#love advice
You win the most when the cards you hold are worth folding but you take the risk
It’s not about him, I genuinely don’t even want him anymore. It’s about me- like why I wasn’t good enough and what I did wrong. Why is she worth showing off and posting pictures of and changing for but I wasn’t? Why was I hidden and why does she get to meet his mom? Why wouldn’t he do the things I begged him for but now he does them for her voluntarily?
I’ve thought about it for months and the best I can come up with besides the fact that I simply wasn’t worth it is that he knew he would be wasting his efforts on someone he couldn’t keep forever. Because we’re often better than the men who leave us, and maybe we don’t give them enough credit for being able to see that.
For anyone trying to get over someone right now:
- It’s possible for you to be happy without him because you were happy before him
- Think about all the people you’ve felt this way about in the past and how little you care about them now
- People make time for what they want to make time for and you don’t deserve anything less than first place
- Remember when you had to convince yourself he was good enough for you?
- Think about all the things you loved doing with him and ask yourself if you could be just as happy doing those same things with someone else (someone better)
- Shift your energy to something else- everytime you start thinking about him open a book or start a yoga class or cook
- Just because it was comfortable doesn’t mean it was meant to be
- Write down all the things you hated about him- literally every little thing that annoyed you. Then burn it along with any pictures of him you have
- Write down all the things you think he’s going to miss about you. Keep that list somewhere you’ll see it everyday
- Finally- If he wanted to, he would have. And there’s someone out there who will.
In this video, I answer a question from a client who wants to know why a girl they have been seeing has suddenly said “I don’t want to be in a relationship.”
I answer with what that statement REALLY means and what to do if a girl says that to you… when you thought things were going great.
If you want a question answered in another video email me at [email protected] and I will do so as my schedule allows
#relationships#relationshipcoach#relationshipcoaching#relationshipadvice#relationship#dating#datingadvice#romance#love#lifecoach#lifecoaching#courting#datingapps#datingapp#text#messaging#socialmedia
It’ll hurt when you leave. It’ll always hurt. But give it time and soon you won’t feel that hurt as much as right now.
Someday you’ll find someone you’ll want to say ’“I love you”’ to.
It’s not worth chasing someone who keeps on running away.
If stalking, harassing, or being manipulative is the way you choose to get someone to date you, then you better be ready for the consequences. Doing those things are Never okay and it’s better to not date them at all if you’re thinking that.
¡Hola Papi! Am I Expecting Too Much Out of Casual Hookups?
Welcome to ¡Hola Papi!, the preeminent advice column by John Paul Brammer, a Twitter-addled gay Mexican with chronic anxiety who thinks he can fix your life. If you’re a queer person facing a dilemma — maybe you’re thinking about dumping your partner (they forgot your birthday), fighting with your roommate (they never pitch in for groceries), or being haunted by a gay ghost in your attic (the screams won’t stop and the cleansing ritual has failed) — we’ve got you covered.
If you need advice, send him a question at [email protected]. Be sure to begin your letter with “Hola Papi!” It’s part of the whole deal.
Hola Papi!
I’m a chronically single bottom. I like casual sex, and while there’s weirdly not a huge gay casual sex scene in my city, I get by just fine meeting men on FetLife. I like being alone and belonging only to myself, and I like to keep my relationships casual. But here’s the thing: A lot of men seem to read “casual” as “one night stand.”
When the sex is exceptionally good, I can’t help but yearn to see a man again and again. Am I desperate for wanting to hook up again after a casual hookup? And if I enjoy casual sex so much, why isn’t a one-time mind-blowing session enough for me? Please help!
Love,
Bored Bottom
Hello, Bored Bottom!
I must admit, your question has stuck with me for the past week or so. I think it’s because I consider myself, if not a sex addict, then someone who thinks about sex too much for his own liking. Not that thinking about sex is inherently bad or anything — it’s just that I could be thinking about literally anything else. What would I rather think about? I’m not sure. My brain is too addled by sex.
Anyway, I have spent countless hours looking for sex — labor that absolutely does not square with the limited rewards. Occasionally, the sex is good. Most often, it is forgettable. Sometimes, it is terrible. I’m getting pretty tired of walking up some decrepit staircase in a weird apartment building, knees knocking, wondering if I am going to be murdered or merely disappointed. Sometimes I stop and think: What rational explanation is there for this behavior?
If I had to guess, Bored Bottom, “yearning” would be the culprit in both our dilemmas. It’s the proverbial carrot on the proverbial stick; the engine of wasteful, whimsical activity, like waiting around and hoping (amidst a sea of feedback that cautions us otherwise) that the ideal hookup will finally happen and launch us into an ideal situation with an ideal person. This isn’t restricted to sex and romance, by the way. People experience this in the realms of work and friendship, too. Yearning doesn’t discriminate.
Bored Bottom, do you ever wonder if the universe gives us just enough to keep us hoping for more? I believe it does! Because every once in a while, right when I’m about to give up on my Quixotic quest for the perfect Grindr hookup, one happens. Kind of. More like it halfway happens, which tells me the possibility of it all-the-way-happening exists, and so I continue. But this probably isn’t the universe’s doing. Only our own brains could fool us so utterly and completely.
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I’ve been receiving a lot of questions as to what this new YouTube channel will entail. I’d like to address that question here. It will be me, answering the questions that I get on my blog. I will still answer them in writing here, but I would like to give them more of a personal touch. Our first episode, tomorrow night will be an introduction to the show and the first in a very long succession of questions I’ve received over the years. If you have a question that you would like to be answered on the show, feel free to ask away. The questions will be addressed as anonymous unless you specifically would like to be mentioned. I’m looking forward to serving my gents and ladies in a new way, with a personal touch. I’ll see you there.
Sir
I’m never afraid of telling someone how I feel for them. I learned that building walls only delay the inevitable.
Sentiment? Not My Area byBluebellstar
When Sherlock needs emotional advice and he cannot turn to John, Irene Adler is the first person who springs to mind.
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