Behind This Mask is a Desperate Heart (Part One)

Hospital AU

AU Summary:A fall. A single fall. It may seem like nothing until it’s all consuming. What happens when the doctors struggle to diagnosis the disease responsible for Virgil’s rapid deterioration?

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Sympathetic!Deceit, and eventually Roman.

Pairings:Eventual Romantic Moxiety & Logince. That’s not to say other ships won’t arise ;)

Word Count:1251

Warnings: descriptions of medical procedures. This chapter examines how a blood sample is acquired.

Author’s Note: This serves as a short first and opening chapter for this AU.

Chapter 1 |Chapter 2|Chapter 3|Chapter 4|Chapter 5|

    Virgil cautiously eyed the swift swipe of pale green drapes separating his hospital bed from the next and listened to passing, tired foot falls and erupting chatter. He detected the shuffling of loose leaf papers; the pitter patter of mechanical rain; and bland, never-ending ringtones.

    “Virgil Poole?”

    Virgil tore his gaze from the poorly-maintained, flickering, overhead lights, “Oh- uh, yeah?”

    “Sorry to have kept you waiting,” the nurse, swathed in pastel blue scrubs with black frames resting on the bridge of his nose, plunked Virgil’s charts onto the metallic bedside table before pulling up a chair.

    Absentmindedly, Virgil’s fingers twitched and tugged at the loose, thin threads on his ebony jacket as the nurse cordially rehashed what Virgil had discussed with the triage nurse.

    “-so, you’ve been experiencing some involuntary movements?”

    “Oh- yeah,” Virgil shoved his fidgeting fingers into his pockets with a weak sigh, “I’ve noticed tremors in my hands and legs.”  

    “Were these-,” the nurse briskly peered over at Virgil’s chart, “sudden contractions the cause of your fall?”

    “Yes,” Virgil sighed, bangs draping carelessly across his eyes.

    “How long have you been experiencing tremors?” the nurse passed Virgil a sympathetic glance - the poor thing.

    “A couple weeks now,” Virgil took a shaky breath, fingernails unknowingly digging into his sweaty palms, “that’s bad isn’t it?”

    “Not necessarily,” the nurse rose slowly, placing a comforting hand on Virgil’s shoulder as he plucked up the clipboard with care, “I’ll be right back with a doctor.”

     Once the nurse was gone, Virgil fiddled anxiously with his nimble fingers as people strode past his flimsy mattress. Left on edge, the crackling of the overhead speaker had Virgil snap his head in the direction of the noisy, drab notification summoning Dr. Wilson.

     “Mr. Poole?”

     “Yes?” Virgil peeled his uneasy gaze from the monochrome speaker.

     Before him stood the altruistic nurse with a soft touch and two men fitted in jade scrubs under worn, white, physician coats.

     “Thanks Patton,” one quietly and quickly addressed the nurse with a nod before his attention shifted sharply back to Virgil.

     “Hi, I’m Dr. Dee Whittaker,” the doctor smiled as he gestured towards himself before introducing the taller man with black spectacles stood beside him, “and this is my resident, Dr. Logan Taylor.”

     “I’d like to run a few tests to see what we’re dealing with.”

     “What kind of tests?” Virgil eyed the two nervously through wispy strands.

     “Well,” Logan glanced over at Dee for confirmation before continuing, “we’d like to run several neurological and physical tests to examine and review reflexes, balance, muscle tone, movement, and walking.”

     “And?” Dee waited expectantly.

     “And perform a venipuncture on the median cubital vein,” Logan profused, demonstrating exuberant knowledge like a Mensa scholar.

     “In English, please?” Virgil grumbled, rolling his eyes and furrowing his brow.

     “We’d like to obtain some of your blood for diagnostic procedures from the vein in the elbow pit, which is medically coined the cubital fossa,” Logan carefully rephrased his earlier statement.

     “Whatever.., I guess.”

     “With your consent, Dr. Taylor will retrieve a nurse to collect a blood sample,” Dr. Dee signaled with a wave for Logan to acquire a nurse that would conduct the procedure.

     “Wait- What exactly are you testing for?” Virgil questioned with apprehension as he swept his lengthy, magenta bangs out of his vision.

     “Neurodegenerative diseases,” Logan answered a little too mechanically for comfort.

    “Like..?” Virgil bit at the inside of his cheek.

     Another glance at Dee from Logan…, “Parkinson’s disease, Spinocerebellar ataxia, and Multiple Sclerosis to name a few.”

    “And with a blood test, you can figure out if I have any of those diseases?” Virgil forced his lips together and crammed his restless hands back into his empty pockets.

    “With a test, we can rule out diseases with similar symptoms. Without testing, we can’t determine what’s causing your ataxia,” Logan nudged his thick frames back onto the bridge of his nose with his index finger.

    “How long will it take to receive the results of my blood test?”  

    “About a day if the snow misses us,” Dee roughly estimated, peering down at his studded wristwatch,”we’re sending your blood sample to a neighboring lab for examination.”

    “Might as well get it over with.”

    “I’ll get the nurse then,” Logan briskly shifted on his heel, hastily departing to find a nurse practitioner.

—-

     “Patton, right?” Virgil fixed his gaze on the flimsy, laminated ID dangling from the nurse’s aerial scrubs.

     “That’s right!” Patton grinned as he stationed the metallic bedside table within reach, wheels scraping against chalky tile. Atop the table, Patton positioned several needles, alcohol pads, evacuated collection tubes, and a tourniquet across a burnished, metal plate.

     “Could you push up your sleeve and lay your arm facing up for me on the table?” Patton gestured kindly as he clutched the violet tourniquet.

    “Will the.. uh.. jab hurt?” Virgil shifted in his seat, rubbing the back of his neck with clammy hands.

     “Needless to say, no,” Patton giggled, hoping to put his patient at ease.

     However, when Patton noticed Virgil chewing at his bottom lip, Patton announced that he would talk Virgil through each and every step before acting.

     “I’m going to apply a tourniquet now,” Patton declared before diligently fastening a square knot above Virgil’s venipuncture site to occlude venous blood flow.

     When Virgil flexed his fingers weakly, Patton frowned, “is it too tight?”

     “I’m not sure,” Virgil admitted, grimacing at the sensation of his heart rate swiftly climbing under his skin.

     “I can loosen it a bit,” Patton reached out with concern-laden eyes, and gloved finger tips brushing against Virgil’s upper arm.

    “There,” Patton slid his index finger under the stiff knot to wriggle it loose.  

     “Could you try make a fist for me now?” Patton asked warmly, imitating the motion with his own hand.

     And Virgil complied.

     “I’m going to cleanse the area with alcohol now,” Patton began prepping the venipuncture site by gently wiping cool alcohol pads against Virgil’s pale skin.

    “Okay-,” Patton delicately took Virgil’s arm into his clasp, “I’m going to insert the needle now, and you’re going to feel a slight pinch.”

      Pulling the skin taut, Patton anchored the vein to keep it from rolling as he inserted the needle into Virgil’s median cubital. Virgil grimaced as his blood flashed into the catheter, filling the evacuated collection tube rapidly.

     “Just one more tube,” Patton labeled the first sample before vigilantly depositing it into a transport bag.

     Once the next tube was brimming, Patton methodically unfastened the tourniquet as the last volume of blood was drawn. Peering up at Virgil, Patton gingerly withdrew the syringe from his tender arm before gently applying a piece of stringy gauze on the weeping vessel.

     “That’s all?” Virgil looked briefly at the bloody gauze pressed firmly against his skin.

     “That’s all, kiddo!” Patton chimed, “Now, that wasn’t too bad was it?”

     “I guess not,” Virgil grumbled.

     “Now, in the meantime, I’m going to have someone admit you to the neurology wing of the hospital.”

     “Okay…”

Working on a little something after the newest Sanders Sides video! it’s just a sketch by now but I liked

Sanders Sides - Duality MAP [Part 33]

https://youtu.be/GIbg2ZtvVF4

My part for the sanders Sides - Duality PMV.

I had a lot of fun doing this! <3

I’ll leave this here.

somecosmicvoid:

Sander sides idea 3

I’ve been watching The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals by Team STARKID and I’ve got headcanons:

1. The Duke wrote the Musical and the dark sides all perform in it or watch it. When Virgil was still a dark side he played Alice/Zoey/Greenpeace girl.

Can you imagine Virgil singing The Coffee songs!

2. He sings Not Your Seed to deceit. And that’s their backstory

3. Virgil and Remus team up with some other sides and sing Join Us to the light Sides. Or they do it to Deceit to scare him!

4. This one is from A Very Potter Musical (or maybe the sequal, I can’t really remember…I’m new to the STARKID fandom). Logan singing coolest Girl.

5. From Holy Musical B@tman… The dark sides performing Rogues Melody!

Guys if you haven’t seen these Musicals, they are on YouTube and are amazing!!! They do have swearing and some darker stuff but is amazing!!

somecosmicvoid:

Here’s a headcanon I just thought of!

Virgil can make his whole eye go white, like when people put their pupils up and you can’t see them, but he can still see!

It freaks everyone out but Remus who thinks it’s the coolest thing ever and tries to do it himself but can’t. He gets upset but then Virgil just goes over and hugs him telling him how he can do a whole load if disturbing stuff. That makes him feel better and then they sit down in the dark side of the mindscape, along with Deciet, and watch horror movies.

Of course they cuddle which Deceit and Virgil deny.

somecosmicvoid:

Baby Virgil being a smol boi and sleeping in Deceits hat.

He really said “society”

Word Count: 997

Ships: Prinxiety, logicality, remile, demus

part1/part2/part3/part4/part5/??

Warnings: Mentions of depression, self-hate, crying, coming out

Summary: In which Remy and Damien are supportive friends and care about Roman…

~~ I apologize for taking so long to get out =~=, I felt very unmotivated to finish this fic for awhile I’m so sorry- but expect many more chapters of this in the future!! :D (this one is a little short I apologize) 

Recap from part4: “Guys…. I’m gay”

-

-

He had been stripped of the air in his lungs, he felt exposed like he had cut open his chest and was showing them all the bloody parts of himself that he wished weren’t there. He looked down and stared at his thighs, a waterfall of cold tears fell down his face. He didn’t sob or shake, but his words wavered with an unimaginable fear laced within them.

“I’m j-just so tired of…. Lying, and p-pretending, and covering up…” He paused for a moment expecting Damien or Remy to interrupt him to say something like ‘are you sure?’ ‘Since when?’ ‘really? Nice one!’ He waited for them to laugh at him, or make jokes of it but … They didn’t, they waited patiently with eyes pleading for him to continue. They sat there and patiently let Roman take his time, they didn’t dare interrupt him. He couldn’t look at them, though, he was too terrified of what their expressions might be. Roman thought of their faces as disgust, hatred, amusement, or even boredom. Roman continued, “I’m just so exhausted and scared… I’ve been so scared for so long that no one would believe me if I came out, or just assume it was a-an attention grab,” he sobbed quietly, so relieved yet so devastated that this was out in the open “b-but I’m just too tired to care anymore…” He covered his face as he sobbed quietly. Waiting for them to say something, anything…. 

They were silent. Remy was the first one to move, wrapping his arms protectively and lovingly around Roman, then Damien as he hooked his arms around Roman’s waist in an attempt to comfort him. They both understood the fears of coming out, but they were absolutely stunned to see how long Roman had carried this with him. It had boiled within him for so long. They heard the guilt and self-loathing in Roman’s voice and it broke their hearts, they couldn’t stand to see their best friend in this state. Remy could tell that he had carried this like a weight on his shoulders for a long time, Remy was the first to speak.

“Ro, hon… We’re your friends, of course we would believe you. We know how hard it can be coming out. It’s okay, we still love you. You don’t have to pretend.” His voice was smooth and soft, like a parent comforting a child who scraped their knee for the first time, only Roman wasn’t exactly a child, and his wounds were much deeper than a simple scraped knee. Roman’s wounds were deep and emotional, wounds that he had hidden for so long and now he is finally lifting up his bandages for Remy and Damien to inspect the damage done by years of self hatred. Roman always acted so confident and over the top, they could have never imagined that he had been carrying this with him. He truly was an amazing actor. Remy rubbed comforting circles on Roman’s back.

Damien had no idea why Roman had felt he needed to keep this from them, he also had no idea what to say but he made up for his lack of words with physical comfort. He squeezed Roman’s waist, offering some grounding touch. He may not be the best with words or emotions but he did his best to give Roman what he needed. They sat there, huddled up against Roman offering words of encouragement as he sobbed quietly between their arms. Roman felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders, but that relief was short lived as a new found fear quickly made its way into his shaking bones.

“Please… Don’t tell anyone else… I- I don’t think I’m ready for that…”, Roman’s voice was soft and broken, almost a whisper as Remy and Damien had to strain to hear him. 

Remy gave Roman a comforting smile, it was sweet, true, worried, and caring and it almost made Roman forget how absolutely terrified of this he was. 

Remy answered him with unwavering support, “Of course, this is something very personal for you Ro. We would never tell anyone without your consent”  

Damien said nodding, “Yeah, we would never out you to anyone Ro.”

That sat in calm silence for a few moments as the only sounds that filled the room were Roman’s soft sobs and sniffles. The silence was soft, not demanding to be filled, they just enjoyed the presence of each other. Especially Roman, as he bathed in the short lived euphoria this acceptance had given him. It was warm and tranquil, Roman eventually calmed himself of sobbing as he settled into just quietly sniffling. The quiet calmness of the room eventually lulled Roman into a slumber. Damien and Remy shared a pained look, both equally worried about the mental well being of their best friend. Roman was so loved by everyone in their friend group, he always wore a smile, so loud and happy, they had no idea that his seemingly never ending happiness had been an act. He always talked about taking up acting as a future career, but they would have never guessed that he was already doing it full time. Neither Remy nor Damien were going to even broach the topic of Roman coming out to the rest of their friend group, they didn’t want to rush him with anything. Even though they could see that this secret was killing him emotionally. They would possibly encourage him that everyone would accept him, but nothing further than that. 

Eventually the calm silence had taken Remy and Damien off into slumber as well. 

Roman didn’t know what tomorrow would hold, he didn’t know how he was going to approach the idea of Remy and Damien knowing his secret, he didn’t know how he was going to deal with the feelings. The only thing that Roman knew for sure now is that the memory foam bed felt damn comfortable on his heart ache. 

~ To be continued

I am so so so so sorry for taking so long with this chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! It is a very hurt/comfort type fic, I hope you enjoy Remy being a mom friend lol :D This fic had been really fun to make so far and I look forward to writing more of it in the future, so I hope you’ll keep reading >///< I love you guys so much and I hope you liked this part!!

:3

Taglist~ <3

@cisnesincorbata

@lcrnbw 

@just-emotional-trash

@korsaromantic66 

@espepspes

@rats-this-username-is-taken

@mostpeopleannoyne

 @icequeenoriginal 

@www-dot-ohshit-dot-com

Happy Janus day everyone!