omg i just found out why my ex best friends dropped me! it’s because i was being too “negative” all the time (aka depressed and literally suicidal) and she didn’t want to deal with me! because it’s not her responsibility! (her exact words btw) But when she was “depressed” i would talk with her for 2+ hours on the phone to make her feel better. the other one dropped me because me and my family “treated her like a pet” ???? what does that even mean. does she mean when we drove to her house at 10 at night to pick her up because she was having a panic attack? or does she mean the trip i took her on for my birthday? maybe she means when we took care of her for a week when my mom cleaned up her dogs shit and piss all over the floor. It’s like i treat people with the utmost respect and love. then they treat me like i’m some disgusting freak of nature. :P
just asked my guy friend if he wants to hang out with me for the first time (as friends) and he said “ew never” he knows i have no other friends. not gonna eat for the next 3 days. that shit burned. i’m not even attracted to him or anything. i’m just that repulsive i assume.
I finally got the balls to tell my mom i’m depressed. Now i’m on the max dosage of my antidepressant even though i still don’t feel better. I know it’s a life long thing and there’s no cure but i really wish there was. I’m back to my SW but i’m going to start exercising which is something i’ve never enjoyed. i’m also gonna start eating healthier and not restricting. i kinda just wanna see how things go. as of right now i have a couple friends. i don’t know how i feel about my roommates. we don’t really click like how i do with my other friends. my relationship with my family is a lot better though. my mom became nice to me when she found out i was suicidal i guess. i noticed a pattern with that type of thing. like other people’s parents became nicer to them too when they found out they were mentally ill. it feels so strange to say in my head that im mentally ill. i kinda just have the voice in my head invalidating me, saying im faking. i find comfort in tumblr knowing there’s other people who go through my struggles. Although im not recovered from my ED, im trying my best so i won’t be on tumble for a while. that’s it, thanks for coming to my tedtalk. love u besties
If you get brain fog like I do while fasting, pls eat something.
Also, you would think that she would learn/do something about it after the first time. But no, she was careless and put her ed first and almost took another life. How selfish…
Okay you guys, my timeline be dead asf for some reason (maybe some of y’all got term or something). If you’re and ed account follow me or like this post so I can follow you.
Wow, my eating disorder really has me eating 635 calories instead of the usual 1300 cals the day before my doctors appointment so I can weigh less…. + a 18 hour fast
Wow, I really did this for my appointment to be canceled
In the bright side, I woke up to weigh 139lbs!!! I’ve never seen the 130s before so this is super exciting
Wow, my eating disorder really has me eating 635 calories instead of the usual 1300 cals the day before my doctors appointment so I can weigh less…. + a 18 hour fast
I binged today for the first time in 2 months. I feel awful. I hate myself so damn much. My brother and I got into an argument and I havent gotten so upset in such a long time. I dont know why it made me have the urge to emotionally eat so badly. It didn’t help that I havent lost a pound in 2 weeks. I was only eating 900 calories a day too (occasionally eating 1300 cal when I really needed it). But eating 1300 cal today wasn’t enough. I ate 1955 calories today. Im never going to be skinny :(
