#harry is a little shit
Potter Family Opera Headcanons
by@goggles-mcgee
Exes|Mcgonagall|Love Triangle|Cheated On|Exchanging Letters|Sirius Black|Invested|Confrontation|Hooked|4th Year|Tom’s Diary |The Tragedy|Existential Crisis|Spreading Rumors|Bewitched|“Save Snape from Becoming the Dark Lord’s Babe” Club |Courting|Older Brother|Past Actions|Obsession|The Jilted Lover
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Snape next time in Potions, of course, makes a comment about James to Harry when walking by.
Harry who gasps as he thinks he has figured it all out: “Oh my goodness! Why didn’t you tell me you and my dad dated? I mean if you told me you were exes I never would have pushed for you to tell me about him!”
Taglist:
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Harry thinking about Snape’s obvious disdain for his dad and all the snide comments the Professor makes. The one time he asked him and Snape answered that their relationship was complicated had been weighing on Harry’s mind for a very long time.
Snape next time in Potions, of course, makes a comment about James to Harry when walking by.
Harry who gasps as he thinks he has figured it all out: “Oh my goodness! Why didn’t you tell me you and my dad dated? I mean if you told me you were exes I never would have pushed for you to tell me about him!”
Snape, gobsmacked, walks into one of the other students table, falls to the floor, brings the cauldron with questionable potion perfection down with him. Thus gets soaked with the potion.
Everyone just stares as he lies there on the ground ready to accept his death.
A few weeks after this incident Snape tries to tell Harry that he is so very wrong about his assumption.
He finally manages to catch him in a hallway: “Mr Potter, about our last….conversation-”
Harry, a complete buffoon, but a sweet buffoon: “Oh Professor, it’s okay. You don’t need to explain anything. I understand.”
Snape trying very hard not to lose his cool or blush: “There is nothing to understand. You father and I…while yes, it is complicated it is not how you think.”
Harry: “it’s okay Professor you don’t need to lie. The girls all told me what complicated means and they told me it’s hard to talk about one’s ex so please don’t push yourself for my sake.”
Snape now blushing and seething: “50 points from Gryffindor!”
Blaise who was just walking by: “Professor! You can’t just take house points because Potter reminds you of your ex. I know it hurts but there’s no need to take it out on the kid.”
Other Slytherins who were walking by now nodding or muttering their agreements. Snape not knowing what to say because he just wants to yell but not at his snakes, but also why do they believe Potter!? He goes to walk away and accidentally trips on his robes.
Harry thinking about Snape’s obvious disdain for his dad and all the snide comments the Professor makes. The one time he asked him and Snape answered that their relationship was complicated had been weighing on Harry’s mind for a very long time.
Snape next time in Potions, of course, makes a comment about James to Harry when walking by.
Harry who gasps as he thinks he has figured it all out: “Oh my goodness! Why didn’t you tell me you and my dad dated? I mean if you told me you were exes I never would have pushed for you to tell me about him!”
Snape, gobsmacked, walks into one of the other students table, falls to the floor, brings the cauldron with questionable potion perfection down with him. Thus gets soaked with the potion.
Everyone just stares as he lies there on the ground ready to accept his death.
Remus: *on the phone* Yes, I-I completely understand and I will definitely talk to Harry. This won’t happen again…Thanks.
Remus: That was Harry’s school calling. Apparently, he has been using some very creative language today.
Sirius: Oh, do tell.
Remus: Well, he called his math homework a “cluster duck” and his teacher a “mother flunker”.
Sirius: Did he not call anyone a “sock sucker”?
Remus:*deadpans*
Sirius: What? It’s just someone who sucks socks.
Remus: I can’t belive you are teaching our Godson loophole swear-words.
Sirius: In my defence, “mother flunker” was entirely the little deviant’s creation, and very cleaver of him, I might add.
James and Sirius: *Wrecking Havoc*
*phone rings*
Sirius: No, don’t answer that! It could be a trap!
Little Harry *Already picking up the phone*:Hello
Lily: Oh hey, sweetheart, where’s your dad?
James*Mouthing*: Don’t tell her!
Little Harry: Uh…he’s in the bathroom.
Lily: Oh…then where is Sirius?
Sirius: *Gestures Wildly*
Little Harry: Uhm…He’s also in the bathroom?
Lily *confused*: They are both in the bathroom? What are they doing?
Little Harry: *Looks over at James and Sirius* Uh…I gotta go to the bathroom too. *hangsup*
James and Sirius:*Facepalms*
Harry at a ministry event
Reporter: Hello, Mr. Potter sir! It’s been a long time.
Harry: Indeed it has…*Looks over his shoulders*
Harry *very politely*: Will you excuse me?
Reporter: Oh, yes…of course.
Harry: *Goes over and stands in the corner and proceeds to ignore everyone*
Reporter:
