gryffindor: do children actually like you?

ravenclaw: i’m actually really good with kids!

slytherin: he just despises being around them.

hufflepuff: slytherin isn’t all that bad!

ravenclaw: yeah, she’s a pretty good kisser.

hufflepuff and gryffindor:WHAT

ravenclaw:what

gryffindor: no- she wouldn’t- with you? wait-

hufflepuff: but if you- and then we-

slytherin, from the other room: wow babe, broke them in record time.

ravenclaw: *is hot, angsty, artistic, can bake and can cook*

slytherin: i mean, i hate men, but who knows?

slytherin: i got kicked out of the family because i’m “a liability” and “weak” and “slytherin.” the last one is just my name but you should hear my dad say it.

*Discussing how to deal with the Death Eaters*

Gryffindor: Who do we know that would have handcuffs?

Slytherin: Well, Ravenclaw and I-

Ravenclaw: *elbows Slytherin*

Slytherin: … wouldn’t know.

ravenclaw: wait are you flirting with me?

gryffindor: have been for the past couple of weeks but thank you for noticing.

ravenclaw: *talking about his ex boyfriends*

slytherin: does that mean you um, you just swing that way?

ravenclaw: of course not. i swing all ways. i wield a sword.

slytherin: that’s not what i meant-

slytherin: have you ever seen something that changes your life and you’re just like ‘huh’.

ravenclaw: i saw you.

slytherin: honestly that’s very sweet but it really makes this awkward because i was going to show you a photo of a five scoop ice-cream.

hufflepuff: dude are you even human?

ravenclaw: i’m human shaped.

hufflepuff:

hufflepuff: that was not the answer i expected nor wanted.

cynicalqueer:

hogwartshousefriends:

Gryffindor: What are your three best qualities?

Hufflepuff: I’m gay. I have soft hair. And sometimes I cry because I love my friends.

Slytherin: I’m also gay. I’m full of rage, and nothing can stop me once I’m in motion.

ravenclaw: i’m asexual. i look like a tiktok eboy, but i’ll actually care about your problems.

ravenclaw: are you vegetarian?

slytherin: no, i’m an aquarius

hufflepuff: sly you’re a taurus

gryffindor: i thought she was american

slytherin: i’ll destroy everything you love.

ravenclaw: i love you.

slytherin:

slytherin, flustered: w-well, jokes on you asshole! i’m self-destructive!

slytherin: have you been yelled at by ravenclaw?

gyffindor: i’m not scared of him.

slytherin: so that’s a no.

ravenclaw: slytherin pissed me off today so i told her i can’t wait to see what she has planned for our special day tomorrow.

ravenclaw: there is nothing special about tomorrow.

ravenclaw: but there is something special about watching the color leave her face as the panic takes over.

Gryffindor: *hands Ravenclaw $20*

Hufflepuff: What’s up with them?

Slytherin: Gryff lost a bet so now they have to pay Raven every time they say something stupid.

Hufflepuff: What was the bet?

Slytherin: Gryff had to go an hour without saying anything stupid.

Hufflepuff:Woah!

Slytherin:What?

Hufflepuff: You’re O negative, you’re a universal donor. You can give blood to anybody!

Slytherin: Or nobody you fuckin vampire.

When Ravenclaw Dies

Ravenclaw: Where am I?

Slytherin:Heaven.

Ravenclaw: Oh wow.

Ravenclaw: Didn’t expect you to be here though.

Slytherin: I’m strong.

Gryffindor: Like me.

Slytherin: Like my mom.

ravenclaw: why are you putting garlic in your pants

gryffindor: so dracula won’t try to eat my ass.

ravenclaw: why would dracula try to eat your ass

gryffindor: he won’t. the garlic- are you even listening?

Slytherin: *sidles up to Ravenclaw* Close your eyes~

Ravenclaw:Why?

Slytherin: Just do it.

Ravenclaw: No, you’re just going to try to kiss me if I do.

Slytherin: *pouts* You’re no fun.