#batman family
Harley and Ivy by Joshua Swaby
Batwoman by Joshua Swaby
Bruce: A memo from the Justice League.
Bruce, reading from a paper: Due to elevating cursing from the other heroes that we believe is coming from batfamily, we now are changing the way things are phrased.
Bruce, to Jason: “Ask me if I give a fuck” will be now “Of course I’m concerned.”
Jason:
Bruce, to Tim: “Who gives a shit?” is now “I wasn’t involved in that.”
Tim:*nods*
Bruce, to Stephanie: “Kiss my ass” is now “I don’t think you understand.”
Stephanie:Okay.
Bruce, to Dick: “Suck my dick” is now “Have a nice day.”
Dick:
Bruce, to Damian: And finally “Who the hell died and made you boss?” is now “You want me to take care of this?”
Damian: Yes, Father.
Duke: Bruce, you want me to write a reply email from you about this?
Bruce: Yes, please reply: “To the Justice League, of course I’m concerned. You want me to take care of this? While I wasn’t involved in that, I feel you should reverse these changes as I don’t think you understand. Have a nice day.”
The batkids:*snickering*
Alfred: That’s my boy.
Selina: I love you.
Bruce: A memo from the Justice League.
Bruce, reading from a paper: Due to elevating cursing from the other heroes that we believe is coming from batfamily, we now are changing the way things are phrased.
Bruce, to Jason: “Ask me if I give a fuck” will be now “Of course I’m concerned.”
Jason:
Bruce, to Tim: “Who gives a shit?” is now “I wasn’t involved in that.”
Tim:*nods*
Bruce, to Stephanie: “Kiss my ass” is now “I don’t think you understand.”
Stephanie:Okay.
Bruce, to Dick: “Suck my dick” is now “Have a nice day.”
Dick:
Bruce, to Damian: and finally “Who the hell died and made you boss?” is now “You want me to take care of this?”
Damian: Yes, Father.
Duke: Bruce, you want me to write a reply email from you about this?
Bruce: Yes, please reply: “To the Justice League, of course I’m concerned. You want me to take care of this? While I wasn’t involved in that, I feel you should reverse these changes as I don’t think you understand. Have a nice day.”
The batkids:*snickering*
Alfred: That’s my boy.
Selina: I love you.
Dick, as a police officer: *making a list of all the escaped animals*
Zookeeper: The Tigers should be your top priority.
Dick: *scribbling out Ducks* Yes, of course.
Damian: *googling* What to do if a snake bites you?
Google: Elevate and apply pressure.
Damian: *lifting the snake up high* Apologize or else.
Doctor: Time to test ur reflexes.
Damian: *dodges little knee hammer*
Doctor, under his breath: holy shit.
Someone, pulling next to Steph with a Ferrari: Hey there, beauti–
Steph: If you’re trying to impress me with your vehicle, it better be a food truck.
Jason: Why would people say “You can’t eat that for breakfast”!
Jason: Like time is a man made concept. It’s 5am in the morning and here I am, ready to eat this chicken popcorn.
Dick: We should settle this like civilized adults.
Jason: I agree.
Dick: So, a rap battle?
Jason: A rap battle.
Bruce: WHAT ARE YOU DOING.
Tim, mixing different energy drinks in a cauldron: You know there’s an indigenous word, used to describe people like you.
Tim:PARTY-POOPER
Tim: *violently opens the curtains*
Tim: Wake up or we’ll be late for the parade!
Conner: mY EYES!!
Tim: It’s called sunlight and it’s not that bright.
Conner: IT’S NOT THE SUN IT’S YOUR OUTFIT.
Tim, completely draped in pride themed sequin clothings:oh.
Tim: I think Alfred’s mad at you.
Jason: What makes you say that?
Tim: Because he’s cleaning up the mess you made and asked me to deliver this to you.
Jason, reading the note: “Young Master Jason, I hope this note finds you before I do.”
Roy: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate or malewife our way out of it this time.
Jason: *cracking his knuckles*
Jason: Manslaughter it is.
Tim: You like my personality?
Conner: I was surprised too
Bruce:Tim, Do you have any viable product ideas to contribute?
Tim: Multiple.
Tim:Which one should i present first: ‘Conditioner Gordan’, 'Alfred-no-fret Surface Cleaner’ or 'Bruce Bruise medication’
Board of Directors: :O
Bruce: Ah yes, more therapy sessions it is.
Steph: How dare you run a check on me?! How would you feel if I interfered in YOUR personal life?
Tim: I’d hate it and that’s why I CLEVERLY, have no personal life.
Jason: This is Dick, short for Richard.
Jason: This is Steph, short for Stephanie.
Jason: This is Cass, short for Cassandra.
Jason: Tim got lost on the way so I’ll introduce him later.
Jason: and this is Damian. He’s just short.
Jason: *sends a voice message*
Bruce, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent?
Jason: Oh don’t worry about it!
[later]
Bruce: *presses play*
Jason’s recorded message: BRUCE, THERE’S A F*CKING FIRE IN THE MANOR AND–
Jason, taking off his helmet to reveal another helmet underneath: Does this answer your question?
Roy: I never asked a question.
Dick, throwing confetti: You bring the razzle, and I’ll bring the dazzle.
Bruce: *while apprehending a criminal* Is this why you made me add pockets to your suit?
Dick: Yes and it is 100% worth it.
Tim: *gets a papercut*
Dick: *who recently got his wisdom tooth removed*
Dick, tearing up: DEAR GOD, hasn’t he been through enough–
What’s the batfam doing?
My favorite tweets of this account (@/Batnanigans on Twitter)