#binging

Does crying burn calories? Because otherwise, this shit is overrated.

We’re all going to die anyways, so I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d rather die skinny than fat.

Anyone else feeling like absolute shit right now? Like, can it get any worse?

Never knew how much I missed touching my collarbones until I could feel them again, and I never want to go back to being so disgusting that I couldn’t.

Anyone else feel sick to their stomach over the election. I’m low key terrified.

Why can’t I just take all the Halloween candy in my house and burn it? Can I just throw everything else in my pantry and fridge in the fire while I’m at it? It wouldn’t be a threat anymore.

You know what I just want to say to people sometimes?

It doesn’t matter if people say I’m gaining weight or losing weight, eating too much or too little, either way it triggers me really bad. So please mind your own fucking business and don’t comment on my weight or what I’m eating. Thanks. Have a nice day.

Also, parents please don’t say negative comments about your children’s weight or how they look, I’m sure you don’t want to be a reason for your child’s eating disorder because whether you believe it or not, it can affect them.

Day 16-30 lmao

I just decided to finish this.

16- Well my whole life, but seriously this last time was early September when I went back to in person school.

17- The rational part of my brain knows I do, but I sometimes feel like I’m faking it and don’t deserve to be validated.

18- Icecream and cheeseburgers

19- The last time I ate fast food is probably last week

20- fasting

21- US women’s 8-10/medium

22- My lowest weight is 126. Back in February I started ED tendencies and lost 10 pounds in a short period of time. Then when quarantine started I was really depressed and gave up. I ended up gaining over 30 pounds.

23- Yes

24- I am against pro eating disorders because it can be very harmful. I am not pro and my blog is for my own mental sanity. I only use those tags because their popular.

25- No, I haven’t, but I’ve tried, and was unsuccessful.

26- Proving the world wrong.

27- I just tell myself I’m in control. Food doesn’t control me. I control it. I try to remove myself from the situation.

28- of course I want a thigh gap. I don’t want to feel my fat thighs smushing together.

29- Beauty is in the eye of the behold. And I believe everyone’s body is beautiful.

30- 10 facts:

• I hate bananas

• I love Harry Potter(I’m a slytherin)

• I am an INFJ

• My favorite color is lilac

• My favorite numbers are 7 & 11

• I hate my name

• My favorite candy is Twizzlers

• I love to sing and write

• Minecraft, Avatat the Last Airbender, and Doctor Who was my childhood.

• I want to be Intetnal Medicine doctor.

So my ex-boyfriend texted me out of the blue a little while back, we hadn’t talked in months. Anyways we chill now and friends. But he wants to hang out. I don’t want to bc Im so embarrassed about my weight since I gained since I last saw him. I would never get back together with him for various reasons so it has nothing to do with that. It just gives my so much anxiety but I want to hang out.

My mom deadass just said “You only hate me because I’m just like you and you hate yourself.”

I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Just a tip(and I totallllyyy don’t know this from personal experience): Don’t stand up on you bed and then proceed to jump off of it when you’re fasting. It might not be a pleasant experience.

You know what, fuck Corona. Like I know I’m being selfish for whining when it’s actually affecting people’s lives, but if quarantine never happened I’d probably be fine right now. I never would of gained like 40 pounds, or started developing and ed as a result. Now I’m in a hole I can’t get out of. I used to be thin and happy. Now I’m fat and broken.

Alrighty. I’m back. Nothing new besides my family is always making fasting difficult, as always.

Journal 10/7/2020

I broke my fast(52 hrs) with some chocolate(300 cal). Idk even why but whatever. Going to try and fast tomorrow but there might be a family dinner and we all know how that ends up.

Day 15

I am not but I really do want to be vegetarian but whenever I try my mom yells at me saying I’m going to be malnourished if I don’t eat meat(even tho that doesn’t even matter at this point)

Day 13 & 14

- totallyyy healthy. No disorders here. Nope. Definitely None at all.

- My ultimate GW is 107 lbs (I know it’s random but 7 is my favorite number) and I hope to reach it by the end of May 2021.

Journal 10/6/2020

Went on a short vacation this last weekend. Probably didn’t eat as well as I should but I’m on track again. Fasted yesterday and still fasting. I’m not gonna weight myself bc I low key kinda scared.

When you starve yourself you really learn what foods you do and don’t like.

Day 11 & 12

I don’t really have a favorite thinspo blog.

I normally eat just whatever, as long as it’s not something I don’t like(which is a long list)

Journal 10/1/2020

It’s the first of October!

Intake: Nothing bc fasting

Outtake: 100 cal

Net: -100 calories

Weight: 144.4 lbs