaf.”
Tim Drake, angrily: “You what!?”
Bruce cuts in: “Alright, enough Jesus. I was asking which one of you told Superman that if he exposes more skin he’ll get more sun radiation. He’s out there in a fucking Speedo.”
Dick Grayson, laughing: “Oh, yeah, that was me.”
Bruce: “Alright, great, come fix this.”
Dick Grayson: “Sounds to me like there ain’t a situation that needs fixing.”
I recently came across the information that when jason died he was four foot six. four foot fucking six at the age of fifteen is insane, especially considering the fact that as a fully grown adult he’s like six foot two or something. so now I can’t stop thinking about how funny it would be if he had stayed relatively short and then became the red hood. like imagine being a big bad crime lord who puts the fear of god into people and then one day a little five foot two dweeb with a machine gun comes out of nowhere and absolutely rocks your shit. embarrassing.
